STILL With The Haka?

 Here's one to chalk up to the category of NOT being ignorantly blissful: 

As any true friend of mine knows I played rugby for 4 years in high school, 2 years in uni, and recreationally in between. I love the sport and still avidly follow it today. 

I have a good friend who just returned from a visit to NZ. He asked me if I'd like for him to get me anything from NZ and the only things that came to mind for me were rugby merch. He brought me back an official practice jersey of my favourite rugby team (other than the Canadian squad) the NZ All Blacks. I have followed them since the time of Jonah Lomu 

Look at this beast!

Definitely my favourite player of all time. He had Polynesian Tongan ancestry. Like some other All Blacks from Tonga, Fiji, and Somoa, who also do the Haka before games, he felt comfortable performing the Haka, a traditional "war dance?" that NZ does before every single international game they play, and the governing bodies of rugby LET THEM! Here he is doing the Haka:

Do you think he knew? Do you think any one of these dudes knew the history behind this "dance?" I mean seriously, It includes the cutting of the throat gesture complete with the tongue sticking out, smacking of elbows and thighs and other sorts of unmistakable gestures that signify harm to the onlookers. Just look at it! Pure unsportsmanlike intimidation. I often have thought, what kind of enemy would wait until this dance was over? Just attack them before they can finish! But unlike the reluctant opposition of the NZ All Blacks who are inexplicably forced to endure the Haka before every NZ All Blacks game, the poor people who the Maori were about to fight, kill, rape, and likely eat couldn't have been impressed enough by the dance to sit through it, could they? Could ANY tribe be so peaceful as to look at that and maintain a "love will conquer all" mentality? We'll come back to that...

A warlike tribe certainly would not have suffered the enemy its trash talking before the battle, would they? Well first of all, is it trash talking? What are they saying? Here are the two versions of the Haka translated. You know... the Ka mate (which a Kiwi member of my university rugby squad taught our team) is not that bad. It's about a hairy man chasing the sun and our lives being our daily progression toward being with it in the sky I guess... Kinda harmless. But then after a disastrous Trinations tournament in which NZ lost to S. Africa AND Australia, the coach saw the team laughing, joking, and drinking like they didn't care. So they changed to the Kapa O Pango. "This is MY time. I will triumph. I will achieve a properly revered place on high!" and with the addition of scowls, screams, and throat gashing it is the very definition of poor sportsmanship no matter what hogwash you might want to come up with about honouring the heritage of the Maori.

Although the Maori wars were actual life and death and the All Black games are just sport, the Haka ranks up there with the first down chain and sticks in football in my opinion as one of the most ludicrous absurdities in sport. There is no sporting league that I can think of in which they wouldn't get a taunting, delay of game, or unsportsmanlike conduct penalty for the Haka. So why is it allowed? The population of NZ is roughly 18% Maori. Does this Maori dance truly represent the entire country, most of which can claim no link to it by birth? What about the make-up of the squad? To squash any bigoted assumptions right now, the name is about the uniforms, not the heritage of team members. In fact during the time of Apartheid in S. Africa, one of the fiercest rivals of the All Blacks, the team could not include Maori players during tours there. This fact actually contributed to the end of Apartheid believe it or not!

I wonder... did the all white squads who faced the Springbok teams of the past (The All White All Blacks tee hee) do the Haka before those games? I have my doubts... 

There actually IS a rugby team in NZ called the Maori All Black that requires Maori heritage to be a member. Yet, when you try to find the heritage of members of the actual rugby union NZ All Blacks squad to see if Maori are representatively present on the team, you get blocked by websites about this team. I have found through internet research that of the 1133 players who have been All Blacks (date?) 13 were from Samoa, 9 from Tonga, and 8 from Fiji AND that Pasifika players have been better represented over the years than Maori on the team. If any of this is true, it would lead me to believe there have been less than 3% Maori squad members. Because of reverse-racism, wokeism, whateverism, stats such as these are increasingly difficult to find. However, I think I would be safe in saying that the NZ All Blacks doing the Haka before games is about at appropriate as the Dallas Cowboys doing a Navajo rain dance before games and there is no doubt there is no FUCKING doubt that they'd be crucified for cultural appropriation for doing so! So the question lingers: why the hell does this still happen? 

