Exciting Times!

My whole political life, meaning from the time I reluctantly acquiesced to try to find out what was behind politics, which I was almost certain was just the adult version of the popular kids hoarding all that's best in life, until now, I've listened to those in the political racket drone on about how it is costly and a logistical nightmare to vote for ideas rather than people. At least that's all they have to offer when voting for ideas is presented as a solution for crooked politicians and how they disappoint us every four years. First of all, consider the source.

It's like in grade 7 when everybody was wearing either Nike shoes or work boots sloppily untied. Yes! This was the fashion. For girls too!

 

The rattier, looser, and noisier the better. I remember one of the popular kids, I think his name was Graham Searle, who had all the best clothes and the coolest bike and could do a wheelie for 10 blocks on it came trip-trapping into class so that all the kids could see and hear his fashionable work boots and the teacher said, "Searle, pick up your feet or I will have them amputated!" I can't remember that teacher's name for the life of me, which says something, but like her, I just didn't get this fashion. I mean, sure, Graham Searle could do an extended wheelie on his BMX motocross bike with 5 spoke star wheels while wearing these clod-hoppers but what if he had to run, fight, play street hockey, move quickly? Kinda like the half pulled down pants of today worn by a lot of basketball fans. The two just don't go together. And I looked into purchasing a pair despite my opposition. The price! Work boots were, and still are, expensive! Kids, (or their parents), had to pay good money for this inconvenience.

It's been about 40 years since then and now that I have found out what really IS behind this thing they call politics, it IS the popular kids hoarding all that's supposedly best in life and they too have to pay good money for the inconvenience.

I never did wear fashionably trashy work boots. I couldn't even afford the more sensible Nike runners. So I took my fair share of crap about my no-name footwear and it was just one of the many things that instilled within me a healthy mistrust of the "cool crowd." They say a lot of stupid things that just are not true. It seemed like you either had to practice reason and common sense on the outskirts of the cool crowd or you were a wealthy, stupid member of it, for the most part. But then there were the leaders. The people who made the asinine decisions to ride the expensive bikes, wear expensive work boots, buy the giant and expensive binders, and carry them in the expensive leather Adidas bags. Maybe they weren't asinine at all. Maybe these were smart kids whose families sold the bikes or had stock in Greb, Kodiak, Trapper and Adidas. And some day they might be the same people who decide that our country should sell our oil to the U.S. for 30 bucks a barrel less than the oil we inexplicably import from them.

I am going to pause now and do a search for Graham Searle. Ah ha! There he is! Member of parliament for Hamilton Wentworth. (not really) (I'd ask you all to suspend your disbelief here in homage to all the silly things YOU did to fit in when you were in grade 7)

We all did it didn't we? We went along with trends. Believed, or acted like we believed that the cool things were better. We all still do it. And one example is this whopper of a lie about voting for ideas being unfeasible. If I had said in grade 7 that I don't want to do what Graham Searle and the cool kids do any more, no matter how unassailable a case I might have made, the argument would have been made that thinking for ourselves was unfeasible. (hmmm... maybe he's in a band called Graham Searle and the Cool Kids)

South Korea not only showed us recently how to get rid of a lousy president, they are now showing us how to vote for an idea. And it isn't expensive or a logistical nightmare. Do you suppose this could be done for ALL the major issues our elected representatives promise to look into during election campaigns then promptly forget about for 4 years? The issues that ALL people are most concerned about? This issues that are no mystery to anyone yet seem to receive minimal attention if any? I believe it could be done and it would make the vote worthwhile again.

