Why The Christmas Tree?

Who got the big idea to flop a large, piney, sticky, natural air freshener in the middle of the living room? And whose idea was it to put lights and decorations on it? And I guess mainly, what the heck does this have to do with Christmas?

Like everything about Christmas, consumerism has changed the Christmas tree over the years. If you listen to the words of “I’ll Be Home For Christmas” in the older versions the lyrics are, “Please have snow and mistletoe and presents on the tree.” Nowadays we have presents UNDER the tree and half way across the living room floor to feed the greed that all our little future captains of industry will cut their corporate teeth on. It’s tough to put an X-Box or laptop or snowboard ON the tree. We can’t satisfy ourselves with the exchange of little gifts for Christmas any more. Those are for the stockings. And what’s up with THAT tradition? Socks? I bet Jesus never wore a pair. Even HE knew they don’t go well with sandals! But one tradition at a time…

I can think of only one thing having anything to do with Christmas on which the dollar value has dropped: the Christmas bonus. That’s if you still get it at all. So Christmas has become all about buying more presents, and more expensive presents with less money. It’s no wonder a lot of folks call it “Stressmas.” And if you go find the nearest Goth or Vampire kid to you, (check the mall or the 7-11), and ask what he/she thinks of Christmas they’ll tell you it’s the time of year when most suicides occur. That is AFTER they tell you, “Like, Dude, please, ‘the holidays?’ Force your religion down people’s throats much? Gall!”

Lo, my stereotypically fabricated lost soul doth returneth uth to the main point: What the heaven does a pine tree have to do with the birth of Jesus Christ? Do they even have evergreen trees in Bethlehem? I guess that’d be in your modern day Saudi Arabia. Though I’m not sure how modern they are. Things are just completely different in so many ways from the countries where we celebrate Christmas. Most people in Bethlehem, where Christmas started, are Muslim and may not have even seen a pine tree much less decorated one. I can’t speak for ALL Christmas celebrating nations but I know in Canada and the U.S. people sometimes get stoned BEFORE they commit adultery… things are just different.

Indeed, the wise men of the Christmas story brought to, “A child, a child, who shivered in the cold” gold, frankincense and myrrh. How wise were they really if none of them thought to bring that shivering child a blanket? But anyhoo, frankincense and myrrh are both resins. Dried tree sap from the Boswellia and Commiphora trees respectively. If you look at these trees they are both short, dry barked, bonsai-looking trees that almost look dead. They have little leaves but are mostly gnarly branches and bark. A far cry from the full, green Christmas tree!

That’s about the only link to the tree I can find in the Christmas story. And the star at the top of most of our trees is the one and only link I can find between the Christmas tree and the birth of Jesus. It’s supposed to represent the bright star that guided the not-so-wise men to Bethlehem. But then again, some folks put an angel at the top of their trees. I don’t see much connection here either. I KNOW Jesus was just a baby but I don’t remember any guardian angel. Hercules crushed two pythons when HE was a baby and he was the son of A god. Jesus was the son of THE God! It’d be a bit like sending Steve Urkel to guard Brock Lesnar. I suppose the angel on our trees MIGHT represent the angel that told Mary about the upcoming miracle birth, though, at the risk of sounding blasphemous, I dunno how wise THAT was either. I mean if a woman is going to have a baby, and her husband has never slept with her, a smart angel appears to Joseph before he starts hammering and nailing dudes all over Bethlehem that he feels suspicious about. Luckily, the Koran recognized the virgin birth so with Sharia law as it was, none of Mary and Joseph’s neighbours were picking up nice, aerodynamic stones every time they saw the pregnant woman and her husband who hadn’t “known” her. So aside from the virgin birth, there were other complications that made the birth of our Lord an event that really DID require something miraculous like an angel. But the angel appeared about 9 months before the blessed event so any angel traditions should really be going on in April I would think.

But these traditions seem to catch on, no matter how outrageous they may be, and develop lives of their own. Maybe the best thing written about Christmas I saw this year was by a lady writing in our local Victoria newspaper. She wrote something like, “Christmas is more and more about traditions and the traditions are less and less about Christmas.” It’s possible that in a few hundred years there will be no way to detect the Christian story of Jesus from the traditions of the Christmas season. In fact, it sometimes appears that people are trying really hard to make this happen.

Let’s have some fun, shall we? Let’s see if we can’t pull something random and meaningless out of thin air, (or wherever else random and meaningless things are pulled from), and start a tradition of our own. It can’t have a thing to do with the Christian celebration of a holiday or it won’t catch on. How about Easter for our trial run. Something that has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with the celebration of the risen savior. Something totally unrelated. Somethi - - - Okay forget Easter, somebody beat us to the punch there.

Using Easter as our perfect model, let’s see if we can’t just conjure up an erratic behaviour that some curious kid will ask about in a few hundred years and everyone will have done it for so long they won’t even remember why. How about we take a big, giant Christmas… halibut… over to our neighbours’ house, the neighbour to the right we’ll say, and throw it raw but not live, through their living room window on December 24th. NO! On the 18th because the 8 looks a tiny bit like a halibut if you make one of the loops much bigger than the other. Hmmm… right away I see a few problems. Jesus was known to have fished on the sea of Galilee, right? Maybe not for halibut but remember the pine tree example. And I don’t know how big the people of Bethlehem were 2011 years ago on turkey dinners either. But once again, we’ll concentrate on the curious tradition at hand.

Also there was the feeding of the 5000 with loaves and fish. The song about Jesus telling his disciples that he will make them fishers of men. And that Jesus symbol you see on car bumpers and such. The Jesus fish just might be a halibut. Ever seen it? Well anyway, that was just our first attempt.

Let’s try again. Wear as much of the colour purple as you can and tickle senior citizens until they give you, ummmm, fruit! Don’t stop tickling until you get a banana, mango, or a grapefruit. Tomatoes, they’ll have to give you two. Potatoes are completely out. Uh-oh, what if the old folks start giving Christmas ticklers fruit cake? Then we’d be cross-traditioning! We can’t have that. It wouldn’t be long before people started to believe that this was where the whole fruit cake thing started. Instead of the actual truth: that somebody made the most disgusting thing they could, a cake unworthy to be called by that delicious name, for someone they hated like a boss or an in-law, but had to give a gift that appeared genuinely thoughtful.

Wow, this is not easy! Well if I’ve learned one thing in my travels it’s that if you want wild and whacky tradition that seems blissfully unrelated to what it’s attached to, you’re talking Japan. No contest. Have you ever seen sumo wrestling? Each match is usually over in just seconds but is preceded by so much pomp and circumstance you can actually see the wrestlers losing weight as they wait. Dance, dress, hairstyles, dirt, salt, swords, ropes, diapers, diet, blocks, seat cushions, rules, regulations, protocol… surely the Japanese are the world leaders! And I have it on good authority that it was all from a group of noblemen, after lots and lots of sake, saying, “How about we do THIS crazy thing? Yeah, yeah that’s good. That’s totally outrageous!”

So, I’ll take a little swig of Asahi Super Dry, summon the Japanese spirit of random action that is so desperately random that it often cannot accurately be called “creative,” that inspires manga, and hentai animators, fashion, cuisine, hairstyles, sex and many things in the country, and let’s GIVE ‘ER!

We’ll start by wearing a thongy, diapery thing. Women can wear an upside down one on top. If they choose. It’s like the manga/hentai option. When I was in Japan there was one thing CONSTANTLY on TV: cooking shows. The number one comic is about a sushi chef. The Japanese are obsessed with creating new foods. Unfortunately with a creativity constricted, strictly structured society, they have a habit of falling into old habits. Every “new” food they tried to invent seemed to me to have a raw egg broken over top of it. So we’ll use that. Let’s fill some big vats full of raw eggs and dive right in wearing our thongy diapers. We’ll have to create a word for them. Something Japanese sounding. Ummmm, hoki buttchee. We'll also need protective head and eye gear. And, what the hay, they'll be shaped like chicken heads and beaks. Called "cheekeenatama" So cover our bodies, cheekeenatama, and hoki buttchee completely with the raw egg. Then we get out of the vat and go to a large, oversized sushi-go-round, (like the ones that take the different sushi pieces around and around for you to choose), that takes us through a heated area that will slowly cook the eggs to our bodies. After we are fully cooked we spray our Christmas egg suits with green wasabi and red ketchup and, voila: spicy Christmas body omelet for everybody! And should we eat it with chopsticks? NAH, too predictable. We'll use bear claws! Once everybody has done if for hundreds of years I’m sure it won’t seem so strange. Trust me.

As for the Christmas tree, I read that medieval Christmas plays sometimes depicted the Adam and Eve story since Christmas Eve was also considered the feast day of Adam and Eve. The Garden of Eden was symbolized with a Paradise Tree hung with fruit. The plays were banned but people secretly celebrated with Paradise trees in their homes. There were also pyramids with candles on them, one for every member of the family. Eventually these were placed on the tree. And you can guess how it progressed from there.

But this could all be bunk. And the evergreen mystery remains unsolved for me. But I don’t care that much. Soon I’ll be enjoying wasabi body omelet every year. That’ll make me forget all about Christmas trees. And probably everyone else. No less chance of happening than any OTHER tradition really. The way I see it.

Househunting In Victoria

Sometimes I feel like society is leading, not to say coercing, cattle prodding or Clockwork Orange, eye toothpick, soundbyte bombarding, the whole works of us down the no speed limit road to complete phoniness. What has lead me to such an ominous introduction? Anyone who has ever gone apartment shopping in Victoria would probably guess, “Hey, it sounds like you went apartment shopping in Victoria.” Indeed I did. And what was it about apartment shopping in Victoria that brought us to this blog entry? Was it the fact that prices are so artificially inflated, and folks are completely fine with charging their fellow man 700 dollars every month for a shithole that was probably built BEFORE Victoria was queen? Well not exactly. Was it that the reason they are fine with ripping off their fellow Canadians is because everyone else is doing it? Well that’s getting closer to it.

