Rats in Cages

I have admitted to being officially OLD numerous times both on and off this blog. I am trying to adapt. Learning how to talk to millennials and trying to understand what makes the younger generation (s eeek!) the way they are. For instance, even though I have heard enough of the word "amazing" to last till I shuffle off this mortal coil, I still don't shoot a mouthplug made of web into anyone's gob when they use this word rightfully applied to Spiderman, to talk about something with no chance of ever being amazing like a breakfast burrito or their job.

And because they might never pay off their student loans working crappier and crappier jobs, most likely never with full-time benefits, and all temporary, I give them the same break when they use the new business-speak "power" words whose only real power is to annoy anyone over 40, because they spend an undue amount of time writing resumes and going to interviews trying to bullshit their ways into their newest temporary jobs. Even if they're trying to be nice and say, "Dave, you are an impactful teacher. In the current educational environment, it will grow our school to action your suggestion and widen the scope of our teaching." I feel like saying, "Please! Save it for the Soma addicts." But I don't. Yet. I've been "thinking outside the box" and "kicking the tires" on a new strategy for "solutioning" this "challenge," and I've come up with a way to "up my game," a real "game changer!" I just get all Taoist on their asses. Woo Wei, baby! Action through inaction. When someone thinks they are impressing me with this unprofessional professionalism, even changing MY words, yes that sometimes happens, I think positively. In their own ignorant way they could be attempting to help me by changing my classical clarity to modern misdirection, so I do nothing. So far it's working.

But I admit to having a harder time adapting to this modern behaviour of happiness through offense. Not through offending, which I suppose could, heh heh, be called offensive offense. No, people only seem to be happy if they are feeling offended, defensive offense. Now, okay, I am pretty much constantly offended. But it's different. I am offended by things that are offensive mostly. I guess this statement loses some of its "impactfullness" when it's made directly after I was pussyaching about a few words people have fallen in love with, but my main offense is with the widening gap between rich and poor; impending world financial doom; destruction of the environment; war; distracting people from these real problems; keeping people uneducated so they don't know about these problems... I am usually not offended by songs, nationality terms, old English, people's personal choices, or things that have exactly nothing to do with me. I have opinions and will share them, but I try not to get offended and usually don't.

People nowadays DO! Wow, they can be militant, can't they? Over nothing! I guess when I was young, we were told, and we had more opportunity, to work things out for ourselves. If we were offended we dealt with it. We got over it. But then we couldn't post in chatrooms or Facebook or, ahem, on blogs. I remember hearing some phrases that seem to have gone out of style, "Mind your own business!" "Sticks and stones may break my bones..." "It just doesn't matter!"

Right on, Steve! So what are the examples I've been hearing about and seeing? Well back in the summer during Korea's 18th "Queer Fest," there were lots of people offended. This lady is holding a sign that translates to, "Homosexuality is against the law. It is God's judgment." Maybe it was only televised on the local TV channels because I didn't catch that court case on CNN. And if the participants in this alleged judgment were sworn in on the Bible, I have to question its validity. I'm not gay and I don't pretend to understand two-spirited people, but unless they're forcing themselves on ME, I am not offended. I really have no right to be offended, do I? They are not harming others. It's their business, not mine.

However, the Bible is something I know a little bit about and when people start shooting themselves in the foot ignorantly or deceitfully talking about how the Bible says this or that about something, and they're wrong, well, it's more offensive than gay people being gay. Folks, there are 31,000 verses in the Bible. 6 seem to be about homosexuality. Leviticus 18, I've always been told, says that man shouldn't lie down with man as with woman. It is called an abomination. Translators differ. Some say that Hebrew or Aramaic words used seem to condemn incestuous or adulterous homosexuality. Whatever the case, the verse goes on to condemn many other common actions, yes, even common to Christians, that evidently have lost their offense. Eating pork, trimming beards, wearing mixed materials, getting tattoos, touching a pig's skin to name a handful. And when you consider the lifestyles of righteous men in the Bible like David, Solomon, Abraham, Moses, Lot and Noah included polygamy, adultery, sexual slavery, incest, even giving virgin daughters to rapists, you begin to really wonder why Christians use the Bible as grounds for their offense against gay people.

And if a Christian, (as the word would imply), is supposed to act like Christ, what did the Lord have to say about gay people? Absolutely nothing, that's what. But statistically when Jesus fed the 5000, he fed at least 100 gay people with miracled bread and fish. He made the lame to walk and the blind to see, even turned water to wine but never does the Bible record Jesus "healing" a gay person or making them straight. So perhaps a better picture from a Korean anti-gay protest would be this one:

Songs. When the hell did people start listening to lyrics? Presumably when they became viable sources of that sweet, sweet righteous indignation. The national anthem of Canada. "True patriot love in all thy sons command." Canada is being sung unto here and the song says that the country commands true patriot (ic) love from all its sons. Well, maybe it did back in 1880... But things were different in Canada back then. In 1880, when "O Canada" was penned, people spoke, and certainly sang, differently. There was a lot of "thee" and "thy," both of which appear in our national anthem. And when somebody wanted to speak of all Canadians, he sometimes used a male pronoun. See what I just did there? Re-read that last sentence if you missed it. Nowadays in Canada, and other WOKE countries of the world, I just offended half the residents. And you'd better believe I'd be corrected! At least one person, not necessarily a woman, would point out that I actually meant, "And when somebody wanted to speak of all Canadians, he or she sometimes used a male pronoun." This began a long time ago in Canada. I remember many classes in late 80's, early 90's university when profs were instantly corrected with, "He or she!" several times a lecture. By feminists who may not have even been registered in the classes! Profs were annoyed into change. And the feminists won the national anthem battle as well. We now sing, "...in all of us command." Personally with all the other old words in there, I like it better with "all thy sons." It's more authentic. And actually more accurate since Canada doesn't inspire as much true, patriotic love in its sons and daughters any more. Plus if you want to really update it, change the thees to yous and maybe instead of "all of us," we could sing, "True patriot love in all our asses command." But then again, the "true North strong and free" is a huge stretch too. But whatever...

See that? "Whatever!" It rarely affects me. I haven't sung my anthem since the winter Olympics at the medal ceremony for Mike Kingsbury and I just used the old lyrics since it was what I had learned and was used to. I also removed my hat while some youngsters did not. Others around me sang it differently, some kept their toques on, and do you know what? I was not offended! I also hear it before hockey games and everybody is singing the new one. So what? I will tell you it bugs me, not offends, but bugs me more when people start getting all soully and going way off on overdramatic, off-tune adventures at the end of every line. It bugs me because they are holding the hockey fans hostage while they get all carried away and then accept all the applause as appreciation of their talent rather than thanks for shutting the hell up. I actually get a little offended, (because it's part of the distraction I mentioned above), that the anthem is sung at all. Not at the Olympics, it's appropriate there. But it's just out of place at most sporting events. But anyway, I don't give a crap. Let people sing it the way they want. Neither lyrics nor headwear etiquette hurt anyone if they are practiced in more than one way.

"Baby It's Cold Outside." What a kerfuffle! 1944 isn't as long ago as 1880, but it's a while ago. Languages evolve. They get new words and phrases added like the list above. And sometimes the meanings of old words or phrases change with cultures who speak those words or phrases. Imagine if folks all went out and started behaving like homosexuals at Christmas because they heard the line in "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," that says, "Make the Yuletide gay." I say "imagine" because to my knowledge it has never happened. Folks seem to realize that "gay" back then meant happy and not homosexual. We're not removing it from radio stations or changing the lyrics. We're doing nothing. Action through inaction. It's a brilliant strategy, I'm telling you! This song was written in 1944. I think. So 74 years has passed since both of these songs came about. Do you suppose there may be a possibility that the line, "What's in this drink?" might have meant something different in 1944, and it's not a rapey, Rohypnol, roofie sort of song? Do you think maybe the best reaction could be to do nothing? I guess not, eh?

