The Abnorm

The Abnorm

 

It doesn’t take a person much more than a day on the internet before he, OR SHE, finds

that this great big world of our owners’ is made up of all kinds.

It almost seems anything these days that doesn’t create a media swarm,

why, that’d be the ephemeral, fleeting evanescence we euphemistically call “the norm.”

“I want the same rights as a regular person!” the feminist shouted in a big hullabaloo.

As an old, white male there not looking to get laid, I was nearly lynched when I shouted, “Me too!”

I don’t have anything against alternative lifestyles and such, it’s just

my boyhood, Wheaties box, manly man hero becomes a lady and I MUST perform as if nonplussed.

It just gets a little too complicated when something that clearly ain’t the norm

comes up and to even register slight surprise, well that’s just bad form.

If you’re thinking I have no understanding of gay people, you’ve got my number.

Why, I get an odd, uncomfortable feeling just from washing a cucumber.

But, “I have plenty of gay friends,” says the phobia justifier.

He, OR SHE, knows that if one doth protest too much, one will be thought a liar.

What’s the big deal? Fake or real, as long as they ain’t hurtin’ nobody.

I’m old and maybe a bit conservative, but I’m no fuddy-duddy, buddy!

Don’t pretend to get God. He, OR SHE, mighta mixed some rainbow in with the straight

just for a little variety. And when God finished, He, OR SHE, said it was GREAT. (Or fabulous.)

This just in: my brothers daughter, Judy, is now identifying as a young boy named Justin, just in

time for Christmas. So I’ll need to return that “Girl Power” cross-stitch I got her/HIM. It’s all about adjustin’.

Or maybe I’ll just hang on to it, just in case he (or she?) changes his mind,

and finds she maybe wouldn’t mind all the hormonal boys at school chasin’ her behind.

Don’t get me wrong, I believe in everybody doing what it is that makes us all happy.

The body’s just a body, not SOMEbody. If you got a lemon, trade it in, and make it snappy.

All of that being said, I want to say this as nicely as I can:

I don’t want to watch The World’s Strongest Woman, or The World’s Most Beautiful Man.

I’m a good-natured naturalist, I guess. I adore Nature in all Her forms.

It’s seems so simple, it’s gotta be wrong! So I guess I’m a member of the ABnorm.