I think the thing that makes my breakfast curdle is when otherwise normal and good people are able to tune in to the vibes of society and without being formally taught, they can rattle things off like, “Well 700 dollars is fair market value for this place.” “Fair market value.” A useful little capitalist euphemism. For people seeking fair value, if you give them fair market value they might just believe it’s the same thing. Where did they learn this? Was it from TV? Was it from business school? Or was it what the asshole who sold THEM the place said to THEM?

But no, we’re really not at the heart of the issue yet. The dirty, ugly gremlin inside most of us that really bothered me. The thing that rarely shows itself plainly enough to be identified. And it’s going to be tough for me to try to flesh it out here, believe you me! It just boggles the mind the genius it takes to systematically implant it into a society!

I work 70 hours to pay 700 dollars of rent. Considering my 42-hour week, minus taxes, that’s pretty much a paycheck for me. But I try not to bring that up while talking to the prospective landlord who is already cautiously pessimistic about my natural, unaffected syntax and intonation. I know deep inside that he/she would be more at ease if I put on that, “Have a GREAT day, or else!”, smiley, giggly, corny joke, patio furniture salesman deportment, but at least I don’t bring myself down to THAT! The salary, however, remains secret though the landlord sends out feelers. “So, when were you looking to move in?” Don’t say, “When I can save up enough money for a damage deposit,”!!! “Well, that depends on how much it will cost me.” DOH! That’s just as bad! Damn, I’m bad at this! Now the landlord KNOWS I’m not a man of great means, able to draw on my hefty savings or liquidate some stock to make a rent payment on this 700-dollar a month concrete block that I doubt has functioning plumbing.

I see some pep drain from the landlord like I just hit him with a George Foreman telephone pole jab that punctured a hole in him and caused drops of liquid gold to drip out. He then asks, “Do you have a family, or…?” There really IS no good answer for THIS question. The landlord might as well just let me jump on him and hit him with his own hands and say, “Why are you punching yourself? Stop punching yourself!” See, I’m not about to say I have four kids and a wife that I want to move into a place not even big enough for me. But then I don’t want to tell the truth and say I’m single, which, let’s face it, he won’t believe anyway. Whether he does or he doesn’t believe it, he’ll know that I don’t have that societal shackle tying me to a city, a job and, yes, an apartment. So I’m not gonna last long. I try to make the best of it. “I’m single but that could always change.” Though it’s the truth I feel a little bit like a sellout having said that.

An ambulance goes by with siren blaring. It’s then that I notice the volume of the traffic. I don’t mean amount, I mean the decibel level. It’s almost magnified by the shape of the concrete apartment. I look up to the top floor balconies, (3rd floor), and see two tenants, a guy and a gal, having a drink and a smoke. I’m pretty sure it’s not tobacco. This makes me think, “Cool! At least there seem to be normal people here. On the other hand, I’ll be living BELOW them. I hope those aren’t energy drinks they’re swilling to counteract the drowsy effects of the pot.”

I’m at another location now having told the previous landlord, to my eternal shame, “I’ll get back to you.” I think we both know that’s not gonna happen. The place I’m at NOW is the cheapest on my list. I’ve called maybe three times and reached an answering machine message that says, “ALEX! Beeeep.” I was caught off guard by it the first time and left this message, “Uh, oh, hi, I’m looking for an apartment. Well obviously. And like the price of yours. I’m wondering if it’s still available. If it is my number is, uh, oh, uh… I’ll call you back.” And then before I flipped my phone closed and open again to check what my phone number actually IS, “FUCK!” So I think he got THAT as part of the message too. I called back and gave, uh, Alex my phone number but he didn’t call me. Whether it was the curse word, the incoherent answering machine message or something else I couldn’t say. These are the guessing games we play when we try to portray ourselves as and/or find the perfect tenant.

I was pretty sure that even in the one word message I detected an accent. Perhaps that was WHY it was only one word of English. And, “Alex”, is that English? So anyway, I walk to the address on the newspaper ad. It’s a dinghy, greyish pink block of apartments just off the main street in town but in a neighbourhood that made me glad for the daylight during which I visited it. It had one of those old intercoms that almost never work with one button corresponding to a name usually in those plastic interchangeable letters just in case the tenant changes. I saw names like Lee, Chan, Wang, Liu, Lee, Chin, Lee… and just couldn’t imagine they had enough of those plastic letters for MacCannell on the list. This place was for 537 a month. That’s MUCH cheaper than anything else I’ve seen so I thought I’d give it one more try. I called “Alex” and surprisingly got an answer. I told him I was at the apartment and would like to take a look if it was still available. He said, “Alraydy sote! Alraydy sote!” I was looking at the intercom and saw a blank spot so was skeptical that it was “alraydy sote” but I’m not going to force a non-Canadian into Canadian behaviour. If he wants to favour his own countrymen, I suppose that’s okay.

I then walked to the location of one last place I wanted to check. It was another 700-dollar apartment. The ad said it was at the corner of Cook and Hillside. So I get to that corner and call the number. I can hardly hear the guy on the phone because it’s a very loud intersection. “HEY! I’M LOOKING FOR AN APARTMENT. IS YOURS STILL AVAILABLE?” The guy says, “Ummmm… maybeeee…” “SORRY I’M AT THE LOCATION NOW AND IT’S PRETTY LOUD,” and hard to fake a nice-sounding tenant voice. “What location is that?” “THE CORNER OF COOK AND HILLSIDE.” “Oh, no, that’s not where my apartment is. They give that as an approximate location for safety reasons. So can we set up a meeting for tomorrow?”

Oh I set up that meeting. I was friendly and accommodating. Even giggled a few times and sold him a nice reclining foldaway deck chair set at fair maket value. But I knew there was no way I was keeping that appointment.

Then, after all that, I went Christmas shopping.

Team Canada 3 Finland 1

After a game at the World Jr. Hockey Championships in Alberta, (pre-tournament), the Canadian team looks a bit different than I expected. But then what can you really tell so early on?

After beating the Fins 3-1 there seems to be a bit of concern about the team. The Fins were actually the better team in the 1st period but I think the Canucks were just figuring out their places on the squad. By the end of the game it looked like a team with a more solid identity. If they played a fourth period I think there woulda been some scoring.

It looked like part of the plan was to wear the Fins down. Boy giant Jamie Oleksiak obliterated one of the Fins but most of the hitting was done by the top line, Pearson/Scheifele and Smith-Pelly. In fact all by himself Smith-Pelly probably got a piece of every guy on the Finnish team! He was ferocious out there! The chemistry between Pearson and Scheifele, guys who have known each other since they were 9 or 10 and they play on the same line for the Barrie Ice Dogs, was easy to see. They got a lot of chances. Smith-Pelly opened a lot of ice for them, as he stated after the game it was his job to do. They were shut out of the scoring but that can't last too long.

Early in the game there seemed to be a second line of Bournival/Gallagher and Freddie Hamilton. I was impressed with Bournival who played better than I expected him to. Gallagher scored a goal and was easy to notice out there. Hooray for the little people! He's gonna be my underdog fave this year I think. I usually pick a small guy on the team who is really skilled to cheer for. Michael Cammalleri and Ryan Ellis are two guys I really liked.

I was worried that Mark Stone's talent might be wasted on the team but it certainly wasn't! Toward the end of the 2nd period he, Freddie H. and co-player of the game Jaden Schwartz looked good together. Stone got a goal and he and Schwartz really got chances together. I hope they stay on the same line. I thought Hamilton and Strome would be linemates but I didn't notice that pairing even though they're both on Niagara of the OHL. In fact Strome, who had an assist, then had it taken away, wasn't really all that noticeable. But I think when Huberdeau shows up those 3 guys will go to town.

Schwartz was almost Gretzky-esque out there skating in over the blue line then circling back and looking for an open trailer. He had a cool head and was very impressive. I'm still a bit worried about him getting injured though. Is it just me or does he look like an older, hockey-playing version of Hayley Joel Osment?



I wonder if Jaden Schwartz sees dead people...

I was happy to see Brett ConnOlly in full bloom. I saw his jersey enough to realize I've been spelling his name wrong all this time. He had the highlight of the night spinarama move that almost ended up as a goal. Plus he had a couple assists. He was paired with Boone Jenner who did WAY better than I expected! He got a goal and made several great plays. I thought he'd be a role player on the team and outta nowhere he was, in my humble opinion, the player of the game. (with Schwartzy)

Howden and Huberdeau, two guys who will really add some scoring to team Canada, were out with injury so I don't share the concern most people have at this point. I think the team is right on schedule, maybe even ahead of the game.

The defence was not so great in the first period. I think the Calgary scorekeepers generously gave team Canada a tie in shots in the period. It looked to me like Finland was getting two shots to every one for our guys. Brandon Gormley looked fantastic and Ryan Murray in his Neidermayer-inspired number 27 was very smooth. They all seemed to gather confidence as the game wore on. I'm really not too worried about them.

With the jitters all worked out, and possibly the full team on the ice against Switzerland on Thursday, I wouldn't be surprised to see a whole pile of goals scored. BY Canada!

Visentin looked good in goal. I may have been a little carried away saying he's going to play every game in my previous post. Canada plays on back to back days a few times so I expect we'll see Wedgewood the backer-upper. Kinda looking forward to seeing him play actually.

I LOVE TSN for posting the games on their website, tsn.ca, (just go to broadband, video library, World Jr. Championship games on demand). I think I might just watch their first game all over again!

Can't wait till Thursday!

Canada Will Score BIG at World Jrs.

I've been studying up on the guys that are going to be our 22-man roster at the world Jr. Hockey Championships this year. As usual I have great hopes that our boys will bring home the gold. But THIS year I think I'll have more to cheer about! It seems that the selectors for the team have FINALLY started thinking like I think about hockey: you just can't win if you don't score a goal! There should be NOOO danger of THAT happening unless Don Hay pulls the common, "Okay we got you all for your offensive skills but we want you to abandon them and play defence." I sure hope THAT isn't the case or it'll be a huge waste of talent. But I don't think they've made the mistakes of leaving highly skilled guys off the squad like they have in the past: Taylor Hall in '09, Seguin in '10 and Nugent Hopkins last year. How do you NOT pick the NUGE? This year's squad will have plenty of two things that have been missing most years: scoring and chemistry.