Here is a feminist's defence of the song. And it says the song was written way back in 1936! It's a pretty good argument for doing nothing. And what if we wipe this song out and never play it again? Are we saving even one person from date rape? Doubtful. It might even be wasting a pretty good opportunity for feminists to learn about female disenfranchisement back in the day being so bad that women couldn't even stay the night with a guy without blaming it on booze. So now feminists are fighting amongst themselves! Unfortunately, it wouldn't be the first perforation in the foot of feminism committed by an ever more militant and angry membership.

I read there was even a court case, a COURT CASE mind you, to decide whether the word "Kiwi" is offensive or inoffensive to New Zealanders. Kiwi Julie Savage argued that the term is "racial discrimination." Against the proud New Zealand RACE I suppose. Luckily a judge dismissed the nonsense, but she even had the Commissioner for Equal Opportunity acting on her behalf. Now, it WAS in Australia so there might have been a little Aussie-Kiwi rivalry at play, but really? Sticks and stones, Julie! Work it out! Now you might say, "Well if they're saying, 'Good morning, Kiwi,' that might be offensive." Yeah. True. And if they are, they're dicks. Get over it. You don't need to take long, hot showers with them, you just have to work with them. Bitch to your friends about them, blog about them, have a good box of Kleenex and tub of ice cream cry, don't go to court! If only all this rage could be usefully directed!

So what is the impetus for so much rage? Perhaps it's the feeling of power that comes with changing things. Changing national anthems, putting rapists in jail, making people choose their words more carefully... I am not against these things. In fact, a lot of douchebags have been exposed and that's a very good thing. All I am saying is there is a time for action and there is a time for inaction. When people are all emotional, drunk with power and accomplishment, they tend to jump to action a bit too quickly. And it's certainly not just the feminists. Republicans vs. Democrats; U.S. vs. Russia; Haves vs. Have-nots; Country vs. Country; Team vs Team; Man vs. Woman; Capitalist vs. Socialist; Liberal vs. Conservative; blue dress vs. gold dress;  these are all dividing the world in a time when our planet's biggest problems absolutely require co-operation. People who encourage anger at small things to distract from proper anger at things we really SHOULD be angry at, well THEY offend me. THEY enrage me. They pull the puppet strings of most people on the earth keeping them busy fighting about secondary issues thereby distracting them from the main issues and all for one reason: to get even richer. It's almost like they are mad scientists experimenting on almost everybody on Earth creating distractions and useless anger outlets so that they will have a larger share of the world's wealth when it ceases to exist.

Incidentally, all those things that enrage me amount to basically the evils of money, greed and corrupt business, banks and politics. These are things Jesus DID mention in the Bible. Compared to 6 verses about homosexuality, there are over 2000 about the things I am most pissed off about. Jesus actually whipped money changers in the Temple. The concept of selling money has gone from viewed as evil or sick, to respectable. Natives in North America acknowledged 5 sexes, male, female, two-spirit male, two-spirit female and transgendered. That was quickly forced out of them by the invading Europeans with their "Christian" values. Natives also thought the white man's concepts of ownership, greed and acquisitiveness were nothing short of mental illness. But those values, in their tremendously NON-Christian glory, were forced onto the natives by the inferior culture despite what they professed to believe. Again, if only that rage were properly targeted!

And, despite all our rage, we are still just rats in cages.

Thanks But No Thanks

In this season of giving thanks and giving to others, I would be remiss if I didn't take a bash at describing, (in my signature, accentuate-the-negative idiom), (which includes plenty of unnecessarily comma enclosed parenthesis), how I truly AM happier this year than I have been in many. Maybe happier than I've been in a decade or more. And I am thankful for the people who collaborated to manufacture this happiness for me. Let me shout them all out:

I gotta start with these guys!

The Rainout

Reilly Teletubby

This is, left to right, Mike, Kelly, Roman, Heather, Iryna and Reilly. We have had a lot of fun together as you can see. Like going to ball games or out on Halloween.

The Dude and Jesus

Heather trying not to catch her death



Sometimes we eat.

Waiting for kalbi at Busan Kalbi

Well... we eat a lot. They have base access so I can eat stuff with them that is difficult to impossible find here in Korea. They spoil me! Heather is a kickass cook and Mike is a griller extraordinaire! Plus every year they put on a BRILLIANT Thanksgiving feast for those of us who don't have access to a turkey or ovens to cook it in. They're just that awesome!

Thanksgiving goodies. Turkey with all the fixins, sauerkraut and sausage, crackers and cheese, salads, and the best olives ever not pictured. But in the cup that's gluvine. Hot, fruity, rum fortified wine. MAN it's good!

They have stuck with me in good times and helped me a lot in bad times so I know they are true friends. I don't have many like them. It's hard not to love them. I mean, how could you not love THIS GUY?

Kelly high five

This was Thursday night. American Thanksgiving night in Korea, Thanksgiving Eve in the U.S. There was a whole house full of interesting people from all over the world at Heather and Mike's, but I spent most of my time playing with Kelly and his Christmas sock monkey. When I wasn't eating or drinking. He's hilarious. Sometimes I use the monkey as a puppet and do a little dialog before I throw it to Kelly when we play monkey catch. Then Kelly does the same thing, only HIS dialogs are way better!

He's not always happy with me though. He was playing a game on his Ipad that had a very catchy tune and I started whistling the tune. Kelly said, "That's enough of that tweet tweet tweet!" The tweets being whistles. He's a good whistler actually. So then I started humming the tune and he goes, "That's enough of that hmm hmmm hmmm!"

He doesn't win every game we play either. We tried Beanboozled, (I think it's called), before breakfast on Thanksgiving. It's a game where you spin a spinner to choose a colour of jelly bean you have to eat. Each one has a good taste and a bad taste. I got lawn clippings and toothpaste. They were supposed to be bad but I liked them. Kelly got one that was either coconut or rotten eggs I think. He got the rotten eggs and that was the end of Beanboozled. Ha ha ha. It was hilarious! Poor guy.

Then there's these guys:

DB and Amber skiing in Japan

I'm thankful for Amber and DB too! They're also a lot of fun to hang out with. I didn't go skiing with them but who knows? Maybe this winter...

We often get together and play games. This coming weekend I'm going to Incheon to visit them and we'll play board games with some other friends. Probably Dave, Crystle, and some others. Not sure. I am excited to play my new favourite game that we played last time we got together. Quirkle.

Crystle and Amber Quirkling

Here is Amber and about half of Crystle playing in a cool place we found in Incheon. The photographer's eye was drawn toward the exceptional art at the place so this isn't the best pic of these two. But aside from the art, it was a nice place. We were all alone in it and the owner said playing the games was no problem. The food was pretty good too. I had a chilli/cheese dog, (which ain't easy to find here), and only one beer because we had overindulged the night before. Amber doesn't look too bad, but I was hurtin'.

I hope we play the other game I like from last time called For Sale. Also I am bringing a game I bought and haven't tried yet. It's called Saboteur, but here in Korea it translates to Sabotagi. Heh heh.

Amber golfing

Not too long ago, Amber and DB came to visit me in Icheon. I wasn't allowed to let them into the dorm room so they booked a hotel. That's just how awesome THEY are!

So we had chicken and beer and watched baseball at one of the chicken hofs across from SKhynix called Hiteer. I went there several times because they always play the Tiger game and they have FREEZING cold beer! Unlike China.

Chicken and beer at Hiteer

The next morning we hit the links. It's just a par three nearby SKhyix that is around, (and under), a driving range. It's called Green World Golf Land. 10 bucks for 9 holes. Nothing longer than 45 yards but fun nonetheless. The only golfing I can afford in Korea.

