The Dream of the Red Chamber

I've been in the Red Chamber here for quite some time and while I may slag the U.S. and the "American Dream" for being just as phantasmagorical as its title sounds, the "Dream of the Red Chamber," if that can be thought of as the parallel for China, is no less evanescent.

It may be coincidence, or it may not, that the colour red is so prized in this country and the phrase "red tape" cannot possibly have a better champion. Why is the tape red that makes us jump through unnecessary hoops? Why is red the colour of success, wealth and envelopes containing money here in China? Why is their flag red? Are money and blindingly tedious bureaucracy the only ways to make money here? Well, this is too darn good an introduction to abandon now, so let's examine this, shall we?

I didn't need to get a criminal record check to get my present work visa. But those are the rules of Shanxi province I guess. I will be working soon in Shenyang in Liaoning province and the rules differ... so I'm told. So I've been trying my best to get all my ducks in a row now that I've been officially offered the job on Liaoning University campus in Shenyang. And the two biggies, (if you measure big or small by amount of annoyingly superfluous red tape), will be the criminal record check officially stamped and authenticated, and the officially stamped and authenticated copy of my university degree. These two, all tolled, (is it all told or all tolled?), will cost me about a grand but are about as useless as traffic lanes in Jakarta. My degree has been verified so many times I am going to have to start telling my university where NOT to send official transcripts, or what schools DON'T need another stamped or authorized degree, (even though they already have one). And as for my criminal record check, I have one from two years ago. I haven't been to Canada for 4 years, making it physically impossible for me to have been convicted of a crime there, so anyone asking for a CRC is doing so for one or two purposes: 1. money and 2. just to see how high I can jump when they say jump.

But, I have an opportunity here to work the best job I've had in the ESL industry, one of the best paying jobs I've ever had, and probably the best overall job I will ever have, so HERE'S how high I can jump, China! Hold the hoop higher, I think I got another inch or two in me!

I had to get a friend to fill out forms stating that she had witnessed me signing power of attorney over to the company that will take care of my paperwork in Ottawa. I also had to get her to sign a form that says she witnessed me sign over power of attorney to two specific people in that company. I then had to fill out a form applying for the Chinese embassy or consulate in Ottawa to please authenticate, (i.e. glance at while eating lunch), my stamped degree and criminal record check and for that receive whatever corrupt officials from the two countries of Canada and China have agreed upon as a totally unreasonable fee, but one the market will bear, for such transcendently counterproductive paperwork.

You realize that what this all amounts to is an antiquated law the spirit of which posits that I, or anyone else strapped with this burdensome duty, am not honest enough on my own to be an acceptable candidate to work in the Great Red Chamber of Moral Rectitude known as China, but that I need members of the unimpeachably ethical governments of both Canada and China to verify, (for money, which basically shoots that claim in the foot), my educational and law-abiding veracity. FUMPEE! If you're not caught up on this blog, it's a Chinese word that means "fart" or "bullshit." They know my degree is real and they know my criminal record is clean, they just want money every year and I need the job just bad enough to pay my money for nothing. So are thousands of others. This is just one of a whole agenda of things our governments do after we elect them that we know nothing about.

Now, having acquiesced to this documental waterboarding, I first had to get fingerprinted. In China it's customary to go to the local police station, that is the one closest to your home. Well, having worked for the worst company in China, Huasheng, I was forced to move. So do I go to the police station closest to my NEW apartment or my old apartment? I first tried the closest to my new apartment. Predictably I was sent to the police station closest to my OLD apartment. I went there and they had no idea what I needed prints for. They even called up the visa bureau of Taiyuan and THEY had no idea why anyone might ask for fingerprinting. Keep in mind that the criminal record check is a new inconvenience to foreigners that has recently been tacked onto our duties in China. So it has been mandated and legislated, but the police offices nationwide have evidently NOT been brought up to speed on this new hoop for wayguos to jump through. So, again, absent any purchased vouchsafety from a higher rank of deceit, I was not to be trusted. I was sent home.

While walking away from the police station, I thought of a work-around. I knew that my criminal record in Canada was clean, and that was all I needed to work in China, so I could have picked up a brick and thrown it through the window of the police station then surrendered myself. THEN I'd have been printed and THEN I'd have my prints. For FREE! My buddy Ty suggested I go out and "lightly stab" someone. LOL. That reminds me of "Arrested Development" when the father admits to "a little bit of light treason."

To make matters more unreasonable, I have fingerprints that were done two years ago and were used for a criminal record check at that time. Successfully. My fingerprints have not changed since then. NObody's fingerprints change aside from growing as our fingers grow. Why can't they use them? Why hadn't the police offices across China been informed that fingerprints will be needed for CRC's? Well I found out. I had to go to one of the few places in the country, (in Beijing), where they DO this simple process, and pay 800 RMB for it. Not to mention a trip from Taiyuan to Beijing and an overnight stay. And, as anyone who has ever tried to do ANYthing like this in China can attest, THAT is not nearly as simple as it sounds. Nor, in Beijing, is it as cheap.

So Thursday I got up and showered. Nope, I didn't cuz my hot water wasn't working. Something breaks, goes down, gets shut off or doesn't work every week. Usually more than one thing in this old apartment I'm camping in. That's what it feels like sometimes. I've been more comfortable at some campsites in my lifetime. I have to teach the chuckleheads. That's what I call my culture class. I'm supposed to teach them about cultures in major English speaking countries and the majority of them don't have a high enough level of English to be in a classroom with an English speaking teacher. I mean a teacher who can't speak Chinese. Their OTHER teacher, Margie, speaks both and I'm sure every other course that is supposed to be taught in English, is taught in Chinese. Par for the course.

So I teach my class then go home. It's the 21st. I was supposed to be paid by Rach, the girl who moved into my old apartment, on the 20th but she was going to pay by WeChat and got paid in cash. So I told her not to worry. Back in August, she was in a bad place financially, and I was moving out, so I told her she could stay at my abandoned apartment and pay me rent when she gets it. The money on the 21st was not actually rent, but 2500 damage deposit, which she will get back anyway. But it was to be her first payment since August when she moved in and I moved out. So I was excited. Money coming IN instead of going out. I got the money and decided that's what I would use for my trip. So I transferred it into my Beijing bank account, which is the one linked to my WeChat, and it worked! So my train was for 1:25, and I left my apt. at 12:30. I'd go to the bank, get some of that money out, then taxi to the train station. One hour should be plenty of time. But, when I go to the bank machine, I couldn't take any money out. I checked my WeChat balance and the money was back! It was gone and the transfer was successful, then it came back. Like my bank wouldn't accept it because it was counterfeit or something. Everybody I say this to can't believe it, but this is the kind of problem I have been a pioneer in over here in China. I'm breaking new ground and discovering new holes everywhere I go!

So I had to go back home and get some cash. This set me back but I still had enough time to make my train. Unfortunately, I got into a taxi in which the driver didn't understand Chinese. I looked on my Chinese translator for the word for train station and got it. Showed it to him, said it to him and played the recorded PERFECT pronunciation for him, but he didn't know. A taxi driver who mysteriously doesn't know where the train station is. Hmmmm....

I got out and had to wait a while but eventually go into another cab that didn't have a racist driver. I did the same thing, showed him the word in writing, said the word, even showed him my ticket so there could be no doubt where I wanted to go. This guy understood immediately. So off we went.

To the wrong train station! Well we  had 20 minutes to get to the right one, which was 20 minutes away. I called good old Faith. She had been previously frustrated by my, what, MEness, when she tried to help me purchase this train ticket. I had the right program, downloaded on my Chinese poop-phone, from a Chinese site, and try as she might, even SHE couldn't purchase my train ticket to BJ because for some reason, (again, because I'm me), I got a version of the app for travel tickets in China called "C-Trip" that just for no reason known to mankind chose to do my transactions in U.S. dollars. So Faith bought my ticket on her phone using her money and I just paid her cash for it. I called Faith and said I wasn't going to be able to use the ticket so she called and arranged to have my ticket changed. Luckily it was possible to change to any other train with space available that day. So she did that for me.

Of course I got to the station late for my original train. I eventually found my way to the area where you can buy tickets, which is not an easy feat, especially at the Beijing West train station. All the signs are in Chinese and if they have English it is sometimes misleading. For example, the first lineup I stood in was for ticket exchange. That was the only small print English I could see for that window. I waited for the 20 or 30 people in front of me only to be sent to the lineup at window 2. So I waited 20 or 30 people and got to the window. Faith had typed some Chinese into a WeChat message for me to show to the person at the window that said I wanted to exchange my ticket. I show them my passport, they find my ticket, they exchange it for a later train. Easy peasy Japanesey, no? NO! Always remember two things: 1. this is ME here, and 2. I'm in China.

The guy looks at my passport and the message from Faith and seems to  understand. I show him my phone ticket, now expired by about 20 minutes. He does some computer inputting and some other stuff... three times, and can't seem to do what he wants. He then calls over a girl. She has been working there longer. It's obvious. Because as she does the same stuff he did... three times herself, and can't seem to get what she wants, she chuckles and shows me a bank card and asks for mine. I offer to pay by my newly loaded WeChat but they don't accept WeChat. My ICBC bank account doesn't have enough in it, but I gave her my other bank account card that I get paid from the new school, TUST, on. I don't know if you've ever given anyone you bank card before, but it's not an easy feeling. I didn't know what she wanted it for; if she could take an imprint or swipe of it and use it for another purchase; or even how much she wanted to take out of my account. The good thing was I didn't have much in my account. She paid for a new ticket with the card. 220 RMB. The original ticket was 197. So I was waiting for my 23 RMB change. I even said it in Chinese. I am good at number in Chinese. But there was something weird going on. Go figure.

It turned out that they had to cancel the original ticket and buy a new one and because Faith was the one who paid for the ticket, she got the refund and I didn't. So I was waiting for them to give me some money and they couldn't explain why I wasn't getting any money. All they could do was send me to another line. And it was high time because this had taken ages and infuriated about 30 people in the lineup behind me. You know at least SOME of them were cursing my foreignness as I was.

Luckily, Faith to the rescue AGAIN! She got a phone message saying the ticket was cancelled and sent a WeChat message to me. AAAANNNNNGGGHHHHTTTT! No she didn't. Because, as lamented before, I have a special kind of data that doesn't always work when there is no internet available. I know people GET data for times when there is no internet available, but it's a special ME kind of data. It's not usually a problem though. I can use my 4G or sometimes in remote places or tunnels it downgrades to 3G, all over the place. In Taiyuan, in Beijing, all over. But there are three places where internet is SO bad I can't even use my data. The airports of Taiyuan, Beijing and Seoul, my apartment, and, you guessed it, the Taiyuan train station. Now WHY on EARTH would anyone want to use internet in THOSE places?

No, Faith had to call me. So while I was waiting in my third lineup, I got her call and she explained that she had received the refund for my ticket, which didn't, however, explain why I  had been sent to another lineup. I mean what would the poor shmuck at the end of THAT lineup have done? Send me to lineup number 4 no doubt.

So I used the ticket I had purchased with my bank card to get into the Taiyuan train station. I was an hour early for my train so I decided to get some grub and wait. I actually had a really nice KFC stirfry with rice and chicken and veggies. Then I got on the train and unbeknownst to me, the ticket they had chosen for me was 1st class. I LIKED first class! I think from now on I will travel only first class on Chinese trains if I can help it. Instead of three seats on both sides of the train, they have two. That's pretty much all there is to first class but me likey!!!

