Thursday, May 19, 2011

Top Ten Baby Names on the Decline in Popularity

"Boob." What immediately comes to mind when I type that? It doesn't mean what it used to does it? In the days of yore a "boob" was a foolish person. Nowadays it's something that turns half the population INTO foolish people. Maybe that's why the change. Not sure. Of course, if you call a person a "tit" it means virtually the same as "boob" used to mean. It's no wonder. I still lose a full 50% of my brain power when I see a nice pair of boobs. And I'm talking about the modern usage, not a pair of idiots.

"Dick." Again, is it a name or am I name calling? Not long ago this was one of the more popular names. Now since it's so often used in reference to a guy's junk, parents are thinking twice. Particularly parents with surnames that just make this dual meaning even MORE inescapable. Okay, okay... like Butkus, Head, Sweatt, Trickle, Byrne, Baals and so on. (By the way, ALL are real people.)

Even Richards don't want that name any more. There were some Richards who really were dicks like Nixon, Richard III, Rick Astley. But there were Richards we liked too like Richie Rich, Richard Brodeur, Ritchie Cunningham, Rick Moranis and Ritchie Valens and so on. And, of course, there are those Richards who evidently LIKE dick, like Richard Hatch, Richard Simmons and Ricky Martin.

I wonder why you can substitute Dick for Richard as a first name but you never see it as a last name. Michael Dicks? Who we found out may have been a bit of a racist dick. The ageless Keith Dicks? Awesome drummer Buddy Dick? Lionel Dickie?

And what if we did it for the foreign Richards? Dick Montalbon. Dicko Suave! And the French Canadian hockey sniper Rocket Dick. Ha ha ha. Okay I guess not.

And with this as my lead-in, here comes another of Dave's top 10 lists. Top ten baby names on the decline.

Other than Peter, Willie, Johnson, Rod, Lance, Wang or anything else that can be associated with the male member here are some names that have lost popularity for various OTHER reasons:

10. Harry, (it can have some disastrous effects depending on the family name)

9. Damien, (although in certain circles it is, I suppose, more pleasing to Lord Satan than, say, Ezekiel)

8. Waldo, (just in case the parents can't locate him)

7. Tiger, (I have found it in my heart to forgive him for hurting me the way he did, but many have not)

6. Katrina, (and Lord help the group Katrina and the Waves if they ever try to come out of retirement)

5. Jezebel, (I have read "Skinny Legs and All" and think it's a LOVELY name. In fact if I ever have a daughter...)

4. Judas, (though, like Jezebel, still unflagging in its POST-natal usage)

3. Benedict, (similar to Judas but starting to make an eggcellent comeback)

2. Fanny, (not as unpopular in North America as in the U.K. (heh heh))

1. Osama, (if this name EVER had a chance to catch on, forGET it now!)

"Osama" just doesn't sound like a baby anyway, does it?

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