HELP! Korean is Hard!

As anyone who's been here as long as I have can likely tell you, Korean, the language, is a massive part of the Korean culture! For historical reasons, I believe the language here may have a unique importance to the people and unfortunately, it, therefore, comes with its own set of frustrations for those ambitious visitors to the country who undertake the arduous task of trying to learn it.

"History is bunk." Henry Ford

I use this famous quotation to illustrate two points. The first is that much like, "Luke I am your father," "Play it again, Sam," "Money is the root of all evil," and so many others, this quote is actually a misquote. But it's a great misquotation in that it serves as a pretty sturdy example of its own point. Henry Ford is a figure from recent history so all I think I know of him could very well be false for one reason or another. To say he was a money-grubbing, Hitler-loving dickhead could be entirely untrue. I have only historical record as my source. And, this leads nicely to the second point I'd like to illustrate, which is we are at the distinct disadvantage of being able to say this about ALL of our knowledge that does not come from personal experience. As we get older and memory fails, alas, even personal experience becomes skewed.

I think I've prefaced this thoroughly enough to say that from personal experience, most Koreans I've encountered share similar to identical ideas about their language, but the truthiness of those ideas amongst a uniform people who are nothing if not highly suggestible, well let's just say I believe them to be as stable as most bunktastic history. For all I know, some may be right on the money, others have most likely been colourized on down the line, to be gracious to their tellers and re-tellers.

Most Koreans will tell you how the Japanese tried to erase their culture including the Korean language during colonial times here. Textbooks were burned and new textbooks written entirely in Japanese were used. Korean was forbidden in schools and only Japanese was used. While the secret preservation of the language is a romantic idea, copies of textbooks published in Korean by the occupying Japanese still exist. And although I probably don't need to say this, those photos could be complete bunk too. You begin to understand the frustrations I referred to.

Nonetheless, the Korean language has become rife with protectionism, over-protectionism and considerable mythology. The following video is a fanatical example of what I'm talking about, right? Well if you've lived here as long as I have and talked with as many Koreans as I have, no, it's not! Rather, this is a very good video to help understand Korean attitudes and behaviour regarding their language and why they say such crazy things about it.

 

I love the part when somebody starts laughing. "Why are you laughing? You acknowledge my opinion, don't you?" Though I hate to give any credit to this lunatic, his point is partly illustrated here. To a newcomer to Korea, it may appear that he's just saying that he has a right to his opinion. To an expert on Korea and the culture here it is something else. He is questioning that person's variance from an established Korean truth. Calling him or her a "wankda," which can be translated as "different person," but if you saw the shunning and straight bullying the average wankda receives in this country, you'd begin to understand this shithead's point about ineffective translation of Korean.

 

And after all, if you are cool enough to wear a shiny sport jacket with a toque, you surely MUST know what you're talking about. In all honesty though, I believe fashion trends and boy bands sharing messages at the UN to "speak yourself," "love yourself," "find your own voice," are the beginnings of acceptable individuality in Korea. But that hasn't yet strayed to the questioning of historical loves and hatreds.

 

The word "jeong" is approximated as harmony or coexistence but falls so short it is believed that its true meaning can only be understood by a Korean. Likewise the word, "han" describes Koreans' special form of shared suffering or victimhood. How can any Nobel board member possibly understand that?

 

I am sure some of the literature written by older Korean writers has an exquisite quality born of true suffering but this is far from unique. What may be unique is the irony that modern Korea shares no suffering greater than the hardship of servitude to the old customs that were born of true suffering. Among them is this idolization of their language and cult of homogeneity that forces Koreans to profess the "scientific" nature of the language; its ability to be used efficiently for any language; the alphabet's relation to mouth shapes; the "depth" of thought required to use it; etc., etc. whether they believe it or not.

 

Ask a Korean how to say something in Korean. You will get ignored sometimes. They don't want the stress. Or you will at least receive a long, thoughtful pause. For many years I believed that it was the variability of the Korean language and the fact that there are many ways to say one thing. But again, this is true with any language and I challenge you to get as lengthy a translation pause when asking a speaker of any other language how to say something. Is it the exquisiteness of the language that causes this long pause? Or is it the translators' hope to instill their translation with the amount of exquisitivityness his/her culture demands?

 

Unfortunately, another common frustration now comes into play. The misconception amongst Koreans that complexity and sophistication are the same. And, indeed, even in English we use them interchangeably for describing things like electronics or machinery. But in language the height of sophistication is reflected in nothing more than simplicity. The best example of this may just be the Korean alphabet. It is extraordinary! I agree with Koreans that their alphabet is top notch! Because it is dead simple. Compliment the Korean alphabet with words like sophistication and you will get an unmistakeable swell of pride from Koreans within earshot. But tell them it's simple or easy or you learned it in a day and there is a discernable change. That's when they start trying to assure you that it is scientific or more complicated than you think. Conversely, tell them how much trouble you are having learning to speak their language and a fascinating thing occurs. You will see that unmistakeable swell of pride again and if you have informed them in Korean that you are struggling with their language, they will generally NOT slow down or speak in simple Korean, but they will give you a barrage of rapid-fire Korean designed to impress you with the skill they have attained in such a difficult language. In my experience it is only the humblest of Koreans who will acknowledge your efforts in trying to learn their language and help you by simplifying their Korean to encourage you. And it seems to physically pain them to do so even if you beg them to. Frustration number two for foreigners trying to learn Korean.

 

Here's an example: If I am ever in an emergency, I will probably die. Because I don't know the way to scream for help in Korean. I could ask a Korean, but that's far too difficult. They will NOT tell you how they would scream for help. They will probably pause for a long time lining up the honorifics and difficult words, then say, "Ajeoshi. Shil ye hamnida. Jome do wha jushigessimnika?" If I'm not mistaken, a Korean in danger will say something like, "Salyeo!" But they WILL NOT teach you this!

 

In short, when you ask a Korean to teach you how to say something, they pause a long time because they are racking their brains to concoct the most complex possible way to say the thing you are trying to learn in order to impress you with the sophistication and exquisiteness of their language. And when you talk to a Korean, they will speak to you as fast and complex as possible for the same reason. Whether they want to or not, they HAVE to! It's a cultural imperative.