So I get to BJ and I make my way to the hostel where I lived for half a year in Jishuitan. Ruan, who had worked there when I lived there, and who was the very last remaining person, had promised to meet me at the bar when I got in. I like Ruan and I actually think she's cute. She has these adorable dimples... And she had helped me, like Faith, knowing how helpless a non Chinese speaking person is over here. But because of the taxi fumpee, I didn't get in to the hostel until 9:30 and because of the usual apartment fumpee combined with about 5 hours of taxi/train/lineups, I was stanky! Luckily, when I got there, Ruan was not around. So I checked in and had a GORGEOUS hot shower. I got to the bar around 10 and texted Ruan. On my second beer she ran over to me and gave me a big hug at the bar. I proceeded to bore shit out of her with my trials and tribulations. Geez! I'm NEVER gonna get a girl!

This is the selfie she took with my camera. (the poop cam). Cute eh? She actually showed me how to take a selfie on my phone. I never knew! I've been just aiming the phone blindly and blindly hitting the spot on the screen that has the shutter icon... what a Luddite I am!

Ruan is thin as a rail and doesn't like to drink more than one or two so our night ended soon after it began, but we agreed to meet the next night too. I had to do the fingerprinting the next day anyway.

So I took the address I had received from the agency doing my CRC in Canada called Reliable Screening Solutions Inc., and showed it to a cab driver. I'd called the office and had been told that their hours were 9-11 in the AM and 1:30 to 3:30 in the afternoon. I got to the right area at just before 10 AM. The taxi driver looked at the address and could make neither head nor tails of it. We were on Longgang Road and the address said number 1 Longgang Road so I just got outta the taxi and walked along Longgang Road till I saw a number 1 on a building. This would seem like the thing to do, no? Two things: me, China.

Longgang Road #1 was a pink building but I could tell just by looking at it that it was just a residential building. Midrange apartments. It was at an intersection with a HUGE and very in your face YELLOW 7 Days Inn so I thought I'd call back the guy I'd talked to  before on the phone and he could give me some insight. This yellow monstrosity was a perfect landmark. I called. I didn't get the same guy. A guy who didn't speak English answered the phone. FUCK! I was struggling to communicate, and so was he and I just got a long silence. I was yelling hello into my phone and about ready to hang up when suddenly the same guy came on the line. WHEW! Well, whew if it's not me and it's not China...

The English speaking dude says to me, "Can I help you?" And I go into explaining that I'd called him the day before and I was now in town to get my fingerprinting done. He had PROMISED me that if I showed up during working hours I'd be able to get it done. So he says, "Okay just come to Beijing and we'll ---" I said, "I'm in BJ and I'm in your neighbourhood. I think I'm close." So he says, "Where are you?" I said I'm at the corner where there's a big yellow 7 Days Inn." He says, "No, you're not close." You gotta be KIDDING ME!!!

So there I was with my envelope of documents, my paper with this address on it, a beverage because I am constantly dehydrated in China, a pen to write down directions and my phone, five things in two hands. I got really frustrated and while he sas talking, put the phone in one side of my kangaroo pocket of my jacket, threw my beverage and pen down on the sidewalk, crumpled up the paper with the address and put it into the OTHER side of my kangaroo pocket and then retrieved the phone. WHAT??? He says, "...pink building." I say, "Oh yeah, shit yeah! I am right in front of a pink building now with a number one on it!" He says, "No you're not very close. You are near an intersection? Is that near a bank of blah blah cash machine?" Well, there were cash machines but all with only Chinese on them. I told him about the massive yellow 7 Days Inn but it didn't register. So I assumed I really was nowhere near the right place because this was a landmark you just can't miss. He says, "Okay walk South from the pink building." I tell him A) I don't generally carry a compass and B) I don't know how to work one. I just said, I don't know from South or whatever. It was morning so the sun was in the East, but I wasn't about to take any chances. So he says, "Are there any subways there?" And there were! Just past the HUUUUUUUGGGGEEEE and blatantly yellow 7 Days Inn. "Okay, just go to those subway exits. You want exit C." I walk there and say, "Okay I'm at exit C. " He says, "Now walk South from there."

If I had taken that direction I would have gone the wrong way. I don't think the guy knew which way South was. So then he says something about a pink building and I said, "YEAH! I'm right in front of the pink building!" He says AGAIN to walk South. I could tell I was dealing with a guy who should be in my knucklehead class. I DIDN'T walk south, I walked directly into the sun and he said, "Just walk for a while and call me back." I said, "No, I'll walk and tell you what I see." So I was describing two HUGE fucking statues of Lions with balls in their mouths - nope, didn't ring a bell. I described a massive staircase that covered half a block up to an old temple. Nope didn't ring a bell. Then on a hunch I though I knew the kind of guy I was dealing with so I said, "Okay now I'm walking past a Bank of China, an ICBC, and another bank all in a row. "Oh," says he, "You are heading in the right direction." I thought so, but I'm pretty sure it wasn't South.

Then he says, "Just walk a little while longer till you come to a pink building." What? ANOTHER pink building? What is with China and pink buildings? So here is where I ended up.

It's hard to tell but, yeah, it WAS a pink building. But that's clearly a 2, not a 1. Why? Two reasons: me and China.

But, as you can see, there's no English. I walked inside this building past a security guard who reluctantly allowed me in, only to find a shoe store. Shoes and hiking gear. I turned around to leave but a stranger in the shop pointed me to this completely unmarked door. How he knew what I might be looking for was anyone's guess.

I went in there and a series of people with police and/or medical outfits on shushed me in several directions until I got to a locked door.

 From down the hall I heard some English. It was the dude from the phone call. I swear to God it is like they don't even WANT their 800 RMB for 2 minute's work! That's about 155 bucks. Yeah! For fingerprinting! I had had it done in Korea a few times always for free.

He took me to another place where we did our thing. Now, as always, it wasn't quite as simple as all of that. I had been urged from Canada to get the printing done on a Chinese form. At THIS place in China, they said I needed a Canadian RCMP form. I asked if they had one and they, of course, said they didn't. Well, having expected the usual ineptitude at any such agency, I had taken the precaution of downloading the proper RCMP form and bringing it with me. But to get a little more for my money I said, "Since I'm paying 800, can we get the prints on BOTH the Canadian and the Chinese forms?" They agreed!

So I finally had my prints. It took a while to walk to a good spot to catch a taxi back to the hostel, and the 20-minute ride there turned into a 60-minute ride back because there were not one, but TWO accidents on the way. But I got back to the hostel. NOW, I had to find a fast mail service in China so that I could send all of the papers to Canada as fast as possible. Given that it is Christmas time, it's not going to be fast, and the extra money will eventually end up getting me the service that at any other time would have cost a tiny fraction of what I paid, but, gotta jump through those hoops. Ruan and I eventually ended up finding DHL, (which Faith had earlier suggested), and they have a 3-day delivery guarantee. So she called them up and got them to come to the hostel. It cost me 345 RMB. That's 67 Canadian bucks to send it, and I KNOW their guarantee is fumpee at Christmas time in Canada, but I finally got all the dox sent. The most important ones anyway.

So now I just have to get a physical and a few letters of recommendation from former employers who would sooner have me keelhauled than give me letters of recommendation. To be honest, all the bullshit documents the Chinese government is making me provide that I KNOW they don't need, I will feel absolutely no remorse when I write an absolutely GLOWING letter of recommendation from a former employer and then forge their signature on it! It's all fumpee, baby!

But, good news is good news. Aside from all the requisite problems that go along with anything logistical in China, I got that all taken care of in a timely manner. Now I hope to either do a camp in Singapore for the month of January, or pick up odd shifts here and there in Taiyuan. The college will not charge me to stay here, (I don't think), since I'm not expecting any holiday pay from them in Jan. or Feb. And there is NO shortage of places looking for a good foreign teacher here in Taiyuan. I'll remember to avoid any offers from Huasheng. Lol.

As for them, I have relinquished my claim to my final paycheck of about 1800 bucks, all the money they owe me, which is well over 10,000 bucks because I admittedly worked for them without a proper work visa at first. The OTHER workers who worked for these scumbags while I did are not being so nice. THEY are suing Huasheng for unpaid wages and I sincerely hope that someday I will hail a cab in Taiyuan and it will be Mr. Liu(ser) driving it. He's the guy who basically cost me half a year of my life with his cheating and lying.

Anyway, speaking of cheating and lying, I am going to go in a completely other direction here and talk about my most troublesome class. The chuckleheads, the knuckleheads the low watt bulbs that I have for my Major English Speaking Countries Culture class. I have remarked before about the abject hunger for intelligence I see in this class on a daily basis. It goes far beyond a language barrier and at this point in my career I take offense when someone suggests I don't know the difference.

It is a class of 31 girls and 1 guy. I'm not saying that girls are stupid, don't get your feminist hackles up, ladies. In China, from what I understand, and from every one of my classes so far, the girls make up the majority of English classes. This class is no different from many an English class in China. In ratio of women to men, that is. Where they differ is their uncanny lack of intelligence. I have literally stared at people agog at their vacuous vapidity in this class more than any other. In fact it's a class by class occurrence. It has become an exercise in futility for me to even attempt to correct this in a large part of the class. I still put in my best efforts for the good ones, but for most, I just marvel at their mental deficiencies and have to laugh. That's all I can do, damn my Hippocratic teacher's oath!

But I KNEW, I absolutely KNEW on final exam day, there'd be some cheating. The intellectual stunting in most of these gals comes from pure laziness, I believe. Lazy people cheat. I am not a rookie teacher. So I scheduled the final exam for not the last class, but the next to last class in full awareness that it would more than likely cause me the extra work of writing a completely new exam for those who cheated. I was fine with that, me with my Don Quixote-like need to assail the windmills of corruption anywhere, not just the hot spots of Asia. And my healthy skepticism was correct. A bunch of them cheated.

So now they are all apologetic. "I just wanted to pass, I really studied hard, but I wasn't sure about some things. I'm SO SORRY!" I actually received this text from one of the cheaters. I absolutely hate bad enough to kill, the idea of, "I can do whatever I want now and apologize later." This is like a religion in Asia and as I said, I'd be willing to kill if I saw a cult dedicated to it.

Sorry, my blog followers but I had about ten more paragraphs written and they were super intellectual and challenging to erudite individuals who would take on their challenge, but, as has happened many times here, because, A) Me and B) China, I lost them all because my internet was out and blogspot wasn't saving them as I was typing. I have no guarantee that THIS will be saved as I type. Them's the chances you take when you live in China.

To sum up, I found three girls with cheat notes written on full sized paper and they had them under their test papers. They were whispering the answers back and forth. I'm positive there were more nearby taking advantage of the situation, like about 10 of the 32 students, but I could only definitively nail the three. I don't know names well enough so I took a pen and put a checkmark on all three of their papers. Before the test was finished, EVERY ONE OF THEM had erased the checkmarks. They were trying to cheat AGAIN! It was in pen so the marks were not erased, and they didn't use the white-out strips they all seem to have, they scratched the top layer of paper away so that it looked like the checkmarks were never there. ALL THREE of them did this!

