There are three giants in the field of evil that account for most of the problems in the world. These three are all dependant upon the tennuous foundation that we the people find them even the slightest bit necessary. And that foundation continues to hold inexplicably firm. They are as follows: 1. Corporations 2. Banks 3. Politics. I've only said that about a million times in life and in this blog.
Now before I am too hard on we the people, it has to be said that the orchestration behind the perpetuation of the myth that these three evil entities are not only necessary but the most important things in life is Kimjongillian! I shit thee not there are North Koreans who believe Kim Jong Il scored at least 5 holes in one his first time golfing who see us getting paid a minor fraction of the money we make for our companies, keeping it all in banks who charge us to get rich off our money, then paying almost all of it in taxes, the great majority of which are voluntarily paid and probably illegally levied. Then the North Koreans say, "Stupid Canadian! Sooo brainwashi!"
In North Korea they have speaker stacks all over Pyeongyang and other cities cranking out Spinal Tap volumed propeganda from early in the morning till late at night. "In North Korea, OUR propeganda speakers go up to 11!" In the western world we have TV and computer sites that blast us with ads, (LOUDER THAN THE VOLUME WE CHOOSE), telling us we need to work for Coca Cola so we can drive a new Toyota, wear Adidas runners, eat at the Keg and watch our propeganda on a spectacularge thousand inch Sony flatscreen 3D LCD EIEIO. And in between the ads we have sit coms, day drams and rom coms that model the life we could have if we owned all these products and get us so fired up to get them ASAP that we can't even use full words any more.
The same but different. Remember that OTHER theory of relativity.
Right now everybody in Canada is collecting tax statements from employers from the last fiscal year called T4's. I figured with tax time upon us in Canada it is the perfect time to blog about the T4's of evil. That is, the "Titanic Trio of Tyranical Turpitude." But I can't deal with all three now so I'll start at the appropriate place: the bottom. The third of the T4 evils is government/politics. "Poli" means many and tics are blood-sucking parasites. That's really all you need to know about politics and there is no evidence that leads me to believe it is any different in any country. But why DO the masters of the dark side of the Force, (Greed), always end up in the political power broker positions? Hello? If there weren't mounds, heaps, piles, scads, (what is a scad? is that like a missile? Actually I think it's a fish. Well there must be oodles of them! So many that they use the name of a fish to just mean a large number. Actually they can lay up to 161,000 eggs in a spawning season. If there are so many of them why haven't I had scad? hmmm... And this ends our etymological parenthetical. Tune in next entry when we trace the origin of the word, "lozenge."), absolute shitloads of excessively excessive tax money at the end of the politicking rainbow these scumbags wouldn't even be interested in running for office. The more they want the job, the more we should tell them to get a job selling cars or snake oil or three overinflated basketballs for 10 dollars so you can win a 50 cent prize.
I think it's guys like Jonathan Swift who we should force into politics. He was a political mediator for the Tory government of England in the early 1700's when England was at war with France. Before too long, (before HE could be corrupted), the Whigs gained power and tried his political cohorts for, get this, conducting secret negotiations --- WITH FRANCE! It was because of the corporate-like corruption he got out of politics and he sums up his political career as follows: "Alas, alack he broke his back when politics he tried. For like a fart he played the part: cracked loudly, stunk, then died." Ha ha ha. Who says "fart" in 1700? I tell you if a guy like Swift were ever to run I might even vote. I am certainly NOT going to vote because some jerk-off says to me, "If you don't vote, you have no right to complain about your government." It's the same jerk-off who says, "If you don't pay taxes, you have no right to complain about your government."
I wonder if it ever occurred to this jerk-off that it just might have been the government who, (probably BEFORE 1867 when Canada first got government of our own), created and maybe not with North Korean speakers but with megaphones, telegraphs, newpapers, carnival barkers, billboards, etc. first broadcast these pithy little sayings to the oh-so-suggestible Canadian public. And since then they've become so entrenched in our culture that we don't even think before saying them. People who vote are enabling the corrupt politicians, and people who pay excessive taxes are enriching them. THEY are the Frankensteins who created these monsters.