I don't know how many current All Blacks have Maori heritage, but I feel like they treat the Haka like other sports' players honour the national anthems of the foreign countries before games in which they play. So it's not a big deal right? If current hockey phenoms Connor Bedard, Leo Carlsson, and Adam Fantilli can all stand with hats off and hands on heart during the pre-game national anthems of countries where they were not born, the Haka shouldn't bother anyone much, should it? It's just a pre-game chant and dance performed by players predominantly non-native to the land of its origin. So... no worries, right mates? Dave quickly checks the internet to see if "no worries, mate" is not just an Australian phrase understanding that Kiwis hate being mistaken for Aussies as much as his countrymen hate being mistaken for Americans. He also frantically researches to find that the use of the term "Kiwi" to refer to native New Zealanders is NOT acceptable when referring to Maoris even though he has been told by native Kiwis that they are fine with the term. Is this much ado about nothing? Are we falling all over ourselves to avoid offense? Should we listen to Aussie (an inoffensive term btw) Steve Hughes?

Guns Germs and Steel.  This book won the Pulitzer for Jared Diamond. His name DOES sound like a Harlequin novelist, but if you read the book you will understand the erudite subject matter that warranted the Pulitzer. This guy knows all kinds of stuff and he can come at any story from angles of archeology, biology, geology, history and even birdwatching to give us an intellectual idea of what he is talking about. I read chapters one and two today after just yesterday receiving a beautiful official practice shirt of the NZ All Blacks squad and two squeeze balls with their logo on them. I will still keep the shirt and the two squeeze balls, but my support of the NZ All Blacks is in jeopardy, and I'm almost ashamed to wear the damn t-shirt! Well, maybe I'll give one of the balls away, but after having read the story of the Maori and the Moriori tribe of the Chatham Islands, why, the Haka offends me.

I have no idea whether the Haka was performed prior to the genocide that is the story of the Maori/Moriori clash, but it probably could have been and that makes the tale all the more soul-wrenching. Folks, I don't want to get too far into detail because it is a depressing, and as Diamond tells us, repetitive microcosm of world history played out in Polynesia not so very long ago. The Moriori came from NZ sometime in the 1500's. That's right, as the similar names might hint at, the Moriori WERE Maori. Because of the climate and land restrictions the Moriori became pacifist hunter-gatherers. Because of the precarious existence of the population due to their inability to plant the crops they had become accustomed to in NZ, they abandoned warfare, weapons, and cannibalism. Between 1835 and 1868, the Taranaki Maori (to whom blood relations must have still existed) killed, pillaged, raped, ate, and enslaved their former relatives. 

Jared Diamond writes that it has to do with what we call "advancement," the growing of crops, diversification, development of "sophisticated" society. As that happens, violence, wanderlust, elitism, and imperialism are natural byproducts. The Maori's elimination of the Moriori, and you can read the history and view a picture of the last full-blooded Moriori here, all happened because of "progress" or "advancement," two euphemisms that have become commonplace in our horrific world. The most poignant parts to me were the comment of a Moriori survivor about how they were killed like sheep and the Maori who said it was done "in accordance with our customs." These two people shared the same customs only a few hundred years prior to this massive culture clash! This really drives Diamond's point home!

It is said that the New Zealand All Blacks perform the Haka to honour the Maori culture; to acknowledge great achievements/occasions; to celebrate strength ahead of battle; to summon ancestors to aid them in that battle; to intimidate the opponents. Next time you see it keep the Moriori in mind. Did they do this dance prior to the achievement/occasion of slaughtering the Moriori? Was it considered "strength" to defeat an opponent who outnumbered you convincingly but who would not abandon their peaceful ways and fight back? Wouldn't this represent an unquestionably cowardly desire in the All Blacks that the other team NOT give them any opposition? And aside from the few All Blacks with Maori blood, wouldn't the majority of the ancestors ignore this foreign ceremony or if successfully invoked encourage the All Black members to play cricket or soccer or some sport more traditionally associated to their cultures? 

