My Personal Corona Adventure

There's been a little slowdown on this, here site lately due in part to the Coronavirus. Why is that one word? One of many mysteries about this plague. Why is it racist to call it Chinese? It started in China. I've lived in China and I know how they like to correct you or inform you about things that started in their country. There's a long list of them. So if you call chopsticks "Asian" and a Chinaman corrects you and says they're Chinese, were you being racist? If you say paper was invented by the Egyptians and a Chinaman says, "No way! It was invented in China." Are you unwoke?

Now, if you cross out "Corona" and replace it with the word "Chinese..."

… you're being a racist dick. Accurate, but still racist. In fact, if I were to call the Coronavirus a Japanese or an Italian virus in the presence of a Chinaman, I'd expect him to correct me. However, if I refused to call that dude Shi Jin Ping, or whatever his name might be, and just insisted on calling him, or any other member of his country, "Chinaman," then, yes, I am being racist. Not that complicated.

I've been kept busy by work, and the endless endeavor to become legal TO work. In these days where social distancing is expected, I've been out and about travelling to and from Cheonan to go to immigration to get my visa issuance number; to go BACK to Cheonan to give them another picture because the one I used (which I used successfully for my previous visa) was not acceptable because I was wearing my glasses; to go back to Cheonan to get my textbooks; to go to Incheon to visit Amber and DB and hike up Munhak San; and to go to the airport to fly to Guam. Here are some pics of Munhak Mt.

Look at that grade! This was the worst part. Not sure of the names but these are members of DB's hiking club.

It was a SUPER clear day! One of the GOOD things about this virus. This is Munhak Stadium where the SK Wyverns will play if there is a Korean Baseball Organization season this year. One of the possible BAD things about this virus.

DB and Amber not quite at the top of the mountain.

Amber hammin' it up. I'll call this pic "Hamber."

The very beginning of spring here. These flowers, the yellow Kaenari, whose name I always forget in English, and very soon the Magnolias and I think Freesia will come out. The freesia make the mountains smell great!

And the requisite post-hike meal. I only ate a little of this. It was some super spicy fish deal. One of a VERY few Korean foods I'm not big on. So Amber and I had coffee and sandwiches before rejoining the club.


















So a couple days later I was off to Guam. Before checking in I had to get this:

It's a screening for Covid19. I had to fill out a paper that states that I don't have any of several symptoms of the virus. Then I had my temperature taken. It was normal. I knew it would be. I knew I wasn't sick. But I always get a bit nervous. It's like the health test for getting a visa here. I know I don't have any STD's or health issues, but I always wonder if they're going to find something.

They didn't. So I went back to the check-in counter and they told me there would be a mandatory 14-day quarantine upon landing in Guam. I really couldn't do that because it would be too expensive, it might make doing my job harder even though I had packed my computer and books and was prepared to do some work if I had to, and there was really no guarantee of how long I'd end up staying there. So I cancelled my check-in and found a seat at the airport to decide if I should go or not. I texted Amber and my supervisor to see what they thought. Before they answered, a rep from T'way Air came up to me and said that the quarantine was cancelled for this flight. It started for all flights afterwards. So I asked two workers for T'way, "What about my flight back?" They made a phone call and assured me there would be no trouble coming back. They guaranteed me. You know what's coming, don't you?

So I checked in and went to my gate. The Incheon airport was all but deserted. I have never seen it so dead.

Look at this flight board! 5 flights. That's it! I didn't take a pic when I returned but the flight board THEN had only 3.




Couldn't even drink water. You might be able to read that the drinking water fountains were closed due to Corona. I like the water at Incheon Airport. I always fill a container for any flight since they take your water away at customs and those tiny cups of warm water they give you on the flight don't help at all.

So I was forced to purchase a 4-dollar beverage to drink while I waited for my flight to board. I actually had a few what with the Corona fighting properties of alcohol.

I made it to Guam Airport late Monday night. Around midnight if I remember correctly. It smelled great! I was told it had been super hot that day and the showers at night cooled things down and made everything smell fresh.