And then you have these people who say, "Well hold on now. There have been some good politicians." You gotta love the life-embracing positivity of these people but for all of you lawn-sign erectors, poll-participators and election tune-inners who are still blinded by these baby kissing, flesh-pressing, suit and tie-wearing, sparkly-toothed long con artists, read this next message very carefully:
There have been politicians who have done good things. But if you do ONE good thing after 100 bad things, just so you can get one night of sleep unimpaired by attacks of conscience, does that make you a "good politician?" Well perhaps only if you can make SURE everybody sees that one thing and it distracts them from the other hundred. Adolph HITLER did one good political thing out of 100 I'm sure. These 100 things, for modern politicians and probably for Hitler and the guys Swift worked with are predominantly things that weren't included in campaigning, things that are done unbeknownst to the public after the election win and things that are done to make sure even MORE of the money is funnelled straight to the corporations, banks and government.
But I'm not going to talk about THOSE sources of suffering right now. It's tax time so I'm gonna complain about taxes. I am in a unique position to bitch about government and taxes since I haven't voted OR paid taxes for such a long time. I feel like I'm more qualified to do so than all you OTHER Canadians out there who keep perpetuating these antiquated rituals by following them. When are we gonna learn?
I'm not even going to talk very much about GST, (if you're gonna give it back to me, why make me pay it to begin with?), PST, (PSSSST! Hey Canada! Why are we paying this?) HST, (talk about your all time euphemisms: harmony?), BST, (geez I wish there WAS a BS tax. Then the government would owe US money!). I'm not going to mention excise taxes much. You know those taxes the government levies on us because it cares so much about our moral and physical well being. Taxes for our protection. Sin taxes. Like the ones on cigarettes, alcohol, gambling, and I heard soon to be cable, internet, and when they legalize pot and prostitution, those too. Taxes on anything that makes life livable for those who aren't livin' the life. Hell lotteries are just a big excise tax aren't they? I bet they bring in the second biggest payday for politicians every year in Canada. And by the way, these taxes are added to products BEFORE the other taxes so that we are paying GST, PST, HST on the product price, other random mark-ups, AND the tax. Taxes on our taxes. Mathematically this opens the possibility of a person actually paying OVER 100% tax! Other examples of double taxing will follow.
But I just want to bitch about our government's biggest source of revenue: income tax. Now I know I've bitched about it here before, but I got new stuff! It never ends! As mentioned before it's a tax that was created to help in the war. For almost 100 years the Canadian people have continued paying it and the government hasn't told us to stop. I have never heard of anyone going to jail for not paying it. In fact if there WAS a trial I don't think the government would have a leg to stand on. Even with the courts as corrupted as THEY are they just wouldn't be able to say anything but, "This tax is long since defunct so nobody can be jailed for non-payment of it." THIS is why people aren't aggressively prosecuted for not paying income tax in Canada. CUZ WE DON'T FUCKING HAVE TO! It's been a voluntary tax for almost 100 years. How stupid ARE we?
If you figure out all the other taxes, including the hidden ones, that Canadians pay, there is PLENTY of money to run this country just fine. Income tax is just an Andre the Giant Huge bonus for our hard-working politicians. And I'm not going to get into the only actual hard work they do: figuring out ways to steal and waste all that extra cash then draw up the highly artistic fantasy novel called the budget every fiscal year. We've all heard horror stories of misapporopriation and we have seen but the tip of the iceberg.