SO I am nowhere near finished on this point of my students cheating and what their punishment will be and how I hope to infiltrate the Chinese system and if  nothing else make these gals good, moral MOTHERS, cuz they're not going anywhere educationally, but I have already shot my finest arrows on the subject and they were all erased by the fucking useless Chinese internet.

Really more than anything in this post it goes to show what I'm talking about here. Even complaining about how everything is harder than it should be here, is harder than it should be here. But I think some of the students in my knucklehead class are not useless twits who will end up as bad mothers. I actually got some gifts from some. Apples for the teacher in little Merry Christmas boxes. And I don't think these three girls are bad people, just bad cheaters. I'm sure there were others cheating too. They just didn't get caught. I wonder if this trio ended up in this fake school because they tried to cheat on their university entrance exam, (Gaokao), and were caught. If you look at the link below, it's so common that it is now punishable by 7 years in prison to do so. And some still try. So I doubt I'll have much of an effect.

In the link below you will also find the attempted explanation of why the Chinese NEED to cheat so much and I've blogged about this before and encountered it many times before. It's total fumpee. In fact the reasons they give for cheating, driving, walking, riding bikes, lining up and pretty much doing everything like selfish assholes, are the very reasons I think they SHOULDN'T behave in these ways. But, it's easier. And despite all the Chinese who are fond of pointing out the industriousness and work ethic of their people, the corruption in their culture is a sign of laziness if you ask me.

Nonetheless, I have given the non-cheaters the next class off. That's a two-hour class. The cheaters will all have to show up and write a NEW exam. A HARDER exam. One with no multiple choice. It will include a paragraph on why cheating is wrong. And I KNOW it's counterproductive in their lives so I won't be too hard on them. They have futures without exception full of lying and cheating. I am just the distant light in the wilderness beckoning the one in a million who doesn't lazily abandon all morality and go with THAT flow.

How do you like THEM apples?

Nice. And I particularly liked, no LOVED, the fact that they were on my desk when I got there. Nobody chose to give them to me in person so I could associate the gift with a face. This was genuine, anonymous GIVING, not giving for self. DAMMIT! This makes marking these exams SO much harder! What if one of these apple gifters was also a cheater? Oh my GOD, China!

And I received confirmation from some other students in the class that BUSTING the cheaters in class today was the right thing to do. So I have faith that at least SOME of that class wrote their tests honestly. I have only to mark them to decide...

Why am I scared? Probably because this is my Culture class and cheating is part of the Chinese culture. You really can't argue against that.

And just as I was writing this, guess who came out of the shadows. It was Huasheng. They first wished me Merry Christmas. Oh, how nice! Thought I. What is their angle? Thought I. Did they think I would think otherwise? I was introduced to the MANAGER of Huashit, one Niu Pengfei, who, with all the thought of a rock, had sent me a friend request in Chinese that I couldn't read or understand without any explanation. It was, (fucking of course), ignored. THEN, I got the introduction from a girl who I had accepted as a WeChat friend saying he wants to be my friend. I said to her, and I quote, "When will you guys give this shit up? I will do nothing until I get paid. Stop acting like my friend. No money - no cooperation. Got it?"

My pay is now 40 days late. And they are wishing me Merry Christmas and introducing me to people who want to be my friends. Well that's just nice and cozy and all but how about instead of dreaming of a life when you get what you don't earn by screwing people, how bout you just be honest and work hard? Pay me the money you owe me, you scumbags! I hope they finally get the picture.

I actually told this story to two people who were among the cheated employees of Huashyte and they said they hate Niu Pengfei. The hilarious thing is they want to talk to me via a phone call and they don't know my number. Well, one or ALL of the 10 girls they cheated out of a month's work there helping the foreign teacher knew my phone number. But none of them are going to give Huasheng my phone number now because they are suing them for not paying them. Some of those girls also had my resume with all my contact information on it. But they're not giving that to Huasheng now.

I received a call from my fellow teacher here at TUST, George, today. He had received a call from these morons. You see, I simply blocked the girl I had accepted as a WeChat friend because I just knew they would try to ruin my Christmas with all their hassle and they had my final word. No money - no talkie. George doesn't know how they got his number, but George knows about the crap Huasheng has done to me and its other workers, so when they asked HIM for my contact information, he gave them nothing.

In the cases of my students and my former employers, cheating has made their lives MORE, not less difficult. It's only because I, and some other former Huasheng employees, are just not taking that crap. And the day people everywhere, en masse, decide not to take this crap, then and only then will cheaters and dishonest people find that their lazy selfishness and corruption is gonna bit them in the ass.

So, in conclusion, they are probably as far away from their dream here in China as they are way over there in America. In fact, due to corruption, both dreams are exactly opposite, making them nightmares. Leastaways, that's what I reckon.

A Blog and a Beer

Another week, another Zach Braff, (from Scrubs), soliloquy albeit without the mumbly laugh or starting with, "As a doctor..." Pretty impressive how I yanked that name outta the past isn't it? I haven't watched Scrubs for years so what made me think of Zach Braff? Bojack Horseman, that's what. Zach Braff is in Mr. Peanut Butter's house at a celebrity fund-raising party for PB's political campaign when the house falls into a sinkhole created by fracking around it. Nobody can get out and things get all Lord of the Flies. Zach Braff plays Zack Braff and starts one of his great summing up monologues trying to calm people down and talk them out of cannibalism... and before he can finish, Jessica Biel lights him on fire and everyone eats him. Ha ha ha ha ha. I love that show!

As a writer, I notice little things in life that everyone notices, and I try to put them on paper in a way that might be unique. 171 and a half thousand words in the English language and everybody seems to communicate mostly in sentences we've all said about that many times in our lives. Good morning; good afternoon; good evening; good night; how are you; I am fine, thank you and you; stop putting things up there if you want them back, you know, all the things we say just about every day. I admit, I stole that joke from Bojack too. It's about the best show in the world right now. A little dark and sweary for some, but I love it. I reckon being a writer for a show like that would be about the best job in the world. But I know there's as much chance of that happening as the Trumponator owning his baldness.

I'd be out of place in that world I think. I have no problem with any drug use, if it only affects the user. I just choose not to do that with the one and only exception of alcohol. Of course I am talking about mind altering drugs that are practically an essential part of the Hollywood, (or Hollywoo), scene. I wouldn't want to put myself into that environment. I think I could handle the temptation, (I could be wrong), but I doubt I'd want to deal with the depressing drug culture in which friends go in and out of rehab, or just become junkies depending on income. And, like in Bojack, eventually die tragically. If the show is written from experience, the writers room probably looks like a pharmacy.

That's not for me. I'm better way over here in Asia where there really ARE no drugs other than alcohol unless you're into huffing adhesives. And booze is the only crutch I need to deal with this nightmarish world. Oh it IS a nightmare, folks. Most of us are well trained to believe it's not, against all evidence to the contrary. It's astounding how that can happen! I think it might be kids. We maintain this obligation to procreate even though every single kid we pump out is nothing more than another person in line, another car in traffic, another shopping cart blocking the supermarket aisle, another person in the hospital waiting room, another consumer of resources. They're exactly what the world doesn't need. But maybe we keep cranking them out at Apocalyptic rates because they keep us from giving up on the world.

And without any cultural or geographic barriers, we all raise them to be what we all should be. Share with others; don't be selfish; be honest; just get along; be kind; be generous; think of others; love good; hate bad. Then, somewhere around adolescence, they watch the Princess Bride for the first time. "Life IS pain, Highness! Anyone who tells you different is selling something." WOAH! Truth bomb! Then they work their hardest and don't make the team. Then they don't find a date for the prom. Then they get a job and their boss cheats them. Then a friend screws them over. Slowly but surely, unless they are children of privilege or incredibly lucky, these beautiful, little people begin to realize that saying your prayers and taking your vitamins is as disingenuous advice as the fake hero, (Hulk Hogan), who delivered it.

If you really think about it, how different is "Say your prayers and take your vitamins" from "Make America great again"? Both of these guys are just, (sorry), trumped up characters who are playing parts. But so long as people believe in Hulkamania and politics, these guys have jobs. They could probably swap. Hogan could glue that rug to his head and Trump could sport the dew rag. Would THAT be something! Trump's wrastlin' name could be the Billion Dollar Man, The Landlord, Covfefe, Pee Otis, The Presidon't, oh man, this is too easy! And tell me you wouldn't LOVE to see him on the mud puddle stompin' end of a Stone Cold Steve Austin Stunner! I've said too much. Now you know I watch wrestling a little bit. Why am I less embarrassed about that than admitting to following politics?

And how about the Hulkster in politics? It could work! "You wanna take your shirt off, Putin? OK, let's play team politics, brother! You can be shirts and I'll be skins!" Then he could tear off his shirt.

 "And whatchagonnado when the largest arms in the world, (24 inch python kisses), and the largest military in the world, run wild on you??!!" Ha ha ha, scenes we'd like to see...

Anyhoo, children lose their precious innocence as they find out that living a Disney life won't get you far in this evil world. It will get you taken advantage of. This is the hardest thing in the world for me to observe. It kills me inside. And I only see this happen in OTHER people's kids. I would hate to have to see my kid converted to the dark side.

But I have my workaround. Even though I can't raise a kid and try to shelter him/her as long as possible from reality, I CAN get away from the evils of the world in a few ways. I like spending time with kids and sucking up all the innocence and honesty I can. I also find spiritual succor in nature. It too is honest, clean, pure and although it can be harsh, predators killing prey for survival is Sunday school compared to the avarice that fuels the evil in our world.

But there aren't a lot of kids I can hang out with or soothing, natural retreats in the cities where I've been in China. So, I drink. I find more and more I need a little help to focus on the positive things in life. Or maybe more accurately, to lose focus on the negatives. Alcohol can usually do that. Not always, but I find it is more often than not, worth the hangover if I can have a night of feeling like an innocent child taking pleasure in things without the requisite thoughts of, "What's the angle here?" or "Who's profiting from this?" or "What's the catch?" Drinking tends to knock the edge off my healthy skepticism defence mechanism. I think this happens to a lot of us, which is why we tend to meet more people and even hook up with lovers when we're drunk. Imagine a world in which we could meet people easily, even get laid easily, WHILE SOBER! All we need to do is maintain our innocence, trust, honesty and live like children our whole lives. But there are always going to be selfish assholes who look at an environment like that with dollar signs in their eyes. Or, in my case, RMB signs. Which isn't an S, it's not even an R, it's a Y for Yuen. Or maybe it's a Y for why can't they just choose a name for their money and stick with it? Renminbee, Yuen, Quai? But then again, Pound, Shilling, Guinea, Quid, what the hell's going on there?

If you've been following, you know my latest example of this: Huasheng. They are STILL at it! Payday was 3 weeks ago and I still haven't received anything. They DID lose another girl though. Doris quit, as I told her she would, as all the others in her position have. They work a month or so, find out Huasheng isn't going to pay them, then they quit. So there's a new gal nicknames Candice. She's the 10th person in 10 months in her position. Now it's HER job to try to convince me to "handle the procedures for the resignation." Poor kid!