I just booked into my hotel and hit the hay. I had to go to the Korean Consulate next morning (Tuesday) to apply for my visa. So I did that and they said, "Maybe Thursday night at 5 PM this will be ready." With the "maybe" in play, I thought it would be wise to postpone my purchase of a return flight from Guam to Korea. I'd only bought the one-way ticket there for this reason.

After applying for the visa, I had the absolute pleasure of shopping at a Guam supermarket. SOO many foods I can't get in Korea! So I stocked up. Then I went for a walk. I stopped into this hotel when I started feeling feint from heat exhaustion and too much sweating. One simply doesn't just go for a walk in Guam. And taxis are not cheap. I heard that the locals can find taxis that ARE cheap, but I was paying tourist rates. Nothing as sodomical as Canadian taxis but expensive when compared to Asian rates. This was the Hilton in Guam. I didn't stay there. I didn't even ask what it would have cost. But I took a 15-dollar cab ride back to my hotel.

It was Tuesday, March 17th, St. Patrick's Day, so I took another taxi to an area that he said was usually busy. It turned out to be dead. So I got the same driver to take me back to the hotel. But just around the corner, one of the few places within walking distance, I found these guys:

We had a fun St. Paddy's Day together shooting pool for shots. I didn't realize that Andy (with the hat) and the owner (Thai lady whose name I forget but it was the name of the bar) were SHARKS! Awesome pool players! So I bought a lot of shots. I woke up with the taste of Sambuca in my mouth the next morn. Better than a lot of tastes I wake up with in my mouth...

For the next few days I walked a LOT and found few of the things I was looking for because I always seemed to go the wrong way. But the same taxi guy kept picking me up. He had given me his card when he drove me home from the airport and I used the number in emergencies. Like the time I just set out walking the night after the above party. I made it to the "H Mart" and asked if I could use their phone to call a cab. They were nice enough to let me. I bought a big bottle of water and a Hundred Grand Bar. Haven't had one of those since I was a kid. The guy picked me up and asked how I had ended up at the H Mart. I told him I'd walked and he just laughed at me and said, "Wow, that's a long walk!" As he drove me home he pointed out where I could find an outlet mall. So that's where I went the next day (Thursday).

I bought a lot of things I wanted to buy. And I ate at the awesome food court. The awesome, deserted food court.

Look at that! This was a good mall too! With good food in the food court. Korean food, KFC, Subway, Philly Cheesesteak, Sushi, some others. I got Chinese food even though that may sound racist. Nah I'm just mashin' yer taters. It's not racist because it's GOOD. I got Kung Pao Chicken, beef and greens and sweet n' sour pork balls. It was enough for TWO meals... half an hour apart. Is THAT racist? Implying that I'm hungry again half an hour after eating Chinese food? Whatever...

Nice eh? Probably the best meal I had in Guam. Or meals.

Since I got no call from the Korean consulate Thursday night, I was glad I hadn't bought my ticket for Thursday night or Friday morning. That would have been a mistake. I was even told not to fly because of very high winds in Korea. Flights were being cancelled for THAT too, not just the Coronavirus. So Friday morning I took another stroll. This is a tree on the beach across from my hotel. I think it's a magnolia tree, no? Petals all over the ground.

A few Koreans kayaking and tubing on the beach but otherwise deserted. The whole beach is blocked by rental places. It gives the idea that it's owned by them and you hafta book a parasailing or jetskiing package in order to use the beach. But I didn't. I just walked onto the beach and wasn't stopped.

This was the highlight of my walk on the beach. The waves were way too far out. I like watching surfers or even body surfing myself but I couldn't do it from this beach. I also like snorkeling and there was some coral not far out from shore. I'm sure it would have been great, but I'd have had to buy a prescription mask. I did that in Bali but the rubber it was made from deteriorated so I could only use it for one vacation. I didn't want to buy another one for that reason. Planned obsolescence. Jerks.

There were also some really fast swimming fish in the shallows swimming around me. Kinda transparent. I think they were bonefish but not sure. They were cool.

After this walk, I went back to the hotel and that's when I found out all the flights out of Guam were being cancelled. In fact EVERYthing non-essential was being cancelled. For 10 days! Or even MORE! It was sphincter puckering to say the least!