Finally, and I've said this before, if the dance is stated as a form of intimidation, something penalized in most sport or at least frowned upon, how about you just let your play and your record do the intimidating? That would be more sportsmanlike. The All Blacks are probably the most dominant team in sport with something like a 77% all time winning percentage. They are beautiful to watch and continue to field superlative teams. It almost defies sporting logic! Maybe they believe the Haka contributes to their success but to me it just makes them look really stupid when they lose. Which, btw, they do more and more often. And (SWEET) they do look stupid. Like every time we've seen the trash-talking, taunting poor sport get crushed, I now actually enjoy watching the All Blacks lose as much as win. And it's all because of the pre-game ceremony called the Haka. 

Why don't we all feel about All Black losses the way we feel about the dude in this video?

At worst the Haka is a genocide celebrating, reverse-racist, superfluous pre-game ceremony. At it's very best it's just showboating and in the words of the aptly Australian commentator, that's just cheeky. In this day and age where everybody get participation trophies, maybe the only thing more miraculous than the outrageous winning percentage the All Blacks continue to maintain, is the fact that the pre-game Haka is allowed to persist. 

I know SOME of my readers who will agree to disagree with this. What do you reckon?

Did Kamala Take it Easy on Trump?

 I doubt I would have watched the debate last night between Kamala Harris and the F-f-f-f-f-former president who let "Ab Dool" into Camp David if I weren't living with such political people. But like most normal (not weird) folks, I can't stand this bozo and a chance to see him punted like a ball at the upcoming Steelers/Broncos game is not to be missed. I think that game will also include a lot of field goals too but no touchdowns. A game that might almost make FOOTball sound like the right name for the sport in which all the important stuff is done with hands. But HANDball was already taken too. 

At any rate, I watched. And as someone who has enjoyed a debate or two (and am quite adept at getting under the skin of my opponents) I might have done things differently than Kamala. At the outset of the debate I thought she missed a really great opportunity to be aggressive. When he was making claims to privileged information that the Harris campaign has plans to abort all babies no matter how far along the mother, in fact even execute babies after birth, I would have calmly pointed out that, yes, killing babies after birth IS execution, not abortion, and it's called that because that is when the kid becomes a living human being. A child. That's when the political issue changes from abortion to childcare. Do you have any plans or "numbers" for that yet?

Instead we had to settle for the female moderator reminding Trump that there are no states in which killing a child after birth is legal. I wish she had said something like, "I believe that is called murder. Are you alleging that Kamala Harris plans to murder babies?" Or maybe Kamala should have said that. I certainly would have. 

When he was blathering on about how tough he was on China, I might have reminded him of his lifting of sanctions on ZTE in exchange for Ivanka Trump's ummmm furtherance in business within China. Here's a blog I did on it back when it was fresh news. And here's the article referenced. Trump loves President/Strongman/Rulerforlife Shi Jin Ping and was not NEARLY as tough on China as he claimed.

When Trump's lie hole was secreting the verbal pus about how the Biden administration's dealings with Iran have made it a rich country and how horrible lifting sanctions on them was, well, let's just refer back to the previous story. ZTE was a Chinese company being sanctioned due to their disregard for sanctions against Iran. I also might have mentioned that less than a week earlier, Donny Flip-Flop had suggested this. 

When Project 2025 was mentioned Trump did his usual "Huh? Who? Wha?" mentioning he hadn't read it, but in the same breath saying there were some good ideas and some bad. I am inclined to believe he hasn't read it because that's not one of his things - reading. But he knows what is in it and was the inspiration for most if not all of it. That is why his narcissism would not allow him to refrain from at least saying, "I guess there were some good ideas and some bad." Missed that part? Watch this. THIS is when I would have brought up Charlottesville. "Some good, some bad" there too. Well, F-f-f-f-f-f-former president, we all recognize that this is the very rhetoric a person uses when it is dangerous to reveal publicly which are which. Which people are good and which are bad? Which ideas are good and which are bad. We all know, who do you think you're fooling?