The worst thing about income tax is that it's pretty much the only time we ever spend money, (a LOT of money), and we really have no earthly idea what the hell we're buying. You gotta love the hooray-for-everything, pie-in-the-sky folks who say, "Now wait just a doggone minute heah! I know where my tax money goes! It goes to pay for roads and schools and health care and such. Why we live in a country that has the best of all that stuff." Well if you know someone like that, and while you're at it find all the people you know who say, "I know how that magician did that! He used smoke and mirrors!" please refer him/her to the following message:
The government covers all that stuff with just the tax collected from the residents of, oh I dunno, Moosejaw, Saskatchewan. What they do with the majority of the wads and stacks and droves of cash they collect every year remains a mystery to all of us.
But this is not governmentally administered sodomy enough for OUR politicians. No, they have the nerve, the unmitigated gaul, the stones, the friggin' GAUL STONES to actually make US go through the cruel and unusual punishment of figuring our own taxes out! The Canadian tax code is more than 1500 pages! Even explanations of summaries of the Canadian tax code read like the pictures in text form on blogger.com. Seriously, who does their own taxes?
Most of us go out and find some temporarily set up and staffed tax prep. business, or an accounting student who can do it for a cut rate, and get them to take that burden from us. As promised, another example of tax we pay on our tax. And it ain't getting any cheaper. If you have really complex taxes you may have to hire an accountant and that can get REALLY expensive. According to an article in the local paper here in Victoria, Canadians spend 4-6 BBB Billion dollars on tax assistance services every year at this time. That is all double tax.
AND every year at this time the government in the form of the Canadian Revenue Agency hires 18,000 people to check our returns. This costs an extra 4.4 BBB Billion dollars of taxpayers money.
Let me stop here. I need to sum up. We are paying tax dollars for people to check the people we hired to check the tax we are paying that we don't have to pay. Incredibly that's TRIPLE tax on a tax to support our heroic soldiers still fighting the world war.
I'm not finished. In a lot of countries, Britain for example, precise amounts are deducted from workers' paychecks so that most people don't have to fill out tax returns. Why can't we do that in Canada? When asked some government official will tell you, "Well we can't do that because our tax system is too complex." It's kind of like that old standby they use when asked why we can't just vote for ideas instead of people. "Too complex. And oh boy it's so very very costly!" BULL CA CA!
The CRA already has pre-recorded and precise statements of our personal income from employers, banks, (see how they co-operate?), etc. They also have a computer program that they just plug the numbers into to check our returns. So why, in the name of fucking fuck do WE have to do anything if they're only going to do it all anyway?
STILL not finished. So what DOES happen when you don't pay income tax if you don't get thrown in jail? In my personal experience it is something that might even be worse than living in a cell with a transvestite necropheliac named Ben Dover. Collectors! And let me make haste to insert right now, let me rephrase that, to add right now that my personal experience is with collectors and not, (thank God), sharing a jail cell with Ben Dover. The dreaded collectors who call you up at the least convenient times to make you feel inferior and like a loan-defaulting zero.
But there's something even WORSE! Interest. Here we have yet another example of tax on top of tax. How can the government charge interest on tax? It's just evil. And what's their interest rate? Anybody know? And let's not forget that this is a double tax charged on an excessive tax the collection of which is morally reprehensible to begin with!
Ooooohhh the suffering of this world! Calgon take me away! Look for the joy Davey. Remember Coleridge's Ancient Mariner. He shot an albatross with an arrow and was forced by the gods to wear it around his neck and tell his story to all he met until one day he looked into the sea and saw some slimy, stinky, disgusting, putrid, creepy, slithering eels and noticed their beautiful green colour. Bam! The albatross dropped from his neck and he was free from his punishment. I just need to find, or manufacture, some kind of joy related to the yearly overtaxation our government foists upon us.
All right, I have an idea. If you don't believe any of this why don't you call the CRA yourself at 1-800-959-8281 and ask if any of this is even close? Better yet just call them up and say, "You know I don't think I'm gonna pay income tax this year." If even one person takes me up on this idea maybe this damned albatross around my neck will drop. I can only hope.
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