So Amber and DB from Korea, and I from Guam, were phoning places, going to online sites and doing everything we could to find a ticket. It was hours! It got to the point that I had given up. So I took another taxi out to stock up on food and beverages, and to buy one of these so I could do some work online:

I went to the K Mart in Guam and like the Rainman once said, "K-Mart sucks." I asked a dozen workers there if they had anything like this and they had no idea. I got false directions, I got directed to multi-voltage plugs, I got a couple complete denials of anything like that ever having been in the store, and then I finally found this one lady who knew what she was doing. Why, people? Why can't you just say, "I don't know," instead of lying? I had told the taxi guy to pick me up in an hour and it had taken exactly that much time to locate this item. Unbelievable! So I got into this guy's taxi for what seemed like the dozenth time. He told me he had just dropped off a Korean guy at the airport who was flying T'way home that night.

So I got back to the hotel, flashed up the computer, and started searching again. I found several phone numbers to T'way Air but  none of them worked. Amber too couldn't get through. I also found an email for a guy named Phillip who worked at T'way. It couldn't hurt to try, I said to myself. I emailed Phillip and explained that T'way had promised I'd be able to fly home with them. I wrote it in an understanding way saying nobody could predict the Corona problems and then said, I just wanted to get home. A surprisingly short time later my room telephone rang. It was a girl named Kelly. She had received my email and said that there was a 1 AM flight out of Guam that night.

In the mean time I had called the Korean Consulate and they said the visa wouldn't be ready until the following morning. I told them that I'd be stuck in Guam the following morning. They replied that I could PROBABLY pick it up that night at 5PM. Do you buy the ticket or not? I chose to try to buy the ticket.

After an hour of trying to buy the thing by giving my card and Amber's card information and having both not work, I sent an email back to Kelly asking if I could just pay in cash. She wouldn't give me the phone number. I had to email her and then she'd call the hotel. She called me back and said, "You may be able to get the ticket if you go to the airport and pay in cash right now." So for the umpteenth time, I got a cab. I withdrew 500 American dollars for the ticket. My ticket there was 90 bucks. The ticket home was 500. And the exchange rate was absolutely awful. Plus the even worse exchange offered by bank machines and the additional charge for using my card in a foreign country. This little jaunt to Guam was now costing me about a month's salary. But I had to do it. I'd be stranded for who knows how long otherwise.

I get to the counter and two girls were there. One of them was Kelly. I successfully purchased the ticket. The LAST ticket is what Kelly told me. The plane had no empty seats so she may not have been overdramatizing the situation. I got a different taxi home and he charged me 20 bucks and told me he'd pick me up at 9:30 for my 10PM check-in. I told him forget about that, I had a guy who only charged 15 bucks. So he said, "Okay, give me 20 now and tonight when I pick you up, you pay 10." I said okay, but not without some hesitation.

So, now all I had to do was get my visa. Maybe. I walked there cuz I now knew the way. It was MUCH farther than it seemed in the taxi. On the way I ran into another reason why people don't walk in Guam:

It wasn't moving but I gave it plenty of room when I walked around it. When I arrived at the consulate, I put my mask on and went inside. The visa was ready! I had to pay another 15 dollar service Canada extra charge service fee humina humina humina, which negated the 15 bux in taxi fees I'd just saved by walking, but what the hay. Even in Guam the long arm of the Canadian tax man can make a fist and plunge itself into whatever orifice it is most unwelcome. And... I'd gotten what I'd come for.

I think I could have slain the Hydra as easily, but there it was. In a form that I don't mind telling you, I've never seen before. They usually put a full page sticker in your passport. This was just a piece of paper anybody could have easily made. So the agita continued. Was it really the thing I needed? Would it be accepted in Cheonan when I went back there? Would my flight be cancelled like so many others before it?

I'd just have to wait and see. I wasn't confident so I bought food at the supermarket before going back to the hotel. The beginnings of hoarding were evident. I tried to get some stronger milk than 2% and the dude in the grocery store said there was none. You just have to make do with what you can get these days. He was actually stranded too. He was from Seattle and there were no flights back. But since he was local, he got a job part time at the market to pay the bills while he was waiting to go home.