The next day we went to Shincheon, a neighbourhood in Seoul where a lot of students hang out, and went shopping, met up with Irene, had MORE chicken and beer and did some other shenanigans.

Irene stalking the pins

Amber bowling

I used to be a fair bowler. USED TO BE. What became of my bowling skill I couldn't say, but I think we will all blame our bowling performances on the beer we were chuggin'. More turns were missed by someone downstairs on a mekju run than in the bathroom.

We occasionally hit a singing room, known here as noraebang, or whack a few baseballs in a screen baseball establishment, but our favourite thing to do together, I mean our absolute favourite thing, (Amber and DB actually met while doing our favourite thing. And now they're married.), is going to a live Kia Tigers baseball game! I think we've been to half a dozen different stadia together. The pic below is when Amber and I went to Suwon the day after Shincheon. DB and Irene couldn't come so it was just Amber and me. Oh and Jesus. It's a little strange how Jesus was at Fat Albert's Pub Halloween weekend too.

Amber in sunny Suwon Stadium

Jesus is a Tiger fan

I guess he follows me around.

Another thing I have to be thankful for.

If you haven't been to a Korean baseball game, you're missing out. It is probably my favourite thing about Korea so I am very thankful for the KBO. Unfortunately, the Tigers, (last year's champs), didn't even make the playoffs this year. With the same team basically! It has its ups and downs, being a Tiger fan.


And while I'm at it, I have to say I am thankful for the country of Korea. I bitch and complain about it but my best working years have practically all been here. Working for Carrot Global at SKhynix in Icheon is up there with my best years ever. Monetarily and work wise. I am especially thankful for the first! Why, just yesterday I was noticing almost 250 bucks that was deposited into my account a while ago. I was chatting with Heather and said how strange the world is. Six months ago that amount could have almost literally saved my life. Now, I don't even notice it when it's deposited into my account. Gotta be thankful for that!

Hyun Woo Dorm

This is the dorm where I live. Doesn't look like much does it?

SKhynix city

But if you look at this pic, practically everything is there for SKhynix. Apartments, stores, supermarkets, bus terminal, a subway stop, all for the 18000 people or so who work here. The far right of the photo isn't quite the end of the SKhynix complex. I work right across from that tower.


Office and tower

And as you can see from the pics below...


Maybe a new dorm?

Mega construction!

The complex is getting bigger and bigger. In the beginning, I lived on the 8th floor. The other people in the dorm weren't very friendly and I had two roommates. Nobody knew us. They just called us the "waygookin," which means foreigners. The room had one air conditioner but it did the job. No kitchen or even a fridge though. My computer was still in China too. So when I wanted to watch, say, a Tiger game, I really had to make do.


The three waygookin

Tigers and Max on ice

Usually there were other dudes in the kitchen/laundry/TV room eating, cooking, doing laundry or watching TV. I know I got to know a few of them, even shared my beers, but I can't remember them. Sometimes guys say hello to me and I think they're the ones I watched ball with, but I am never sure. It's not because they all look alike. That's not the case. It's mostly because after two years in China missing out on drinking beer while watching baseball, I was too busy enjoying myself to be Mr. Sociable. Besides, my Korean still isn't good enough.

Makin' do

 Now I have a room on the 15th floor. It's the top floor. Only Lance is here. The other guy transferred to another place where Carrot trains employees in English. I can't even remember his name, that's the kind of fella I am!

We have a full size fridge and it is well stocked at all times. I have to pack a bag full of dishes, food and cooking materials and take it down to the 13th floor if I want to make a real meal usually, but I've gotten pretty good at using my rice cooker. Heather just got a new slow cooker so she gave me her old one. The one she made the gluvine in. That's gonna be nice! I remember using my slow cooker for chilli, chicken, soups... I just have to find all the ingredients.

I am currently drinking a cold beer from my fridge, (Lance doesn't use it), and typing this on my own computer with my own internet. I took these pics on my own phone too. So I'm pretty much completely set up here in Korea now. So I should be happy. And thankful. And I AM!

Like a chair at a Weight Watchers meeting, you know there's a great big BUT(T) coming! I wouldn't have started out by saying I'd write this in my accentuate-the-negative idiom if I was out to just be all thankful, now would I?

BUUUUUT, things are about to get crazy round these here parts. December 15th is the last day of the teaching year here. That's two weeks away. From Dec. 15 to Jan. 15, nobody teaches English and nobody studies English at SKhynix. In fact I'm told I might get booted out of my dorm room, or at least shuffled again to a new one during that time to make room for the working people. I was told this by Andrew, my Carrot Global supervisor. He also told me that during the "break," Carrot might have me do a kid's English camp somewhere, or maybe work at a different location... somewhere, or maybe have me create the new SKhynix textbook, if they re-contract. I asked if I could do that from my room here, with my own internet here, but since we don't know yet if I will still have this room, he couldn't say yes. He also said that he wanted me to go into the Carrot offices in Seoul and work from 9-6 doing the book on THEIR computers. So I asked where I would live if that were the case. He again said he didn't know. Carrot Global HAS some housing for teachers in Seoul, but Andrew was unaware if there were any vacancies.

So I suggested that I could take some time off since Carrot gives me ONE day off to celebrate the birth of our Lord. He said he thinks I get one day for every month worked, but he'd have to check on THAT too and get back to me. I'm at the half way point. I've worked 6 months. There is no way I'm going to miss out on that glorious 12th month of the contract when I get my last month's pay, my severance, (which is another month's pay), my pension, (which will be more than a month's pay), and presumably all my reimbursements they haven't yet paid to me. So I will do whatever Carrot wants me to do for the next 6 months. I hope it will just be writing the new text and staying right here at SKhynix. I REALLY hope so! All my students say they would like that too. They're getting a little impatient not knowing if I'll be their teacher next year or not. One student today offered to call Carrot and try to hurry them up. But I think they must be waiting for SKhynix to decide if they want to extend us for another year.

So to sum up, I don't know what will happen with my job, my housing, my stuff, my Christmas, my entire life right now. Everything I just told you I was thankful for, could change within the next two weeks. Not the friends, of course, but if I live in Busan, I'll visit a lot less and they'll visit ME a lot less. On the other hand, if I get a place in Seoul, the opposite will happen. I don't want to work anywhere else because I'm used to my students and this location, but there are better locations for Carrot. Better and worse.


So in a nutshell, I'm thankful, but I'm on the verge of possible much lower thankfulness. On the other hand, (what an idiot am I to even say this...), maybe things won't change or maybe they'll change for the better! HA HA HA HA HA!

I'd be very VERY thankful if things just wouldn't change for a while. But, alas, this is not my lot in life.

 



Banks Suck

So now that I've finished my first blogpost in a while complaining about how hard it is to learn Korean, I've gotta follow it with another old standby, bank problems. But this time it's not the Korean banks. Even though I deal with them more than the Canadian banks. No, it's my Canadian TD/Canada Trust account that I maintain for two reasons: To pay my monthly storage fees and to pay my university for any sealed transcripts or official degrees I need to get stamped for some job or another.

The whole time I was in China my Canadian account had barely enough money in it to cover my 100 dollar a month storage fees. I ordered a new bank card a bit more than a year ago to replace my card that expired in November of 2017. I sent a "secure" email to the TD website where I do my online banking and bill paying. They have the easiest job in the world there. I want this job. All they do is send you back an email saying how they completely understand your concern and/or frustration at the problem you are having but the can't do anything at all to help. I really don't think they need those last two words. They just can't do anything at all. Why? Because the secure email isn't actually secure. So in the end after all the empathetic words they can find in their hearts, really don't need those first two letters because they always give the same pathetic response, "You need to call our toll free helpline."