So here's a little run-down of our world jr. team if you haven't read or watched about them yet. I think a lot of people are worried about our defence but once Canada starts playing and they spend 3/4 of the games in the other guys' end of the rink, our defence won't have the spotlight on them for too much longer. Mark Visentin is one of only 4 returning players and he'll play every game barring injury. I don't expect to see Scott Wedgewood except perhaps if Visentin lets in 8 goals or something. (and STILL gets the win :)) But let's start with the defence, shall we?

Defence - Nathan Beaulieu - Strathroy, Ont. Drafted by Mtl. He's got decent size and he's getting more points and penalty minutes per game this year.

Brandon Gormley - Murray River, PEI. Drafted by Phoenix. Did the team Canada camp before. Missed making the team last year because he was injured. There are no returning D-men but Brandon is looking to take a defensive leadership role on the team. He's a point and penalty min. per game guy.

Dougie Hamilton - T.O. Drafted by Boston. Cuz they NEED huge defencemen on Boston! 6'4 193, (still growing), and a right handed shot. Has 45 points in 30 games this year with the Ice Dogs. A point and a half per game on defence is pretty dominant! And he's the YOUNGER Hamilton! I think he'll see some time on the point on the P.P. hopefully playing the left side to get right-handed one-timers.

Scott Harrington - Kingston, Ont. Drafted by Pittsburgh. 6'1, 203. Shut down defenceman even though he's not that big. Played for Don Cherry's team vs. Bobby Orr's. Don liked the fellow Kingstonian so we'll probably like him too.

Ryan Murray - White City, Sask. Not drafted yet. 6'0, 185. Captained the under 18 team to gold at the last Ivan Hlinka Memorial Tourney. Models himself after Scott Niedermayer. Good skating and puck moving defenceman.

Jamie Oleksiak - T.O. Drafted by Dallas. 6'7 240!! Doesn't score a lot but moves well for a massive guy. Very physical. I guess so!

Mark Pysyk - Sherwood Park, Alb. 6'1, 188. Captain of the Oil Kings. Tries to play like Shea Weber. The only Albertan on the team this year. So he'll be familiar with the dressing rooms. (8 others got cut. OUCH!) He had that experience last year. Smooth, all-purpose defenceman.

Forwards Michael Bournival - Shawinigan, Que. Drafted by Colorado. 6'0 187. He's a point-a-game guy who has impressive goal totals. His intensity and no quit attitude make him easy to spot on the ice. I think he'll centre a very high scoring 4th line.

Brett Connelly - Prince George. Drafted by Tampa Bay and got 8 pts. for them in 28 games this season. 6'2, 181 and shoots R. A goal scorer who couldn't showcase it last year on the team. Only 3 assists in 7 games. He was the first 16-year-old to get 30 goals since Patrick Marleau. I'd really like to see him play RW on a veteran line with Schwartz and Howden. They could score a lotta goals together but I think they'll be spread around a younger team that's low on international experience. Never know...

Brendan Gallagher - Tsawassen, B.C. Drafted by Mtl. An Island boy. Only 5'8, 170 but a right-handed dynamo from all accounts. Plays for the Vancouver Giants and is scoring a goal a game and getting 2 PIM's along with that. He was among the final cuts last year, no doubt because of his size. I'm psyched to see him play! I said last year I wished Canada wasn't so concerned about size. I hope he shows us all why they shouldn't be. I'd put him on the RW on that high scoring fourth line.

Freddie Hamilton - another Toronto lad. Drafted by SJ. He gets a point and a half a game. That should come in handy. Famous for his booksmarts. Has like a 98% average in his classes. He's smart on the ice too. Says it's selfish to put your team down a man and is known for RARELY taking penalties. I think he'll be good on the P.P. AND P.K. I'd like to see what he can do at C between Huberdeau and Strome. THAT could be the number one line for Canada in scoring if not in status.

Quinton Howden - Oak Bank Man. Drafted by Fla. 6'3, 183. He scored 2 goals and got 3 assists for Canada last year in 7 games but like Connelly he wasn't playing a scoring role. He got 40 goals in 60 games last year and has 14 in 20 this year. Excellent speed and a great skater. He's also dangerous short handed. I'm a bit worried that his concussion symptoms might cost him ice time this year. He's a LW on a team that doesn't have enough so I hope he's okay.

Jonathan Huberdeau - Prevost, Que. Drafted by Fla. If they weren't doing so well he'd be on the squad this year. He made this World Jr. team without even stepping on the ice, (ankle), but his MASSIVE scoring totals justify it. He's scoring more than two points a game this year. All star at LW last year in the QMJHL with a 105 pt. in 67 game performance. An absolute wizard with the puck! Will make moves that beat the defender then set another guy up for a goal. Could play with Howden since they'll be together in Florida soon but I'd like to see him with Hamilton and Strome, a pair of Ice Dawgs. Wherever he's put the goal lamps will be lighing.

Boone Jenner - Dorchester, Ont. Drafted by Columbus. He gets a point and 2 penalty minutes a game. Has a lot of intangibles. Great at blocking shots and taking faceoffs. He'll be good with Howden and Hamilton on the P.K. I think he might be called on at key face-off times if Canada is in a close game, but I don't expect the games to be that close. Winger on the 4th line I expect. Or possibly just thrown in for P.K. and key face offs.

Tanner Pearson - Kitchener, Ont. NOT drafted. This is THE most interesting guy on the team! A virtual unknown. Not a member of any team Canadas, ignored in the NHL draft, just off the radar. Until now. He's got 66 points including 26 goals for the Barrie Colts in only 30 games! And it's not just because he's on a line with Mark Scheifele. He did just fine when Mark was having a cup of coffee in Winnipeg. He is the OHL's leading scorer right now. No international experience and he pretty much made the world jr. team as a walk-on. I can't wait to see him on LW with linemates Scheifele and DSP! That'll be Canada's number one line I reckon.

Mark Scheifele - Kitchener, Ont. Drafted by Winnipeg and was the talk of pre-season but only one goal in 7 games with the big club this year. He's got 36 pts. in 19 games with Barrie. I guess he missed Tanner Pearson. It'll be awesome to see some chemistry on Team Canada! He's got size, skill and is a right shooting centre. A real bonus to have!

Jaden Schwartz - Emerald Park Sask. Drafted by St. Louis. 5'10, 193. He's not very tough or rugged. Got hurt during the second game of the WJC last year, (ankle), and missed the rest of the tourney. If he stays healthy he's a great passer and works well from behind the other team's net. Could centre a veteran line for team Canada with two other guys, (Howden and Connelly), getting a second shot at the world jrs.

Devante Smith-Pelly - Scarborough, Ont. Played 26 games with Anaheim this year getting 3 goals and 2 assists. But then NObody is scoring for the Ducks this year. Except Fowler. Anyhoo, he gets a point every game and half of them are goals. Has a good scoring touch to round out the top line on RW.

Mark Stone - Winterpeg, Man. Drafted by Ottawa. 6'3, 200 and shoots R. A RW with MASSIVE stats the past two years for the Brandon Wheat Kings! 37 goals, 107 pts in 71 games last year and 27 goals, 65 pts. in only 33 games THIS year. I'd like to see him with Scheifele and Pearson but Smith-Pelly seems to have that role. I think his huge talents might be wasted. He might have to scrap it out with Gallagher or Jenner for a spot on the fourth line.

Ryan Strome - Mississauga, Ont. Drafted by the Islanders. ANOTHER right handed shot! I LOVE it! Another Ice Dawg who can rack up the points. He's listed as a centre but I think he'll be playing right wing with Hamilton, (his teammate), as his centre. He figures to score a pile of points in this year's tourney.

So there you have it! A top line with the highest scoring teammates from the OHL. A second line that could have even MORE scoring. A third line with guys who didn't score enough last year and are out to redeem themselves. And a fourth line that just might outscore the top line of a lot of other teams. And a pretty high scoring defence corp. SCORING! I am going to LOVE watching these guys play even if they don't get the gold! GO CANADA GO!

The 12 Nays of Christmas, (What NOT to get me for Christmas this year)

1. Money causes problems so I don't want that.

2. Fruit cake or a yule log would just make me fat.

3. Clothes, who knows? What's cool and what's not?
By the time I think it's cold it's hot.
Both the weather and the sweater you bought.

4. Gas ain't green and it ain't cheap so make another plan
if you want to buy for me a luxury sedan.

5. A trip to Chile, Down Under, Bombay, or somewhere I haven't been.
Nice thought but I'd hate to emmigrate from the Canada Christmas scene.

6. You know what'd be great? Real estate!
But family or mate, who gifts at THAT rate?!

7. A big screen 3D colour TV
would mean more time in the house for me
and that's not where I wanna be.

8. Fitness equipment could be of some use
but it smacks of cardiac abuse.
I'll ration my heartbeats and wear my clothes loose.

9. As Christmas draws near it's the holiday spirits
that make our time dearer sharing a beer or
SCOTCH
I'd welcome a Glen. Fiddich or Livet.
But Christmas this year I don't want to forget.

10. A black lab puppy, what could be cuter?
In my stocking all immunized and newtered.
I'll name him Dave. Dress him up like an elf.
Who am I kidding? I can't take care of my SELF!

11. A gas pill, an energy pill, one to silence my snoring,
One to make endentured servitude a little less boring.
A pill to cure my aches and pains, another to stop my sneezes.
Drugs? No way! They're not how to say, "Happy birthday, Jesus."

12. For me this Christmas, TO and FROM, all I want is a hug from my Mom.
Or a valued chum. A homeless bum. Heck just about ANYone.
Failing that just go back to number 1.
Christy Christ Christ everyone!

Curbside Coke

In my younger days I was a poor boy living in a large, Canadian city. Hamilton. Steel town. Stelco AND Dafasco. My Grandfather worked many years for the one and my Father had at one time, before I was old enough to eat my way through the rolling hills of candy he surely would have bought for me, worked for the other.

