Saturday, August 8, 2015

The Truth

Here's a sequel to my last post about lies. Typing at 8 in the morning on a Saturday, I'm already on my second cup of tea and thinking about a facebook post that said, "Congratulations on reaching the point in your life when you are waking up when you used to get home on a Saturday." That's some truth right there! I'm not working. Haven't been for some time. Why am I getting up so early for no reason at all? I mean if there was golf or fishing involved, sure, no problem. But all I'm doing today is going to Seoul to help Mike brew some beer.

Ah HA! I think I may have answered my own question. There's another thing about aging: as I get older I need to drink better beer. I was out at what they call in Korea, (and I'm told Germany), a "hof," Friday night and the draft beer tasted like battery acid to me. Not that I've ever tried battery acid but I've got some idea what it would taste like and that beer tasted like it. I bet that beer could turn over an engine. It was nasty. Nasty!

But the old me, or I guess more accurately, the YOUNG me, woulda just plugged my nose for a few beers until it tasted good. Nope. Not any more. I ordered the bottled beer, which was 500 won more. That's 50 cents.

So what I'm saying is life is becoming more expensive as I get older. I should qualify that by saying SOME things are becoming more expensive. When I travel I am staying in nicer accomodations. Maybe it's related to the previous sign of old age. When you go out for a few craft beers, you come home and enjoy the air conditioned comfort of your hotel. Maybe go for a dip in the pool. Then have a nice sleep in a comfortable bed. When you go out for copius amounts of the local swill you come home and pass out for a few hours, then probably have such a bad hangover the toilet facilities are more important than any others. Life.


You may have noticed that I've been neglecting the old bloggage a little bit. I have been noticing a few of my readers have been neglecting it as well. I think that relates to what the most quotable dude I've ever come across, Oscar Wilde said. I find when I start truthing I get these looks:


The zombie apolcolypse is REAL, folks. But it won't be the undead with with limbs falling off craving our brains. It'll be the youngsters trying to get us to stop using them cuz it's too real talking about environmental destruction! It brings them down when you bring up economic terrorism. It harshes their mellow when you tell them they're doing exactly what Big Brother wants them to do. It bums them out when you explain that their drinks are Soma and that loud music is the P.A. speakers chanting mantras like, "Everything is okay," "Don't worry, be happy," "You gotta shake it off. Shake it off," "Work hard for the corporations and escape reality at the club."

I've been working on a story lately. It's a funny story about an ESL hagwon in Korea and the hypocracy of the whole racket. But it's funny. Actually the whole business is hilarious! I don't need to do much more than write about teaching English in Korea and it's a comedy. I haven't seen many books or movies or stories about this yet, but it's begging to be written about. So that's what has kept me away from this blog. And it's likely going to be a lot more readable than the blog. For those of us who don't like taking the medicine of the truth unless it's accompanied by a spoonful of sugary laughter.

As far as the work situation goes, well here's another whole bowl of wrong. Another dose of the truth. It seems the whole country of Korea has to figure out a way of hiring teachers from other countries who are already working here. When it comes to ESL, of course the preferred teachers are from English speaking countries. The E-2 visa you get for teaching ESL actually requires it. But it seems every ad I see is asking for people who HAVE E-2 visas or any of the F visas for Korean citizens who live in other countries and visit Korea, or for foreigners who marry Koreans. To get an E-2 visa you need to be sponsored by a school. To get a job outside the school that sponsors you is either illegal or requires permission from that school, which they don't have to give and are not likely to. I have had camps AND full time jobs get me to the interview, want me to work for them, then ask me about my visa status and it ruins the deal. I have had 10 E-2 visas. They're not hard to get. Used to be, every school was knowledgeable about acquiring them, knew what paperwork was required from them as well as their employee, AND they would pay for the visa run. Now I tell the employer that I am on a visitor's visa and will need sponsorship for an E-2 and they get blank looks on their faces. I haven't yet figured out whether they truly have no idea about this important part of their jobs, or if they just want me to do it all and foot the entire bill for becoming legal to work for their company.

How does this work? I'm really confused. Seriously, if anybody reading this knows, please tell me. You get a school to sponsor you for an E-2 and it's good for a year and a month. Then you apply for one of these jobs asking for people who already have E-2 visas. You will have a hard time getting permission from your current employer if you are any good as a teacher. And you have probably worked at your current job for more than a month so your E-2 will expire before the end of the contract, which is almost always a year. What the hell is going on? Are people supposed to just find an E-2 patsy job, work for a week or two and then apply for a REAL job and hope that the patsy job will release them? Again, they don't have to. I see a lot of crappy hagwon jobs being advertised by the teachers who are leaving. Maybe if they can staff their old jobs the hagwon boss will allow them to leave? That seems like an absolutely assinine way of going about getting work. Doesn't it?

But talk about this and you are a heat score. You're a negative Nancy. You're unemployable because you can't adapt to the hardships requisite to the position.

Anyway, I have a great opportunity to teach science at an international school! The contract will be the best I have ever signed! So why am I not excited? Because after the interviewer said he wants me for the job, he asked about my visa status. He then asked me to give him all the rules and regulations about visas in an e-mail. I actually DID this! Now the ball is in his court because in order to start the E-2 visa process I need a signed contract and some proof of the school's legitimacy like their business license number. Then I can get an official visa number that I can take to Japan to get my E-2. But I've been waiting a week for them to get back to me. He's in Singapore right now and says he'll be back Monday and we'll talk. So I'm still not sure I've got this job. If I get it, it could be one of the best experiences I've had in my teaching career. I think I really could LOVE this job. But if they jam out it will have been a massive waste of time like many other jobs I have applied for here in Korea. If I knew it was going to be so hard to get a job here, maybe I would have gone to Viet Nam or Taiwan or, (good God), even China when I was booted out of Indonesia. I sure hope I haven't made the wrong choice here...

Life. Truth. I should just shake it off, have a dozen beer and quit being such a downer I guess. Right? On that note, I'm going to Mike and Heather's to brew some beerzola! Sotted Sow!

P.S. The first batch of brew I watched Mike brew was foiled by fruit flies. DAMMIT! 37 bottles of milk stout gone to waste! It tasted good even before it was carbonated or chilled. I bet it would have been awesome! Anyway, here are some pics of the first failed attempt at brewing I have encountered. Hope springs eternal, however. Mike and I will soon be at it again. Sotted Sow this time. Wish us luck!

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