Old Too Soon, Smart Too Late

 I guess it's true what they say: You learn something new every day. This morning I received a call from a local medical study that I had signed up for. They're studying diabetics and I figured any way I can help... So they say to me, "Are you taking any meds for your diabetes?" I say, "Insulin and some other pills..." Immediately I get removed from the study. She says, "We're not studying diabetics who use insulin." Suddenly my mind goes back to a time in Calgary when I tried to give blood. I called in advance and asked if diabetics could give blood and they said it would be fine. As I got to the clinic my phone rang and the person on the line asked me, "Are you taking insulin?" I thought that the majority of us diabetics ARE taking insulin so rather than assume we're just recreational diabetics, or beginners, the assumption should be that we've committed to this disease and are taking advantage of Banting and Best's fine work. But it seemed the opposite. Here again it seemed like they were assuming they'd get volunteers who have lazy pancreii, not, like me, pancreases that have attained superfluous organ statii/statuses. So I look it up. Evidently only 30-35% of us take insulin. ALL type 1 diabetics do, but they're only about 5-10% of diabetics. The majority are, like me, type 2ers. However, UNlike me, many rely on lifestyle changes or oral medication and only eventually (I guess when they get old) transition to insulin usage. 

I visited my new diabetes doc just a couple days ago. All my Doukhobor friends who read this would get a charge outta his name - Dr. Pandu Shetty. He's quite a character actually. 77 years old and looks like he could still pull the plough. He asked me how long I've had diabetes and I couldn't even give him a guess. I only found out by accident really and the first time I measured my blood sugar (after sum gyup sal with the Fam about 5 years ago in Korea) it was off the charts! I called up a hospital and asked if I could see a doc about it and they said they only admit patients with private medical insurance, predominantly foreign professionals and US military. The person I had reached asked if I knew my blood sugar level and I said, "Yeah, it's 545." She said, "Come in immediately!" The doctor I ended up seeing started me on insulin and some other drugs immediately so I didn't get to experience the "transition" to insulin that type 2ers are supposed to. 

I often think about situations I was in before I found out I had diabetes like having to take a leak so bad I went in Seoul traffic or a Beijing subway garbage can; any of the times a friend told me something I had done (while drinking) the night before of which I had no recollection;  or even times when I was thirstier than an Irish roofer in Kuwait. I have never passed out or had a seizure - to my knowledge, but I bet the diabetes "augmented" my life long before I knew I had it. I wonder how many stupid life choices, or how much of my erratic behaviour could be partially or even fully blamed on it. How many Facebook friends have unfriended me while I was so high on sugar I didn't know what I was typing? How many have I unfriended under those conditions? I have to admit, I wasn't eating jujubes or swigging fruit juice to get my sugar up. In almost every case it was booze that caused me to sugar-ramble in talk or text so I can't claim absolute innocence, but I wonder what the levels are here. I mean at what point do I start blacking out. Maybe I oughta do my own diabetic study and carefully keep track of what sugar levels are when diabetics start saying stupid stuff and doing things they'll be embarrassed the next day about. I will allow patients who ARE taking insulin, I won't snub them. 

So I guess we can all agree here to one thing: anything stupid/insulting/awkward/nasty I have said or done to any of you, that was the diabetes talking/typing/acting. Okay?

Okay, now that THAT'S settled, back to this study. While punishing the study-conductors by eating a big bowl of sugary Honey-nut Cheerios I checked online and found that (forget the 545 - that was the Korean scale. It's about 30 on the scale I'm using now) typical target range for diabetics is between 4 and 7. I liken that to a dentist telling you to brush 3 times a day. They know twice is enough but they ask for 3 hoping you will end up on 2. I try to keep my blood sugar between 7 and 10. Like brushing twice a day, it's enough. I find that I can still have most of the foods (and drinks) I like best that way. I have to control diet and exercise somewhat, but I manage to do it. ***Don't tell Dr. Shetty on me.

If only we knew earlier in life the things we find out later! Who knows how much better my life could have been if I'd known about my diabetes and controlled my blood sugar levels better? I am finding the same about other things of which my younger self was ignorant as well. For instance, politics. I remember wanting to be a lawyer and actually giving thought to participating in Canadian government in some form. It's a good thing I didn't get the chance! I worked closely with an MP from the Rainy River riding while living in Ignace as a high school student. He saw in me the intelligence and work ethic needed for political success... for a short time. Then he DIDN'T see in me an all too important aspect of politics, or, I hope, several. I didn't have the sleazy, self-important, opportunistic, ambition or the ethic-sapping lust for money and power so integral in the field. Again, not knowing then what I know now, it was probably the same deficiencies that sabotaged any law career I could have had. 

Story 15 of The Rose Garden includes a "vezier" which is a high-ranking political advisor, who took up with a circle of dervishes (which are members of a branch of Islam who take vows of poverty and austerity seeking divine truth through ascetic practices. Yes they sometimes whirl too.) after he was removed from his political post. The king asked the vezier to resume his post when he was back in political favour but the vezier had become so much like the dervishes he refused saying, "Retirement is better than occupation." The king pleaded saying, "We are in need of a man with sufficient intelligence to carry on the administration of government." His reply was classic! "It is a sign of sufficient intelligence not to engage in such matters." 

A recurring theme in the stories of Saadi is the fickle and paranoid nature of the ruling class that is caused by riches and power, and how often they can turn on those loyal to them. The vezier preferred the freedom that allowed the dervishes to be honest and just: the freedom that comes from poverty and powerlessness. 

Now I'm not a politician in the court of Stalin or Trump, but lately I have abandoned my profession in all but its voluntary form for (in large part) precisely the same reason. I have spent too much time with the dervishes to trust education administrators, or political administrators. It's all just a ruse. We've all seen this right?:

If there existed a politician in any country that legitimately offered this as his/her platform and actually DID something about it, that person would win every election in his/her assassination-shortened lifetime. Not just rent but the cost of living. This is the gist of what the majority of the world wants and it is the jobs of politicians of the world to deflect from this and pretend to busy themselves debating minor issues while delivering what their bosses (the rich) tell them to deliver: high rent and low wages. 

I love Henry David Thoreau's take on government! He says "The government that governs best governs least" is not far enough. How about "The government that governs best governs not at all?" But, says HDT, the people must have some complicated machinery or other, and hear its DIN to satisfy the idea of government they have been given. Yet the government of itself never furthered any enterprise but by the alacrity with which it got out of its way.

Maybe he's right. I used to think we WERE ready to govern ourselves without the sounding brass and tinkling cymbals government provides. But then I see stories like this: Marilyn Gladu says she "crossed the floor" and joined the Liberal party to get more funding for the local riding here in Sarnia. I would think that no matter what party you support, this might be something that locals liked. It means more money for our area. More road construction, maybe a mall, some more jobs, ploughing service to your neighbourhood in winter, who knows? But it's pretty easy to take a walk around Sarnia and see a dozen "Marilyn Resign" signs on people's lawns. Indeed the head of the family with which I live commented just recently that she is a traitor and has to go. 