Most of my friends at the time were poor, but they got REAL goalie gloves for Christmas. They didn’t have to use their old baseball glove while playing net in street hockey. Gordie and Glen, a couple native kids next door to us, got store bought goalie pads one year and gave me their old ones made from the foam of a hacked up couch cushion. Playing goalie was maybe the one time I was kind of glad to be poor. When you didn’t make the save, I mean when you didn’t even see the ball coming and blocked it by pure fluke with one of the unpadded areas on your body, for example, the crotch, you were always glad when it was a cheap old fuzzy tennis ball and not the more expensive, orange, frozen manhood missile euphemistically called a “hockey ball.” Except, as any Canadian kid knows, when you’ve played enough street hockey that most of the players have slivers of Superblade so thin you could slice cheese with them and the fuzz on the tennis ball had become stringy and all fallen off leaving the black, rubber, oversized squash ball that was only slightly better than old “Orange Jewelless.”





Some of my friends got running shoes that weren’t blank on the sides but had the swirls and stripes that cost enough to be cool. I remember eating over at the McCollough’s place one time and tasting genuine Kraft Dinner, not the eight-for-a-dollar kind of macaroni and cheese. What was the name of that eight-for-a-dollar kind anyway? I think it was Eight For A Dollar brand macaroni in cheese in fact. THERE’S a company with a serious lack of foresight! But I heard they’ll make a comeback soon as One For Eight Dollar brand.

One of my early memories from childhood, (in almost all my childhood memories I’m 7), was sitting on the curb in the hot summer sun with my 9-year-old brother, Rob. For all I know it was after a game of street hockey but probably not because we were in front of the townhouse three townhouses down the street from ours and we usually played with the guys from our own townhouse and MAYBE the guys across the street. We could have been looking for pop bottles; maybe Mom told us to go get a jug of milk from Pete’s Variety; it might have been one of the times we ran away from home. It doesn’t matter what we were doing there. I remember it like it was - a helluva long time ago. But I distinctly remember daydreaming, like you do on a hot, summer holiday afternoon. I said to Rob, “You know what would be so cool?!” He probably didn’t answer being hot, lazy and two years older. “It would be so cool,” I continued completely undeterred, “to have a WHOLE bottle of Coke!”

And I recall I wasn’t talking about one of those stubby, short bottles. Remember them? If, as the story goes, the curves on the regular bottle of Coke were designed after the figure of Marilyn Munroe, the bottles I wasn’t talking about would have been, let’s say, the Paula Abdul bottles. Though at the time she wasn’t even famous. I had HAD a couple Paula Abdul bottles of Coke to myself by the time I was seven. They were nice, but they were no Marilyn Munroe! Incidentally I read somewhere that the Marilyn Munroe story was total bunk. The bottle was designed to look like the cocoa pod, an ingredient not even IN Coke. Some guys who didn’t have the internet way back then, were going to design it after the Kola leaf or the coca plant but couldn’t find a book in the library with a picture. And to add an aside to an aside, while visiting some countries in Asia I discovered where all those Paula Abdul bottles went! Now, because careful product testing, threshold market indicators and average household income tend to reflect a viable market, Cambodians, Thais, Filipinos and Viet Namese can get a tantalizing taste of “the real thing” just like we did in Canada way back when.

Where were we? Oh yes, the bottle I was referring to was the big bottle. What were they 67, 68 fluid ounces? Back in the days when Canadian liquids traveled in fluid ounces. I think Rob knew what I was talking about. So I continued. “And even though I wouldn’t be thirsty any more I could keep on drinking the WHOLE thing without sharing with anyone!” At that point Rob actually said, “Yeah.” Then I think we got carried away talking about abandoned ice cream trucks and having chocolate-ray vision. Or that could just be the way I have it in my head. It’s a good memory.

It wasn’t long until my wish came true. My Grandmother picked up my Mom, my brothers and me, and took us all to Windsor for a weekend trip to visit a relative of ours I had never met before. He was a chartered accountant or CPA or CPPA or whatever acronym was mandated by the accountant branch of the Cosa Nostra of Canada: government regulators back then. At least THAT hasn’t changed. There are STILL, in ANY line of work in Canada, certifications to buy, courses to take, taxes to pay, regulations to follow and bagmen to grease in order to practice “in their neighbourhood.”

Our Uncle Dave had two boys, Matt and Jeff, and a fridge full of Coke. It looked more like a slot machine to me and the fridge door handle was the one-armed-bandit’s arm. Only this baby was paying out! Matt and Jeff told me they could have a Coke any time they wanted! And while I was there I had about four or five myself. Though I wasn’t comfortable unless I took them sneakily. It wasn’t without a cost, however. I didn’t sleep the whole night. Partly because of the caffeine I suppose but mostly because I spent half the night dispensing the Coke, slot-machine-like, into the toilet. My weak stomach may have been partly why I didn’t see much of Uncle Dave, if I saw him at all, for the rest of my life. Other relatives knew. I was a five alarm nog risk at Christmas. Thanksgiving dinner at most places was served to me at the table nearest the bathroom with cranberries, stuffing and a bucket. I must have been dreaded by my relatives! But they took precautions and invited us all anyway. Most of them. Uncle Dave didn’t know that most things go into my mouth with the speed of a guy with three brothers and usually enough seconds for one: the first to finish firsts. He also didn’t know that with the pretty formidable rate that I could put food and drink down, both had a tendency to come up even faster. And everything Uncle Dave owned, being of higher quality than other family members of mine, was susceptible to many times the price in vomit damage. Anyway, the upshot of the whole story was, Aunt Elaine, (Uncle Dave’s wife), gave me something to settle my stomach: a bottle of Coke! “Just sip it slowly,” she told me. I have a lot of hospitable relatives who just wish I could have.

Matt and Jeff had all the toys even the RICHEST of the kids in our neighbourhood didn’t have. They had a pinball machine for crying out loud! And if that wasn’t enough, they had a swimming pool in the back yard. I had an inkling to that point in life that the world just might not be fair but it hit home to me when I visited Uncle Dave’s house. Matt and Jeff seemed no different from any of my brothers or me. We were in the same family. How did they get so lucky? I never thought the envy, desire and acid-tasting jealousy could be more intense in my soul, (or even anyone’s), than it was that weekend! Even with the endless Coke this was one of the bad memories from my childhood.

Now I’m a security guard. My job is to take care of things. Higher quality things. For people who are concerned that those expensive things might be damaged or even stolen by those people who aren’t used to having nice things.

“The fear of loss is a path to the dark side. Attachment leads to
jealousy. The shadow of greed that is.” Yoda.

If people could train themselves to let go of everything they fear to lose I’d have no job. Paladin, and all security companies like it, wouldn’t be booming. There wouldn’t be need for more prisons and laws to make more prisoners.

I think back to when I was a boy and the all-consuming jealousy with which I viewed other people who had the things I wanted to have. Could it be that if I were to somehow acquire all of those sought after possessions, the jealousy I guarded them with just might be even stronger?

I am drinking a Coke right now. If I want, I can go to the fridge and get another. If some guy just walked into my house, grabbed my bottle of Coke and ran away, I believe I would chase him down and beat him senseless. Who knows if I’d be able to control my rage enough to stop there?

Political Apathy

I’m sitting at the Starbucks in the mall where I work on the outdoor chairs under the pole heater daydreaming all by myself. There’s usually a gang there but nobody has showed up yet. I look across the outdoor coffee, (and smoking), area, and stuck to the back of one of the stainless steel chairs is a sticker with the Victoria flag and the words, “I voted” on it. There was an election held in Victoria last week. I can’t give you an accurate list of the candidates who ran, (though there IS one from 2009 online), but I read in the newspaper there were over 200 candidates. 212 I think it was. I saw pictures of some of the candidates in the newspaper the week before, (because it’s important for us to elect people who LOOK like they know what they’re doing), and was surprised to see a girl I KNOW running for the school board rep. But then with 212 candidates odds are even a newcomer to Victoria will know one of them.

I also read in the newspaper and saw plastered on buses and buildings, heard on the radio, and couldn’t escape for a while the desperate pleas of those running for office to those of us who have within our power the ability to NOT vote and cost them ALL their jobs to PLEASE PLEASE PLEASE enable our seriously ineffective and outdated behaviour for a little while longer. There were articles written by newspapermen and women upholding the traditional habit of glorification of the vote as a responsibility we should all cherish and yada yada yada. The inexplicable voter apathy. So hard to understand! Well not for me, a confirmed NON-voter. I’ll explain why I don’t vote and I am sure some or maybe ALL of the same reasons apply to the rest of the folks who choose to exercise our supposed democratic powers by not voting for those intent on taking them away.

First of all, if you want to see true apathy try going to any of our government agencies. Better yet, try calling them up. First you have to find the name of the agency you are looking for. The names all change regularly as it becomes easier for voters to locate our government representatives and bother them with our little problems. If you need a passport, driver’s license, or even some social assistance you need to know the name of the agency that provides it. Internet? Try it. It ain’t so easy. Phone book? There used to be handy listings in the white pages like, “Driver’s licence – see Access Centre.” Or even in the blue pages. Nowadays, not so much. And for the love of God, ACCESS CENTRE? For welfare I think it’s “Cool Aid.” Could they possibly find lamer, less recognizable titles for such important services?

THEN, if you are lucky enough to stumble upon the correct name for the agency you are trying to locate, we ALL know what happens when we try to call them up. At LEAST a 15-minute session of telephone gymnastics. “If you want endless telephone runaround, press one. If you want some useless recording that does nothing to assist you, press two. If you want to talk to a human being, stay on the line until your problem solves itself, until your start worrying about your phone bill, or until you die. If you want information about taxes you must pay for dying in Canada, press three.”

