How did I end that last entry? "I shouldn't say things like that, should I?" Things like what? Like, "I'm happy." "Things are good here." And so on and so forth.
Well the bed arrived. Over an hour late. It gave me time to transfer money at the bank machine for my new order of stuff with Coupang, one of the online stores here in Korea. I used the machine at the grocery store really close to my apartment to transfer the funds. This way I don't have to use a credit card. I can't have a credit card because every time I get one, I buy something that includes automatic rebilling and I am unable to figure out what site it is that keeps taking the money, and the bank won't tell me (which is currently happening to the tune of 30 bucks US a month) or something else like somebody gets my card number and withdraws 700 bucks (happened in Korea) or someone signs up for a credit card using my account (happened in Canada... TWICE... SAME person and again the bank was "not at liberty to disclose who it was who was stealing my money.") Next time I go into Seoul, I am going to cancel my credit card. It's the only way to stop the automatic rebilling. Oh and by the way, this'll be the second time I've done this. So I'm thinking of just not having a credit card at all. Not for me apparently. Having a credit card is a bigger hassle than not having one. How is that even possible? It's because in Korea, everything is an ordeal.
It's things like these that make me believe it's not negative thinking for me to shudder when I utter statements, or blog them, like the ones in the first paragraph. It's just that I've lived with me pretty much 24/7 for my whole life and if you had too, you'd totally understand. I have taken many of those "What do you see first in this picture?" tests that are designed to determine whether the glass is half full or half empty. This is my 54th year and I'm just lookin' at that glass hoping it's vodka, not water! And yet, the determination is always that I am highly optimistic. I AM! Do you know how many people have told me that they would have left Korea long ago if they'd been through the crap I've been through here? And this is the BEST country I've taught ESL in! I MUST be optimistic to still be here!
You know there's an example coming. The bed. But being optimistic, I thought the bed would be the only example. It's not even the best example of what I believe I called in my previous post, my, "frustrations with the Korean ways of doing things." And it's been all of two days since my last post.
Let's begin with the bed. The delivery driver called me. They text and call at the same time I'm discovering. And the questions they ask when they call are invariably answered within the texts they send. This dude wanted to know my address, which was in the text he sent and, it turned out, written on every piece of the bed. But I'll give him a break because he also wanted to know if I'd be home the next day. I didn't know how to tell him I couldn't be home at 3, which was when he said he'd be coming, so I just agreed to 3 and planned to bonk off early from work and wait for him. The plan succeeded even though he arrived at a little after 4 o'clock. He dropped off the large, heavy pieces of the bed and then motioned to the bedroom where he told me he'd put it together. I'm playing hooky from work, who has time to assemble the thing? So I tell him not to worry about it, I'll put it together. But he shakes his head and insists on doing it. We have the customary courtesy argument and he finally relents, but says to me, "Bolteu! Eight bolteu!" I know bolteu means bolts so I say, "Where?" He starts shaking the big pieces of my bed, hears a rattle and then pulls out the bag of bolts. I thank him, pay him 55,000 won ($60 CDN), which I'm sure was partially for assembly but I don't give a rip, I have to get back to work before anybody notices I'm gone.
I unboxed all the pieces and put them in my bedroom and even with the air conditioner on, that soaked me from head to toe with sweat. It's that time in Korea again. :-( So I grab a quick shower, put on my shorts, shirt and sandals (which is what I'm wearing to the office until someone tells me I can't) and go back to work. I got back to the office by 5 and had pulled the caper off! Nobody had noticed. You may be wondering why I didn't just stay home for the last hour, and I'll tell you why; it's because I'm the only one with a card for the main sliding door and I didn't know if I'd have to let some other people out. Some go home at 5. My helper, who on the day was Achilles, needed to be let out. So it was a good thing I went back. See? My comparison of my non-teaching hours is now even MORE akin to working security.
So I cool off for an hour in office air conditioning I'm not paying for, then go home and get sweaty again. Sigh. Korean summer. I tell Amber in a text before I get home that I'll buy beer beforehand because I know I'll be frustrated. Again, Davey Downer. But, if you spent as much time with me as I do... I get home, turn on the air conditioning that isn't free and start trying to bolt this baby together. The bolts needed are actually combination bolts with male and female like these:
I needed 8, I got 2. The bag of bolts the dude found for me only had males. So I forfeit the beer and go out to find some of these things before the stores close. It's almost 7. I got to 5 hardware stores but none have these bolts. I found a place called "Gongju Bolteu" but it was closed. So since I'm out walking and sweating, and getting frustrated as expected, I went to Dominos and got a pizza.