I'm not going to sit here and type that Marilyn Gladu was a GOOD politician right after basically saying none of them can be trusted. Look at that picture of her and PM Carney and tell me if YOU think butter would melt in either of those mouths. You can bet there were ulterior motives. But the two party system, which is designed specifically to perpetuate the tribalistic, we're-right-they're-wrong, black-or-white thinking that makes multi-faceted issues like cost of living and wages sound so complicated is just one of many political self-preservation efforts that intelligent voters should be able to see through. But it appears that either we can't, or we're not that intelligent. Until one or both of those things changes, on the con will stumble and bumble until ONE person has ALL the fucking money and power and the rest of us have nothing. 

Watch this: 

Can you tell me wtf the "genius" reason was for putting the hamburger in the glove? I can tell you what it was. So you'd watch the video. That's it. The more people that watch, the more money this video makes. Hell I'M even helping them by posting it here! This is not genius and it certainly doesn't "deliver exactly what it promises!" It's a trick to get you to watch the video. 

This is politics. Thousands of phonies promising something, looking like they might be trying to deliver it, but really all they want is for you to watch them with some hope in your heart that they're legitimate. Maybe even hope enough to vote for one of them.

Tell me something... After watching that video did you try to justify the hand-shaped burger? Did you say or think something like, "Well, I COULD make this on Halloween," or something like that? If you did, you might watch another video like this. Maybe not right away, but in 4 years you'll be ready to give one another chance. 

I heard one of my favourite comedians Mark Normand say that if politics were handled like the World Cup of soccer maybe we could all get along. He also said that maybe we could get the whole world to stop calling it "football" and call it soccer instead. See how soon the cracks form in political logic? You could instantly form the Grand Old Football party and the Progressive Soccer party and have them disagree on exactly everything so that soccer fans believe they are necessary. Then he went so far as to compliment the Japanese on cleaning the stands after games and say that they are definitely the master race! Yeesh! Mark Normand had better stay out of politics or he'll form a fascist party or a "reich" if you will that would be so successful it almost takes over the world. He'd call it the Japanese Soccer Party It's only downfall would be that Normand got too paranoid about protecting his riches and power as the J.S.P. grew. Members of the GOF would infiltrate his party headquarters and assassinate him. It would be easy after he culled several of his most trusted officers and left the JSP without effective sub-leadership. The new world power, the Grand Old Football party would promise international rules that are equitable to all countries that participated in the allied resistance against the JSP. This would alienate Canada and the US who secretly still call football soccer and they would eventually rise to rival the GOF party. This North American Soccer party would rise so fast and become so strong that they would almost take over the world. But its leader Megan Rapinoe would get paranoid due to all her power and money and she'd need to be assassinated. And so on and so forth...

We should force a dervish to run the world. What do you reckon... 

... should we give it a whirl?

My Mission is Fishin'

 So what can a guy do when he's broke and bored here in Ontariariario? Well, it rained here the other day and I found a few worms trying to escape their flooding holes. I had 4 of them. I figured that would be enough for a fish or two. I knew a place where a couple of kids were fishing and using just bare can hooks and worms with floats they were pulling in catfish like nothing. I'm not a cat fisher and they rank way down my list of most delish fish, but it's been a while since I had the joy of not getting skunked at the fishing hole. Thanks to the Peet/Spiwaks I had the chance to get tight line rush just two summers ago. But that's too long between fish dog gone it! So me and my worms went to Twin Lakes here to try our luck.

Twin Lakes is where one of my all time heroes Dick Proeneke built his cabin and lived off the land in Alaska. So I imagined myself doing the same and in the back of my brain (I hope) I was even narrating my trip like old Dick might have done. "The mosquitos were extra affectionate today. But I was working too hard hiking with my full pack to Twin Lakes to notice. I set out at first light so's I could fish for my supper. It was gonna be a full day and I'd packed myself a lunch of peanuts n' fish jerky." (really it was peanuts and pepperoni) Also it was only a couple of hours. I heard it was supposed to rain around 3 o'clock so I got there about 2:30 to get the feeding frenzy just before the rain. I've found in my fishing experience that before or after (sometime during too) rain is often lucky for fishing.

I had bought a few cheapo lures at the Dollar Store and I gave them a try at first. They weren't attracting the fish at all. Some weren't even spinning the way they should have. I guess you get what you pay for sometimes. But I really hadn't had any luck with the spinners yet this year. A couple bites and followers was all I got last visit to Twin Lakes. Yes, I got skunked on my first attempt. So I wasn't interested in another day of cast and retrieve practice. It wasn't long before I switched to float, can hook and worm bait. And it wasn't long before I caught this beauty!

It just might have been 6 inches but that's not a bad size for a bluegill. Just look at those colours! All the bluegills I was catching were like that! But that wasn't all I caught.

I also caught me a bass! And it was the best fight of the day even though those bluegills are scrappy fish! If it were 9 days later I could have kept this fish, but it's not bass season yet here so, like all my fish on the day, I chucked it back. I told it to get bigger so I could catch it again during bass season.

I also caught

I think this is a rock bass but it has a small bluegill mouth. It's not as colourful as a bluegill so I thought it might be a crappie. Anyway, it was pretty small. Fun fight though. A couple of nice jumps even! If you know for sure what this is, please comment.

Then I got this one:

I KNOW what this is! It's a perch. And at the very TOP of my most delish fish is the Walleye, which is a perch. Perch are also delicious but usually so small they're not worth the effort filleting. This guy was puny! Miniscule! But where there are perch there are sometimes walleye so that'll keep me coming back to fish this lake. 

You can see how tiny this perch was by the size of the swivel in comparison. Just a little nug. 

Here's another of the bluegills 

Look at the colours! 

Anyhoo, I got nine fish and not one of them was a catfish. I didn't even get to the lake where I saw those kids pulling catfish out left and right. By the time the rain started I was getting fish almost every cast and hits every single cast! It was so much fun I wanted to stay. My spot was well covered with trees so the rain didn't bother me a bit and there were absolutely no mosquitos. I had bug dope even if there had been. 

But, at about 5 I ran outta worms and packed 'er in. I didn't realize how hard the rain was coming down until I left the fishing hole and got out into the open. I had to wait for the 20 bus about 20 minutes and I got pretty wet while doing so. Did I care? Not even a bit!

The other night I had one of my 4:30 AM wake-ups so I wrote a country song. Well? What do YOU do when you can't sleep? lol "What the hell's a fella to do when it does no good to daydream, hope, or wish? If you got a pole and a honey hole it makes a life worth livin' if you fish. I'm too old to love, too young to die, but I ain't too busy to tie a fly and go fishin'. I used to be a helluva guy, now I'm just an ornery coot with a vision. Life is hard and times are tough, I'd call the Police but they're jammin' my transmission. (HEY don't stand so close to me!) I don't have much hope for the Lord and the Pope so now my mission is fishin'."

As I always say, I write my best stuff at 4 in the morning. It's a great time to go fishin' too! I think I'll fish as much as I can until I get working more here.