I was happy to hear Kamala bring up the fact that Trump squashed a tough immigration bill she had helped draft only to bitch about her and Biden letting in bad immigrants who kill people. I referenced it in my OTHER blog. Even the moderator asked Trump to field that one and he blatantly dodged the question. I was waiting for the mod or Kamala Harris to persist in getting an answer but neither did. I would have gone into an imitation of Will Farrell doing an imitation of Harry Caray, "Answer the question. Why? It's an easy question, why? A baby could answer it. Why?" Lol, I love that impression. I guess Trump doesn't want the border watched TOO closely. He likes illegal immigrants when he can hire them and then STIFF them because they're in the country illegally anyway. Check it out, he quietly paid 1.4 million to make THAT story go away. I wonder if that even began to cover what he owed them...

The line of the debate was, "I have concepts of a plan," which was in response to the direct question of whether or not he had a health care plan to replace Obamacare (which is now being called Obamacare again). I would have beaten that horse to death. "Do you have plans on how to lower inflation or concepts of plans? Do you have any plans on how to stimulate the economy or just concepts of plans? And so on." 

And then there were the immigrants eating pets in Ohio. I have a friend in Ohio who marked herself safe from pet eating today on Facebook. lol Now he's alleging that Kamala Harris is killing puppies! Was that his plan for the debate? Tell everyone she kills puppies and babies? I bet it was. This is prima facie evidence of the volatility and gullibility Trump represents. I would have brought up the radio broadcast "The War of the Worlds" that convinced a lot of listeners that there was an ongoing alien invasion. What if the then sitting president had been so witlessly suggestible? The US needs a smarter person at the helm. Or something like that.  

I can't tell you how many times I've heard panels such as these three ladies 

singing Kamala's praises and using the terms, "pushed his buttons," "triggered him," or "got under his skin," but if it were ME on that stage in Kamala's place, I would have had Trump doing his best to run across the stage and physically attack me. She could have pressed his buttons, gotten under his skin, and triggered him better in my opinion.

However. One of the people I was watching with, Roman, brought up an interesting point. Kamala is a woman. Aside from her wardrobe and appearance being scrutinized that much more closely, aside from being the candidate with so much more to lose in the debate, (I'm sure Trump would tell you he could have shot Kamala and eaten her on that stage like the late great Hannibal Lecter and still not lost any of his voter base) she had the added challenge of not appearing to be a bitch. A uniquely female challenge. Trump could be, and arguably WAS, bitchy. Kamala wasn't. Maybe if she had pursued the avenues I'm suggesting here it might have come off as "bitchy" to the main target of the proceedings: the undecided voters. 

Yes, let's talk about the undecided American voter. You know their slogan, "We can't decide on a slogan." There is actually the mentality that Trump is a known quantity and since Kamala is not, I'll vote for Trump. Even though that "quantity" is shyte? I don't think those are the targets. They're idiots. The "undecided" voters that matter are not idiots. They're actually the smart Americans who are sick of voting because the people they vote for never give them what they promise. Kamala's main purpose last night was to try to convince those people that she REALLY will be able to do the things that so many have promised and not delivered. That's a fucking difficult thing to accomplish. FAR more difficult than not appearing bitchy, but at the same time, looking like a bitch just arguing with the other candidate would most likely be contrary to that purpose. Vindictive mud slinging between candidates is often what distracts from the fact that they're not doing what was promised.

So, bearing that in mind, and with the caveat that I STILL am far from convinced that Kamala Harris is any different from the past presidents who broke so many campaign promises, I think she did well in the debate and I hope she won over some of the "undecided" or non-voters. I really would like to see if she DOES keep her promises and does all the things the American people have wanted since any of us have been alive and their government - Republican or Democrat - has not given them. 

I don't think it's just Republican politicians, or even just politicians against whom she will have to "fight" to deliver on her promises, but she says when she fights she wins. I am more and more interested in seeing if that is indeed the case. 

What do you think?