At 9:30, after unsuccessfully trying to do some work online, and take a nap, I went downstairs and waited for my taxi. He actually came. I was worried he'd take off with my 20, but he didn't. I paid him 10 bucks and went to check in. The flight was absolutely full. Since it was the 5 hours that are usually the best 5 hours of sleep and I got exactly none with my restless legs and the friggin' mask I had to keep on the entire time I think it's up there with the worst flights I have ever been on. Five hours of total discomfort sweating and squirming in my seat trying to slake a tropical thirst with one after another tiny cups of room temperature water that did nothing more than prolong the agony. But I made it!

If you think that's the end of the story, you're not quite right. When I got to the arrivals area of the Incheon Airport, it was like 6 AM. The airport was deserted but there was a guy at the "foreign passport" area who was directing foreigners toward him. Unbelievably (or maybe almost as you'd expect) he spoke no English. Well maybe about as much English as I speak Korean. But he was there to show FOREIGNERS how to download a self diagnosis app. Under normal circumstances I might have blown a gasket. I'm exhausted, frustrated, angry about how much money I'd wasted, and here's this guy just clueless about how to explain what we were supposed to do. Not to mention the fact that there were two forms every passenger had to fill out on the flight asking the identical questions including whether I'd been to China in the last whatever and did I have any of the following symptoms. Normally I'd have said something. But these are not normal times. So I was there with three ways of trying to cooperate with the anti-corona effort of Korea rendered useless by the anti-intelligence effort of Korea. However, there was one passenger who I think was Korean American and spoke both languages.

He translated. Even so, it wasn't easy. I had to download two OTHER apps to download the self diagnosis app. One of the apps erased one of the apps I actually WANTED on my phone, which is the reason I don't just download apps all willy nilly like Koreans are wont to do. But I finally managed. I'd STILL be there if not for that passenger. But there were a few people who weren't so lucky. Like most of the hastily enacted shit thrust upon foreigners by immigration, this app thing hadn't been thought out. It assumed that every foreigner in Korea has a smartphone. I'm lucky. I have one. It also assumed that all foreigners have Korean phone plans. Again, I am lucky. I have one. There were three guys who didn't have phones. They may still be there for all I know.

I sent in my first self-diagnosis by answering NO to all the symptoms so I was allowed to proceed. To a table where a girl took one of the other papers, took my temperature, asked me all the same questions again, and gave me a second form like the one pictured earlier in this post that I got when I took off. So I was allowed to proceed. To the customs line-up where I gave them the THIRD paper with all the same questions answered the same way, where my temp was tested again, and finally, I was free. Almost.

I now have to flash up the self diagnosis app every day for I don't know how long, and submit that I am not coughing, don't have a fever or shortness of breath. But I'm going along with this even if it's not all necessary. Better safe than sorry. Better overkill than underkill is more appropriate I think.

I had some stuff to pick up at DB and Amber's place so I went there. I was pretty glad to be back in Korea! We were happy to see each other! I told them my story of woe then had a little nap on their couch. During the day, in stead of going home, I checked all the assignments my students had submitted online that I couldn't check while in Guam scrambling to save my life. I also made a video for the next week that was due on Sunday. So this freed up Saturday night. Even though I hadn't slept much, I had a great time celebrating my successful adventure. Well, maybe OVERcelebrating it.

I left a full fridge of food and drink in my room in Guam. I dropped 500 bucks on taxis and probably a couple grand in money, exchange and legalized usury from the banks, but I got what I went for corona be damned!

Now I have to set my sights on figuring out all the new technology involved with teaching online that nobody has explained to me. It's not that I was away, it's just that it hasn't been explained. I think I am doing okay, but there's no way to tell. I'll need to work two months before I'm making any money. With my time off since mid December when I finished with Carrot, all the immigration paperwork and legwork, and just paying out with nothing coming in, my account has been hemorrhaging money for over three months. It'll be nice when the first check lands in my bank account.

So that's mein corona kampf. Much like the long arm of Canadian taxes, China is still affecting me. It's not bad enough that they give us pollution and yellow dust way over here in Korea. Now this virus trouble. No, I don't think they started it on purpose, but it WAS just another of a long list of things invented in China. And this one sucks! I hope it is over soon. Stay safe my brothers and sisters.