On THAT note, I did a full day of work today but hours are coming seldom. Even the volunteer work has yet to start. I finally got my Ontario security guard license (to go with the dozen other licenses and/or qualifications I've gotten since landing here in the province of my birth so I don't think it'll be long till I am a guard again). In fact I got news today that I've reached the second cut of hopefuls for a position as an Ontario prison/jail guard. This week sometime I'll be doing yet another test for that. Then it'll be a month before they determine whether I pass or not. Who knows how many more stages there'll be or how long it'll take to actually get work? That's how I constantly feel here. But in the mean time... my mission is fishin'!

Trapped By Trumpery

 Though they are few, there are some who truly know me and I would expect that they are aware of what I am about to try to explain. But like the beginning of the Tao Tae Ching explains, or doesn't explain, if it is the true Tao, it cannot be explained. This may sound like the perfect way to keep your mysticism mystical, and by golly it IS, but I think it might also be what makes this world so durned interesting. At least one of the things...

As last post is witness, I am a bit of a pantheist in nature. Ar ar, get it? In nature? Wild roses are currently in bloom stinking up the trails around here in quite a lovely way that puts one, (or at least me - this particular blog-blathering one) in mind of a collection of poetry and wisdom called Golistan/Gulistan. I've seen both spellings used. It means the rose place and the book was written in Persia (modern day Iran) by a dude named Saadi who had just returned from travel (the most intense educational experience) around Turkey, India, Syria, Egypt, Iraq, and other areas due to the Mongolian invasions of Iran (Persia) in the early and mid 1200's. 

One of the stories is particularly relevant to me at this time and you will probably understand why, as I convey its message or at least its details. A wise man was asked which tree was the best in nature or the most high of God. The answer was that none are called "azad," which means free, but the cypruss tree which bears no fruit. Most trees have periods in which they are blooming and then bear fruit and seasons in which they are dry and withered while the cupruss is always flourishing. "How is this wise?" you may inquire. "Is it better to not bear fruit?" you might also ask. You may even be a wise guy and say, "Hey man, the bald cypruss tree has fruit!" The wise man, perhaps having visited lands in which they know that nothing that can be revealed is the true Tao, said, "Set your mind not on that which is transitory for the Dijlah (Tigris River) will flow through Baghdad long after the caliphs are extinct."

Okay... so what does THAT mean? Well caliphs were political and spiritual leaders during the Arab, Turkish, and Persian empires... which were transitional. Here is a cypruss tree in Iran:

You might even recognize it. It's the Cypruss of Abarkuh. It's believed to be around 4000 years old. 

I believe Sting, a former teacher of literature, might have been familiar with Saadi's Rose Garden. He wrote, 

Teachers told us the Romans built this place
They built a wall and a temple
And an edge of the empire garrison town
They lived and they died
They prayed to their gods
But the stone gods did not make a sound
And their empire crumbled till all that was left
Were the stones the workmen found

All this time
The river flowed

Such a great song! You may also remember a Bible verse from that same song. 

Blessed are the poor
For they shall inherit the earth
Better to be poor
Than be a fat man in the eye of a needle
As these words were spoken, I swear
I hear the old man laughing
What good is a used up world
And how could it be worth having?

All this time
The river flowed
Endlessly like a silent tear

Great song! Great song! But let's swing around to Henry David Thoreau here so I can better approach my point. I remember long ago reading HDT and loving his take on the blessed are the poor thing being something like wisdom and impartial observation of human life requires voluntary poverty, but I was confused when he wrote about philanthropy being a greatly overrated virtue and when he stated that it is human selfishness that makes it so. There is a part in Walden where Thoreau echoes the wit of some of the stories of Saadi and talks about a man approaching his house with the conscious design of doing him good. He writes that under those circumstances he would run for his life as if from the African simoom, a dry, parching wind that fills the mouth, nose, ears, and eyes with dust until you have suffocated.

Indeed, in the very story of the wise man and the cypruss tree the wise man DOES say that if you are a date tree you should give generously of your fruit. The Sting lyric about the fat man and the eye of a needle is also in reference to the Bible when it is said that it is easier for a camel to fit through the eye of a needle than a rich man to enter the kingdom of Heaven. Now there are those who will say that the Eye of the Needle referred to is a hole in the Wailing Wall through which possibly a small camel might squeeze, but that seems doubtful to me. And, oh yeah, btw Sting, a guy doesn't have to be rich to be fat. 

So let's put this into modern-day super- hyperbolic perspective: Elon Musk is now a trillionaire. I have no perspective on what even a billionaire means, but he's a trillionaire. That's a stack of 100-dollar bills 700 miles high for fuck's sake! Even 700 miles is difficult for me to wrap my head around, but wafer-thin $100 bills piled THAT high? Inconceivable! Let's try again. Its weight would be over 22 million pounds. That's like 5000 of the largest blue whales on one scale. Nope. Still can't imagine that. Okay, if you were to count continuously for 31,546 years with no sleeping or eating, once a second, then I still can't understand it. Spend a million bucks a day, which wouldn't be nearly as easy as it sounds, and it would STILL take you 2,740 years! So you would have had to start before Christ, before dollars even existed, at a pre-inflation period in which a million bucks might actually be impossible to spend in a day because literally NOTHING cost that much. Okay maybe not, but, next! One million seconds ago was two weeks ago. One billion seconds ago was 1994. One trillion seconds ago was 32,000 years ago. Sigh, next! Elon Musk has more wealth than the bottom 46% of people on the planet. More dough than 3.8 billion people. 

Okay. That I understand. And I understand that it is a fucked up world in which one person could ever have that much of the world's wealth. On this we can agree, right? I'm not saying he doesn't need it, I'm saying he shouldn't have that much money and that there shouldn't be any way for any one person to have acquired that much. Can we agree on that? No. That is the best illustration of my point. Not just Musk, who has easily perceivable brain damage, but there are other people who would say that it's okay for one person to have half the world's wealth. No, he doesn't have half the world's wealth yet but he will by - what? - next Wednesday? Some people think this is okay and that's what Sting, Saadi, HDT, and I believe to be a fundamental mental infirmity that remains largely undiagnosed and untreated on the planet. I think it's approaching epidemic proportions and that Musk wouldn't have attained his trillion if it weren't. 

I believe that there is a simple mental health test of basic humanity and if you can say that there is nothing wrong with 

why, you have failed the basic test for signs of humanity. 

Free and free. They mean different things. Or do they? Free in the sense of costing no money or worth no money, and free in the sense of having the ability to do what you want. Are they more indelibly linked than we think? I have heard gambling addicts say that there was a feeling of freedom attached to losing everything. Norm Macdonald called it "cleansing" when he lost all of his money. Twice.