The Iliad Flow Part II

 So after I asked the operator Mihaela about whether she saw the humour in the one and only option she was giving me: to cancel my phone service that does not allow incoming or outgoing calls by accepting an incoming call (again - something my phone service lied to me and said they could provide but cannot do, and one of the reasons I'm cancelling) she typed that she did not find it funny and that it's a procedure applied by all the companies in Canada. 

I imagine she meant all the cellphone companies in Canada but who knows? Maybe, like other reprehensible business practices such as averaging agreements and hiring only part-timers it's sweeping the nation. Anyhow, I asked her (I'm attaching the female gender to Mihaela but I could be wrong) why Koodo doesn't make it mandatory to SIGN UP by phone and she gave me some shit like the possibility of fraudulent information (which goes both ways) and because "the rules and regulations of Canada don't allow it." I had to fact check that. Of course I found that not only is all the shit they say is "dangerous" or a fraud risk - but is perfectly fine for signing up - legal and in compliance with the rules and regulations of Canada, NOT allowing it is AGAINST the rules and regulations of Canada. Because it makes cancellation harder than signing up and that's goddamned properly against the law.

The Better For Consumers, Better for Business Act, Bill 142 of 2023 prohibits businesses from making it difficult for consumers to cancel subscriptions or membership-based contracts. It is the law in Ontario but it will not come into force until the Lt. Gov. of Ont. sets a date. HOLY SHIT he must be getting rich from companies like Koodo and Telus right about now "lobbying" her to delay that date! Keep an eye on Edith Dumont's bank account. The old Consumer Protections Act had a line that required companies to make cancelling subscriptions or contracts "as easy as signing up for it." That's the legislation in which you will find the rules and regulations that apply to my business with Koodo and which they are blatantly disregarding. I felt like telling her to stop lying to me but didn't. If she or Koodo gave half a hunk of shit about rules and regulations they'd know they are flagrantly violating them by making it too hard to cancel their subscriptions/memberships. However, the problem is partly what Mihaela said: it's a procedure applied all across Canada, and partly because there's a metric shit ton of money to be made by fucking the little people of Canada until Bill 142 becomes law nationwide and starts getting enforced nationwide. 

The agency, board, commission that would be in charge of that I think would be the agency in charge of making outrageous cellphone costs in Canada come down - the Competition Bureau - and judging by the success (???) we're told they're having with the former but how "complicated" it is to show... this could be a while. Here's an article that tells us something like prices ARE going down while providers ARE making more. It also includes our beloved PM saying that part of the goal was to - you guessed it - make plans easier to cancel. How we doin' with that???

I'm going to ask a question I know the answer to, and so do you: Why the fuck is Bill 142 not the law all across Canada and why the fuck did it take until 2023 to be the law ANYWHERE in Canada? Right now in the US Amazon, a HUGE company, is being sued for doing precisely this. Here's a little NPR listening and reading you can do on that story. 

The Iliad Flow. As in cancelling some service/membership/subscription being about as arduous as the fucking Trojan War! That's how I felt trying to cancel my internet with Telus (they are STILL harassing me by the way) and that's how I feel now with Koodo. Well what do you know! Koodo is a subsidiary of Telus!

So is the US Federal Trade Commission better at regulating corporate greed and mitigating the antitrust techniques that are employed by so many unscrupulous businesses than the equivalent agency in Canada? YUP! One might even draw the conclusion from this that the US has been surpassed in pure capitalism - I mean down-in-the-dirt chicanery and customer ass rape - by Canada! As long as we ignorantly comply with the rules and regulations we are told exist but do not; as long as we spinelessly comply with abhorrent business practices that we are told are commonplace but are not; as long as we insanely elect representatives to govern us who tell us they will rectify the evil that greed has wrought but will not, we are at least enablers and at worst complicit participants in the problem.

I won't be paying Koodo another cent because I don't have a credit rating and they cannot threaten me with credit damage. I almost WANT them to threaten me with punishment that includes incarceration because (aside from the free food and rent) being arrested would lead to a trial, which might lead to a legal precedent in Canada in which a fucking greedy corporation like Telus was punished for making their contract too hard to cancel. It actually happened to me once long ago. I was threatened with arrest by a collector working for a gym membership that was doing something similar. Maybe I should have gone to court and maybe I would have won and it would now be harder for companies to employ the Iliad Flow. SOMEbody has to start the dominos falling. It looks like we're already behind the US for crying out loud!