She sent me a text asking if I wanted to go with her to the "Exit-Entry Administration Bureau." I didn't get the details, but I assume she wants me to sign the fumpee end of contract contract and use it to cancel my residence status, foreign professional certificate or my work visa. This, in all likelihood, would mean I would have a month to leave the country. I still have to work for more than a month here at TUST. Huasheng knows this, but, as I've told the representatives of this school repeatedly, and may FINALLY be getting through to them, Huasheng doesn't give a shit! They will gladly screw TUST too. Just for the perverse pleasure of piling a little bit more inconvenience and suffering onto the massive pile they've already given me. Where in nature, other than man, can you find such evil?

Candice also mentioned that she "heard I will be leaving China in January." That got my healthy skepticism a-whirring! Where could she have heard this? I have a very good idea. And I'm only on my second beer so it's grating on me a bit. I have a theory. The girl in the office here in charge of payroll, Cindy, talks to Huasheng. She lied to them before and cost me money. She told them that classes here are 45 minutes. They're not. They're 50 minutes, but based on this lie, Huasheng got about 6 or 7 more classes a month out of me. Thanks to Cindy. She is also the one who, "FORGOT" to pay me for my hours in August. Well finally, after three months of hounding, and after referencing it in my letter of resignation, "I am still awaiting my pay for August, but other than that, TUST has treated me fairly...", on my December 1st paycheck there was  a little extra. I think I finally got paid for August. Which probably, (hopefully), came out of Cindy's pocket.

Well by NO coincidence, Friday after payday at exactly 5 PM when Cindy leaves the office, my internet was shut off. There is nobody here all weekend so even though I informed the proper people about the problem, it wasn't fixed until it was too late to plan my lessons for the week. I also went the whole weekend without internet, or phone since I have "foreigner's" 4G data and it doesn't work unless there's wifi nearby. For a guy like me in a boring place like Taiyuan, that sucks. I couldn't watch hockey or even check the scores. I couldn't chat with friends. I couldn't blog. And now I'm hearing that SOMEBODY'S been talking about me leaving the country in January. It's funny that someone knows that because I don't even know that. It's possible, but not likely. I certainly don't have any definite plans to do that! But Cindy was at her desk when I had a meeting with David and George and gave my resignation. She probably THOUGHT she heard something that she didn't. Or OVERheard. Eavesdropping maggot!

There's no way of knowing for sure, but this is my theory. At any rate, David has been informed of Huasheng's desire to take me to the Exit-Entry Bureau, (by me), and he says he will call Huasheng and find out just exactly what the hell they are planning to do. And I sincerely hope he asks who told them I was leaving China in January. He'll probably be nice though. I just can't win!

So power outage two weeks ago, and as late as TWO DAYS AGO there are STILL power outages around campus. I taught another class with no lights and no computer. Then the next class, (in asshole teacher's classroom), the board was a mess, the computer was locked to his page, the screen was down, the desk was a mess. I swear by the triple starched collar of Donald S. Cherry that scumbag would catch a beating if we were in Canada! But it's China. I have to let the locals work things out for themselves. I think it's going to take a while.

And last weekend I was off the grid. It's a helpless feeling. You really don't notice how vital to survival the internet is to a guy here in China until it's gone for a few days. What a nightmare! I had to watch downloaded videos instead of live streams. I couldn't facebook. If some huge news story happened, (and it DID), I couldn't hear about it. I heard the GOP passed their tax scam. I guess it's not final yet. Or is it? But I didn't find out about it until way after the fact. I got so bored I actually exercised and studied Chinese! Wo ju dzai bu hao jia. I live in no good home. Heh heh.

As always, it coulda been worse. And I can say that on my fifth beer now. Short of having a kid, which I just can't see happening, it's the best way to mellow out for me. I have to make final exams for most of my classes this weekend and I have to write lessons on Ireland and Christmas for the culture knuckleheads. This will be difficult if I have a third weekend without wifi. But in a few more beers, I'll hardly be worried about that at all. Just in case you're worried, I had nothing to drink at all for the past 4 days. I'm not drinking every day. I still have my sense of responsibility intact. I'm not an alcoholic, although that's just what an alcoholic would type. The old body just can't take drinking like it used to. Man, just SLEEPING makes me sore! And the burn after exercise feels more like injury than beneficial muscle gain. Not to fault God but, if I were to design a body, it would have one difference: beer would be old age medicine.

*** You will never believe what happened like half an hour after posting this! One of the girls who worked for Huasheng messaged me and told me that her and all the previously cheated employees, (pretty much all girls), there are filing a class action lawsuit against the company! This is about the best news I've had since I read my letter of acceptance for university! I feel like my favourite sports team just won a playoff game! It's even BETTER than that! And not because I stand to be paid a LOT of money that I was cheated out of here, (possibly 10 or 15 thousand bucks), I am totally honestly feeling better for the Chinese employees that one after another have been hired by Huasheng and stiffed. Like I told you above! They find out after about a month that they won't be paid and they quit. But nobody ever DOES anything. Well now, en masse, they ARE doing something and maybe with a lot of people saying the same thing, they'll win. And they are including me in this lawsuit too. I can't tell you how happy it would make me to see Huasheng forced to pay all the people they have cheated! But that remains a dream for now. According to this blogpost, this sort of thing never happens. And to be fair, we're in China here so, will the ordinary people win, or will the company win. We shall see....

It's an epilogue I could never have guessed! Good for you, girls! I hope you fill my half empty glass!

Everything Is Harder Than It Should Be

I promised at the end of last post to tell you of what awaited me after interview weekend in Shenyang. I am the kind of person, (though many would pshaw this), who, in lots of ways, tends to accentuate the positive while NOT eliminating the negative. When I have a lousy job that I have to keep at least for a while longer, I try to remain positive. But when I nail down a good new one, the false positivity sometimes reveals itself. I don't like people who bury their heads in false positivity so I've been trying not to be escapist in my own life. China has not been kind to my character progression in this regard.

I've been back in Taiyuan a week now and I have been asking myself, "Has it always been this bad here?" I have often self-cheered under my breath with things like, "Not much longer now," or "Hang in there, Dave," or "This will all soon be just an amusing anecdote," but those placations haven't been very effective this week.

Let's begin at the beginning. I had a flawless flight home. I hung out with Gordon and Jo Jo, (and their charming cat Sochu), for a little bit on Sunday afternoon in Shenyang. We had duck together, the best meal I've had in China so far, then had a few drinks at their apartment. I will probably get a place in the same apartment complex. It was new, modern, clean, well designed, large, and functional. And a lot cheaper than the apartment I'd rented here in Taiyuan. Also, the school offers a housing allowance in the contract AND PAYS IT, so it will be free for me! YEEHAW!

They had Christmas decorations up and everything. It was a nice visit. They put me in a taxi to the airport at dusk and I was home a few hours later. It was 9:40 Sunday night and I had just arrived on campus so I made the stupid mistake of announcing that I just had my first perfect flight. I even said, "I hate to say this," while I made the announcement because I just knew the Fates would hear that and say, "Oh yeah! Forgot about this poor sod for a while." And sure enough...

The lesson I put together was one I'd prepped my Monday class for the previous week. We were learning about cross-cultural awareness so I gave them a few pointers then we watched the Simpsons episode in which they visit Australia. Well, we were supposed to. I wrote on the board some questions for them to answer while watching and while they were copying them out, I flashed up the Simpsons episode on the computer. It had no sound. I remember one other time this computer had no sound and all we did to fix that was press the space bar. So I pressed the space bar. This time it was the pause/play function. I got a student to fiddle around with the computer but we couldn't get sound. So I looked around. There was an empty classroom across the hall. I announced that we were changing classrooms. The students heaved big sighs and rolled their eyes but we got them into the other classroom.

The other classroom had great sound! Yay! Just... no picture. So we fiddled around with the NEW computer too and after a while it finally worked. This wasted at least half an hour of a two-hour class. And I have told everybody I can possibly tell about the shit computers at this school. They all talk to me like we're in a failing marriage. "Your comment is acknowledged. I am hearing your discomfort. I empathise with it and wish I could help you with it. I will talk to some people who don't exist about fixing the problem. Meanwhile why don't you talk to other people who can do nothing about it?"

But, whatever, I managed to get through the Monday after a long weekend. So I felt okay. When I got home I decided to contact Faith, who had paid for my ticket and I needed to pay back. I suggested dinner at a Korean barbecue we had talked about last time we went out. Her husband, Mr. Lee said it was good and it's not too far from my place. I can walk there in about 40 minutes. Plus, last time we met it was to give her something I had bought for her in Korea and I got her such a deal that she and Lee paid. So I said I'd pay next time. Faith checked and the restaurant was not there any more, but there was a new all you can eat BBQ place not far from it. We agreed to meet there at 7ish.

That afternoon I had a meeting with George and David from the university where I work. I had told George earlier and he said we needed to tell David. His Chinese name sounds a tiny bit like "David" so that's what I call him. I had told George I would be leaving the school and let him know how Huasheng had been behaving. They had cheated me into signing with TUST and they had threatened to pull my residence permit, which would screw the school. I wouldn't be able to finish my semester, much less the one-year contract. I did mention to George that I have serious doubts about the contract I have with the school. It was signed between myself and the school while I was still under contract with Huasheng. In my then legal contract is a clause that actually says I cannot sign with or work for any other schools. What we needed to do at the time, and what I was repeatedly telling everybody at Huasheng, was get a three-way contract signed. We never actually all sat down together. I know Huasheng thinks they've tricked both the school and me and they don't care about the legalities.

The upshot of the meeting was that TUST will have speaks with Huasheng and they will NOT transfer the visa to this school. There was a point in the meeting when they were showing me parts of the contract where it says that if I end early without good reason, I have to buy the contract out. I got very upset that they would even bring this up. I was not about to let fucking Huasheng cost me any more money! Here I was telling them that the contract was essentially useless. It was never a legally binding contract. I'm sure I'm right on that point. Yet, I have taught my classes faithfully, even 4-hour long classes of 90, for the lowest salary in China, since August. I don't have to, but I told them I WILL finish out the semester. I had also just informed them that I will be leaving after the semester giving them the maximum amount of time to find a replacement teacher and saving them two months of vacation pay. I could have said nothing, collected vacation pay for January and February, then just gone to Shenyang and left them high and dry. I didn't. And despite all that, they actually brought up this clause about leaving early and having to pay the college! Fucking Chinese business! I got a little angry and immediately David relented and George and he said that, okay, our situation WAS a good reason to leave early. But still... grrrrr.

I told them that they might even have a claim against Huasheng for the second half of my contract depending on what agreement they had made with them. Was I sold to the school? They say I wasn't but I have difficulty believing TUST was completely oblivious to what happened. Who signs a teacher who has a work visa from another school and doesn't sign a contract with that other school? I think maybe Huasheng has signed something with TUST that I don't know about. And THIS might be the reason that Huashyte is so hot and bothered to get me to sign the end-of-contract contract, or the "labour dissolve" contract as they call it here, which states that we have no more business together. THEN neither TUST or I have any financial claim against them for cheating us, if this is indeed what has happened. It is a HUGE mess to say the least! But hopefully things will get ironed out.

So I left the meeting with TUST assuring me that they wouldn't allow Huasheng to pull my residence permit or harm my transition to the new job. I don't know if they can actually make that claim... It might have been another failing relationship placation. Don't worry, we'll help. We'll talk to them. I've heard that before and gotten no results. They said they'd meet on Friday and let me know the results of the meeting. Monday is over and I've heard nothing from either of them yet.