And if you think there's nothing to that, then why does it seem so hard for the super rich like Elon Musk to part with riches that are increasingly of no use to them? At what point do words like "earn" or "need" no longer apply? I'm going to tell you, although I may not be able to fully convey to you, that nobody but the voluntarily poor can objectively answer that question and this is why the world must conduct its various societies in accordance with their teachings. Think of all the people you consider wise. Many would say that prophets are the best sources of wisdom. Would you sooner heed the word of Elijah, a prophet who ate locusts and wild honey, or one of those Christian ministers who don't know the difference between prophet and profit? WHY?

Wealth simply has a way of skewing objectivity and honesty and by extension it affects just about every moral or ethical decision one needs to make in life. So now comes the easily-written-off-as-sour-grapes part. For most of us, even Elon Musk who lost hundreds of billions of dollars when he bought Twitter, and his Tesla stock plummeted shortly before he became a senior advisor to president Donald Trump, good times and bad times are transitional like the fruit-bearing and withering of most trees. Our so-called civilized society shows a distinct pattern during those times and it is succinctly described by Eric Clapton. 

Because nobody knows you
When you're down and out
In your pocket, not one penny
And as for friends, you don't have any

When you get back on your feet again
Everybody wants to be your long-lost friend
I said it's mighty strange, without any doubt
Nobody knows you when you're down and out

Tell me you can't relate. Thoreau describes what Norm Macdonald earlier called a "clarity" as a "dead set." He wrote that man is at a dead set when he has squirmed through a gateway or knot hole (like The Eye of The Needle?) through which his sledge load of trumpery cannot follow him. He believed that we are butterflies entangled in spiders' webs by our cumbersome belongings. The more trumpery you have, the further detached from reality and honesty you become, and your treatment by other people becomes. Which very obviously begs the question, "Why are all of our leaders rich?"

Maybe the Way (Tao/Dao) of life is to become like the cypruss tree and just abide. Don't be entrapped by the ups and downs of acquisitive society. While I can't claim to have followed this philosophy from birth, nobody could accuse me of having an ambitious bone in my body except possibly my coccyx (tailbone) which is agreed by medical professionals to be the least used of all 206. Thoreau, a man who shares my Woo Wei (effortless action) mentality, reckoned (and provided exhaustive calculations) we need only work 6 weeks of every year to acquire all of what we need. I am ALL ABOUT that! Maybe I'd put in an extra week or two for some of the creature comforts. Working two months out of twelve seems a helluva lot more civilized to me than the ass-busting that has become accepted as a natural way of life in both of our countries. And you know what? I can almost guarantee an exponentially less stressful existence as part of that package. I hate to seem shallow but just think of the pale, plastic surgery-resistant Nosferatu look you might have if you were consumed with not only making more money with your trillion, but ensuring and protecting it from your competitors for it - i.e.: everybody. Now take a look at Elon Musk.

Now as far as avoiding charity or philanthropy, I think it's the same as avoiding the cyclical, fruit-bearing/withering life cycle that benefactors participate and will try to pull you into as payment for their acts of "kindness." Thoreau's theory was if you want to be kind to me, don't try to change me. He expressed it brilliantly thus: "There are a thousand hacking at the branches of evil, to one who is striking at the root, and it may be that he who bestows the largest amount of time and money on the needy is doing the most by his mode of life to produce that misery which he tries in vain to relieve." I certainly don't need to draw your attention to the root of evil and what he might mean it is. 

I want you to watch this video of modern-day philanthropy. Pay close attention to the benefactor Just Knate trying to avoid (unsuccessfully) the appearance of superiority or even suggestions of change as repayment for his "free" gift. Also note the reluctance of the homeless dude (or I guess the modern term is "unhoused") and his difficulty in trying to express his freedom (cyprussy azad) without seeming ungrateful. 

Please don't get me wrong. I don't want to be homeless and I'm not knocking Just Knate. I think he's doing some great work. And by all means, if you want to give me money, clothes, food, or take me out to Dave and Buster's for the day, I'm not too proud. But I really DO relate to the feeling those who have experienced true poverty have of being trapped by trumpery. I sometimes wish I had more stuff, but, as I have stated before time and time again here in this blog, it is my life's goal to learn to be content with what I have and even derive joy from my suffering. I find in the Taoist thinking, the Persian poetry and stories, the wisdom of HDT, and the lessons of Nature the ability to try a little harder to accomplish my mission. 

Wouldn't you know it, one of the most famous nuggets of wisdom in the Rose Garden is the one about not complaining about having no shoes. Some folks don't have feet. I walk 6000 steps almost every day and bitch about my knee and my feet. Without good shoes I can't imagine it let alone without feet. I have much to learn. Maybe I need more travel...

Sarnia Spring

 Okay, now for some GOOD stuff about Canada:

I've been walking a lot since getting here to Sarnia. The spring is always a good time to walk. It's still cool but you can see flowers and wildlife. Even now that May is over it's still spring around here. We've had some warm days and I have a pretty good sunburn from a long day of fishing last weekend but the nights are cool. I really missed that about Canada! So I'm just gonna dump some photos here from my walks.

I dunno how to get photos in the blank spaces though.

It's a shame really to waste all this space.

Nice eh?

Canadian Identity Crisis

See that blue bar at the top of the screen? It's slowly, but surely, failing to make its way across the top of the screen so that the software called SGT (which might stand for Security Guard Training or it might stand for Somebody Got Taxed, I don't know) can do its job. It's job could be security guard training or it might be appearing like there is some technical difficulty that will not be explainable but will result in my 40-dollar examination fee being, as they say themselves in warning before the test, "consumed." You see I've been training online for over a week and I would say well over 60 hours in total watching vids, doing quizzes, reading legal documents, studying 350 possible exam questions, and in all that time not ONCE was there a technical difficulty or a page that failed to load. That part of becoming a security guard in Ontario cost $135.00. 

The final online exam has a fee of $39.99 and  requires you to download the SGT software which is designed to ensure that test-takers are honest. You have to use your cam to show your testing room so the invigilator can see that there is no cheating paraphernalia nearby. You also have to show photo I.D. and you need a secret username and password to use the software that they give you in advance. You can't leave for a bathroom break or even take your eyes off the screen for the entire 90 minutes of the testing session. Sounds strict but I used similar platforms during Covid when I was delivering my exams and if they can, students in Korea will cheat. I heard stories of people recording themselves watching the screen and played them in a loop while taking the exams. Meanwhile they were cheating offscreen. 

So I understand this provision. BUT instead of saying that no money will be refunded if you are late or if your computer has issues or any technical difficulties arise... how about make sure no fucking technical difficulties arise? Use software that can handle the traffic you are opening it up to... or don't open it up to so much traffic. Canadian internet sucks. It's got high prices and low speeds. I can't find a link that shows this because the unholy triumvirate of Bell, Telus, and Rogers OWN the internet and wipe that shit off it! But one of the rights of passage for Canadian citizens seems to be (as a previous post partially covered) paying through the arse for crappy telecom. We are the telecom giants' bitches. As such (a participating telecom bitch) I had exactly no faith that my online test would come off without a hitch and hitch there was! Canadian overdependence on low quality technology never fails to disappoint.