I am appalled. What do YOU reckon?

The Iliad Flow Part I

 Well, back to the negative. You didn't think the positive posts would last did you? And if you have read any of the posts on my alternative blog "A Bottle of Tequila and a New Pack of Cigarettes" you didn't think THAT would last long did you? 

I mentioned briefly in the post about my battle with Canadian taxation that I am balls deep in a similar fight with the phone provider Koodo of whom I am currently a hostage. This will be long but it is a Facebook convo that I am currently having with a Koodo rep. Facebook was the only option I could find on the entire Koodo site that might offer me a way to cancel my service. I apologize for the red, it was the only way the white printing Blogger chose for Mihaela would show up on the white background. Anyway, the convo explains it:

Tues 15:16

You sent

Hello. My name is David MacCannell and my number is 7788381234. I'm out of Canada and the more expensive plan I got when I left Canada doesn't work. I would like to cancel. Please don't offer any explanations on how to make it work, I have found a cheaper and better alternative.

Enter

Koodo

Hey there. Thanks for reaching out! The best part about messaging us here is that you don’t have to spend valuable time waiting. You can get back to your day and we will reach out as soon as we can! Otherwise, if you haven’t already, tell us a little more about how we can help and we will chat soon!

Enter

You sent

Enter

Koodo

Got it, Dave, we’re sorry to see you go ! Normally cancellation requests can only be completed by scheduling a callback through our Virtual Assistant (koodo.com/chat) As an exception, since you have already left the country, we could assist you with your request . Can I kindly ask you to visit this link https://smm.page.link/W6LpXKj4YY3DwPgz9 to authenticate your account? Please let me know once you're done and it will be a pleasure for me to assist! Thanks.

Enter

Thurs 15:17

Koodo

We value your feedback, please tap here to answer one question about your experience.

Open Survey

Enter

Mon 09:35

You sent

I went to the site and was unable to verify my account.

Enter

Mon 15:22

Koodo

Let’s try this: Please make sure you are not logged in the Self Serve account before you access the authentication link. I will leave the link here: https://smm.page.link/fa5G76petb1GrjVb9. If it is still not working, I can suggest using a different browser or a different device and maybe clearing the cache and cookies: https://koo.do/33YpKCm Let me know how that worked out for you. Mihaela

Enter

09:00

You sent

Invalid dynamic link.

Enter

Koodo

But do you normally have access to your self-serve account?

Enter

You sent

I am not going to start messing with my computer. I have used the Koodo online payment service for quite a while now with no trouble. I know the answer to this question but if paying Koodo works so perfectly, why doesn't cancelling Koodo.

Enter

You sent

That's how I pay.

Enter

You sent

But strangely enough there is nothing there to do with cancelling.

Enter

You sent

Just cancel my account. I have already done more than enough to let you know I'm not interested in the service any more. The fact that the service I got for US/Canada did not work and was MORE expensive, and now this intentionally complicated cancelling scheme make me sorry I ever signed up.

Enter

09:33

Koodo

I'm sorry you feel this way, Dave and I would love to help, however, for privacy reasons, I can't access your account if the authentication does not go through. With no access to the account, I can't make any changes, so the line will remain active. Please try to authenticate your account using this link: https://smm.page.link/Fu2vcuJ2n959K3wu7 or book a callback on koodomobile.com/chat, if you have a US number. We can call you back and assist on a US number as well.

Enter

10:12

You sent

So if I'm understanding this correctly, Koodo has set up the cancellation of its accounts to be done outside the customers' online accounts by Koodo reps like you who require authentication of those accounts. Do you see an easier way here? How about allowing us to cancel THROUGH the accounts we have where we pay so easily every month? Nobody ever thought of this? I'm the very first person to receive messages that my account could not be verified through the verification links? Give me a break.