You get what you pay for. It's free because it comes with a requisite 30-minute minimum of wait time before anyone answers. But you're not paying for that... in Canada. Over here in Korea when I use my Korean phone 1-800 don't mean jack shit to them! I'm paying for an overseas call. It was the same when I called the first time from China. When you call this toll free "help" line sometimes you get a person on the line who can actually help and most of the time you don't. I was told when I called about a new bank card that they could not receive my Chinese address by "secure" email and they could not mail a bank card to China. So I had to give them my Mom's address and have her mail the card to me in China. She mailed it, and Mom always adds some extra goodies like pictures or newspaper clippings, but whatever she sent, it never made it. She might have sent some cash or maybe somebody saw the card and thought it was a credit card. Either way I have no doubt my letter was stolen. Because China.

So now that I have an address in Korea that has worked for me, I called again to apply for a new card. After trying unsuccessfully to ask for one over the "secure" email, of course. The person who answered told me they can't mail one to Korea either and told me it's not safe to even give him my Korean mailing address over the phone. He said I needed to have it mailed to my Mom. I asked how he wanted me to give him my Mom's address. "Oh we know that," he replied. Ostensibly because they had mailed her a bank card over a year ago. But it's interesting that they kept it on file. Wonder if Mom gets any more TD/Canada Trust ads than she used to...

The funny thing is, I requested in my "secure" emails for the pop ups for additional security to my online banking to stop. EVERY time I check my account or pay a bill I get the annoying 30-second battle with them. "When will you add more security? Now or Later" No "never" or "fuck off "options. I choose later. Then they ask a few more questions before they take the hint I just want to do some banking. I told them in the email and on the phone that I NEVER want to update this because I don't want to remember any new usernames, passwords, skill-testing questions, favourite actors, first schools or which of these I chose as my skill testing question. I felt like saying, "You got my Mom's address just ask me that and remove the annoying ads!" Of course even though that would be the perfect solution, there probably was some sneaky reason they were asking me to update. They don't care a lick about my convenience or security. So one day I selected the "Okay for the love of GOD let's do this and get it overwith," selection. Ah HA! The bastards just wanted to have a phone linked to my account. THAT is why they are forcing this ad down my throat every time I use the website. So I actually said, "What the hell, if it'll stop the damn pop up..." and started typing in my phone number. They gave me the +82 for Korea in one box. I was actually impressed! But then when I tried to put my phone number into it, 010 5011 1984, the computer program automatically removed a digit. It was reading 010 as the area code and expecting 7 digits. I COULDN'T do the update! I sent a "secure" email letting them know I had tried and asking would they pretty pretty PLEASE remove this fucking pop up, but was ignored.

Anyway, they mailed the new card to my Mom, and Mom mailed me some postcards, newspaper clippings, photos, my bank card and a little letter. All arrived safely. I was to use the card in a bank machine to activate it. So on November 9 I think, I went to a bank machine on the SKhynix campus where I work, put in the card and took out 10,000 Korean won. That's worth a little more than 10 Canadian dollars. $11.68 exactly at present. Holy crap that's bad exchange! I remember when I first came here I could buy 10,000 won for about 6 bucks. Anyway, the maximum allowable interest rate for any money lender used to be 23% in Calgary where my bank is. It was recently lowered to 15%. What do you know! Something good happened! But this is a bank I'm talking about. They are not subject to city, state or federal regulations. They are omnipotent. That's POTENT with an omni in front of it. I am reminded of two things. Lilly Tomlin:

and the updated and more vulgar:

Genius! Pure genius! Because it's true. But the phone company and cable company have nothing on the banks. Just to remind you because it's way up there now, maximum interest rate in the province where my bank is located is 15%. Now it DOES say in the link that's on 100 bux but I think it's pretty much standard for any amount. My bank charged me $17.17 for the $11.68 I took out of the bank machine here. That's 47% interest if you calculate on the 11.68. Now 5 bucks of that was a bank machine charge, but that shouldn't make a difference. It should still be illegal. But banks are omnipotent! I've said this many times before: If you or I did what banks do, we'd be in prison. So we KNOWINGLY deal with criminals. Walking into a bank is like walking into Satriale's Pork Store or the Bada Bing strip bar. They're no different than the mob. In some cases worse! Tony Soprano would charge me 47 points! But I'm not even at the GOOD part yet!

The day after I activated the card somebody started removing money. I didn't even think of using the card until about a week later when I looked for some online sites for buying Christmas gifts and cards. But I didn't order anything and I'm almost positive I didn't give any site my card number.

I had somebody use my bank account to apply for a Canadian Tire credit card in Canada several years ago. $700 was taken out of my account. It was replaced when the fraud was exposed but only after several expensive and time-consuming overseas phone calls. Then a couple years later the same thing was attempted by the same person. I was IN Canada and demanded that they tell me who was doing it. I was pretty sure it was an employee of the bank who they didn't even fire after doing it the first time! There was a guy beside me that very day who had the identical problem in the identical bank. I didn't ask the name of the thief that showed up on HIS account but I bet it was the same. I was told to calm down, the money was returned but they were not at liberty to expose the identity of the thief.

Another thing I noticed. The "new" bank card is the identical number as my old, HACKED bank card. Why the hell wouldn't they change the number and give me a truly NEW card? And you know what, I bet the one they sent to China was the same too. Probably in order to make it easier for them to steal my money again.

However, there was no Canadian Tire credit card this time. This time it was legitimate sounding businesses removing small amounts then large amounts then actually DEPOSITING small amounts a few times. This, I guess, was to make it look like I was a member of some club or online service. There are a couple of possibilities, one boring and one interesting. The boring one is it's the exact same asshole STILL working for the bank and she's trying again. But what if when I activated the new card that was sent to Korea, the card that was sent to China was also activated? What if some Chinese hacker is using my card to charge porn site memberships or shop online at Ali Baba? Or what if the first replacement card actually arrived at my Chinese mailbox really, REALLY late and the new tenant, a fucking bitch who ripped me off for a couple month's rent, found it in the mailbox and is somehow using it?

It would be too optimistic of me to say that maybe someone in China stealing a small amount from my account might have gotten to me before my bank could steal a larger amount from me. Am I losing my marbles just giving that half a thought? Am I grasping at straws trying to find one small favour the illustrious RACH, who took over my apartment in Taiyuan did for me? Am I trying to sterilize my China experience by accepting bad things as partial good things?

Either way I sent a "secure" email, was told to call, waited the requisite half hour for an answer and explained my situation. Unfortunately, I couldn't do it right away because I had to replace my phone...eeeehhh sorta. My phone is now in my name. I have been using a plan that was purchased by my supervisor because I didn't have an alien card when I started work here. Not my fault, but guess who has to pay for 6 months extra if I don't get another year of work or if I work somewhere else? I couldn't buy 6 months and I couldn't get the same plan as Andrew, my supervisor, because, you know why, I'm a foreigner. If you recall the whole situation 6 months ago I was ready, willing and able to go to Japan, get my alien card and my new visa, but somebody at my company dragged their ass so I couldn't go till over a month after I had started working.

But back to the phone call (which was made on my new MORE EXPENSIVE foreigner plan) I was told they had to shut down my account to report the fraud. I told them this had happened to me twice before and neither time did they need to shut the account down. They investigated, found the fraud and returned the money. The guy said it's not that way now. I would have to shut down my account. Well I still want to use it to pay my storage every month and maybe if I need to get a new job, use it to pay university document fees. So I don't want it shut down. I told him I'd been paying the fees for well over a year after my first card had expired. It would be the same situation if I just cancelled the card. At first he said it was different with an expired or cancelled card but maybe a superior corrected him because later he agreed I could just cancel the card. So I did.