So after refreshing, refreshing, getting "The screen took too long to load" messages, restarting my computer, getting re-prompted to enter my username/password, refreshing, refreshing, getting the took too long to load error message again... I finally got "This exam has already started. There will be no refund of your examination fee. Too bad for you sucker!" or something like that. This was at high noon - exactly 10 minutes after my exam was to have started. 

Do you know how many issues I had while using similar tech to this in Korea while giving exams to my students? None. Do you know how many issues like this I have had with Zoom? None. None I couldn't quickly fix anyway. I have an interview tonight on Zoom actually. I will have no trouble I'm sure. At least, not with the software. I have an inkling it will not go so well... but I'll probably blog later about that. I have only had trouble with Teams. As yet unexplained trouble. So I'm thinking maybe this SGT software is somehow related to Teams. Or maybe not. Maybe it blocked me because I was flagged by my government. Who the hell knows?

Who knows what the security guard industry of Ontario knows about me? There seems to be no way to hide your identity in this country. At the same time I heard the story about Senior Assassin in northern Ontario I heard about this. Alberta voters have had their personal information stolen! Names, addresses, postal codes, phone numbers, voting areas, GEE WILLICKERS, Batman!!!

I went to buy a pair of shoes yesterday. The Shoe Company. Sketcher hikers. They were 90 bucks on sale for 20% off. With 13% HST the total I paid was $90.37. Yeah, I couldn't figure that out either. I'm going back today to see if THEY can explain it. At any rate, the first words out of the teller's mouth were, "I'll need your phone number please." I asked why and received a well-rehearsed bullshit answer about policy. I asked what possible scenario could arise in which The Shoe Co. or Sketchers for that matter, would ever need to contact me by phone. She again mealy mouthed about policy. I didn't want to fight too long cuz I really liked the shoes so I said sure, fine, here's my number. I didn't tell her I didn't know how much longer it'd remain my number given what we all know about Canadian telecom providers... But then she asked, "And what is your email address?" She said something about quality assurance and in case something went wrong with the shoes. I said, "If something goes wrong I'll get ahold of you. I'll be the one who knows if something goes wrong, won't I?" She said another thing about needing it to do the transaction and I refused. She said, "Well then this sale will have to be final." From that I understood that if something DOES go wrong with my new boots, and, once again, I will be the only party in the transaction who will know when and if that becomes the case, I cannot bring my shoes and the receipt back to The Shoe Company and get a replacement or refund. I now almost WANT something to go wrong with the shoes!

They are trying to strongarm people into revealing personal information. I have a friend who works at Marshall's in the same mall. She says they have to ask for postal codes. As I often am, I'm reminded of a comedy bit:

Makes sense... donut? Ar ar. But they KNOW that and they don't care. They just want your information because it's like the most valuable thing in the world right now. They can sell it to advertisers or other companies for big bucks. They can even use it to commit identity theft. It's surprising what people can do with just a little of your personal information. 

I've been a victim... several times! Twice the same girl used my BAD credit to do something I couldn't even do MYSELF: get a credit card and take out $700 bucks a day. That was TD. Don't bank at TD it is NOT safe. My new bank, Scotiabank, can't provide safety either. Three times I've had to change my card in a couple of years because of fraudulent charges being deducted that their fraud department can't put a stop to. So they've forced me to provide my own security. I can't use their online banking unless I have the password set up on my phone. I used to just swipe and use my phone. Now I need to input a password. It's annoying when something is happening that you want to take a quick picture of. By the time you swipe and input the password... the moment is gone. 

The question is, with people demanding your personal information everywhere you go, how can anyone hide their identity enough to keep it safe? It's not easy. BANKS can't even do it for cryin out loud! And just when you think you've found a list of shops and stores where you can buy anything you need without exposing yourself, THIS happens: Canadian census 2026 is mandatory. You could be fined up to a grand if you don't do the census right! $1000.00!!! But don't worry Canadians, our government would never use any of our information, our private, personal information, for anything but good! Ha ha ha ha. I almost made it through typing that sentence without laughing. Almost. 

Anyhoo, my point is people are always stealing, cheating, lying, scamming. We are often put into positions where we don't know who we can safely give our information to and who we can't. We don't even know how to tell the good guys from the bad guys anymore! Sometimes we are put into these positions by places where we shop, sometimes by government, sometimes online, but it's always for the same reason: do I really need to say this for the umpteenth time here? If you take one lesson from this blog it's that 99% of the bad in our world is directly or indirectly linked to some asshole trying to get money without, you know, like, earning it somehow. 

As a poetic dénouement to my tale today, while my information was being stolen by The Shoe Company a guy I had walked past during my search for my new shoes, and who I noticed smelled of booze, ran out of the store setting off alarms. He had stolen some shoes from the Shoe Company while they were stealing my identity. The teller said to me, "Dammit! We were watching that guy! He stole some expensive Converse high-tops." I didn't say anything, but I was thinking, "Good."

*** And if you think things are bad here in Canada, my highly quotable American best buddy Heather just posted this:

Calling anything that goes beyond legitimate investigation "vetting" doesn't make it any different from snooping, eavesdropping, and not minding one's own business. 

*** Post, post script: I went to the Ontario Works office downtown in Sarnia where a lot of people end up writing the security guard exam because it doesn't work for them on their personal computers. Ontario Works but our computers don't work here. Anyways, when I got there I was put in a big room with a fancy computer that had a huge screen and a small keyboard with a mousepad. I hate mousepads. Why couldn't they get me on one of the computers outside the big room that HAVE mouses? Security reasons. I might cheat. You know what I'm starting to think is a sure sign that someone is cheating you? If they tell you they are taking precautions so that YOU don't cheat, they're probably cheating you. 

After having trouble with the stupid, outdated, messed up SGT program again having to turn on the sound on the computer, mess with settings, even adjust the size of the screen so I could find the "start test" button on the bottom of the screen that was blocked by the ribbon or bar or whatever on the bottom of the computer screen, I FINALLY figured out the stupid thing and got through it. What a purposely bad exam! It was very well written, don't get me wrong. No spelling mistakes or errors at all. The bad questions were the type I see all too often on Canadian government exams like the driver's tests and such. Anything you are not allowed to bring a phone into, it's for that reason. They don't want you having proof that there were bad questions on the test. I'll give you two verbatim examples taken directly from the exam I just wrote: 

1. You are on a shift as a security guard and you've just had a crime committed against you. What do you do?

a) Arrest the offender immediately.

b) Call the police.

c) Alert your supervisor and make a note in your log.

d) Alert your supervisor and write an incident report.

I'll give you 4 crimes that make all of those answers correct: Aggravated assault - a, trespassing/refusal to leave grounds after being ordered to do so - b, theft of your work boots - c, crashed into your car in the site parking lot - d. 