Enter

Koodo

As much as we'd love to help, canceling a post paid service on the website is not an option with any cell phone company due to the Rules and Regulations imposed. For the same reason, we need you to authenticate the account so we can access it and make any changes. There are rules that apply to all customers and cannot be changed.

Enter

You sent

Oh really? And what rules are those? Payment is okay but cancellation is against the rules? Sounds like these rules and regulations are not imposed by any legal body but by the cell phone companies themselves. I've already paid over 100 dollars for the set-up and a month of the international plan that doesn't work. My account number is 40884220. That's verification enough. I know you will tell me that you are not allowed to accept the verification by email but that too is another in-house rule you would like people to believe is some kind of law. Whether you break your rules and cancel it without what you call verification or just keep providing the service I can't use, I am disinclined to pay for nothing.

Enter

You sent

* not by email but by Facebook message.

Enter

You sent

I went to a Koodo agent in a Mall in Canada to cancel. He suggested the international plan (that doesn't work) instead of cancellation. Before signing up I asked him about cancellation and he said it was possible through my online account. I said, "Are you sure because I've had this problem with other cellphone providers before." He vehemently assured me that what is happening now will not happen. What fresh con will be offered by a person I get in touch with if I get an American phone, set up a call back and reach a further Koodo rep? Again I am disinclined to do anything further.

Enter

Koodo

I am referring to the rules for security and access to services. I understand this process was very frustrating for you and I'm sorry! I want to find a way to assist you, but please understand that canceling the line here with no authentication is not an option. Please let me know, are you currently out of Canada and US as well? Do you have a contact number where you can be contacted?

Enter

You sent

How about you? Where are you? Manila? Delhi? Or are you one of the many employees of cellphone companies in Canada that are working more than one job, possibly for more than one provider, and maybe even FROM one of the countries where customer service call centers seem to thrive? I ask because the problems I had cancelling the phone service I had prior to Koodo were almost identical to the problems I am having here though more extensive. However, when I went to a guy at a phone provider office, a guy who was my co-worker at one of his other jobs, a guy from Punjab, India, he said he could cancel my old account no problem if I wanted to set up a NEW account... which he did. How about you? Are you just telling me we can't cancel in hopes of offering me another account or are you telling me the truth. If my Punjabi friend could cancel my account (from a different provider) without my going to any verification page, why are you unable to cancel this account?

Enter

Koodo

As much as I'd love to help we are not able to offer you personal information on social media. Please know that we are not able to activate services on social media at all, for security purposes as well. I'm asking because if you are in US or Canada you can get a callback by booking one on koodomobile.com/chat If you are outside of US and Canada I should be able to ask for a callback for you, if you provide certain info. So I am looking for a way to help you with your request, that's if you want my help.

Enter

You sent

What I'm saying is I want your help and I think you can help me, but you seem intent on extending the already too complicated cancellation process. I went from my personal account to facebook, to the fake confirmation sites, back to facebook, now to a callback website (that may or may not work) and if it works, why should I believe that that would be the end of the process? Not to mention I now have to get an American phone to do all this. I KNOW there is a way to cancel my account without going through all of this. Evidently it is not your job to help me. You are part of the ever-burgeoning customer DISservice field. Thanks for making the world a worse place.

Enter

Koodo

Wow, I'm sorry, Dave, I really understand how frustrating this process was for you. Believe me, after all this, if I could I would assist with this immediately. The course of action that needs to be followed is booking a callback on koodomobile.com/chat on the US contact number that you have currently. To make it easier, please use the keyword #SMassist to get the callback option immediately.

Enter

You sent

"Wow" is exactly right. What I don't need is awe, empathy, or apologies. What I REALLY don't need is a several-step cancellation process for my current cellphone service that is expensive and does not work. What I need is to cancel.

Enter

You sent

Let me clarify that I was sold a cellphone plan and now want to cancel because I can get cheaper service and because I can't make or receive calls with the expensive Koodo plan I currently have. The only method of cancellation, you are telling me, is to speak with someone ON THE PHONE to cancel my PHONE service.

Enter

You sent

You are telling me, as you are trained to, that you understand my frustration, and I admit to frustration here, but I am almost laughing too hard to notice it.