I wonder if I'll still be able to send money home. There's another sweet deal for my bank! The remitting bank here in Korea changes my Korean won to U.S. dollars at the proper rate plus a little more. It's always a bad exchange rate they give. Then it's sent. No money is actually exchanged and no money actually moves anywhere. It's all just buttons being pushed. And for that I am charged a fee of about 20 Canadian dollars. Then when the notice arrives in Canada the U.S. dollars are exchanged, at the worst rate possible, another fee is charged and then the Canadian dollars are deposited. This on top of my $16 monthly fee which I pay them for the privilege of allowing them to invest my money and make more money. None of which is given to me.

You should see the shafting you take when you use international bank machines! And I've been told credit card charges are just as usurious.

So I haven't noticed any further theft yet. I guess that's a good thing but if anyone says, "Well at least you got THAT problem sorted out," I'll chop off their head, shit down their gaping throat hole, sew their head back on, wait till they shit again and make them eat my shit that they just shat!

Nah, actually I'm not that mad. I kinda want to be, but I'm not. It was over 200 bucks, but I think I might be getting used to the commonplace fraud, theft and deceit in my life. Are the banks winning?

Banks suck.

Stop using them.

yada yada yada...

HELP! Korean is Hard!

As anyone who's been here as long as I have can likely tell you, Korean, the language, is a massive part of the Korean culture! For historical reasons, I believe the language here may have a unique importance to the people and unfortunately, it, therefore, comes with its own set of frustrations for those ambitious visitors to the country who undertake the arduous task of trying to learn it.

"History is bunk." Henry Ford

I use this famous quotation to illustrate two points. The first is that much like, "Luke I am your father," "Play it again, Sam," "Money is the root of all evil," and so many others, this quote is actually a misquote. But it's a great misquotation in that it serves as a pretty sturdy example of its own point. Henry Ford is a figure from recent history so all I think I know of him could very well be false for one reason or another. To say he was a money-grubbing, Hitler-loving dickhead could be entirely untrue. I have only historical record as my source. And, this leads nicely to the second point I'd like to illustrate, which is we are at the distinct disadvantage of being able to say this about ALL of our knowledge that does not come from personal experience. As we get older and memory fails, alas, even personal experience becomes skewed.

I think I've prefaced this thoroughly enough to say that from personal experience, most Koreans I've encountered share similar to identical ideas about their language, but the truthiness of those ideas amongst a uniform people who are nothing if not highly suggestible, well let's just say I believe them to be as stable as most bunktastic history. For all I know, some may be right on the money, others have most likely been colourized on down the line, to be gracious to their tellers and re-tellers.

Most Koreans will tell you how the Japanese tried to erase their culture including the Korean language during colonial times here. Textbooks were burned and new textbooks written entirely in Japanese were used. Korean was forbidden in schools and only Japanese was used. While the secret preservation of the language is a romantic idea, copies of textbooks published in Korean by the occupying Japanese still exist. And although I probably don't need to say this, those photos could be complete bunk too. You begin to understand the frustrations I referred to.

Nonetheless, the Korean language has become rife with protectionism, over-protectionism and considerable mythology. The following video is a fanatical example of what I'm talking about, right? Well if you've lived here as long as I have and talked with as many Koreans as I have, no, it's not! Rather, this is a very good video to help understand Korean attitudes and behaviour regarding their language and why they say such crazy things about it.

 

I love the part when somebody starts laughing. "Why are you laughing? You acknowledge my opinion, don't you?" Though I hate to give any credit to this lunatic, his point is partly illustrated here. To a newcomer to Korea, it may appear that he's just saying that he has a right to his opinion. To an expert on Korea and the culture here it is something else. He is questioning that person's variance from an established Korean truth. Calling him or her a "wankda," which can be translated as "different person," but if you saw the shunning and straight bullying the average wankda receives in this country, you'd begin to understand this shithead's point about ineffective translation of Korean.

 

And after all, if you are cool enough to wear a shiny sport jacket with a toque, you surely MUST know what you're talking about. In all honesty though, I believe fashion trends and boy bands sharing messages at the UN to "speak yourself," "love yourself," "find your own voice," are the beginnings of acceptable individuality in Korea. But that hasn't yet strayed to the questioning of historical loves and hatreds.

 

The word "jeong" is approximated as harmony or coexistence but falls so short it is believed that its true meaning can only be understood by a Korean. Likewise the word, "han" describes Koreans' special form of shared suffering or victimhood. How can any Nobel board member possibly understand that?

 

I am sure some of the literature written by older Korean writers has an exquisite quality born of true suffering but this is far from unique. What may be unique is the irony that modern Korea shares no suffering greater than the hardship of servitude to the old customs that were born of true suffering. Among them is this idolization of their language and cult of homogeneity that forces Koreans to profess the "scientific" nature of the language; its ability to be used efficiently for any language; the alphabet's relation to mouth shapes; the "depth" of thought required to use it; etc., etc. whether they believe it or not.

 

Ask a Korean how to say something in Korean. You will get ignored sometimes. They don't want the stress. Or you will at least receive a long, thoughtful pause. For many years I believed that it was the variability of the Korean language and the fact that there are many ways to say one thing. But again, this is true with any language and I challenge you to get as lengthy a translation pause when asking a speaker of any other language how to say something. Is it the exquisiteness of the language that causes this long pause? Or is it the translators' hope to instill their translation with the amount of exquisitivityness his/her culture demands?

 

Unfortunately, another common frustration now comes into play. The misconception amongst Koreans that complexity and sophistication are the same. And, indeed, even in English we use them interchangeably for describing things like electronics or machinery. But in language the height of sophistication is reflected in nothing more than simplicity. The best example of this may just be the Korean alphabet. It is extraordinary! I agree with Koreans that their alphabet is top notch! Because it is dead simple. Compliment the Korean alphabet with words like sophistication and you will get an unmistakeable swell of pride from Koreans within earshot. But tell them it's simple or easy or you learned it in a day and there is a discernable change. That's when they start trying to assure you that it is scientific or more complicated than you think. Conversely, tell them how much trouble you are having learning to speak their language and a fascinating thing occurs. You will see that unmistakeable swell of pride again and if you have informed them in Korean that you are struggling with their language, they will generally NOT slow down or speak in simple Korean, but they will give you a barrage of rapid-fire Korean designed to impress you with the skill they have attained in such a difficult language. In my experience it is only the humblest of Koreans who will acknowledge your efforts in trying to learn their language and help you by simplifying their Korean to encourage you. And it seems to physically pain them to do so even if you beg them to. Frustration number two for foreigners trying to learn Korean.

 

Here's an example: If I am ever in an emergency, I will probably die. Because I don't know the way to scream for help in Korean. I could ask a Korean, but that's far too difficult. They will NOT tell you how they would scream for help. They will probably pause for a long time lining up the honorifics and difficult words, then say, "Ajeoshi. Shil ye hamnida. Jome do wha jushigessimnika?" If I'm not mistaken, a Korean in danger will say something like, "Salyeo!" But they WILL NOT teach you this!

 

In short, when you ask a Korean to teach you how to say something, they pause a long time because they are racking their brains to concoct the most complex possible way to say the thing you are trying to learn in order to impress you with the sophistication and exquisiteness of their language. And when you talk to a Korean, they will speak to you as fast and complex as possible for the same reason. Whether they want to or not, they HAVE to! It's a cultural imperative.