I wanted to get my driver’s license and had to call an insurance company. They transferred me to the correct office, whatever the name of it was, and whatever their number and only after half an hour of the answering machine labyrinth for BOTH places did I get through to a human being. Then when I wanted to call them back and cancel was faced with the prospect of doing it all over again. Didn’t bother, and will be charged the 75 bucks for not cancelling when I finally DO show up for my driving test. Minimal person-to-person contact with the electorate and 75 bucks for doing NOTHING. The perfect government agency!

Let’s see what our government has been up to recently so we can more fully illustrate my point. The big news in government is Pat Martin’s “industrial language” on Twitter. This is “inappropriate.” It’s “unnecessary.” He said, “This is a fucking disgrace… closure again. And on the budget! No democracy in the world would tolerate this jackboot shit!” Oh how terrible! Disgusting! Those expletives are so harsh!

Oh the endless entertainment one can derive from watching the histrionics and machinations of the leaders within a society trying its best to balance its diametrically opposed commitments to puritanical morality and salacious greed! While I support fully the people out there who try to be profound without being profane, I don’t believe in Santa Claus, I know pro wrestling is staged and I am well aware that people FUCKING swear! Even politicians and athletes! Actually Mr. Martin has pointed out for us all the same thing I’m going for in this post. You see, the REAL issue, the one that’s being almost ignored behind the more pressing issue of Twitter f-bombs, is that the government budget, which, (let’s give our politicians a little credit), is a veritable work of art every year, is being pushed through parliament without enough debate. That is, POLITICIANS, not just the people they are supposed to be representing, are being ignored by federal conservative Harper government and those guys and gals we elected are just doing what they want without listening to anyone in parliament. Hey all you politicians not in the majority government, now you know how we the people, (voting OR non-voting), feel! The government never does what WE want either.

Voting for people makes things LESS democratic in Canada because, (fake well), they’re people! Don’t kid yourself, regardless of party or platform, most, if not all of the important stuff they do is done at the behest of the rich, the corporate and the banks who are the hands up the arses of all our government puppets. It’s for the benefit of our “owners.” And that is almost always exactly what WE don’t want.

The main issue in the budget I must admit I have mixed feelings about. It’s the C-10 or “Crime Omnibus Bill.” This bill will create more minimum sentences on lots of crimes that will land an awful lot MORE people in the clink. Jails are already a huge waste of our tax money to begin with. Hence, politicians like them and want more so their budgets will grow every year. For years in Canada we’ve had very safe streets and very high numbers of people in jail. And it’s mostly poor folks who can’t afford lawyers or don’t have enough money to pay their fines. Fines that are probably just unfair or STUPID fines designed by our apathetic government agencies as ways to avoid dealing with these less appealing citizens in the first place. And in our country where, like many, the money is being more and more efficiently funneled straight to the top, what do you know – there are more poor people! So we need more jails or they might, I dunno, march on major cities across the country or something.

Then again, being a security guard I’m not saying I’d refuse a 20-buck-an-hour job at one of these poverty palaces either. That is if I don’t end up IN one!

It’s similar to another issue our government is trying to sneak past us. Again there is no distinction between the parties and we, the people, could not vote for anyone based on this issue. We just have to settle for what they decide. It’s the oil pipelines. I don’t know a lot about them but I DO read stories in the papers about shipyards in Victoria and Vancouver proposed to DOUBLE in size and pipeline construction and maintenance creating many new jobs mostly to serve the traditional role that Canada has taken on in the world, that of a primary resource provider. It’s mostly about America and China lusting after our oil sands. And the amount of money that could earn for our “owners.” And rather than build refineries here in Canada that would create WAY more jobs than the pipelines and transporting of CRUDE oil would, we are going to be nice to our more powerful neighbours as always. And at irresponsible risk to our planet. If there’s one thing we should know by now it’s that the transfer of crude oil is absolute hell on the Earth. It should be illegal no matter how “safe” a method we devise. Any oil that is transported should be in environmentally safer refined forms. PERIOD! And if people knew the issues I think most Canadians would feel the same.

But then again they wouldn’t turn down an 18-dollar-an-hour job on a pipeline or at a shipyard either.

Which brings up an obvious point: Why don’t people in office do what the whole country wants them to do? The main issues NEVER change! More jobs, less taxes, better wages. Believe it or not this would make our politicians jobs easier. It’s what they probably want to do. More jobs with decent wages would make the citizens of Canada happy and gov’t agencies wouldn’t have to constantly devise new methods of HIDING from us. In fact why not hire about 50,000 people to work FOR the government, (and earn good government wages), answering the FUCKING PHONES! See? Sometimes the f-bombs are warranted. I don’t think “darn” would have been as effective there.

More jobs with higher wages is a nightmare for the government workers though because they’re all Brewsters. Like Richard Pryor in that movie Brewster’s Millions. He had to spend a whole bunch of money and have nothing to show for it. That’s most of our government’s job. And with everyone in Canada working and earning MORE money, that would mean more taxes to somehow waste. So the obvious solution would be to lower taxes. It’s so simple!

Problem is this is NOT what the REAL rulers of our country, (and owners of us), want for Canada. So the government will continue to go about its duty deciding things like corporations no longer have to pay tax on the money they make in Canada. We didn’t vote for that! No candidates even brought that up! Yet somehow it got passed! Do some research. Keep your eyes open. Taxes going up; prices going up; minimum wage going up at a fraction of the rate; major changes to education; cuts in social programs… has anything GOOD happened in Canada in recent memory? More to the point, anything that we voted for? We the people, in our supposedly democratic country get to vote once in a while whether or not to separate from Quebec and whether we want GST or HST. That’s like choosing between lethal injection or firing squad.

I think the voter turn-out numbers are exaggerated in Canada. I don’t think that many people vote any more. It’s a system dying a death. A long overdue death but that’s how we do things in Canada. My government sees me as a numbered consumer and any time they do anything major to change my country, it's something none of us voted for. These are the reasons I don’t vote and probably most voter apathy is caused by the same issues. The only time my government seems to really notice me is when they want me to legitimize their jobs by giving them my vote. Well, as Pat Martin might tweet, fuck that jackboot shit!

Super Dave's Save the Earth From Billion Blindness Fund

Okay, with all the recent marches on Wall Street and all over the cities of the world, (which I think are really great, btw), I thought it was about time somebody came up with the plan that all the MWS detractors are criticizing them for not having. So here goes...

I read an article lately written by one such detractor stating that one of the things that led to the marches and the anger worldwide is lack of financial and fiscal education. It's a very good point! How many of us can honestly say we have a firm mental grasp of the numbers thrown around by governments nowadays when talking about taxes, federal budgets, Paris Hilton's champagne bill, election price tags, deficits, bank bail-outs, Warren Buffet pocket change, military expenses etc. etc.? Do any of us even know what a million is when it comes to dollars? Or when it comes to anything really. If there were a jar with a million jelly beans in it how big would it be? And would the ones at the bottom just be crushed so badly you wouldn't be able to count them anyway? I bet the stuff on the bottom would taste like the black ones. They're my favourite anyway so that'd be okay. I digress.

This is one of the beauties of being a politician. It makes us all easier to lie to. We just can't wrap our heads around a million bucks because we've never come close to having it. We'll never GET it cuz we'll never get it. A BILLION? Forget it!

Ever seen that movie "The Social Network"? There's a scene where the Napster dude, (played by Justin Timberlake), says, "A million dollars isn't cool. You know what's cool? A billion dollars." The audience goes silent. The main character, Mark Zuckerberg, who, let's remember, wanted to avoid the money, goes silent and gets this far off look in his eye. The seeds of money lust were planted. Money played a very small role in his life. In fact he had said earlier in the movie, and I'm guessing in real life, that the second facebook becomes about the money it's no longer cool. Sean Parker almost contradicted that verbatim but with that mysterious word, "billion" in there and the greed-enabling culture Zuckerberg grew up in, it worked! Blinded by the billion. I think that happens to a lot of folks.

Now people can make a billion in a year. George Soros made 2 billion in one day. I'm sure I read that Bill Gates made 48 billion in a year. I used the magazine article as an ESL lesson for years before I lost it. Now I suppose the Forbes 500 have learned: It's not very good to let the rest of the world know how much you are making. It could lead to unrest and possibly marching in the streets. Incidentally, Gates is reportedly worth something like 56 billion bucks now. I'm pretty sure he's made more than 6 bil. since I read that article and he's not giving THAT much to charity.

The corporations, rich, banks and the governments they run are inflating the numbers they bombard us with regarding government and business expenses and they are massively DEflating the numbers that accidentally on purpose leak out that are supposed to represent their earnings. That's what I believe anyways. But let's work with these flawed numbers and see what we come up with, shall we?

First of all a billion. In an average work year allowing for 8 hours a day, a 5-day week and a 2-week vacation you would work 2000 hours. If your salary were exactly a billion dollars you would be """"EARNING"""" half a million dollars an hour. But that number is still too big for our brains - that's $8333.00 a MINUTE! $139.00 every SECOND for crying out loud! In one second you are making more money than most of the world earns in a day. This is why the word "earning" above is surounded Custer-like, by quotation marks. I didn't think just one set would suffice. If I were saying this out loud I don't think the finger quotes would do the mega-sarcasm justice either. I think if I could somehow bend a couple of football goalposts and use them to make my air quotes it still wouldn't be sarcastic enough when talking about someone "earning" a billion a year. Come ON! NObody is worth that!

If you could think of the person who deserves the highest pay in the world who would it be? A soldier fighting on the front lines? A firefighter saving cute orphan children from a blaze? The janitor who cleans the frat house toilets? If I had a girl who was a dead ringer for Jessica Alba, naked, pleasuring me now while feeding me pizza and expensive Chianti AND playing bagpipes for "It's a Long Way to the Top" with the real LIVE AC DC backing her up even SHE's not close to 139 bucks a second! Just that one song would come to a total of $43,924.00. No way I'd have the money, (or the prowess), to ask for "Downpayment Blues" as an encore!