Do you think they don't KNOW this is a bad question? All the answers could be right or wrong. Why would it be in there? I'll give you another while you ponder the answer to that question:

2. Four things happen at the same time while you are on shift as a security guard, To which should you respond first?

a) Gas leak

b) Alarm

c) Unconscious person

d) A fight

I would respond to the unconscious person by calling 911 and saying, "By the way, after I hang up I will administer first aid to the unconscious person and wait for you to arrive, but there is also a gas leak, a fight, and some other alarm on site. Thanks." Is the gas oxygen, CO2, cyanide? It makes a diff. A fire alarm or a core meltdown alarm at a nuclear plant? It makes a diff. 

There were several other BAD questions like these throughout the test. I think they put them in there so that after you write the test, no matter how well you did, if they tell you you failed you'll think it's possible. Do I think it's possible that I failed? Hell no! You have to get 62% or less. No way I did that badly. But I wouldn't be surprised to be told I failed being that a) I'm an old, white guy b) I'm old c) I'm white, and d) I'm a guy. Just the kind of fella they'd fail even if I didn't fail the test. 

Now we wait and find out...

Canada Needs To Be More Downloose

 Uptight. That might be the word to describe one of the most noticeable ways my culture has diminished during the time I strayed from my country. People have become more uptight. I hesitate to say that it is the busybody lawmakers that have inundated the Canadian public with rules, regulations, and endless lists of qualifying steps you must take to perform what used to be simple tasks. I hesitate because, as you have probably already gleaned if you read my rantings regularly, I find this uptightness decidedly female. It is one way I believe our culture has been unequally dominated by women as they've sailed beyond the equality they once told us they were after. But that's just my opinion of the origins of this uptightness. It may or may not be true. The uptightness itself is hard to deny. I'll give you a good example:

I heard this story on the news this morning. It's about "Senior Assassin," a game played by students in their final years of high school to relieve stress during their final examination study periods. We know how much stress this can cause. It can be the difference between getting in or missing out on post-secondary education. So kids go out and squirt people with squirt guns. In the article it mentions nerf and even pellet guns. I will just talk about the water. I certainly can't condone shooting strangers with pellet guns. Does that REALLY happen or is this just a case of media getting excessively uptight? 

At any rate, a homeless native dude was squirted (and the student captured it on vid) and this caused "hurt" to Tania Cameron in Kenora, Ontario. I may have caused hurt by calling the dude "homeless" instead of "unhoused." My bad, I apologize. Tania Cameron goes so far as to say that the offending squirter blew her mind because he obviously did not see the vulnerable, marginalized victim of the squirting as a human being.

Constable HAYLEY Cheater says any unwanted physical contact or contact with something that someone doesn't consent to could be seen as assault in the criminal code. Well she's a cop so I guess she should be taken seriously, but let's check anyway. The Canadian Criminal Code in section 265 defines assault as when a person applies force intentionally, directly or indirectly to another person without that person's consent. Technically the squirter in the Kenora scenario IS forcing the water upon the unhoused native dude and technically he did not give his consent. So is this assault?

What the written report here doesn't say, and what the report I heard earlier DID say is that when questioned, the victim said he did not give permission to be squirted with water but he "dealt with it." I'm gonna go out on a limb here and guess that maybe he dealt with it because he heard about the "Senior Assassin" ritual. I was in grade 13 in Ignace in 1986 (that's near Kenora and that's 40 years ago) and boy howdy did WE ever play the senior assassin game! Water balloons, squirt guns, buckets of water, students with cars did drive-by waterings, it was SOOO much fun!!! And when we got squirted or even completely soaked, we dealt with it even though, yes, it was other people applying force directly or indirectly without our consent. Does anybody see the subtle difference here?

I'll do you one better. There's something in Thailand that takes place on April 13-15 (my birthday is in the middle there) called Songkran. Maybe that translates to the "Festival of Assault." I'm not sure. People squirt, splash, and soak other people, sometimes total strangers, sometimes even unhoused strangers, who have not given prior consent, and all that "FORCE" being applied - for three days - goes completely unpunished. In fact people have fun with force. They accept assault. It's uncanny! 

Before watching the above video I must warn you there are plenty of weapons that could be confused with actual firearms; there are multiple versions of non-consensual soakings; LOADS of force being applied both directly and indirectly; and people of all (notice I didn't say "both" cuz this is Thailand) genders and ages not being all crotchety about it. In fact the Thais have a way of making all this uncontrolled, unpoliced, unlicensed, non-certified, make-your-own-rules MAYHEM... kinda sexy.

I have done this two or three times, once or twice in Pattaya and I think once in Kausan Rd. Bangkok. It's a complete blast! I did what the guy in the vid did and brought a pocket full of change because along with their ability to make things sexy, Thais will also find ways of making things lucrative and this is no exception. There were kids with barrels of water who charged you to refill your water weapons. The charge depended on the weapon. I would highly recommend this to anybody going to Thailand! It's a great way to meet locals and foreigners! Some become opponents and some become allies. It just naturally happens. And by the end of the shenanigans everybody is tired, wet, and thirsty so we dry off in a pub (if you can find a dry one) and regale one another with battle exploits. 

Now, put this in the current context of Canada and there would be several manipulative busybodies who just love controlling others who would manufacture legal explanations of sexism, civil rights violations, human rights violations, and legal violations that would all equate to "That's too much fun SHUT 'ER DOWN!"

Give me your honest opinion: When you watch that Songkran vid, do you see an unruly mob or do you see people having fun? In the Kenora example some folks think that Senior Assassin is just "kids being kids." I would go along with that. And in the Songkran example I would say it's people being people. When we are forced to document everything we do, mathematize our lives, take everything seriously it's just unnatural. What's more, it's unhealthy. I like that. "What's more." I think I'll try to use it more often along with my "why." Just so it doesn't disappear. It's a handy phrase and what's more, why, it's downright stylish!

How and when did Canada become so boring? It's not just me! Many Canadians are expressing a diminished sense of enjoyment in Canadian life citing a combination of economic downturn, high cost of living, declining quality of life, all work and no play make Canada a dull country. I think you need to throw COVID in there too. It was a gift from the control monger gods when all of Canada was forced to learn how to obey as a unit. It taught all countries who to look to if you don't want to find the facts out for yourself. It also established that even in this day and age when we THINK we are becoming more free, it doesn't matter a damn if you DO find facts out for yourself, we can ALL be forced to obey. Thousands of Canadians lost their jobs due to Covid-19 vaccination mandates. In 2021 a reported 70% of Canadians thought that was A-OK. However, if you look at the arguments people gave for refusing the Covid vaccine shots and more recent developments, I think the 70% would drop drastically. For example, S. Korea is granting up to 10,000 bucks worth of aid to people with Covid vaccine-caused illness even if they cannot prove medical causality. In fact, courts there are increasingly ruling in favour of those seeking damages due to side effects and deaths following Covid 19 vaccines sometimes overturning previous decisions. Could Canadians who were fired for not getting vaccinated say, "Hey, that could have happened to me?" Not yet. Canadians fired for not being vaccinated (who also were refused EI) are still appealing without success.