So I go back to my apartment and decide to send my lessons for the next day's classes to the class monitor so she could print them out for the students. While I am in the midst of that, BAM, power outage! No power, no computer, no lights, no fridge, no wifi and when I tried to message Faith on WeChat, THAT wouldn't work either! I was chatting with her for a while about the meeting too and we were still sending WeChats back and forth when the power went out. She continued to send messages and I could receive them but I couldn't reply. I'd send the message and the phone would think for a while then give me a message that said something like local network cannot be reached at this time. Meanwhile Faith is asking questions and getting no answers. She's sending me question marks. Probably getting upset that I'm ignoring her.

Then just before 5 PM I was able to send messages to Faith but the power was still not on. It was starting to get dark. I found my trusty security guard flashlight and actually had to use it to put my shoes and coat on, go to the bathroom and whatever. My phone was down to maybe 20% charge and I had no way of charging it so I was trying not to use my phone. Oh, and inexplicably, my toilet stopped filling up. I got one flush after the power outage but it never filled with water afterwards. ???? I had to fill a tub with water and dump it into the toilet if I wanted to flush it. The other water in the bathroom sink and the shower was okay. Just no hot because it's electrically heated.

At around 6 PM I put my phone charger and flashlight in my pockets and left. I went to the front of the school where I always caught taxis and tried for a while. The whole campus was dark. It looked kinda cool. But I guess all the students couldn't use electronics so they all decided to go out too. By taxi. There was no catching a cab! So at 6:30 I messaged Faith, (WeChat was working outside my apt), and told her I'd walk to the restaurant and I'd probably be late. It would take me 40-50 minutes I guessed. I was right. I got there and Faith and Lee were waiting in line. The place was JAM packed! They'd been waiting for a while too. I normally wouldn't even bother but they'd waited for so long I figured I'd wait too. I had gotten up at 5:30 AM so I was getting tired but by the time we got into the restaurant to eat it was at least 8 PM and I had only had one meal that day. I ate a LOT! And it was really good! The second best meal I've had in China!

It's really a good idea! They have a heated grill but there's no fire or anything like in Korea. It's a plate and over top they put this paper to protect it from the impossible to clean charring. I always feel sorry for the people at Korean BBQ places who have to wash the grills! We had all kinds of meat! Not Korean, but similar. You grill the meat and veggies and then put them in a lettuce leaf. There were sauces too. Not sam jjang but not bad. AND... all you can DRINK too! I only had two beer though cuz I had to teach next day. It cost us 60 something quai. That's about 10 or 11 bucks. Macdonald's costs that! I then understood why there were a thousand people waiting to get into this place!

So not ALL bad news. I got WAAAY more than my money's worth lemme tell ya! They give you two hours then kick you out. At that point we were all still eating. Not as fast but still going. I had to laugh at Faith. She's not much of a meat eater so she didn't feel like she got her money's worth eating noodles and veggies. But she took a dessert to go. lol

When I got back to the campus the power was still off. I used my flashlight to get to the door of my apartment block but it was beeping wildly and my electronic key would not open it. I think what happened was the lock switched to battery back-up when the power went out. Then since the power was out for so long the battery had only enough power to make the beeping noise, not open the lock. I'd seen this before and I know that security guards, REAL security guards, will have spare batteries they can use when something like this happens. But how could I communicate this to the guards?

I went to the gate where there were two guards and tried to message Faith. WeChat wasn't working. So I called her. Luckily the restaurant had an outlet and I'd been able to charge my phone to about 50% while eating dinner. Faith didn't answer. Then I called George. He answered immediately and told me he would translate. So I gave the phone to the security guard. She handed it back to me and George was gone. She just shrugged and said something in Chinese. I signalled to the other guard, who was not in the booth, to come with me. He refused. I was starting to think I was going to have to spend a cold night sleeping outside. Then two things happened: George called back and the power went back on. So while talking to George I walked to my door and it opened. WHEW!!!

Alas, my troubles were not over. I didn't need to email anything to my students for my Tuesday classes. That was lucky because the internet did not come back on with the power. I taught my Tuesday classes in a room with no power. I always bring water to class. With large classes I have to talk more than I would like so I need it sometimes. I couldn't get water because the electric water machines weren't working. But the dry class went okay. No internet for the entire day Tuesday. I think all that was required was someone to just hit the reset button on the server for my building. David's office is two floors above me. I talked to him that day and he said he hadn't noticed the wifi being off. He checked on his phone and confirmed it was off. I told him how important wifi is for my classes and how I had already had to altar several lessons without it. He said something like, "I am hearing your sadness and I can relate and sympathize. It is making you uncomfortable and I acknowledge this. I will endeavor to rectify the situation in any way that I can't."

I had lessons planned for the next day, but they required technology. I wasn't going to chance it. I copied about a hundred emergency lessons for Wednesday's classes. Sure enough the power was out in the buildings I taught until the fourth and final hour of teaching that day. I ended up using the same lessons for four hours the next day too because I still had no wifi and couldn't have sent anything else. The wifi finally DID return Wednesday night when it was too late to send lessons. When was the last time you went a few days without internet? It was a nightmare!

One good thing that the power outage caused was a confrontation with an asshole teacher I've been trying to meet up with. This guy teaches some sort of math or science and EVERY time he leaves class just before I get there with scrawlings all over the board, chalk dust all over the lectern and computer, the screen down, the projector on and the computer locked into his lesson. EVERY time. I showed up for this class on Wednesday and, because of the power outage, he was STILL teaching. And just to be even a bigger shithead, he went right up to the hour. He's supposed to quit at ten to the hour. All my students and I waited politely outside. I walked into the class and met him near the computer. As always the board was a mess, and everything else was too. The computer wasn't on and the screen wasn't down but I said in English, (which is the language he is supposed to be teaching in, but like all the Chinese teachers, doesn't), "Please clean off the board or at least get a student to do it for you." I even picked up a board eraser and demonstrated. He nodded, said nothing, then pushed past me. I watched myself from outside my body turn around and yell, "HEY!" The guy stopped and turned around. I then approached him. Meanwhile his students were almost all gone and mine were coming into the classroom. They'd all heard me complain about this teacher's lack of common courtesy before. I think they enjoyed the confrontation. I again used the eraser and said, "PLEASE, erase the blackboard or get one of your students to do so." He was about to say something, (NOT do something), when his LAST student grabbed the eraser and wiped the boards. I'll be curious to see the state of the classroom THIS Wednesday. What do you guys think? I am expecting the same mess. Even though China needs it more than any other place I've lived due to its huge population, they don't practice common  courtesy here and actually BLAME it on the huge population. I've seen Korea's common courtesy improve over the years and I am positive the foreign influence had a lot to do with it. I think it can happen in China too. But people have to do what I did. Not just for wiping off chalkboards either. People have to demand better behaviour from selfish assholes like this in many areas. I think it can happen.

So pretty much a week was ruined by the power outage. I am still feeling the effects THIS week. My toilet hasn't worked properly since. Today it is at its worst. I am still pouring water down the toilet sometimes. This brings up another hardship and another amusing anecdote. I have no kitchen sink so I have to wash my dishes in the bathroom. This weekend I cleaned up the house because I didn't clean the previous weekend since I was in Shenyang. So I had two weeks of dust on the floor and two weeks of dishes. The latter is not so bad for me. I'd re-use paper plates if I had them. But the dust build-up is something to behold! I have no doubt this too is adversely affecting my health. The dust is just ridiculous here. And while sweeping up on the weekend I breathe in so much of it, the next day I feel like I have a hangover/cold. It's disgusting! But, not much longer...

So I have to fill a tub of water in the shower for washing dishes. I put soap in and put the showerhead into the tub. When it fills up I wash the dishes in the tub then rinse them in the bathroom sink. I was changing the dirty dish water and pouring it down the toilet, you know, to kill two birds with one stone, and at the end of the pour I head a clank. Then I remembered I had put a sugar spoon in the wash. I never did see that spoon but I'm sure it's not helping the already backed up toilet.

Then today I go to class and teach last week's lesson to my culture class. Because it involves video and a PDF, which the computer in that class can't read, I couldn't use it last class. I downloaded a PDF reader, put it on my flashdrive, put the video and the PDF file on the flashdrive too and everything worked! Today, miraculously, the SOUND was working too! I had chosen this video, (about the Great Barrier Reef), because it just had music and words printed on the screen. Didn't need sound. But sound there was! Of course! But then I noticed something that has happened to me before. I had put some other videos onto my flashdrive for other classes. The ones illustrating cross-cultural understanding. Like a guy golfing in Japan who gets a hole in one and has to buy expensive gifts for his Japanese business partners who are golfing with him. Next time he aims for the woods at the same hole and says, "Oh darn, I missed. Oh well." But his ball gets a nice bounce off a tree and goes into the hole again. I have several good examples of things like this. So it takes up space on my flashdrive. Today they're gone. Oh they're still ON the drive, they're just hiding and I can't figure out how to read them. So they still take up space but are useless. Like some of my students. lol. So now I have to put those same files onto my flashdrive AGAIN so I can use them. I WOULD have used them last week when they were still useable, but, power outage. Hopefully I'll be able to have them on the drive long enough to use them before they disappear.

I think this happens because of all the computers having incompatible software. I don't know or care that much, I just wish it wouldn't happen. I have told the proper people about this too and received solid psychological support but no technical support.

And finally, this morning, when I went to take a shower, I had no COLD water. Hot was fine but cold wasn't. And yet the toilet remains unflushable.

And just to add a little more drama to this week, we have government inspectors coming to random classes. I've already had a couple of people inspecting my classes from the school. Now I have to perform for the government. I think they are probably trying to judge whether this place actually IS a school or isn't just some fumpee for profit business, (which it is). This has happened many times before to me. My credibility and honesty is used to make a crook look like an educator. And some of the other teachers were talking about this to me. Make sure you don't use the computers. Make sure you are entertaining. Make sure you make the students laugh. Sigh. Not for much longer...

So now you see a little better what I mean when I say I want to be a real teacher in a real school. Or when I say that everything in China is a little harder than it really should be. I saw a driver this morning turn a corner on campus and drive for half a block on the wrong side of the road. The driver didn't change sides of the road until an oncoming vehicle was forced to slow down or stop. It almost seems to me like the people here are purposely inconveniencing each other and making the lives of their fellow man more difficult or at least less convenient. Maybe they have some kind of belief that it builds patience or character in others and they are doing something noble. Do you buy that?

All I DO know is I'll be slightly more ignoble but tremendously more comfortable come March. So like a really good massage, this story will have a happy ending.


*** Wednesday update: That annoying teacher stayed late again today. But not AS late. Only half the class was waiting for him in the hallway. He didn't wipe the boards but the same student who wiped them last time, was wiping them when I got into class. The computer was still dusty but not AS dusty. And the computer, screen, OHP were all off and closed. There was only one cigarette butt under the chair. Yes, I forgot to tell you, he usually smokes a few cigs and just leaves the butts under the chair. (who SMOKES while they teach?!?!) But at least things were a little better.

BUT... (come on, this is ME here), the computer case was locked. LOCKED! This dude has used the computer for every class except the time when there was no power. He must have used it this class too and then just to be a colossal dick, locked it as if to say, "You want me to clean up, there ya go, Round Eye!"