But what are these folks who make a billion a year actually doing? Well if you look at what Vancouver's own Kevin Ham does in a day you'd laugh your arse all the way to the bank. He buys internet domains. Somebody says the domain name, he air-types it, then lays down a few hundred grand for it. I'm not making this up. Guys like David Tepper just move imaginary money from place to place. There are filthy rich people known as corporate hawks or international speculators who essentially buy pieces of COUNTRIES and hope that they default on their debts, which adds to destabilization and usually the selling off of the country's resources at bargain basement prices.

A lot of the jobs people do for their billion dollar annual paychecks are so simple any of us could do them IF we had the start-up capital, they're not back-breaking or stressful, or they're just completely immoral. You just can't convince me anyone earns a billion a year.

SO... here's what we're gonna do: There are, (reportedly), 1210 people in the world who have the equivalent of a billion American dollars according to a March 2011 Forbes Magazine article. Between them they have 4.5 trillion, that's $4,500,000,000,000.00! I know, THAT means even LESS than nothing to me too! But that averages out to 3.72 billion each. Some of these people are evil, or have such bad cases of billion blindness to believe they not only EARN their money but that they MUST earn more every year. The rest of them like Gates who says he will leave his fortune to charity, Soros who gave 8 bill. to charity since '79, and I recently read about the heiress of the Tupperware fortune secretly giving to all kinds of charities. These are fairly normal, yet rich people who have made more than enough and it's time to let someone else play. Forced retirement for all of them, (some are damned lucky they won't be thrown in jail), and they will be made international heroes by their mandatory donation to Super Dave's Save the Earth Fund of a billion U$ each.

As of Oct. 2011 there were reported to be 6.97 billion people on earth, 4.4 billion of whom are between the ages of 15 and 64. So I'm just spitballing here but I'm guessing that between the ages of 19 and 60 there'd be less than 4 bill. Through the generous donations from the world's 1210 billionaires every one of the people on Earth between 19 and 60 could be given over $1125.00 U.S. Now that doesn't mean a whole lot to a person like me here in Canada but the changes made in each country would be more revolutionary in direct proportion to how poor the country is. Let's take The Sudan as an example. I like that example because I dig countries with "The" before their names. According to this article, it would cost a person about 843 SDG, (Sudanese Pounds), to start a business. That's $315.50. He/she's gonna have lots left over for supplies, employees, overhead, you name it. $1125 bucks could change the third world so much that it might even be safe to say it was eliminated!

But wait, there's more. I don't know why but I couldn't find up-to-date stats on millionaires in the world. However, a 2010 study by Boston Consulting Group figured that there were 12.5 million millionaires in the world. (The equivalent of a million U$ dollars). If they all had exactly one million dollars, which, don't be silly, they DON'T, that would be another 5.2 trillion dollars. I know, I know, the billionaires are included in there. Well those 1210 people don't even amount to a percent so it doesn't affect the stats at all. What we do is we give these people, the luckiest people on the face of the Earth, the privelege of contributing half a million dollars each to Super Dave's Save the Earth Fund. That's another $650.00 to everybody on the planet who isn't too old or young to need some dough. So we're now up to $1875.00 U$ each! Don't feel sorry for the millionaires. Who do you think will be taking over the vacated posts of the billionaires? And with a newly created, oh I would guess 2 BILLION consumers worldwide, they'd have to be morons to lose money no matter what they did.

The weakness in my plan is admittedly logistics. How do I get money to 4 billion individuals? Furthermore, certain people like recidivist criminals, drug addicts, people with terminal diseases and plain old lazy assed sluggards won't qualify for Super Dave benefits. So how will I know who's who? Simplicity itself! They'll have to pay for their money by filling out some forms and donating blood. That way their blood can be tested, their backgrounds checked and the blood banks of the world would be overflowing! Not to mention the new varieties of viruses we might detect and eliminate, (possibly Billion Blindness ITSELF!), or antibodies we might discover and use to heal people!

After disqualifying some people, and allowing for larger donations from the GOOD rich people of the world, I'm going to say we could give 3000 bucks to everyone. Imagine every citizen in your country getting a lump sum of 3 grand. What would that do to consumer confidence? What if it was given out December 1st so you'd have time to go Christmas shopping with it? So many people would buy so many things and the money would almost ALL go straight into the pockets of those nice millionaire contributors. Their money would return to them probably a million fold! Then they would become BILLIONAIRES at which point they'd be forced into massive contributions and retirement and their places would be filled with the huge number of newly created millionaires and we could start all over again! Perpetual world enrichment. Perfect, right?

I can only see one problem. Kryptonite! The fact that it wouldn't take too long before everybody was not just not starving, but very comfortable. Then very happy. Then very wealthy. Then very rich. When that happens who the hell will work? Aye, there's the rub! Who will put little umbrellas in the marguerita of the hot babe sitting beside me in my golf cart in Thailand? What hot babe will be poor and desperate enough to golf with me? Who will sell that marguerita to us? Who will cut the greens? Do you suppose this might have something to do with why the 3rd world is KEPT the 3rd world? Did the filthy rich think of this already and plan to maintain poverty so that there would always be someone desperate enough in some country to MAKE those little umbrellas for a buck a day? To sew footballs in sweatshops? To dance half naked for and date ugly old guys with big bulges in their jeans where their wallets are?

GAAARRGGGHHH! Feeling weak. Ex-ray vision failing. Ability to use articles and verb "to be" getting difficult. So cold. Humidity a bit high. Vision failing... faaiiliinggg...

Oh well I took a stab at it anyway.

Every Day Is A Pair Of Socks

The first noble truth: Life is suffering. Or at least that's what it boils down to. In the first teaching of the Gautama Buddha after attaining Nirvana, (not going to one of their concerts), there were four noble truths, the first of which was that life ultimately leads to or IS suffereing, (dukkha), in one way or another.

The other three noble truths are about the causes of and solution to this suffering. Basically life is full of "Maya" which is a delusional clinging to attachments and worldly pleasures of all kinds. Even our ideas of self, existence and reality might be maya.

When you find a way to eliminate all this delusion, FIND THE TRUTH, by eliminating craving and desire, you reach a state called "bodhi" or what is called "enlightenment."

In short, don't worry, be happy. You have stumbled upon the path to enlightenment, the "way", the truth, the Light, the Tao, the secret of life or whatever you wanna call it, when you figure out a way to find joy in your suffering. This is not just a Buddhist idea but I think their way of explaining it is the clearest. No pain, no gain. Wisdom comes through suffering. I could go on and on...

This is one of the prevailing philosophies that contributes to my blogging. One might read these pages and wonder why I am such a negative person. Scan through. When was the last column with a little positivity to it? Quite a while ago. So one might be drawn into the trap of believing I am not finding joy in my suffering. But one would be a little bit off the mark in thinking so.

I think of one of the wisest old guys I briefly met and a saying he related to me and my good buddy Gil, (his nephew), under the influence of copius imbibement was, "With all the good in the worst of us, and all the bad in the best, it behoves us all to find fault with the rest." I heard that MANY years ago and it has always struck me as something I needed to remember, yet something I didn't fully understand. Probably because of the use of the word "behove." Be honest with me, YOU had to dive for a dictionary too didn't you? I didn't know what it meant back then either, but I do now. If you didn't, hey good for you! I'm serious. We all should learn at least a word a day.

However, I would like to make an amendment, if I may, and change that old saying to, "With all the good in the worst of us and all the bad in the best, it behoves us all to find some joy in all the rest." I don't think this is much of a change at all since the original words of wisdom are shared with tongue firmly implanted in cheek and that irony all but implies my amended version. I think it was the irony, the purposeful sarcasm with which it was said that created the confusion in me. But I got it. Finally. I think...

Another sage piece of wisdom that steers me down the path to enlightenment was gleaned from an episode of the Sopranos. I'm not kidding. Tony was talking with his therapist after being shot and almost dying and he was just a little past the days when he is grateful for absolutely everything because he nearly lost it. In probably my favourite line from my second favourite TV show, he says, "Every day is a gift. But does it have to be a pair of socks?"

In Chuck Palahniuk's "Fight Club" there's a scene in which Tyler Durden, (Brad Pitt for those Phillistines who haven't read the book), holds a gun to the head of a guy and threatens to kill him. Here is a pretty good remake of the scene from the movie. Gee, I wonder why the REAL scene isn't on youtube. I wonder why this isn't the most popular clip on youtube. The key is in the last line of the clip. Don't just watch the beginning. Watch it to the end. "The ability to let that which does not matter slide."

Why will Raymond K.K.K.K.K.K. Hessel's breakfast taste so good the next day? Because unlike all of us the night before he had nothing. He was dead. Today he appreciates every single thing he has. If we could remind ourselves daily that we have all we need and THEN some we'd be on our way.

I just got back from years away from my home country. I've been here for about 6 months and I STILL have to force myself to savour the taste of the Canadian beer I'm drinking right now that I couldn't get in Korea. I have to remind myself that the smell of dead leaves I love so much was pretty hard to come by unless you went up to the mountains in Korea. I have to constantly force myself to appreciate my life here or I start to take it for granted and WORST of all DESIRE more. CRAVE more money; a better house; a bigger TV; a car; a faster computer; a hot girlfriend; there is no end to the shit that I crave that I DO NOT NEED! That which I crave is that which does not matter.

In a nutshell, this is the problem with the world. And it's a spiritual problem. To borrow and amend a common phrase from Alcoholics Anonymous, There is no political or economic solution to a spiritual problem.

Every day is a pair of socks. A pair of socks to US in the priveleged countries of the world means exactly nothing. We were really hoping for a lot more. But you give that same pair of socks to someone in a third world country and there will be rejoicing! I think the third world countries are MUCH closer to true happiness, (and I've been in some and people are generally WAY happier in their abject poverty than we are in our abundance), because, whether they want to be or not, they are closer to that state of abandoning all that can lead to craving and desire. Do we have to be forced to be happy? Do we have to have someone take away everything we have to make us appreciate it? Do we need to have someone GIVE us everything we want to make us understand that we don't need it?