Okay, I'm just spitballing here, not giving my opinion one way or another on the Covid vaccine. I got all my shots and have noticed no health problems associated with them. However, if you scroll up to section 265 of the Canadian Criminal Code... some of you saw this coming didn't you? lol

Look, if we are going to seriously consider squirting a person with a squirt gun to be "force," then I have to submit to you forcing an entire country to put shit directly into our bloodstreams without knowing what it is and telling us we will lose our jobs if we don't, why, that's a FAR better example of assault than Senior Assassin! What's more, it's a far greater health risk. There HAVE been a couple of health risks linked to the Covid vaccines: myocarditis/pericarditis, thrombosis (TTS), GBS a neurological disease, and strong allergic reactions. The Canadian government reports that there were about 0.056% cases of adverse effects after the shots. 

To play Devil's advocate here the pandemic ended about 3 years ago. How long does it take for medical professionals to prove direct correlation between a medicine and adverse effects? Maybe more devilish advocation might be how long does it take the medical profession to prove direct correlation between a medicine THEY FORCED EVERYONE TO TAKE and adverse effects? Oh geez, I would never distrust the medical profession would I? I certainly would as you can tell by my use of dis instead of mis in my question. 

What's more, why, by golly, if direct correlations between adverse effects and the Covid vaccines could be proven, those big pharmaceutical companies might lose a little bit of the billions of dollars they made from it. Why, suing Big Pharma would be tantamount to applying direct or indirect force to the people in the medical profession responsible for the Covid vaccines entirely against their wills, wouldn't it? The legal profession being what it is regarding the unfair advantages that are available through wealth, Big Pharma might end up charging those who were adversely affected by the Covid vaccines with assault when they sue! And they'd win.

Let me clarify before you think I'm saying that Canada forced people to get the Covid vaccines because it's an uptight country. I think, having the information I have now (albeit GOVERNMENT information) with less than 1% chance of adverse reaction I'd get the vaccine again today. I always had a problem with the amount of force that was used and the fact that ingredients of the shots were actively withheld from the public and you can read that in my blog. There's no way of knowing how things would have gone down if the threat of firing was not introduced so comprehensively, but I think it certainly could have been replaced by selective layoffs and by now a lot of people who refused the shots should have been rehired. This probably falls under the category of just not wanting to have been wrong and I think that is certainly part of uptightness. 

With the Senior Assassin/Songkran examples we can see a clear uptight nature that Canadians seem to have accepted as the norm that other countries would consider just plain boring. I think it has infected all parts of Canadian life like a virus and made our country a lot less fun to live in than it used to be. There are times to take things seriously and I think Canada took Covid 19 seriously to their credit. But I think that they went overboard and that is a recurring theme I have found. Canada can take a lesson from Thailand I think and loosen up. Don't be so uptight, be more... downloose? Whatever the opposite of uptight is. 

Leastaways, that's what I reckon.

W:TPCLOTCH (Warning: This Post Contains Lots of This Crap Here)

 Things are progressing as expected in old Ontari-ari-ari-o. So far I have gotten my AODA (Accessibility for Ontarians with Disabilities Act) cert, my BASES BSO (Basic Safety Orientation) for local industrial sites, my NOVA NORM (Naturally Occurring Radioactive Materials) cert for NOVA sites around here, and my WHSA (Worker Health and Safety Awareness) cert. I already have my GBA+ cert (Gender Based Analysis (plus)), and my LINC PBLA (Language Instruction for Newcomers to Canada Portfolio Based Language Assessment certification). I have applied for my VSC (Vulnerable Sector Check) from the OPP (Ontario Provincial Police) which is a criminal record check that includes sex offenses, for my new passport, and am about halfway through the online portion of my Ontario Security Guard licensing. This Wed and Thu I will be getting my Red Cross level C first aid/CPR (Cardio Pulmonary Resuscitation) ticket renewed. So when all or most of this is finally completed, I just might be employable around here. Fingers crossed.

There was ONE more thing that I've gotten that has vindicated and substantiated many of my not quite 100% tongue-in-cheek references to being "flagged" here in Canada. I got my Social Insurance Number sort of updated. They don't give cards like they used to. I got an official letter from a government office. But while the girl (Faith) was getting this for me I brought up the fact that I have had trouble accessing almost every government website that exists. She said, "Oh, that's because you've been flagged." So...

I'm not even going to say "I don't mean to say I told you so" because I told you so and that's exactly what I mean to say here. IN YOUR FACE doubters! Canada DOES flag its citizens and I was one of the citizens it flagged. And I told you so many times. Faith said it had to do with the length of time my SIN wasn't used. In short, while in Canada we Canadians are meant to be sinning a lot and when we are away, we don't sin enough. In a manner of speaking... 

You see, when we're not in Canada we don't have to participate in the ENDLESS registrations, appointments, sign-ups, and certifications that often require our social insurance numbers. While I was blissfully delivered from that crap overseas (heavy duty seizure type eye-roll), CANADA thought it would be a good idea to flag me. Not contact me and let me know I wasn't using my number enough. No. Not have a message that comes up when I access government websites that says I've been flagged for not using my SIN and remaining an "active" Canadian letting the government know my personal beeswax. No. They purposely fuck up all their websites just for me so that I have a hell of a time doing anything when I get back to Canada and people question my computing skills assuming CANADA is not the problem. It couldn't be!

Well HAH! It's not my computing skills. I can think of 2 Canadian jobs at which I was doubted and even reprimanded passively-aggressively with, "We assume all of our employees are computer literate." And how many of you, my five readers, doubted my posts in which I said I was flagged. Doubt no more, I was. But NOW I have to go back to that office and do all of the things I was trying and failing to do because I was flagged. They said they'd help me. One is accessing the MSCA (My Service Canada Account) to see how much pension I contributed over the years while I was working outside of Canada. There was some I'm sure but it might be a sadly insufficient amount to collect my CPP when I turn 60 next year. That's a decision I'm considering to augment the crappy wages I need to settle for if I want to live in Canada. I say that because I'm pretty much resigned to security work here in Canada. That's the only kind of work I've been successful at obtaining my entire life here really. And now I'm in competition with the record number of immigrants that come every consecutive year. Don't even start with me! That is not the least bit racist and you only have to be in Canada 5 minutes before you notice that almost every security guard you see is from India and/or the surrounding area. Last guard job I had we didn't say "Let's go," when I started a round with the guy who trained me on mobile, we said, "Jallo!" I would say a good 70% of the guards where I worked were of Indian descent and as such they had advantages over me.

ICTC (Pathways to Employment for Newcomers ???) provides wage subsidies of up to 70% to help newcomers gain Canadian work experience. That's right, the employer pays 30% of their wages - less than minimum wage. Why would they choose ME? 

YESS (Youth Employment and Skills Strategy) provides wage subsidies and support for youth (15-30) facing barriers to employment. 

FIN (Federal Internship for Newcomers) offers work experience in federal, provincial, and municipal jobs like airport security.

MOSAIC (Multi-lingual Orientation Service Association for Immigrant Communities) offers jobs, daycare, tax services, English courses, all kinds of stuff for free!