Next day I get to work and as I'm telling Thoa my tale of woe, I notice two bolts on the shelving behind her. That pic is those two bolts. I think they're what I'm needing. What are the odds of that? Now here's how much of an optimist I am: I said to Heather while chatting about this on Facebook, "Maybe this is Karmic apology." Is there even such a thing? Karma knows the ass kicking I've taken over here and she's throwing me a break. No? Well, I went home at lunchtime and tried those bolts. They worked just fine! I had to pull out the bolt anchors before using them, but good enough. So I got back to work and looked for more. Thoa found another one still in the shelving. Now this brought the count to five. You'd think I needed 3 more, but you'd be wrong. You see, the bed has drawers. They are the steel runner type of drawers. The headboard AND the footboard bolt into the drawer piece with two bolts each. One bolt on either end is supposed to be screwed in UNDER THE DRAWER RUNNER. I guess I could drill another hole, but then I'd have to buy a drill. So really I needed just one more. I still haven't found it, but the bed is holding together so far.
See the board leaning against the wall? That's the foot board. I only had the two bolts in at this point. One on either side of the headboard. But I now have three bolts in the footboard. That's all I can get in there. Like I say, it's holding together, but what a fiasco!
Next day I get a call in the morning from Me Hee. I know her name because this was one of a thousand pieces of information on the order form she texted me before she called me asking for some of the information on the order form she texted me. Specifically, my address. AGAIN!!! Wouldn't that be... um... the most important bit of information to have on a package that you give to a delivery person? It's not confirmation either. They ask you and then ask you to repeat it like they're copying it down. So I tell Me Hee my address and then text it to the number she called from. She replies, "I will send it to someone else." ???Dafuck???
At lunch while I was at home, Me Hee dropped off my package outside my door and ran away. Or maybe it was the person Me Hee sent it to? I can't figure this shit out. I open it up. It was the fitted mattress cover I'd ordered for the bed. You can see it's grey. I got a grey, quilted, cotton, queen size, mattress cover for 34,000 won. Like this:
The drawers on my bed are white. See how good this grey cover would look? Same colour as my bed. Certainly a better match than the bedding I have now, eh? Well, I may have misspoken. This wasn't what I got. THIS
Honestly, I'm at a loss here. So I told the guy to just drop it at the door. The delivery instructions that I gave when I filled out the exhaustive application forms with Thoa for both Gmarket and Coupang. In triplicate. At least. What's the purpose of filling that section in many times if the delivery men/women don't do it until after you've told them to over the phone?
With the possible exception of "How is that even possible?" I find myself saying, "Everything's an ordeal!" a lot. I find myself saying that so often in Korea that I believe it should be the country's slogan. One or the other. Forget about the "Land of the morning calm." Everything's an ordeal. Or How is that even possible? Korea: Everything's an Ordeal! Sounds good.
This is becoming like immigration. In fact there are a LOT of things I dread here. This is why. I have money waiting for me at the office of my health insurance. I guess I overpaid and they want to give me a refund. I know where the office is and I have my alien card, which is presumably all I will need. There are two reasons I have known about this refund for three months and have yet to collect it: One is because I'll need to do that during office hours and you know where I am every weekday during office hours. But secondly, I doubt I would have picked it up anyway because I am so traumatized by this shit happening over and over again, it's had what I believe to be its desired effect - I don't want to do anything unless it abso-fucking-lutely necessary. Even collecting money!
Aminur, the other helper here, tells me that I could collect even more money from the government if I did my taxes every year. I just don't want to. They'd make it too much of an ordeal to be worth it. I may just quit the online shopping, trash my credit card and just go all the way to Seoul and get the stuff I can't get here. It'd be less of a hassle even though I'd need to lug it all the way home on the bus. But the more I go to my favourite shopping places in Seoul, the more of them are disappearing. My source for big size clothes in Itaewon was closed last time I was there. Maybe for good. Some of the better food marts too. But wandering around Itaewon in the heat, staying in an expensive hotel room overnight then lugging unwieldy bags of groceries and goods all the way home on the bus is less of a hassle than ordering online. How is That Even Possible? Everything's an Ordeal, that's how.
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