These are all mind-bending, bong-filling questions that could be contemplated, ruminated and extrapolated upon for as long as the party goes on. At last we come to the point of this whole blog entry: this is the point of this whole blog entry. I write because I have to. I have to write because it allows me to vent. Allowing me to vent gets all the negativity out so I am able, (or at least more likely to), see the positive side of things and appreciate the veritable goldmine of life's gifts that I have happened into. When I went to the Philippines during Christmas not so long ago my friend Wallace and I bought up a bunch of cheap crap for Christmas gifts for my friend Wallace's family. Junk like liquid watches called "slotches"; yo-yos that lit up as they spun; puzzles; word games; dolls; you get the idear. Nothing over 5 bucks. Wallace dressed up in a Santa suit, rode a trike to the house in Diamond Subdivision, Angeles City, Phils. where we were all gathered for the Christmas festivities. He had a sack full of all the presents and he gave them out to kids who, unlike Canadian kids, actually APPRECIATED them! They all freaked out and said, "WOW! A yo-yo that glows!" And they played and played with their small gifts never losing the joy that they brought. I don't think I have ever spent a better 50 or 100 bucks. Whatever it was. See? I don't remember. If they had all been like Canadian kids and opened them up and immediately said, "Oh. Ho hum. Nice. NEXT!" I would know exactly how much I wasted on those little bastards. But it wasn't like that.

Here is the problem we all have that leads to Prozac and illegal drugs and what have you: it takes a HELLUVA lot to give us joy! And here is the mathematical algorhythm or however you spell that: the amount of joy you have is directly DISproportionate to the amount of money you have. Very complicated eh? It's because the more money you have the LESS impressed you are with everything.

It works on the same principal as "Ignorance is bliss." People who don't know many things and haven't experienced much are far more likely to be easy to please. It's just a fact. We live in societies that are constantly moving from thing to thing thinking the exact opposite: that all this new knowledge and experience will somehow lead AWAY from boredom. But how's that been workin'?

So should we just avoid new things? Should we hide from reality? Or at least what we perceive that reality might be? NO! We just need to develop a kind of spiritual consciousness that allows us to appreciate the all singing all dancing performance of life that is being constantly soft-shoed and belted out before us, FOR FREE, for our own personal enjoyment. If that takes meditation, go for it! If you need to seek psychiatric treatment, you go! If it just requires a few alcoholic beverages or some other form of mental inhibition, I think that's good. If you think you get it from belonging to a club or organized religion, fill yer boots! But if there is some way you can just get it on your own by forcing yourself to OPEN YOUR EYES, I think that's probably the best method. Just, not the easiest thing to do...

See, there IS some reason we're all here. Least that's what I reckon...

Bradley, Assange and Santiago: Conduct BECOMING!

Nicholson: You want answers?
Cruise: I think I'm entitled to them.
Nicholson: You want ANSWERS?
Cruise: I want the TRUTH!
Nicholson: YOU CAN'T HANDLE THE TRUTH!!!
...
Nicholson: I have neither the time, nor the inclination to explain myself to someone who rises and sleeps under the blanket of the 'freedom' I provide and then questions the manner in which I provide it... Either way I don't give a DAMN about what YOU think you are entitled to!

That was directly from memory folks! Thank you very much.

Ah the movies... If only things were really like they are in the movies. In "A Few Good Men" Jack Nicholson's character, Colonel Nathan R. Jessep, goes to jail for ordering a "code red" on a soldier, private Santiago, who turned out to be sub-standard because of heart problems. These heart problems, which the military medics showed some negligence in diagnosing, eventually lead to his death while receiving the "code red" binding, gagging and beating by his peers. Two soldiers who participated in the code red, Dawson and Downey, were cleared of murder charges, but dishonourably discharged for NOT helping Santiago, i.e. not disobeying orders and reporting, thus exposing this dirty military secret. This is called "conduct unbecoming a United States Marine." So the point is that NOT reporting military misconduct is conduct unbecoming a US soldier and people can get punished for it.

"In no case shall information be classified... in order to: conceal violations of law, inefficiency, or administrative error; prevent embarrassment of a person, organization or agency... or prevent or delay the release of information that does not require protection in the interest of the national security."

This is executive order 13526 made by Barack Obama on Dec. 29, 2009 and seems to support the same point. However, before you start waving your "Yes We Can" flags, there were a stack of documents scheduled to be automatically declassified on Dec. 31, 2009 that were suddenly in need of review after the order, which effectively re-classified the soon-to-be de-classified documents for another couple years thereby BREAKING the e.o. by its issuance. Don't ya just LOVE politics?

Have you heard of Julian Assange or Bradley Manning?



If not it's pretty surprising. I'm not saying come out from under your rock because I hadn't really heard much about them either. What's surprising is the fairly successful sweeping under the carpet they are receiving when their story is WAY better than the above movie, which was nominated for 4 Oscars. I liked Unforgiven and LOVE Gene Hackman but come on! Jack shoulda won. Hackman shoulda won the evil lawman Oscar for The Quick and the Dead. It was the same character only a better performance of it I think. If not for that scene in Unforgiven where he hands that reporter the gun and tells him to shoot him, I'd say it was no contest. "Pretty HOT idn't it?" ha ha ha. Come to think of it, Gene Hackman as Colonel Nathan Jessep! Could that have even been BETTER? Ah the movies...

Anyhoo, here is a pbs vid. about the supposedly "troubled" life of Bradley Manning including the 911 phone call made while he allegedly assaulted his stepmother with a knife. He aparently STRUCK a fellow soldier and threw some chairs. Even YELLED at superiors while in the military. Gasp! Back to Colonel Nathan R. Jessep, "My existence, while grotesque and incomprehensible to you, saves lives!" Soldiers are BETTER if they're violent. Don't forget, their job is to shoot people.

Why does the reporter keep asking questions to Brian Manning inviting him to embellish how "troubled" and "erratic" Bradley Manning's upbringing was? Why is his sexual status important? Why does the music in the video portend something ominous? The cops didn't even charge Bradley after the 911 call, why is it getting publicized now? I think people in high places want very badly for Bradley to be thought of as a bit unstable. Now, immediately I'm gonna take a hit for this but some people believe that being gay is a choice made by mentally unstable people. His father says in the video that his reaction to finding out Bradley was gay was, "That's YOUR decision." I'm gonna take the military position on this one: Don't ask/don't tell. Boy does the military wish Bradley Manning hadn't asked and hadn't told!

You see, he is responsible for leaking over half a million classified government documents to Assange's organization, Wikileaks. Now maybe the military members who are party to this classified information, like Colonel Jessep, "...have a greater responsibility than we can possibly fathom." But it's pretty hard to imagine what kind of "responsibilities" require the ignorant and innocent public to be kept from fathoming stuff like why it's necessary to ignore torture in Iraq; cover up child trafficking in Afghanistan; throw people in Guantanamo prison for fashion or fashion accessory choices; classify the killing of journalists and the rate of innocents killed to combatants in Iraq, (2 non-combatants for every combatant btw); keep the huge 3rd world slave labour market desperately poor for our corporations' picking, (like 5 bucks a day was TOO MUCH money for financially strapped American corporations to pay their Haitian workers!); the list goes on. For the complete list and a well organized and researched site about all this, (better than mine), go to the "Free Bradley Manning" site here.

It would appear that like the doctored log books, phony transfer order, and coerced doctors of "A Few Good Men", there is some character assassination and covering up going on here. And it isn't limited to Bradley Manning. Julian Assange is now fighting a rape charge made by some women in Sweden. Now, I am not going to say it's impossible that he committed this crime, but if he's extradited to Sweden, it would make his extradition to America possible where he could be tried and found guilty of conduct that SHOULD be considered becoming. He COULD end up in that place that links all three of these stories together: Guantanamo prison. As I type Bradley Manning is in the brig where I'm sure he isn't being treated very nicely and he may soon be joined by Assange. All the while, BOTH are up for this year's Nobel Peace Prize. And maybe for good measure sombody'll throw Lady Gaga in there with them for suspected complicity in the events arising from the fact that the data was transfered to Wikileaks via a Lady Gaga CD.

Ever hear about something that made you say, "They oughta make a movie!"? Folks there is GONNA be a movie made! Directed by Steven Spielberg. I'm guessing Leo as Bradley Manning though he could play Assange. Daniel Craig looks like the best Assange although I'd like to see Sting given some consideration. Or as a long shot Jason Isaacs, (Malfoy's Dad).

And Steve, Mr. Speilberg, if you're reading, please give Gene Hackman a part. He's probably my favourite actor.

Ahh the movies...

Let's Stop Rewarding Corporate Behaviour and Start Kicking This Bully's Ass!

"We're sure not heading down a very happy road!" David Suzuki





On the left in the white van is the person who ran over the baby girl who wandered into the street in front of him. She didn’t dart. She didn’t sneak. She was moving slowly. And at about 3 or 4 miles an hour the van wasn’t moving much faster. The driver had plenty of time to stop. Even had plenty of room to swerve. Did neither. Not until the little girl was rolled over by the front, left wheel did the driver stop. For about 4 seconds before deciding to run her over with the REAR wheel as well and continue on with his business.

On the right the Tiananmen Square Tank Man. During demonstrations to encourage economic reform and liberalization in 1989 protesters were forcibly removed by the Chinese military. This one-man protest was an iconic photo of the event. The Great Firewall of China is so unbelievably effective that many Chinese people STILL have never seen this picture. I’m sure most of them haven’t seen the video of the baby being run over either. If you have seen the movie associated with this tank photo, the tank tries to avoid the man but he moves so that the tank must mow him down in order to move forward. The tank driver never does run him over.

Changing times in China and the world! The war is not about soldiers, bombs and tanks any more it’s about businessmen, buyouts and corporations. The soldier driving the tank doesn’t think the military’s purpose is important enough to sacrifice the man’s life. But the psychopath in the van thinks HIS time is much more important than the life of that little girl.