One of my students called a maintenance worker and we got it opened. Only 10 or 15 minutes were wasted.

The classroom before that had no sound. AGAIN! The same maintenance worker was called. She comes in and takes a panel off the computer case that I didn't even know could be taken off. This exposes a whole equalizer/sound system that I was unaware of. She presses a few things and the sound comes on. I ask her to show me and AS ALWAYS I get a hand waved at several buttons in explanation. Nobody ever tells me how to do these things. Is it this inconveniencing thing? Do they WANT to do things the least convenient way? I have never seen these computer cases locked. Why today? Why ever? Why not give me a key? Why not tell teachers about the sound system?

I swear it boggles the mind!

China: Techno-illogically Awesome

So, last weekend I went to Shenyang for a job interview at the good place. It's Victoria University of China and we are teaching students English who want to eventually study things in English, ideally, at Victoria University in Australia. So it's not a fumpee, wannabe school, it's a real school. "Fumpee," if you are wondering, is my new favourite Chinese word. It means "fart," so I heard my young students, well, my young, male students using it a lot. But I learned on the weekend, from Jo Jo, that it is also used in Chinese to mean "bullshit." So I can say that most of the places I've worked are not schools, they're fumpee schools. I just wonder, in which sense all of my students have been using it.

I got a really cheap air ticket to go Thursday night after classes so that I could make it to my 9:30 AM interview on Friday. Everything went fine except I thought it would probably be a good idea to book a hotel before travelling. I only had the address in Chinese to show to a taxi driver, so I didn't know what area of the massive city of Shenyang to look for a hotel. Plus, my card, and my internet are hit and miss so I'd probably look for something for an hour, find a good place and have my card refused. This has happened before. Besides, Gord told me there are two perfectly good hotels right across the street from the school. Surely there'd be a room!

As I said, the trip went off without too much trouble. The only problem was that I couldn't use WeChat. It's really frustrating here in China technologically because you need wifi for things that don't use wifi to work. It's techno-illogical if you ask me. My 4G data doesn't work unless there is functioning wifi nearby. It doesn't have to be mine; I don't have to have a username or password; I don't even need to have my wifi on, I don't think, but if there's no wifi, my data doesn't work. Am I cray cray, or is data something we all get thinking that it will come in handy in times of no wifi? Isn't that one of the whole points of it? Well mine needs to be in a wifi hot zone or it won't work.

Same with WeChat. And it's even worse. I have to be able to read the wifi with my phone and log in I think. Like in the airport in Seoul. I got there one time and couldn't get ahold of Amber for this reason. I'm NOT the only one with this problem either. So anyway, I'm usually good all over the city of Taiyuan. It rarely comes up. In fact it's only come up in the two least convenient places it could: my apartment and the Taiyuan Airport. The Taiyuan Airport for the love of Peet! Why would anyone need to communicate with other people at an AIRPORT?!?! Highly illogical, captain. We haven't yet finished with this point.

The trip was fine, though I would have liked to message Gord to make sure he knew I was on the plane safely. I wasn't going to be staying at his place, but he was concerned. Also, it would have been nice to find out if he was going to meet me at the airport and have a beer or not. Usually Amber does this and it's always nice. I got to the Taiyuan Airport WAAAAY early. I forgot I didn't have to go through the time consuming customs and immigration. MAN that's nice!!! I don't know if I'll ever be able to stand in front of an immigration officer without looking, AND FEELING, like I've got a few Kees of heroine taped to me. It always makes me nervous even though I've never done anything wrong. I guess I always think maybe it's possible I've overstayed or my visa has been cancelled or a fumpee warrant for my arrest has been put out. I dunno. I have no reason for a guilty conscience, but I always have one. See? That word is cool, isn't it? hee hee I'll be using it again to be sure. I'm thinking of possibly OVERusing it. We'll see...

Before we get back to the trip, and the interview, I would like to complain about technology a bit more to give you a better idea of mein tekno kampf. First of all, I bought my computer in Canada, a generally law-abiding nation where copyright infringement is a thing. So it didn't come with Windows Office, Adobe Acrobat, or any other programs, (or copies of them), already on the hard drive. I use Apache Open Office because it's free and I don't have to buy a fake copy of it three every three months. I did that for Microsoft Office a couple of times. How can you tell if you are getting it forever or just a three month trial? I don't know how. And Acrobat was the exact same thing. Only you can't keep using the Acrobat when the trial runs out. It's done. With the Microsoft Office you just get a red warning every time you use it. It's just a couple extra clicks to remove that but I don't like it. So I use Open Office. Sometimes Open Office dox don't go through a Google email without being messed up slightly. Just slightly, but they get messed up all the same. So I've started using the "export as PDF" function. This is something I only learned through my usual arduous process. I ran a Google search on how to convert a doc to PDF on Open Office. I got into some lengthy download sessions of programs that SAY you can do it using "PDF Pal" or "Perfecto PDF" or "Transfile" or whatever. Usually the installations come with other unwanted programs and they change default homepages, media players, picture readers or whatever and when you finally get them, they don't work anyways so you THEN have to try to find all the crap that has been added or changed by that download and fix it. This can take hours and it very often leads to plenty of salty language.

I've recently had to do two things that required this process: 1. Affix a signature to a document and 2. Save only part of a PDF file. I won't tell you the document I had to sign but I figured this one out on my own AFTER going through all the fumpee sales and gobbledygook answers. Don't you just love when you get these computer geeks, who always start their advice with, "Oh it couldn't be easier," then go on to make you feel like this machine you're looking at is a frigging space-time continuum bender? "You just go into the registry and swap the common franctoid phrases with current cross-proxy protocols. Of course you'll want to back up your soft-bank structures with a secure failsafe peekaboo program. But once you've recalibrated the stereopixels into reducibly stringent chiplets, you're basically home free! Couldn't be easier!" Eat a Klingon dick!

I didn't want the frustration of searching so I tried a few things that I reckoned would work, and one DID! I just scanned my signature and then added it to the document. Of COURSE it couldn't possibly be THAT easy! I tried that a couple times and it didn't work. So I just thought I'd try saving the signature as a PNG file rather than a JPG and that worked. Are you kidding me? Why? I have no choice but to believe it's that way simply to make things difficult for the world. To give computer geeks more job security they can't have this process that billions will want to do, WORK with the most commonly used scan file type. No! They have to add difficulty so that ordinary people can't do it. Well, once again, eat a Klingon dick you nerds cuz I figured it out on my own! YEAH! In yer faces! I haven't played sports in a while but this might be just as good as the feeling you get when you score a goal or touchdown or win a game of whatever you're playing. Then I added it to the document and sent it. As an Open Office document. So the signature moved outside the box where I wanted it. So I'll probably have to save the document as a PDF and resend it. Sigh.

As for the PDF separation, it wasn't as smooth. I've had to do this before too but usually it's for work and I have time constraints so I just give up. No less frustration or salty language, it's just under my breath so students or fellow teachers don't hear. I can print out selections of a PDF I just don't know how to save them. So that was my mission. See, I have all these files in which there are the worksheets and then there are the answers. I have huge classes here and don't do the copying. I send lessons to my class reps so they can make copies for everyone. But I can't very well send them the worksheets AND the answers now can I? So I had a project.

I can't tell you how many programs I used to open the two-page file and try to save just page one. I selected just page one and saved. It saved both pages. On several different programs that could read PDF's. Then I noticed I have a "one page" option on a couple of them. I used that and the doc was reduced to just the first page. I then clicked save and it saved both pages. I did a search and the first answer was, "It couldn't be easier! Just go into your Adobe Acrobat PDF reader and..." Nope. And by the way, eat a dick. I actually downloaded a program called PDF24 and it allowed me to open up my PDF in it. I was able to select the second page and delete it. Then I saved. This took me over an hour. I am positive there is a simpler way to do this, it's just hidden by the nerds from us.

With net neutrality quickly disappearing and the things we all want to do getting harder and harder to do, I think soon the only REAL freedom I feel in this world, computer freedom, is coming to an end. It won't be long now before email will require local and federal clearance and an expensive course at some fumpee, for profit computer "school." But I'm taking advantage of it while it lasts. I streamed a couple of hockey games this morning. Both Vancouver and Calgary lost but they were good games. Anyhoo, back to the trip.

The trip was a short one and for the first time in a long, long time, the plane food was crap. I guess I can't complain because the ticket was so cheap, but too late, I already did. I WAS delayed about an hour so I ended up getting to Shenyang at around 9:30 Thursday night. And WeChat was working! So I sent a message to Gord saying I had arrived. Gord was talking in code. He said, "She's changed the meeting to 3 o'clock." I thought the teachers had a meeting. So I said, "Sure, no problem. I can go to my interview and then after your meeting we can go out for beers." He just repeated that the meeting was changed to 3. Stupidly, I didn't think he meant my interview. I just said, "Am I supposed to be going to this meeting?" I just looked around the airport for a short time in case I saw him but I was getting accosted by the taxi harassers so didn't want to stay too long. So I got into a taxi and went to the uni. Gord sent a message like, "Dude, dude, she's changed the meeting. Just go with it, man. Where are you now. If you wanna..." I thought he was gonna suggest drinks but it was 10 o'clock and I was up at 5:30 that morning. I was still an hour away from the uni and then had to book a hotel. I didn't wanna stay out too late or drink too much before an interview anyways. I sent several messages that I was in a taxi going to the school but got no answer.

Then it hit me. My interview was changed to 3 so I could go out for beers. I still am not sure if Gord was at the airport or not. I didn't see him if he was.

I reached the school at 10:30. I tried both the hotels across from the school, but to my surprise, there was no room at the JingJiang or the Home Inn. I checked two more and they were both full. Or would not give me a room for whatever reason. I messaged Gord and told him this but didn't get an answer. So I wandered around for another hour in the frigid Shenyang air. It sounds like I'm complaining but I was happy to check out the hood, and it was like -8 or something. Not that cold. A good night for a walk.

I checked about 8 or 9 hotels. One Home Inn Plus showed me a sign that read, "We don't give service to foreigners." I guess that's the plus. Then I started wondering if this was the reason I'd been refused at other places. No way to know really. Well it was now 11:30 and things were getting pretty dead even though this neighbourhood where the university is has a few other schools so it's pretty lively. But it was only Thursday night so mostly it was just taxis cruising around. And me. I finally went down a road that was a dead end and flagged a cab. He took me to the fourth Home Inn I'd been to and FINALLY there was room at the inn! I got into the room and messaged Gord to let him know I'd found a place and he messaged back that he was about to go out looking for me. It's good to have a friend in town. I was starting to get a bit worried.

We finally established that the interview had been changed to 3PM next day and I hadn't received Donna's email. I just didn't check. And, at that time I didn't yet have Donna's WeChat so she'd sent the message to Gord to tell me the time was changed. So I tried to sleep. New town, interview tomorrow, 2-hour walk in the cold, I had a hard time getting to sleep. But just as I did, I got a new message from Gordon. I think he woke up and thought about me and sent a message before he was fully awake. "You hoteld?" was the message. lol It was at about 2:30. But I sent him a message back reassuring him I was. It's nice that he was concerned.

