Sunday, May 3, 2015

What the hell, bro?

What the hell, bro? I find myself regurgitating this classic Jack Black cameo line from "Anchorman" a lot these days. Somebody driving sefishly - What the hell, bro? Some agonizingly tedious bureaucratic procedure - What the hell, bro? Continuing to wait for my KITAS to clear - What the hell, bro? Applying for jobs in Korea that are two tiers below the jobs listed on my resume and not even receiving a PFO e-mail - What the hell bro? If you're asking yourself, "PFO? Just dropping that acronym like I'm supposed to know what it means? What the hell, bro?" It means please fuck off. What most prospective employers, at least the good ones, have been saying to me for years now. That is, if they don't just completely ignore me. I much prefer PFO to being ignored. I take the time to restructure my resume for what you ask for in your job ad; I personalize the cover letter citing everything I think you are looking for; I include all appropriate documents; I send a sample lesson of my own making and an outline of an entire curriculum I have designed; I tailor all aspects of my application to your specifications taking several hours of my time and I get nothing. What the hell, bro?

I've been told it's because I am not including a criminal record check that is less than 6 months old in my application packages. This is a new thing here. Time was in Korea when a worker held at least a few of the cards in the deck. No more. Now the ESL institutes here in Korea receive so many applications that employers can look through and see if the applicant has every last piece of documentation and can work instantly before they give him/her any indication at all of their interest. I am told I can procure said criminal record check in two weeks. I'm a mere two weeks away from legal employability in this country. Surely if they look at my qualifications and call me in for an interview, that combined with whatever decision time they require would be more than two weeks so I would be all papered up before such time as they need me to be. Instead the people who check all the application emails are saying, "No recent criminal record check - delete." What the hell, bro?

But I can't pretend things have ever been that easy on the employment front in Korea or anywhere. It's the multi-buffer system every business seems to employ nowadays. Regular Joe Blows are the ones who invariably suffer the consequences of the accidental/on purpose unnecessary inconveniences in the work world. You go to your supervisor with a problem that is empirically wrong and has a no-brainer solution and that supervisor always shrugs his/her shoulders, puts his/her arms out like the sacrificial whipping boy he is and says something placating like, "You are one hundred and one percent right," followed by something corporate like, "... but I haven't been given the power to make this change," or "... this is not within my occupational purview," or "... I wish I could help." Then goes back to other buffering responsibilities. You get really indignant and go to that person's supervisor despite being strictly forbidden from doing so. That person usually isn't as angry at your uppety attitude. I've done this before. The reason being, he/she spent many years as the first buffer before solidifying the job as the second buffer. Her skills are impeccable. "Well I am very glad you came to me with this issue and you can rest assured that the company is very interested in the comfort and happiness of each and every one of our employees. This is an issue that needs to be dealt with and I personally commend your perseverence and sticktoitiveness. The company looks favourably upon self-starters and those with initiative. This will be a benefit to your record. Now, it is against company policy for you to seek an audience with me personally but I will allow it this one time, given the gravity of you circumstances. I will personally see to this matter. Please let my assistant show you out and I hope that we will have no need for future encounters such as this. Thank you for your valued input." Then she does absolutely nothing about it and depends on you being too afraid to confront her again.

But you go one better and talk to HER supervisor. He suggests a beer. You go out and get a little bit drunk with him and he says, "Dog gone it you, my boy, you are on the fast track to success in this here company of ours! It took real balls to come into my office today and that's what we like here at Blahblahblah industries. Balls, my boy and you've got huge ones. I don't want you wasting any more of your time in the lower echelons of Blahblahblah industries when you have skills we can use in the next level." He offers you a raise, a better office and a job shrugging your shoulders and appologizing for your inability to help with anything. And of course no solution to your situation. THIS is what we have to aspire to in the corporate ratrace of today. THIS is what's called moving up in the world. What the hell, bro?

No matter what school I go into here and no matter how high up a person I can gain access to, if I tell them to just look at my qualifications and forget just for a second that I don't have a criminal record check, they'll just give me the "it's against company policy" shrug and bufferage. I can pull out the logic bombs of, "How could a Canadian CRC be of any use since I haven't been there for the past year and HERE is a CRC from the year before that saying my record in Canada is clean?" Or I can dazzle them with something nobody in Korea has taken the time to find out: a name-based CRC, which is cheaper and easier to acquire, is just as good. If it came back negative there are no crimes of any kind attached to my name. Only if it comes back incomplete is there a need to do the time-wasting fingerprint-based CRC to search mostly for crimes committed as a minor, or the ones Korea is concerned with, crimes committed against a minor, for which names are hidden to protect the innocent. I could even tell them that I have an agency guaranteeing me delivery within 14 days and their ad said the starting date isn't for another month or two. I will definitely have the CRC before then. It does me no good to tell anyone in a buffer zone about this flaw in their policy that will cost them a chance to hire a very good teacher. It appears that even the short term, part time jobs want people who are already in possession of a valid visa or at least have all their documentation in order. I will just have to blog about this, and get on with life.

So that's what I'm doing. I'm trying a different route. I've been visiting friends to see if I can't find me an inside man, someone who has some associations with an educational facility or two, someone who knows the spectacular teaching gifts I have to bestow upon a lucky employer and someone who is not just a buffer and will realize that all I'm looking for is a place that will give me some consideration NOW and if they like me they can hire me AFTER I get this cursed CRC. Unfortunately, it's hard to bust into the finely honed university buffering systems like that but I have agents and friends making inquiries as we speak into a job teaching kids. I've taught kids at camps and public schools here and met people in school boards who would be more than happy to employ me longer term if the situation arose. I'm just hoping the situation will arise.

In the mean time I've been enjoying myself doing some of the things I never had the chance to do while I was here. I had a really fun, musical night in I Tae Won with my drummer buddy Dwayne and my other fellow Canadian friend Lance and his band. They rocked the Thunderhorse, which Dwayne owns. I've rocked with the LRD band before but the Thunderhorse was new to me. I went to the National Museum with Mike, Heather and family. I dunno why or how I could have been here 10 years without doing that, but I was. It was pretty cool. I did a trivia night and sports with Amber. That was great! Guns, Ju Ok and I watched our beloved Kia Tigers WIN a dramatic game in the late stages at their new Champions Stadium. Not crazy about the stadium name but loved the game. And yesterday I met Gun's sister and her family and we all went wandering around the green tea fields of Bosung. Then had sam gyup sal, shrimp, sausage and potatoes on the barbecue while listening to music and playing with the kids. I even got to watch the Pac-man/Money fight on Korean TV. They get these fights on regular TV here. Have for a long time. So while people were going to bars or paying 100 bucks on pay per view at home, I watched on TV and paid nothing. And got my money's worth. Almost. What the hell, bro? Those guys didn't even need to shower after that fight! I've seen better hockey fights! Imagine how ripped off people who attended felt! I heard tickets were up to half a million bucks! What a travesty!

All my friends have been extremely hospitable and they have kept me well fed, watered and washed. I hope I can do the same for them someday. But I gotta get me a job first. It seems to be getting harder to do as I get more and more experience. What the hell, bro?

Still no updates on the visa situation in Indonesia. If I dont end up finding work here it will have been a nice, refreshing vacation and I will be energized for another year in Indonesia. If I can find something here in Korea that looks more permanent, then I'll have to decide whether or not to just scrap the whole Indonesian odyssey. But we'll blow up that bridge when we come to it. Further updates as events warrant.



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