Before we get too hung up on the fact that these are both Chinese men and before we even think about putting the blame on Communism, don’t you think there are a LOT of businesspeople who would run this little girl down? Ever seen the movie Wall Street? I could just hear Gordon Gekko on the oversized cell phone now if it were HIM who was driving the white van. “Okay, yeah the little girl thing. My time is just too valuable for this! Get one of my aids to find out how much the parents will settle for out of court. If it’s more than a mil. we'll take them to court. I don’t think I need to tell you this but, please, don’t START at a million. Try to lowball them if you can.” Beep “Now, young, pre-meltdown Charlie Sheen, tell me more about your father and this airline…” But Gordon Gekko is just a fictional character, right? Back to these real men.

Which of these men will be encouraged and which will be corrected? As a more general question, which behaviour is encouraged and which corrected?

If these two men were applying for a job, (a high paying job where you make REAL money and aren’t living paycheck to paycheck like most of the schmucks in the world), in China or practically any country, and had these photos as the first pages of their respective resumes, who do you suppose would be hired?

What will happen to the baby killer if his company sees the video of him driving over a helpless baby in order to deliver the product on time or arrive at a meeting on time or pick up an important client at the airport on time? Will he be fired and turned over to the police? Or will this video be played at the next shareholder’s meeting and used as inspiration for employees to let nothing get in their way of doing a good job? Will this guy who treats a baby human being worse than most people treat a skunk get a RAISE? A promotion? Will he become a highly sought after employee who never has to worry about unemployment again? And will he look back at the incident and someday think it was the BEST thing he ever did?

I think you know what I think are the answers to these questions. I also think you know what the RIGHT answers to these questions are. But in this world where we are marching backwards and calling it progress the WRONG answers are where we are ALL headed. David Suzuki calls it a road that's not very happy. In true Chinese fashion, they have just arrived there ahead of most of us. But then again they have the perfect situation to promote corporate thinking. Huge population and terrible, dollar a day jobs that are at a PREMIUM. People are desperate to do anything to get or to keep a job. Sound familiar?

George Carlin calls the heads of corporations, the rich, the banks and the governments they control our “owners.” The owners know we could all have nice houses, new cars and money in the bank but then they think we wouldn’t have the hungry, go-get-‘em, greed-is-good, profit-at-all-cost, turn-a-baby-into-roadkill corporate attitudes. So they keep us all about one really rainy day away from the poor house. It’s like Roberto Luongo. He’s a millionaire goalie who is good but not great. Some say back in the days when he was young and had the drive to keep his NHL job he was much better. Now most Canuck fans are wondering if we should give Luongo’s job to this kid in the minor leagues called Eddie Lack. He’s young and not rich and playing great because of it. Get the best for the least. This is corporate thinking and we all do it sometimes. But it’s gotten WAAAYYY out of hand!

THIS is what the marches on Wall Street, (MWS), and all over the world are trying to wake us up to. Don’t think we are quite so bad yet? Okay, ask yourself if you were a couple hours late for work would you get in trouble? Maybe get fired? Ask yourself if your boss would accept any excuse, even, “I stopped to help a baby who had been run over by TWO cars.” Okay, maybe your work situation isn’t so bad. Maybe the answers to these questions were both NO. I think they are for ME too. But now ask yourself if one of these wouldn’t be a niggling concern while you came to the aid of that baby. If you waited an hour or two for the ambulance would you check your watch? Would you phone in and tell the boss you will be late before or after the baby was as stabilized as she could be? And then if you WERE fired at some later date, you absolutely KNOW your boss would say, "And then there was that time you were two hours late!" It is courageous, selfless and heroic to help out a baby that has been hit by a car, but it could be held against you at work. Even in Canada. And we know this.

We are preconditioned and socialized, mostly by our owners, to think of money before people. Community and Society are people but Capital is money. Why are Communism and Socialism weighed down in our minds with such heavy negativity? It’s training. Sure Socialist and Communist regimes have committed terrible atrocities but you really should blame the “ists” before the “isms.” And there are two overlooked, but elephant-in-the-room obvious facts here: 1. Capitalism has been the political ideology of a LOT of people who committed a lot of atrocities too. And 2. Good old fashioned, apolitical GREED is the cause of most of the atrocities regardless of which government regime committed them.

How long before Canada will get to the point where we are so concerned about business, keeping our jobs and filthy lucre that 18 people would pass by a dying baby before she gets some help? In Canada we have social programs available that give enough money to ANYone so they can at least have a home and food. For now. Until those are cut to maximize corporate profit. See, a corporation sees “Profit” and “loss” in a very different way than a normal person. If I make 40,000 dollars 10 years in a row I feel like I have had 10 fantastic years. I wish I could just have ONE year like that! A corporation that profits the same two years in a row doesn’t see it as sustained success. They actually see it as LOSS! They MUST profit MORE! And believe it or not if in year two your profit is 10% more than year one, then in year three your profit was 9% more than year two, a corporation will even see THAT as a loss! But it’s important to recognize the corporation NEVER actually loses. They pass all the loss on to the customer and the low level workers. No corporation big wigs EVER take a pay cut. Even in a depression they give themselves healthy raises.

It is also important to note that most governments nowadays are run exactly like corporations. Probably because they are run BY them. That includes Canada. If you think that's not true, when did we vote for the cancellation of corporate capital taxes? It happened federally in 2006 and provincially just last year. The corporations in Canada pay 1/3 of the taxes that regular people pay. And even what they DO pay, that's right, the cost is passed on to the little guy.

Our government has learned from the corporations. When we have a bad year the government raises taxes or government mark-up on food items or inflation or adds another excise tax "for our own good." When will they just axe social programs like welfare or old age pensions? It could happen. If it ever did, in a Canada where possible homelessness and starvation are one mistake at work away, would 18 people walk by a dying baby THEN? I hope we never find out! This is what they’re up against in China. There but for the grace of the Canadian social net could go you and I. And if we continue the way we are indelibly stamped by our owners to proceed, we’re not too far behind the Chinese.

I'll tell you who is right behind China: The U.S. I think the best analogy I’ve ever heard to explain the situation, and the best characters ever created to illustrate it are: the Hershey’s Kiss experiment and the South Park boys. An American teacher, let's say Mr. Mackey, (though he's just the guidance counselor), did an experiment in his classroom. He put 100 Hershey's Kisses in a jar, lined up 20 students and explained that they could take as many Kisses for themselves as they wanted before passing the jar to the next student, mmmkay? When the jar reached the end of the line the Kisses would be doubled and the jar would be passed again as many times as it takes until it's empty, mmmkay? So Kenny takes a few, Stan takes a couple, Kyle takes a few Timmy takes one, Jimmy Vulmer takes a couple and then the jar gets to Eric Cartman with 89 Kisses still left. The other students are pleading with him to only take 2 or 3 so that at the end of the line there are 50 left and the jar will start at 100 again and everybody will have an endless supply of FREE chocolate. But Cartman just can't understand it. He takes the 89 Kisses for himself. And feels just fine about it. The kids say, "But Cartman, we all could have had chocolate for life!" He says, "Yeah but then I wouldn't have been able to do THIS," he shoves all 89 Kisses into his mouth and says, "Nyah nyah, I ha mo oc lit an yeeuu!"

This was an actual experiment done in the States and aparently there are Cartmans in every classroom there. I've done it in some of my classrooms in Korea and even though they are all about money over there I was proud of my students! They caught on and nobody Cartmaned the whole jar. I guess they are a bit behind the States in their corporate training. But which of the South Park kids would you bet your money on becoming the most "successful" in America?

Here's Cartman eating the skin off the KFC him and the gang were going to share. Kyle, Stan and Kenny are helping bring in the rest of the groceries. Cartman doesn't help bring in the groceries, eats the best part off everybody's KFC then goes home. There you have it, the model citizen in modern society. He will be CEO of a huge corporation some day.

My point is we have to stop encouraging antisocial, corporate behaviour in our government and in our societies. And if people refuse to stop thinking of themselves and their money before anything else, they must be corrected. And how about a little bit more reward and encouragement for people who think of other people?

How can we correct a government that has gone corporate? I'm glad I asked that question. The one part of the David Suzuki interview I didn't like was when he was asked for some concrete suggestions and out came that dusty old political panacea, "VOTE!" Well, he's a biologist, give him a break. But I find it really strange how even the smartest people seem to think we have no power in the situation we're in. The media continues to feign confusion or misunderstanding about the concrete issues the MWS protests are about. Well Suzuki nails the issues perfectly in the interview but the act of voting is actually just enabling the corrupted, corporatized system that is messing everything up. What can we dooo? Superman save us!

I think I'm going to draw a cartoon. It'll be a huge, money-eating monster ravaging the cities of Canada and a couple of Canadians saying to each other, "How can we stop this monster?!?" "I don't know, help me feed it this dump truck full of income tax cash, will ya?" Again, it's all about the training. Almost 100 years ago the government incorporated income tax to help in the war effort during WWI. It was a TEMPORARY tax. They have been collecting this tax from us for almost 100 years since the war ended. And that makes up a reported 40% of our government's revenue every year! But we are all well trained to pay our income tax every year. We even pay money to H&R Block to have them figure it out FOR the government. That's like digging our own grave, (or paying the grave digger bill), before being murdered. If we were thinking straight we would realize that our government owes the people of Canada TRILLIONS of dollars in illegally collected backtaxes. Or they should at least be thrown in jail. But it's pretty hard to put all the politicians from the past 100 years in jail.

Now flip that around. If we stopped paying income tax, (like we should have YEARS ago), they couldn't put us all in jail. Of course the government would complain that the 40% cut in their revenue would make their jobs so much more difficult. But would a single MP cancel a vacation, postpone a purchase or go without his/her regular raise? Of course not! They would pass the burden on to... who? Now you're catching on, US. So we would have to kindly request that the government reinstate the corporate taxes they cancelled not so long ago. And then request politely that they add some more taxes on top of them. There are THREE concrete suggestions about what we can do in Canada.

And when they don't work, which they likely won't, THAT'S when things are gonna get REAL all up in this bitch. There are lots of things we can do to take down the corruption at the top. They're soft and we are the workers. There is no way they should be able to bully us. I'm looking forward to kicking this bully's ass.