Next morning just before 7 AM it was snowing and Gord sent another message to me trying to find out what hotel I was at and get me booked somewhere for the weekend. So as to avoid a repeat of the night before. He had Jo Jo busy trying to book me somewhere but I didn't know where that was and I decided to go down and see if I could book the same place for another two nights. It turned out I could and it was cheaper than Jo Jo's price so I did. I told Gord I was about 20 minute walk from the uni. He had a hard time believing that but since I was up already and since I'd seen a Burger King in my travels, I showered, walked to the BK and had a bacon and egg croissant. It took me 15 minutes to get there and, sure enough, 5 minutes from BK to the uni. 20 minutes. So I decided to wander around the uni and take some pics. It was a beautiful day although a bit colder and windy. About -12 Celsius.

Here's the main gate. It is actually called Liaoning University. On the campus of Liaoning is Victoria U. of China. So they call the place "L.U." Which is nice cuz my alma mater is Lakehead University. We called THAT L.U. too.

I arrived at 10 AM. I know this because this clock bonged 10 times. This is the administration bldg. Fitting that it's the one with the clock.

By 10 AM the sun had melted most of the snow, but not all of it. This was well into my walk actually so it was closer to 11 or 11:30. There is a LOT of nature on campus! Grass, trees, shrubbery. And there are SUPER wide roads and paths to walk on. They had a great deal of land to build the university on and evidently they didn't feel the need to scrunch everything together. It gives a decidedly non-Asian feel to the campus. This was also a very nice day. Cleaner air than any day in Taiyuan. I was thinking, if this is usual, I'm gonna love this place! But I didn't wanna count my chickens...

I saw this statue just after the building above and had to take a few pictures. This one was probably the best. It's the Liaoning University School of Keyboard Playing. Geddy Lee of Rush was a guest speaker here I've heard. Actually I'd imagine that this is probably a guqin? Not sure. Interesting statue though eh?

The pic below is probably my fave that I took. It's a building seen through the arches of another building. It is not the most elegant of construction at L.U. but I really liked some of the buildings and some of the landscaping. A common theme in the pictures I took though is the total lack of people in this wide open, spread out campus. At times I felt like I might have been visiting the University of Pyeongyang. Or even Chernobyl! It was deserted compared to anywhere else I've been since coming to China. A little eerie. But in a good way.

Couple nice stadia. I'm hoping there will be some sports to watch there so I can show my support and my school spirit. Even if it is, (shudder), soccer.

And to the right is a building with a pond. There were a coupla them. Lots of frogs and pussywillows in the summer I bet. Add some frog song to the campus. I got to thinking that this would be an ideal place to just let a dog run free. I have wanted a dog for so long! But I just can't bring myself to get one with the instability of my life. I'd get a black lab and name him Dave.

Just look at this! If I'm a dog who needs to poo, this gives me a red rocket! And I didn't see any dog poo that I can recall. Maybe they're not allowed. But once again, where are all the people? I am not complaining at all! I will love the total absence of crowds at this place! Okay, I am talking in the future tense now so I might as well let the cat out the bag, I was officially offered a position at L.U. I'll be teaching at this school by March of next year!!! And I think I'm going to like it. The job offer was the document that needed my signature affixed to it. So now all I have to do is get a ton of paperwork done, some of it done in Canada, then get some documents from Huashyte that I know they are not going to give me. But there's a will here and where there's a will, there's a way. If I have to wait till my current work visa expires, I will. If I have to stretch the truth or fracture a Chinese law or two, I have been told that the law and what happens are only a well-placed payment apart. I remember in Korea in the early days going to Immigration with a supervisor who had an envelope full of money. That was the only time I was able to get a new visa in Korea without leaving the country. China reminds me a lot of the Korea of yesteryear. So I have no doubt that nothing will stop me from working at L.U. I am really looking forward to it!

And as if to give me a sign, things at TUST, the university where I work now, have been really crappy since coming back from Shenyang. ANOTHER episode where I thought I'd be sleeping on the streets of China! Ridiculous "school" happenings and the requisite Huashit being Huashit story. I will also continue with my techno-illogically bellyaching next post. You have no idea what chaos a power outage can cause in a place where even at the best of times technology is fumpee! Had to say it one more time. lol But I'm going to save all that for another post.

I am happy, and in the spirit of American Thanksgiving, thankful, that I will soon have a job that I believe will make this whole Chinese venture worthwhile. It was looking pretty sketchy but now it looks good. I am also thankful for my friends without who, (I know there should be an m there but I am off the word "whom"), I would be in a back alley bar wearing a headband and playing Russian Roulette right now. "Ditti mao! MAO! MAO!" I am listing these people in alphabetical order so as not to intimate that any has helped me more than another, Amber, DB, Gord, Heather, Jo Jo, Mike, Ty, you guys have all kept a few of my marbles from falling out my ears over the years. I love you all! Friends and work. Now all I need is family. Well, maybe in the future. I am thankful they're still all back in Canada doing okay. And this new job gives me plane tickets once in a while so I'll probably be able to visit more often. It's only taken me 50 years but life might finally be getting to a point where I am comfy and secure. But I may need a dog to get the full effect.

Smarten Up!

Remember when people used to say to unruly kids, "Hey, smarten up!" I can't tell you how many times I heard that as a kid and I did some stupid things so I probably deserved it more often than not. The thing is, I didn't like it. It insulted me. It offended me.

Well, as Steve Hughes says, "So what?" Did I get leprosy? Did I call the cops? Nope. I grew up. I wised up. And, I smartened up. Now, don't get me wrong, I still do some stupid things. Usually they involve travelling long distances, uprooting my life and risking everything on the words of dishonest people, but I can't stop trusting people altogether. That would be running away. Putting my head in the sand. Giving up on society. Escapism.

Most people would give me, as my high school principal Mr. Farrell used to say, a pat on the back up high, for saying that. "Yeah, good on ya mate! Way to go! Nice positive thinking, man!" But find those same people and say something about the problem in a negative way and watch how fast they blend into the bushes like Homer Simpson.

The latest example of this was a beautiful illustration of my topic today. I was exchanging goods with my co-teacher Margie. Ha! Fitting to talk about her right below that gif of Homer. Anyway, Margie has been here since '96. HERE. At this fake school. I don't know if it's always been so Mickey Mouse around here but I have been finished my double major class for a month now and nobody has asked me for marks or anything. There was no plan or notice for any of my classes. I was just thrown in a room with 30-90 students and told to teach. For half of my classes I didn't even know how to get to the classrooms! I was hired very last minute so had no chance to make proper curriculums, though, am glad of it since that would have been polishing a turd. Honestly, the lengths to which over expectation of students can possibly go seem to have no limits here. I told you of the beloved bumblebrain class I have in which they have a text that academically, and in heightened, esoteric English, covers the intricacies of the major English speaking countries of the world. Their government, histories, cultures and such. Given to students, about half of which, are failing my severely dumbed down English class of the very rudimentary elements of English speaking countries and their cultures. Well I have another class that might be even lower. I am supposed to be teaching them TOEFL. This is an outdated, but still used, English proficiency test. I think they had some TOEFL texts but in about two minutes I could tell there were no students in the class who could get a decent score on the test. Not one who should be hired for any job requiring English. And CERTAINLY not one who should be studying something in complicated English. Just last class I saw them all carrying these massive, blue Chemistry books. Again, heightened, esoteric, chemically English that even native speakers would have difficulty with. These students? Use the thing as a door stop or a coffee table leg. It's not going to do you any good otherwise. On an educational level, this school ranks below a lot of the hagwons I've taught at. And the first and second things they did to me were, 1. cheated me into signing a contract here and 2. put me to work in August for which I STILL haven't been paid.

Having said all that, Margie has been here since '96. This should give you a hint as to the kind of person Margie might be. I refer you to my recent post about posobots. All of the stuff above is true and we both teach at this joke of a school, so naturally, with a guy like me who doesn't shy away from the negative, these topics are going to come up in conversation. Last time she was over here for a barbecue, I mentioned to her that she has been here longer than anybody has worked for any school that I know of here, yet she makes the lowest salary I know of here. And if you saw what she does, I think she might work harder than anyone I know here. But tell her of the school I have applied at where right now teachers are making in a week what we make here in a month and it bounces right off her. She has attained peace in her meagre earnings. Then I brought up my culture class when she was over here giving me some parmesan cheese she'd purchased, while I gave her some lettuce I had found. You have to go all over the place to find specialty items like these.

Margie has an interesting way of regurgitating harsh facts, then trying to gloss them over with nonsense. She says to me, "Yeah they're like baby birds in a nest with mouths open squawking for food, helpless to get their own." Right! That's EXACTLY what they are! They want me to teach them in a week, how to read these ridiculous texts they've been given. But then Margie goes into damage control mode. "Buuut you probably misunderstood them. They're bad English leads to misunderstandings sometimes. They probably didn't understand the assignment. They may have had trouble with your explanation. It's probably a cultural thing." and so on. Here's the thing: Margie speaks Chinese. I don't know how much she uses in Class but I have met several teachers here who are supposed to be teaching in English and are not. I even said to Margie that most of this class should not be in the classroom with a teacher who only speaks English. They're not ready for it. I even said that in Canada, a lot of these kids would be in special ed.

Margie teaches oral English to this same group of lugnuts and I have no doubt she is aware of the students who really don't belong on the inside of a university classroom, but she has her thing here and she doesn't want it messed with. I felt like an assailant on her peaceful malformation of reality. She gave me my cheese, found that the cheddar she was going to give me was frozen, said she'd give me a hunk when it thawed out, then couldn't blend into the bushes fast enough. She probably went to her apartment, drank hot water and meditated. Ha ha ha. In China, the cure for everything is hot water. I will never see that hunk of cheese. Margie doesn't contact me even though we both live on campus here. It's another example of a person I've scared away because of my negativity. I think I "offend" her. At the very least, Margie is never going to sit down with me, have a beer and bitch about work.

And that's all I wanted to do. It's cathartic. Cleansing. Therapeutic. But nowadays we're all trained, not to say mindfucked, into believing that's all bad juju. Even if it's the truth, it's offensive. I had one student from the TOEFL class send me a text saying my class needs to be more interesting and harder. I'm teaching things they did 12 years ago in school. Well first of all this particular student had missed about half the classes. He was probably sending this message to get me to believe he never shows up because he's not challenged. Second of all, I bet if someone tries to teach from that same, big, blue, chemistry book next year, he'll be "offended" because they've already done that. Well "done" and "learned" are not the same thing. He's probably right. These kids probably DID cover the basics of English a long time ago in their regular schooling. Taught by a Chinese teacher who couldn't recite the alphabet and they all cheated on their tests by copying the one student in class who had lived in America for a year. It was painfully obvious to me that these kids needed, so I am teaching them introductory English. Well this "offends" them because in their minds they are beyond this. The next class, this student, nicknamed Whale, shows up for class. I tape five pictures to the board and start asking random people things about them. Where are they from, what is their nationality, what is their hobby, what's their favourite food, what language do they speak, what are they wearing, because this is what we've been learning in class. I stress the S for present tense like "He speaks..." "She likes..." and I stress present continuous tense for clothes. "He is wearing..." "They are wearing..." I also make sure they watch for countable and uncountable A's and S's like a red jacket or blue socks. NONE of the students were doing any of this properly when I talked to them all on the first couple days of class. It's what they need to learn.