I feel sorry for the people like Bernie Sanders talking about the very ideas, one after another, that the American public are most concerned about and would LOVE to vote on: fair minimum wage; wages that keep up with the cost of living; environmental protection; affordable health care and education; the widening gap between rich and poor and the disappearing middle class; proper use of tax money; the running count of verbal trumpery (lies) from the current administration and Robert Reich talking about how the largest voter block is non-voters and trying to whip up support for the midterm elections so that the current administration, which doesn't care a fiddle or a fig about any of these issues, can be VOTED out. The reason I feel sorry for them is although I love both of these guys and you gotta pull for them and their fierce loyalty to the vote, the very symbol of democracy, I am not quite as optimistic. Nor do I believe the people of the U.S. (or Canada) are.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in both the vote and democracy. But years and years of voting for people... highly flawed people, has sterilized it. Made the vote all but impotent. Disagree? Well, let's look at what the vote hath wrought, shall we? In 2000 Bush didn't win over Gore. We know it was voter fraud in the state of Florida governed by none other than Jeb Bush, his brother that caused the decision to go from the people (who elected Gore by more than half a million votes) to the highly unbiased (FUCKING COUGH) supreme court. 4 judges placed there by Republican Ronald Reagan and one old fart (Clarence Thomas) placed there by George Bush the elder voted in favour of the Republican presidential candidate. Quelle surprise! Two Bill Clinton appointees, a Dick Nixon/Gerald Ford appointee (Republican) and actually another judge appointed by the original George Bush voted against his son. But they still couldn't carry the vote. Interesting tidbit about that: the more important vote was actually the expected 7-2 (that is, 7 Republican conservatives vs the only two Democrat liberals)

This is the kind of fuckery that happens when we vote for people and we expect them to be above corruption. Folks, the method of voting is so antiquated and easy to mess with I'd say it is even less reliable than the average politician. It hurts me to say it but you almost can't blame them for cheating! So all you need to do once you fake your way in is stack congress (the house and senate) where they make all the laws and then don't forget to stack the supreme court (the final word on the laws made in congress and of course the highest law of all - the Constitution). Then you set about passing law after law that are bad for the average person and good for the rich supporters of the Republican party. Who knows how many years it'll take before all the chicanery of that administration is discovered?

2011 - Canadian election scandal. Thousands of "robocalls" were made to voters (who weren't going to vote for Stephen Harper) giving them incorrect addresses for voting. One dude named Michael Sona got 9 months in prison and Canada got 4 more years of our worst PM ever. Who, by the way, swore up and down that no member of the Conservative party had anything to do with the robocalls. Not even a year later the worst trade deal in Canadian history was signed against the wishes of the country. All you need to read of this article, I'll put right here: “We know this is really, really unpopular, but we’re doing it anyway.” The Harper government. Dude, where's my democracy?

Sounds a little like Otis Moss doesn't it? You know who I'm talking about. Anybody not heard Oprah? Another very optimistic person. She told the story of Otis Moss who walked 18 miles and was told wrong place, wrong place and you're too late respectively at the three polls where he attempted to vote.

 

Speaking of Oprah and the vote, this clip is what her speech reminded me of when I heard it. While I watched the movie "Selma" I was struck by the nagging thought of what all of the people who have suffered and DIED for the vote would think about what has become of it.

Not only is the vote a simple process to cheat on, the way votes are counted and weighted is the exact opposite. I don't claim to understand it, but if you look at the Democratic leadership vote between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton, clearly the wrong person won because of a purposely complicated voting process and the "super candidate" whatever that is. Why are things in politics complicated on purpose? To confuse people so that they can't oppose the result. You want a magnum opus of fabrication and falsification, just look at the federal budget of any year you choose. This is what the people we "elect" spend a great deal of their time doing. Misleading us. All you need to read in THIS article is the following: "In New Hampshire, where Sanders won the vote by a gaping margin (60% to 38%) and set a record for the largest number of votes ever, the screen read “16 Sanders, 16 Clinton”."

I will go so far as to say Sanders didn't win because he would have SMOKED Trump. 2016 Trump even got 2.8 million fewer votes than Hillary. But he "won." Russian collaboration or not, this is not the guy people want as their president and he is not doing what the people want. He is the poster boy for why we SHOULDN'T vote for people!