There are several programs like FCRP, EHRC, OBTP, ECO, STIP, OSDF - look them up if you doubt me, they provide skill training and matching for newcomers. Oh and by the way, they also get all the certifications and licenses needed for those jobs provided for them free of charge. There was a time not so long ago when I could apply for a security guard job, get the job and THEN get the license and certifications while working. Why would they do that now when they can hire a newcomer with all the paperwork and a good chunk of his/her wages subsidized? 

These are but a few of the advantages for newcomers that equate to DIS-advantages in the job market for a guy like me. But this gives you some idea of the difference between how Canadians who leave Canada (because they can't find work here) are treated compared to the opposite. In short, the government makes things harder for expats and easier for newcomers. I wonder if there's a majority of Canadians who think THAT is right. Oh, what do you know, two thirds don't. But that's what we get from our supposedly democratic government. 

How did things get this way? What happened to my country? Dude, where's my Canada?

If you've ever wanted a perfect example of what's wrong with our country, how freedoms have disappeared, how things have become a lot more expensive, and why privatization is something to be exterminated, you have it in your living rooms, bedrooms, maybe bathrooms, garages, and on your phones: TV. 

Let's do a Mike Meyers flashback memory doodley doodley doo (a meme I can't find at the moment because YouTube wants to give me either ads or Mike Meyers the serial killer clips and the internet - the horrifically expensive internet - is slow as shit right now) and think back to a much simpler and happier time when we only needed a knob with 13 channels on it to get every bit of television entertainment we wanted. In Canada we had CBC and CTV for free and they even had a few good shows on them. But most of us watched the big three to get the good stuff that we'd talk about with friends and that affected our lives and cultures: ABC, NBC, and CBS. There was only one reason I was at all aware of what network my favourite shows were on and that was the Battle of the Network Stars. Otherwise I just knew The Fall Guy was on channel 8 at 9 o'clock and if the channel wasn't turned to channel 8 by at least 8:59 I might miss this:

Oh yeah... simple times fantasizing over Heather Thomas (not to mention Markie Post!). Was there anybody cooler than Lee Majors? He wasn't just Colt Seavers, the Fall Guy, he was Steve Austin the Six Million Dollar Man too! Which brings to mind another Mike Myers meme:

Six million dollars won't even get you a condo in Vancouver these days. It just might be enough for a good cable TV package though. 

Was Lee Majors ever on the Battle of the Network Stars? Who cares? He jogged with Farrah! 

Maybe the Battle of the Network Stars had a no bionics rule. What? You don't remember the Battle of the Network Stars? Where they made teams of actors from NBC, CBS, and ABC shows and put them in events like swimming, golfing, tennis, tug-of-war, cycling, and the best event of all - the dunk tank. It was classic TV viewing! 

I always voted for ABC because they had my favourite shows. Can you even imagine trying to do this today? Here's a list of 185 networks today in the USA. A modern battle of network stars would be like an Olympics and would take at LEAST a couple of weeks to hold. And now there's streaming TV to complicate our lives further. Ever wonder how much it would cost to get ALL the streaming channels?

 I recently tallied up the annual cost of subscribing to all major streaming services, music platforms, gaming subscriptions, and sports streaming services. Brace yourselves, because the total is eye-watering:

• Netflix (Premium): $227.88

• Disney+ (Standard ad-free): $129.99

• Amazon Prime Video: $99.00

• Apple TV+: $155.88

• Crave (Premium ad-free): $220.00

• Spotify Premium: $152.28

• YouTube Premium: $167.88

• Xbox Game Pass Ultimate: $274.88

• PlayStation Plus Premium: $189.99

• DAZN: $199.99

• TSN+: $80.00

• Sportsnet NOW (Premium): $249.99

• ESPN+ (USD): $119.99

Grand Total: $2,267.75 per year 😱 That's over $188 per month just for entertainment and sports subscriptions! Some thoughts:

1. Prices keep creeping up (looking at you, Netflix and Sportsnet).

2. There might be some bundle deals, but still... ouch!

The above is from Reddit so I don't know how accurate it is and the prices have probably all gone up by now but even still, ouch is RIGHT! And I'm sure I know some folks who pay almost double - that is over $300 a month for their TV. I've paid less for RENT!

If you're like me, and who really is I mean come on, but if you have this thing in common with me, you go to a Canadian person's living room and absolutely marvel at the alien spacecraft array of remotes, cordage, boxes, buttons, and switches they have to navigate just right to turn on their TV. Just to turn it on! Now if you want to watch a particular show you have to press input on the universal, choose 3, find the remote for Roku, but first you need to log out of the Firestick, which requires a separate username and password, which we have on the Google TV Streamer if you log on and select my icon and go to notes you will find it. This requires a one time service fee of $7.50 because you are a new user but there IS a workaround for that if you go to the internet and type in userfee crack I have it saved as one of my movies. 

And here's me, "Ummm... what's on channel 4?"

Folks this didn't take a million years. It happened relatively quickly and it is a MASSIVE change in our culture! I was overseas so I didn't get socialized gradually into this telecom nightmare but you stay-at-home Canadians have been well trained! Some of you actually think this is BETTER and some even think the explosion of charges from almost nothing to 300 bucks a month for a TV experience that I would even challenge and say is not much better than the old days if it is at all.. some of you think that's fine and dandy. Oh sure, you get more stuff to watch but who has the time anyway? Plus you have to deal with the arrogance of monopoly. Rogers, Bell, and Telus are just plain evil! Scroll down in my blog. It won't be long till you find a post with details on that. And even when you DO pay a few hundred bucks a month and suffer the slings and arrows of outrageous entertainment centers, you know what you've paid for? Commercials! With all the commercials you still get on TV it should be free! You'd know that if you weren't so efficiently Pavlovized by the Telecom Trio. 

I watched the most recent Survivor live on TV. It was nice to see live. That was the only thing nice about it. Without any spoilers we had to sit through not one, not two, not even three, but FOUR long strings of commercials, many of them the same, before we could get through tribal council and find out who voted for whom! Maybe the best tribal council ever but it was excruciating to sit through all those commercials! I'm just not used to it. I'm used to my Survivor commercial free and NOT live. I much prefer it that way. 

Anyway, I think you know where I'm heading with all this. TV got this way through privatization. The C in CBC and CTV is for Canada. The A in ABC is for America and the N in NBC is for National. At least I think. While this doesn't necessarily mean they were government networks, there was significantly more government control, regulation, and structural changes. They were part of our governing, not just about money. Now if you've got unlimited funding you could get your own show on Fox lighting your farts on fire. 

Probably, however, the largest contribution to our country (and let's include the US here) or countries that the erosion of TV into the monstrosity it has become is responsible for has been distraction. Distraction from the situations in our countries of which the above is a good example for Canada and a most quotable quote from my beloved and highly quotable friend Heather stands well for America: "I don't know if you've noticed but shit is shitty down here."

Governments: "You wouldn't complain so much if you'd just shut up and watch your expensive, complicated TV!"