So I call on Whale and ask a question. He gets it wrong. I ask another question. He gets it wrong. I explain to him how if he'd been in class he would have studied this and may have gotten the question right. I call on a student with lower level of English who had been regularly attending. He got the question right. Whale has a choice to make. He can be "offended" or he can smarten up. Which do you think he will do?

It's really a choice between thinking or retreating into escapist quasi-thinking. Do we find our joy and happiness or do we pretend to find them by settling for shitty situations and blocking out any evidence of their shittiness? I went for one of my long walks yesterday and saw this:

Yeah, I was going next door to keep my colon true. ???

Well, by golly, I thought, maybe China has this figured out! I sure wish this school well! But then, just a few doors down I saw this:

The Bryan Adams Happy Learning Centre. And back to Earth my hopes for China crashed. lol

Another example. I occasionally engage online in conversation, or exchange of philosophies and opinion just to keep the lawyer in me sharp and since I'm starved for English conversation over here. Really, I argue. I especially like the challenge of trying to take people out of artificial comfort zones and make the posobots nervous. Possibly even wake a person up. Never know...

The other day I saw something posted online by a guy who's VERY awake, Bernie Sanders, about Canadian health care. It was a Canadian doctor saying that "Never has the Canadian government dictated what she does." I think even Bernie fell for one of the oldest and falsest lies about Canada: the myth of free healthcare. As the old joke goes, "Canadians are just unarmed Americans with free healthcare." I have heard it more accurately told as "better healthcare," but it's still wildly inaccurate. First of all Canada has guns. Three for every 10 residents. But they're hunting rifles, not Uzis. And for the love of GOD stop saying Canadian healthcare is free! It's far from it! Until you've worked in Canada and felt the sting of a 48% payroll tax, then felt the icy grip of the taxman taking 20% for a 100-year-old dinosaur income tax that has paid off the wars a thousand times over and THEN 15% on almost everything you buy and even MORE in excise taxes on certain "luxury" items like beer, AND THEN paid special bonus taxes if you have property or own a car or die, until THEN, don't tell me Canadian healthcare is free.

Healthcare is reported to be the thing that the highest percentage of Canadian taxes are spent on. I say that because nobody has ever read the horrendously voluminous Canadian tax code, (made so for that very purpose), so nobody really knows. Health care is expensive in Canada and the representatives of the hospitals, and the doctors, are getting rich off our tax dollars so it's unlikely that you'll get an honest assessment of the cost of healthcare from any of them. In a way, the Canadians still pay a lot for healthcare, it's just less personal. And because there is no way to measure exactly how much we each pay, people can still get away with saying it's free. Or telling other lies or making other misleading comments like the doctor who snowed Bernie. She said the "Canadian government" hoping people would think she meant all forms of government in Canada, but what she meant was the federal government. Bernie Sanders can be forgiven for not knowing that healthcare is something that is handled provincially in Canada so, no, the federal government doesn't dictate what she does, but the provincial government does. Thing is, she probably doesn't mind that cuz since Canadians don't really know what happens to their taxes, provincial governments get away with highway robbery by saying, "It's for healthcare." Nobody bitches about taxes taken for healthcare. Well we probably should start. But even people who GO to the hospital may not see the bill. They may not see what the taxpayer pays for things like the bed and room you stay in. Here's a frightening list of hospitals in the Vancouver area and how much a room costs for ONE day. Okay, this is for uninsured people, this is not what you pay if you pay your "premiums" or your mandatory medical insurance but it's probably how much tax money they take. Who knows? Maybe they take more since it's not directly paid for and nobody will be the wiser.

The premiums are $136 a month for a family of two and going up all the time. Can you imagine what is collected just on this? Add to that the even bigger pile of money from taxes. It's no wonder hospitals charge so much! There's plenty of money just up for grabs.

Now of course they're not going to be shouting from the mountains how much people get secretly charged for stuff at hospitals. These are stats that are hard to find! I worked for Alberta Health Services in Calgary hospitals when I was in Canada. I went through about 5-7 pairs of rubber gloves a shift. I had to glove up every time I touched or might touch a patient. Here's an article from the UK saying that hospitals there were paying 16 pounds for rubber gloves that could have been bought for 35 pence. That's about 27 bucks a pair if this same sort of thing happens in Canada. And it does. That's over 150 bucks a shift of Canadian taxes I might have been eating up. Now, maybe in Canada we use cheaper gloves than England, but this is just an example of what can happen when greed and corruption meet with an annual taxation glut.

Here's a list of things that are overpriced in American hospitals. Rubber gloves are 53 bucks there! Those little medicine cups? 10 bucks! A Tylenol? 15 bucks, baby! Come on, man! Surely it can't be that bad in Canada! Well in 2014 it was estimated that 141 billion bucks of our tax money was spent on healthcare. That's almost 4000 dollars per Canadian and of course only a fraction of Canadians spent any time in the hospital. According to Alberta Official Statistics, 7,596 people per 100,000 in Canada went to the hospital in 2013-2014. Let's say 7.6%. The population of Canada in 2014 was 35,540,400. So that's 2.7 million patients approximately. That works out to $52,222.22 per patient. And that's over and above any insurance or healthcare "premiums" paid.

People talk about hospital visits driving Americans into debt. How many Canadians wouldn't be crippled by a 52 thousand dollar hospital bill? I don't know many. Look, even if you asked ME if I have a problem paying taxes when I never go to the hospital, I'll say no. I don't mind footing the bill for unfortunate Canadians who get sick and need medical treatment. What pisses me off is when the price of that treatment is outrageous. And it IS in Canada. Getting worse all the time. But the vast majority of Canadians remain proud of our healthcare, even brag about it, and if you make the mistake of even accurately disparaging it, you will see ANOTHER myth about Canada debunked: the one about us never getting angry and being so polite.

I commented on the Bernie Sanders site mentioning that I love the man, but that talking to a doctor might not get you the most unbiased description of the Canadian healthcare system. I went into a few of the things described above. I immediately get one eye roll. Then I get a dipshit named Bryn who says that I pay about 50% less for my Canadian health care than Americans pay. So it makes tax rates irrelevant. Then he strays into La La Land and states that the average Canadian family has a total tax burden of 24% and that's a fact. What I am writing is not factual it's... something else.

So I reply to him that okay if a family of four has a Father, stay-at-home Mom and two young, unemployed kids that's 96% tax for the Father, zero for the other three so it averages out to, yup, 24%. You're right, Bryn. My bad.

You see, you can't just accept idiotic "facts" like that without questioning. One of the oldest tricks in the book to make taxes look lower is using "family" tax rates. But you need to THINK, not just blindly accept what some liar is telling you. It's funny that Bryn did this for MY comments but not the BS 24% tax rate Soma that some politician prescribed for him. Probably because the politician's happy news didn't "offend" him. My truth did.

He didn't respond. But then another posobot named Ron wrote that the healthcare premium I mentioned in BC, (which he just assumed. I didn't mention), was a lie. He lives in Ontario and appreciates the healthcare there AND Tommy Douglas. Then he says I'm making up lies. Douglas was a Canadian politician who introduced a medicare plan in the province of Saskatchewan that was eventually adopted by the rest of Canada. In a national survey he was voted our greatest Canadian. Our healthcare is nothing like what Douglas implemented any more, but it is still as beloved because Canadians don't know the outrageous rates our taxes pay for it. And they don't want to know!

Like I just said, I have no problem with the Douglas system. I like it. I have a problem with greedy, corrupt medical price fixing. So I tell this to Ron, say that the people who call Canadian healthcare "free" are the ones making up lies, and give him a screenshot of the price of healthcare premiums in BC that he said I lied about. (which was actually 36 dollars MORE than I quoted) This does not deter Ron's patriotic vigour. He tells me that he went to the hospital last year for 20 cancer treatments. Now he is in remission. No point of service fee. "All paid for by my taxes," says Ron.

Do you see how beloved this myth is? But I didn't tell Ron that HIS taxes didn't even cover the room he was in. I didn't ask if maybe it was brain cancer he had because he'd have to be mentally malfunctioning to believe his taxes paid for that much hospital care. But Ron also asked me, "Why are you spreading misinformation?" So I had to say something in reply. I said, "So I am saying that Canadian healthcare isn't free, we pay for it with our taxes and you just said that is misinformation because YOU went to the hospital last year and paid for it with your taxes."

His reply was, "You DO know that most Canadians pay taxes and Canadian healthcare is far better than the US." I probably would have responded to that with, "Right, but not free." But he had to go further. He then posts, "You sound like a Republican anyway." So I just ignored him. He probably thinks he won the argument.

A Republican? The GOP? First of all, we don't have them in Canada. Second of all, those are the guys trying right now to get taxes for the rich cut and they're going to finance the tax cuts by getting rid of social programs that poor people rely on. Among them will be Medicaid!

Giving the rich MORE money and having the poor pay for it. Reverse Robin Hood healthcare is exactly what I was complaining about. But even if I posted this article on the conversation thread with Ron and Bryn, people just believe what they want to believe. For many it's the false positivity of blatant lies like Canadian healthcare is free! Homer too.

All a person can do is keep citing unpopular facts and keep losing friends. It's not a sad as it sounds. I don't want to be friends with cowardly escapists anyway. Start complaining about anything and they disappear. What kind of a friend is that? Listen, the point is, whether you pay exorbitant rates out of your own pocket, or if you pay them collectively as a province through the vaunted universal healthcare system, it makes little difference. What I believe is whether you're stuck footing the whole bill by yourself or whether you get help from your fellow taxpayers, the issue in healthcare is NOT this! It's the price setting and that is totally corrupt!

Back to our friend Ron. Who, let's face it, may not have had, nor beat cancer anyway. He might have said all that to win an argument. But even if not, here's a doctor who might be a better doctor to listen to about the REAL problem in the healthcare system. He's American and talking about America, but do you think doctors in Canada don't know all this? They're still prescribing chemotherapy in Canada too. If I have rectal cancer and go to the hospital, is there more human compassion and less CHA-CHING in any hospital in Canada? I think you'll find I'd be charged out the cancer ravaged arse the same as I would be in America. Just exchange the word, "insurance" for "taxes," and we probably have the identical problem. And the pharmaceutical company charging 5000 is the beginning. The drugs are probably worth 50 bucks. Then the HUGE markup by the hospital and the nice dividend made by the doctor keeps THEM silent. Our healthcare in Canada is a for profit industry just the same as it is in the States. Just a bit less individual. But hospitals, schools, damn near everything run like corporations where money is all that matters, are now the norm. It's not shameful, it's now accepted, in Canada as well as the States, as honourable, virtuous, heroic! People think, "Well he's getting rich, he must be helping the country." That's because we've been socialized to believe this horseshit. They are helping themselves TO our country. That's all.

This clip, by the way, isn't new. It's over 6 years old! It's like the current presidency of the U.S. Everybody knows it's a UGE problem, but nothing is done about it. Nothing CAN be done as long as the rich remain so firmly in control. But this can all be easily written off as conspiracy theory. It's easier. That way, I won't have to do anything uncomfortable like argue, protest or fight to get this changed. As I said, these are the kind of escapists I don't like. They are empirically detestable. If you're just plain ignorant, okay, I can be your friend. But if you're afraid of negative facts, SMARTEN THE HELL UP!