A Taxing Endeavor

"Alexander being asked why he did not gather money and lay it up in a public treasury, 'For fear.', said he, 'Lest, being keeper thereof, I should be infected and corrupted.' " (Venning)

"Taxation on the necessaries of life is a curse equal to the barrenness of the earth and the inclemency of the weather." (Adam Smith, the Father of Economics)

"In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one class of citizens to give to the other." (Voltaire in Money)

"In Canada, the federal government was able to meet its financial responsibilities with revenue raised by indirect taxes, such as tariffs, until 1916. During the third year of World War I, to help support a war economy, the Canadian Parliament passed the Income War Tax Act as a 'temporary measure.' " (Revenue Canada Taxation Pamphlet 1975)

"The promises of yesterday are the taxes of today." (Mackenzie King, Leader of the Opposition, replying to the Conservative Budget, House of Commons, June 16, 1921)



I did this once before but I think it's time I took another crack at 'er by way of an update and because I have, since last time, learned a little bit more on the subject. The other day I was asked by a co-worker named Lance why I don't live in Canada. I told him I gave it a lot of years busting my arse to get an education, then trying to find a half decent job with that education but couldn't do it. I even went back two or three times to try again just in case my country had gotten better while I was away. But those attempts failed too. I also said, "Plus the tax rate is basically 100%." This was scoffed at. Nay, guffawed like I was saying it in jest or like I was a conspiracy theory regurgitating lunatic. Now I'm not one to believe conspiracy theory... BUUUUUUUT...…

Who am I kidding? I LOVE conspiracy theory! And I DO think a lot of it is right! And when it comes to taxes, why, when it comes to almost anything political at all, I think it's a HUGE conspiracy! Every day I look at the news, particularly the American news, I see the conspiracy getting closer and closer to a downgrade. If (dare I say WHEN?) Trump is busted for colluding with the Russians, I think the political conspiracy will be downgraded to a plausible argument. And soon, when we finally DO see his tax information, maybe fake news. Then when we find out he's been taking interns on sexcations to Thailand, it's going to be fact. I don't know what I'll do then. It'll be weird when everybody believes me and actually thinks the same stuff I do!

But one thing at a time. I know none of you believe me. "How can he be serious? There's no way for a country to survive with a 100% tax rate." Well Canadian politicians are nothing if not creative when it comes to taxes. And I choose the euphemism "creative" carefully. Who but a gifted Dickensian, Dan Brownian, Tom Robbinsian genius could compose the fifteen million page tax code we have in Canada and get people to obey it without reading it? Like all the George R.R. Martin fake fans who've never cracked a book of his and try to engage in conversation about the mule-choking books he painstakingly crafted with geeks who painstakingly read, re and re and re read them. When most people talk about taxes, I feel like somebody is trying to usurp a position in my G.R.R.M. book club. I feel like saying, "Strong Belwas needs liver and onions!" and watching them knowingly as they feign understanding. Then I feel like saying something (nonsensical) like Princess Vysinigee has flies in her eyes!" and watching them feign the same (but counterfeit) understanding. Similarly, you could quote the current Stats Canada average tax rate (if you can find such a fictional number) in a room full of Canadians and watch them swallow the absurdly low figure whole because they haven't done their reading.

Nobody, but NOOObody actually knows the taxes they pay in Canada. It's absolutely shocking how little Canadians believe they pay! We just believe what we're told so we won't throw ourselves in front of Greyhound buses (which we can't any more cuz they were taxed 100% and went out of business) or let's say an oil truck or logging truck or mining truck instead of clocking in to make someone millions more dollars today while we make essentially nothing.

All right, all right I'll give you statistics. You don't need to crunch the numbers though. Just look around and try to find a Canadian who has bought his/her house and not "bought" it. You know what I mean. We say "bought" when we mean we've enslaved ourselves to a lifetime mortgage. How many Canadians do you know who actually BOUGHT their houses? And we don't have savings any more, we have "equity." If we have to come up with an emergency 10 grand we can't do it, can we? We have that much in equity but our capital isn't really that liquid at this juncture. And generally it'll be equity in houses. Houses with bloated prices that might crumble in value when the housing bubble bursts in Canada. This is one of the fears you can't really buy insurance for. But anyway, if you need more than empty bank accounts and people living paycheck to paycheck to believe Canadians pay 100% taxes, I'll crunch the numbers for you.

Know these things: I am crunching numbers that are widely available and are therefore more likely than not false. False in favour of the corrupt, not the innocent citizen. I am averaging all of these numbers as well so it will represent a far greater than average person in Canada. Still we will come up with a total of actually more than 100% tax. I wish I could get somebody to bet me money on this, but I won't ask a Canadian cuz they're all broke. Here we go...

Canadians pay three kinds of taxes: federal, provincial and municipal. The stated tax rates in Canada NEVER include all three. Just so you know.

Let's begin with the most unjust. It's appropriate since I post this on November 11th, Remembrance Day in Canada, and this tax for our soldiers is still paid. It must make them roll in their graves at this time of the year! This is what they fought and died for? The tax that is 100 years old and we were told 100 years ago it was temporary. Not "told," PROMISED. But somebody noticed that if you just keep charging it, dumbass Canadian patriots keep on paying it. I'm not calling Canadian people dumbasses if they're patriotic. I am patriotic. That's why I'm writing this. I am tired of seeing my countrymen jacked up by greedy scumbag cosa nostra politicians at tax time! They are absolutely no different than a neckless goon telling you that you need to give him money every month to protect yourself against HIM. We need to pay money to our government to protect ourselves against our government. I ask you, what the hell kind of government is that?

Okay, let's get into the numbers. They are kept insanely complicated so I can only give you some approximations but I assure you I will approximate in favour of those who don't deserve favour. Federal income taxes: 15% is the lowest. That's paid on anything up to $46,605. I've never made even close to that, how bout you? But the average salary, (and the best figures I could get were from 2015 so I'm sure it's more now), is about $70,300 a year in Canada. Do I know any Canadians who make this much? I might know a few but not many. It's a fortune, right? So why don't I ask them to lend me some dough? Because even making THIS MUCH MONEY in Canada, taxes will eat you alive! For $70,300 the tax rate federally is 20.5%. You've already lost $14,411 bux. And fifty cents! But let's keep on crunching.

There are also provincial income taxes. There's a wide range so I have averaged things out to an 11.25% national average rate. That's another $7908.75. I'll forget about the 75 cents. $22,320. Multiply that by the population of Canada, (who aren't all paying taxes), and already you have 819 PLUS BBBBILLLLLION dollars. Of course subtract babies, old folks, people not working for some reason, people on welfare... I still think this should be more than enough to satisfy the unslakable thirst of our government representatives. But not even close.

So what we have so far is a 31.75% tax rate. A lot of countries are higher. Not so bad, right? I mean unless you live in Korea like I do where they haven't stooped to the corruption of Canada yet and I pay a reasonable tax rate that I hardly notice....

Now let's talk about the tax on almost everything you buy in Canada. You have GST, you have PST, you have HST (federal and provincial and combined taxes respectively that they HILARIOUSLY call "harmonious" sales tax and I realistically call "horseshit" sales tax) that are just added on to your every purchase. They vary from province to province but I averaged them out as best I could and came up with a total of 11.07%, which I will generously round down to 11. So that makes our tax bracket somewhere in the neighbourhood of 42.75%, am I right? Well now, Canada is a beautiful country! The people are, by my totally biased judgement, really cool! So living there is worth it. It's a shitty thing to pay almost 43% in taxes but Canada is worth it! Right? I'll just move on without asking why the hell we pay these sales taxes....

Not quite finished yet. To give you an idea, you've already paid $30,000 + from your fairy tale 70 thou. How's that sitting with you? Still feel fair? You KNOW I'm not done yet!

