What can I say? SAME bathroom, same building as last toilet humour. The office building where I work, Upper Harbour Place, has just 2 elevators and one bathroom on the main floor. I have a kind of office/electrical/supply room in the basement parkade where I work out of. You've seen pictures. There is no bathroom in the parkade so the most convenient place for me to floss, paint my toenails and wax my eyebrows is in the main floor lobby bathroom. The one that's not on the same floor as any business so it never gets cleaned. The one where I found the Chinese Bulimic Weightloss Tea all over the place.
Let me begin at the beginning so I don't go all Toni Morrison on your Phillistine asses who have no idea what that reference is all about. That bathroom is right beside a pretty large Goodlife Fitness Center. And Goodlife is open 24 hrs. on weekdays. Two important things to remember as I relate my toilet saga: It was a weekday and the walls in Upper Harbour Place are paper thin.
No it's not what you're probably thinking. Behave! If it were a story about people overhearing one of my scatological symphonies I certainly wouldn't deny you the full effect. I just don't think typing toilet noises does them justice. So I'd wait to tell it in person complete with mighty raspberry blasts and maybe an armpit fart or two for realism. But it's something similar...
Since the workers at Goodlife and I am/are the only ones there late at night during the week I sometimes visit them and say hi. See how things are going. So I walk in the other day and say hi to one of the gals who works behind the counter. She gets this weird expression, doesn't say anything and runs into the office and closes the door behind her. Now, I have grown older, out, balder, poorer, less attractive and more accustomed to reactions from the fairer sex that they could easily pull off while surreptitiously texting someone more interesting. In fact it has HAPPENED. But THIS was colder than usual. It bordered on disconcerting. I thought she might even have been crying but when I asked Zarif, (another guy who works there), what was up he said she wasn't crying but laughing. I suppose he said that to try to make me feel better.
After checking for boogers, spinach in my teeth, toilet paper on the shoe, gaping fly and such I pleaded with them to tell me what she was laughing at. Try as I might I could not get either of them to reveal the joke but I was sure I was the punchline live and in the flesh. Anyway I left and while doing my patrols I racked my brain trying to figure out what they were laughing at.
Other than the Goodlife folks for most of my regular shifts, and for all of the ones on weekends, I am by default the most fascinating person to talk to on the entire site. So I do. And that night I was saying to myself, "What were they laughing at? What did I do?" Then, while talking to myself it hit me.
That very day had been one of the few times the bathroom in question had been cleaned since I've worked at Upper Harbour Place. I knew that I was actually the very first person to use the toilet since it was cleaned because the cleaners use a blue cleaner and it makes the water in the toilet blue for one flush only. The water was blue when I used the bathroom earlier that day. And AS I used the bathroom that day, (in "mid-stream" you might say), being so pleased with the spic and span facilities I had said in my sweetest and best children's show host voice, "Blue and yellow make GREEN!"
Now I KNOW what they'll be thinking every time they see me for a while. Ugh.
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