Now let's get into something that has the highly optimistic perception of being a refundable expense: payroll tax. This is Social Security - 12.4%, and Medicare - 2.9% that come right off your paycheck. That's 15.3% of your pay you are losing right off the top! But it will help you if you are unemployed or sick. Of course there's no way to measure how much of this the average Canadian gets back, but it's money lost for a healthy, employed citizen who dies young. And as George Carlin says, "They're comin' for this too!" Politicians in Canada, as we'll see from the Alberta Heritage Fund example I give later, have a nasty habit of dipping into funds like this. I'm surprised it hasn't disappeared entirely already!

I collect pension at the end of every one-year contract over here in Korea. I like that because by the time I'm of age to collect, it might no longer exist. So that now bumps most of us up to 57.67%. Now you've paid over $40,000 dollars to the government of your 70 grand! And you're still not finished, you poor sucker!

What if you happen to be one of the lucky ones in Canada who own or "own" a house? And if you're paid 70 grand a year, you do. Whether you're finished paying for it or not, you gotta pay property tax. That's the first of our municipal taxes. Again it varies from province to province from $2.55 to $6.62 per 1000 dollar assessed property value but I'm averaging it out. The average home in Canada is now a whopping $458,000 so the average property tax on that is $4.58 per $1000, which works out to $2,203 a year. 59.17% tax now.

Now before I get into those invisible taxes, I want you to know the corporate tax in Canada. This is the only way an average Joe Canuck can get ahead. He starts his own business. Well sure, he'll be charged a corporate tax of 15%, but if he qualifies for a small business deduction, it'll only be 10%. And once you've qualified as a business or small business there are all kinds of deductions you can claim to cut your taxes even further. Not many people would begrudge the small business owner any of these deductions even though they just put a larger tax burden onto Canadians who don't own their own businesses. They are rewards for entrepreneurial spirit. Capitalism's good side. So business owners of any kind can usually find ways to pay ZERO in taxes. Again, we don't begrudge this to the little guy but the giant corporations of Canada are NOT the little guy sweating and working long hours to make their business prosper! They're sliding by on the largest tax in Canada, which is a sort of invisible (because it is incalculable) tax that I call corporate welfare. They too are paying ZERO in taxes although every Canadian, no matter how conservative, WOULD begrudge these money grubbers the tax benefits! And a little later I'll tell you of the largest invisible tax, corporate welfare, that sucks so many Canadians from the partially gainfully employed into the realm of the zero-minus tax payer. But not yet.

In an article written in the 70's, I believe 1976, the Fraser Institute (a great source of blog fodder for me over the years) said that the average Canadian pays close to 40% of his/her taxes in the form of hidden taxes. They give the following example by way of partial explanation:  "Many of the tax dollars that we pay are imbedded in the prices of the items that we buy. For example, when someone buys a yo-yo, or suchlike indispensable item, he pays a sales tax on the purchase price (unless he happens to buy it in Alberta which has no sales tax). But included in the purchase price are sales taxes paid by the manufacturer and all the other taxes on the wood, the string and the paint. Furthermore, if the raw materials for any of these components were imported, they were probably also subject to import duties when they entered Canada. Accordingly, to the extent that the final sales price reflects the taxes paid at the various earlier stages of production, the sales tax represents a tax, on a tax, on a tax."

You can tell that it was written many years ago from the choice of a Yo-yo as the example used, and wood as the material used to make one. To give you a better idea, a Stats Canada quote for taxes they give in the article from 1974 I think, said that the average Canadian paid 14.5% in taxes on their average $14,000 dollar incomes. And just 10 years earlier, in 1966, it was suggested that Canadians only had to work Monday to fulfill their financial obligation to their country. The rest of the week was gravy. I would suggest that along with the increase of total tax the Canadian has paid since these glory days in Canada, there came an increase in the hidden taxes as well. If we add just the 40% to our already calculated 59.17%, we're practically there already! But I'm just getting warmed up.

I've already calculated GST, PST and HST, but manufacturer taxes, which are impossible to calculate (as will be most of the following examples, which is why they are termed, "hidden" taxes) and import duties are not. So those will be the first two examples of further taxation on Canadians.  

Let's talk all willy nilly about all the various other taxes, (and I'm sure I am missing a hundred), that we all pay because we have enough turkey on Thanksgiving and we have cable TV to watch the Stanley Cup Playoffs and if we're lucky a beer to drink while watching. So we're happy little taxpayers.

Most Canadians get married. It's not going to happen every year but it's a $30,717 tax when it does. And for some of us it happens more than once. Divorce is another tax I haven't calculated.

Death tax. We all die. If you buy a business or house or anything for 400,000 and it's worth 1,000,000 when you die, 600 grand of that is taxable. Death tax, which the Canadian government says they don't have, but they fucking HAVE, taxes half of any gains you made while alive at around 45%. So This will be taxed to the tune of $135,000. The one and only way to avoid this tax? Don't die!

And that's pretty much the same for any capital gains. Like if you invest in property or buy stocks or make any kind of money, half of it will be taxed. Buy something for $10,000 and its value rises to $15,000, you've made 5000 bucks so the government taxes half of that. Let's see that's $2500 taxed at 45% (about average) you lose $1125. But if you are a foreigner and you use the common tactic of dividing up an investment between several investors, Canada won't pursue this tax. It's just another way Canada favours foreigners. It's also why most real estate in big Canadian cities is foreign owned.

The excise taxes! Anything that's fun. Or fuel. We're taxed to the hilt. For any car fuel it's 10 cents a litre. For diesel it's 4 cents. If your vehicle has low fuel mileage, $1000 to $4000 buck tax per year.

Cigarettes, booze, TV cable, internet, gambling, now marijuana, anything that's fun! All you really need to know is that it is worth it for smugglers to buy Canadian cigarettes in the U.S. and smuggle them across the border. The excise tax is so brutal that Americans smoke our cigarettes and drink our booze for cheaper than we do. But it's illegal to take something that's artificially overpriced in Canada, buy it in the USA for its proper price and then bring it back to Canada where it originated.

There are all kinds of taxes that we don't even acknowledge. For instance tipping. It's basically Canadian people paying for help at restaurants and bars and other places. The owners of the bars don't want to pay wages, so the customers do. It's nothing but a call back to the days of slavery in the USA. What do we pay to help corrupt restaurant owners who choose not to pay their employees a decent wage? 15 to 20%.

Because we are getting bludgeoned by the Canadian tax man, we resort to desperate means like gambling. The Canadian lottery of all sorts is a massive money gainer for the country, which means it's a massive money sucker from its people. But we support it just in case our lucky numbers come up. I won't even get into the lucrative Canadian casinos...

In so many instances we need to pay licences or fines. Fines and licences amount to tax, don't kid yourself. They're part of the cost of doing business and are literally calculated into the budgets of a lot of businesses in Canada.

We are forced to pay certain types of insurance and the other kinds we buy voluntarily is largely just fear tax. And money is so tight, there's a lot of fear.

For convenience, let's say these amount to between 11 and 21% even though it probably IS closer to the 40% the Fraser Institute article quoted. This makes our new total somewhere between 70 and 80%. I don't want to RUSH to 100% or you might not read the rest of the post and miss the big one. But before I get into the one tax that puts us WAY over 100, let's look at a few of the ways our tax money is used and the kind of consistently corrupt people we pay it to.

There are things like this that our government does to WASTE our tax dollars to justify the collection of more. How do we attract business to Canada? Well apparently we have to bend over, spread our ass cheeks and hang a sign from our taints that says, "Welcome big business!" But wait, there's good news! After years of Canadian protest, not to mention my personal boycott of Nestle, the Canadian government has taken action! Instead of the old rate of  $3.71 per million litres, (which means when you buy a one litre bottle of water from Nestle, you're paying a million times what they paid to suck it out of Canada), the Canadian government has decided it's time to charge more. So now we charge them a whopping 5 one hundredths of a cent per litre. See if you can convince the Thomas family that THAT ain't a tax! This one thing pisses me off more than anything in Canada and is a very good example of how little of a shit our government gives about us. It's both evidence that they know there's a problem and the lengths to which they are willing to go to not solve it.

It's no different in the mining and oil businesses in Canada. Cleaning up the messes they leave is a massive tax burden most Canadians don't know about. A lot of people make their living from the mining companies in Canada. 75% of mining companies are based in Canada and, yes, this amounts to some really great jobs! About 375,000 of them. These jobs can have salaries in the range of as much as $70,000 a year....

But, as you can read in the link above, it only SEEMS like a great deal for Canada. Because Canadian laws governing mining are business-friendly, the profits that are shared by shareholders from all over the world are taken out of the country and the royalties we get are sometimes outstripped by the cost of clean-up after the mines stop yielding. And THAT expense is hung on the Canadian tax payer. Take a look at this list of the top mines in Canada. A lot of them include the word "Canada" in them and are based in Canada, but are about as Canadian as Trump's hairpiece. But if you even hint at the strategies in the article above like clean-up funds built into mining contracts from the start and contributed to during boom times, or at least putting environmental concern ahead of vultures at collection companies on the list of legal priorities, people, (you know who they are), cry socialism and warn that this will scare investors away from Canada.

It's the same in the oil racket. The comparison between Norway and Alberta has often been made to the embarrassment of Canada. 78% taxes didn't scare oil investors away from Norway. That, and prudent fund management, are why they have a fund that is large enough for every person in Norway to retire comfortably on. $235,000 US for every citizen. Imagine how much that'd be for just the retirement-aged. The business model for oil in Norway was a bold move that has paid off for them. In Alberta, where the Canadian oil sands are, in the beginning, Premier Peter Lougheed started things out boldly and contributed 30% of oil revenues to the fund. Had this only been continued to this day, Alberta would have a TON of money in its heritage fund. But the temptation was too big for politicians, (need I say without voter approval?), to raid the fund for government "programs" over the years. Here's a comparison done to a similar fund in Alaska where they contribute only 25%. The title of the article says it all. Now can you imagine the wealth and security Alberta could have today if they'd done what Norway did and contributed ONE HUNDRED PERCENT? Missed opportunity indeed!

Another bold move that Canadian business-friendly politicians have been reluctant to make is building oil refineries in Canada (or at least using the ones we have!) and selling refined oil. Refinery jobs should make up the largest number of oil jobs in Canada. But Americans, who get 99% of our oil, don't want that to happen, so it doesn't happen. Instead they've been pushing for more and more environmentally disastrous pipelines to be built across OUR beautiful country so that they can get unrefined oil from us, refine it and maybe even sell it back to us. Our business model for oil trade with the U.S. has always been ludicrous. There have been times when the oil we sell, (not to say give), to them costs 30 bucks a barrel less than the oil we inexplicably import from them. Even if we don't choose to build refineries, at least you'd think we could use our own oil. But although all voters would love that, it's not an option for Canadians to vote on. Nor was our deal the Harper government struck with China about which he said, "I know this is very, very unpopular but we're doing it anyway." Now we have the Trans Mountain Pipeline. If you click on one link only in this blogpost, click on THIS ONE! China has been put into a position to sue us if we don't hazard our gorgeous Rocky Mountains so that we can more easily ship them bitumen to be refined and used there. Bitumen is far worse than crude oil because it's impossible to clean up. And that's a job that won't be done by China or the U.S.

As with mining, the oil industry has already made a helluva mess in Canada. There's no way to get accurate reporting on exactly how big a mess, but here's an article that gives some idea. Foreign owned oil companies spilling oil all over Canada and leaving the tax payers to clean it up.

So the average income in Canada for 1974 was 14,000 bucks, eh? That's a far cry from the reported average of 70,000 we have in 2015! Why, it's exactly 5 times! How convenient that is for the purposes of this article! heh heh.

Post secondary institution rates across Canada show an average increase between 1974 and 2007 of well over 10 times and in the 11 missing years, the rates rose faster than ever. We're looking at very easily 20 times the price for going to college. Easily.

This shows a home in Calgary in 1974 compared to 2014. Well over 10X more expensive.

This is a fun look at 1974 in Mississauga, a suburb of Toronto. Gas 55 cents/litre. 114.9 cents/litre now. Not bad! Minimum wage was $2.25/hr. Now it's Minimum wage increased Jan. 1 to 14 bucks an hour in Ontario. Not bad at all. A bit less than 7X what it was in 1974. But business owners instantly complained that the jump from $11.60 was just too hard for them to finance. Average house prices in Ontario were in the $34,500 range. Now they've skyrocketed to $578,000. That's almost 17 times as expensive. In big cities like Vancouver and Toronto, it's over a million bux. The average price of a car in Canada last year was $33,464. Again about 10X the $3,750 in 1974 in Mississauga. And a gallon of milk (whatever that is) has gone from $1.39 to $8.53. That's over 6 times as expensive.

The minimum wage hikes in Canada are helping although they're being squawked about by people who like the idea of the cost of living being much higher than wages. I suppose those would be your filthy rich, who are the only group who have managed to stay ahead of the cost of living, and the really ignorant who are TOLD by the filthy rich that increasing wages are bad, and, once again, don't do the research. Like the restaurant owners who don't want to pay their workers' wages so they make customers tip, ANY business would like the price of their product to pay their overhead. But it's just not fair.

Heres a good meme that says it all:

Everything, except milk, has gone up far more than the average wages of Canadians. Behold our greatest tax, the corporate welfare tax. Any time a large company (or even a small one for that matter) faces a tax or a new expense, they pass the cost on to the customer by raising prices. We don't mind so much when the little guy does it, although I gotta be honest, some of us still mind a bit. There are a LOT of small businesses who don't need to do this as a knee-jerk reaction. They could absorb the expense and still do fine. In fact, basic Keynesian economics shows that most businesses would profit more if they stopped with this tactic. More people would have more money and they'd spend it buying products and services provided by these businesses. But it's not even given consideration by C.E.O.'s and owners who have used the highly serviceable excuse that they have a fiduciary responsibility to the shareholders.

And maybe it's the big businessy words but we all accept that excuse. We may hum and haw but we accept it as valid. This is why businesses pay no tax. And this is the largest hidden tax by far!

But it gets worse. As I blogged before, the greed doesn't allow business to stop at just passing the extra expense on to customers. They raise the price to cover expenses, and then a little more for good measure. Sometimes a LOT more. Whatever they can get away with.

And where are the institutions that are supposed to be keeping this greed in check in Canada? Does anybody know? For instance if I said, "Competition Bureau of Canada," would you have any idea what I meant? As part of an attempt to make the Canadian business environment more attractive to investors, checks and balances have been defunded and de-powered. The result has been runaway inflation for decades. It's a tax we pay for businesses in our country.

It's weird that in such an educated country, this is still relatively unknown information. I wonder what'll happen when we finally figure this out. Maybe the people would revolt. They'd cry, "No taxation without representation!" And maybe they'd stop paying taxes or something crazy like that. Canada could sure use a Soma-like substance that would calm Canadians and take their minds off of this. Couldn't it?

So for all those people who think Canada is wonderful because we have free health care and a great social net, I say, "Yeah! We need it cuz we have no money!" Okay, I admit that this might not be 100% stellar research. I admit that Canadians are allowed a little pocket money to spend and are generally happy. But next time I say something like we basically have a 100% tax rate, I'd really like it if I wasn't looked at like I was just talking out my ass. I try not to make controversial comments like that unless I've batted the ideas around the old noodle for a while. Only a few people understand me well enough to know that and you know what? They are the ones who read this blog!