Let's say the Democrats go on a huge winning streak. Let's say they draft a bill to impeach. Then it passes in the House. It probably won't pass in the Senate because it will still be loaded with Republicans. Even if ALL the Democrats win their contested seats, Republicans will still be needed to vote against their president in the Senate where a 2/3 majority is necessary to impeach. But let's go crazy and say this actually happens. Then what? Who is president? Does ANYBODY know? You would think Mike Pence but if Trump and the Republican party are found guilty of collusion with Russians to fix the 2016 election, then Pence isn't really the vice president. Though, in every other case mentioned people have managed to settle for the wrong leader for four years. Will it happen again?

What if impeachment fails and Trump's taxes are subpoenaed? Then it will be a vote in the Supreme Court as to whether this is constitutional or not. Can a sitting president be charged with any crime? We know that judge Beer Bong, who will likely be the swing vote, thinks absolutely not. In an environment of explosive hyper partisan politics, this could be the spark to the wick. I'm not the only person who thinks so. Read this article by Stephen Marche. He mentions in it a Rasmussen Reports poll that contains a frightening statistic: 31% of American voters polled predict another civil war within the next 5 years. And it isn't expected to be the oppressed rising up against their oppressors. We've seen how the Democrats just sit back and take the now absolutely overt and brazen sodomizing of American democracy. Experts on revolutions were interviewed and they all see environments reminiscent of civil conflict in other places where a racially dominant group revolted due to a perceived diminishment of status. White Republicans are getting angry and the leadership is not discouraging it.

What the article is saying is if Trump is not impeached, it won't be Democrats on the warpath. If Trump IS impeached or found guilty of a crime he definitely committed, the racist right, who seem bolder by the day, might just lose control. What I'm saying is these votes being drummed up by politicians and celebrities, like usual, don't seem to have any positive side. They don't seem to be the wonderful things they are being described as. On one hand you could vote and get the usual disappointment that comes from your candidate losing (or the election being rigged). On the other hand, you might get the result hoped for and be happy in your vote for a short period of time only to find that it has resulted in a worse situation than before. Again, par for the course.

The days in which people could depend on the vote to maintain democracies are gone. The vote needs to have some positive possibilities in order for people to get excited about it. Again, those days are gone. The longer we keep clinging desperately to the vote to deliver us from evil, the longer we are distracted from the true way out of it. The system needs to change. Voting for people is no longer necessary and it no longer works. Democracy must evolve. I hope it doesn't have to evolve violently, but if it does, these may be the times for that to occur.

Exciting times!

I just had to add this:

Happy Canniba Day!

I was going to post something about words and phrases that have been bugging me lately but how could I? How could I when the biggest event to happen to Canada since I was born, possibly EVER, just happened! It's October 18th here in Korea, but in Canada it's the 17th. That'll go down as a day to remember I guaran-damn-tee! And laugh if you will but no joke, our flag might look like this someday:

 

It might. Because this legislation stands to make our country a LOT of money! A MUCH needed shot in the financial bong arm, as it were. Bill C-45 The Cannabis Act will result in jobs, tourism and countless offshoot business. And that's just the pot side! The following is a lesson I wrote and am teaching all week to my students here:

Today (Wednesday, October 17th in Canada) the very first marijuana dispensaries opened in Canada. The use of recreational marijuana is expected to be a 4.3 billion dollar industry this year and stores are expected to sell out within days like they have everywhere else marijuana has been legalized.

There are a few cities, like Amsterdam, where pot is legal, and in the U.S. 9 states plus Washington D.C. have legalized it, but only one other country in the world. In 2013, Uruguay became the first country to legalize marijuana. How did they know so long ago? Makes me see Uruguay in a new light. Anyway, Canada is now the second.

The law was proposed on June 18^th by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to keep pot away from kids and to curb crimes related to the drug. It has been illegal since 1923 in Canada but its criminalization has been unpopular for almost as long.

You will need to be over 18 in Quebec and Alberta, over 19 everywhere else to purchase legal marijuana. You can grow 4 plants of no more than 1 meter high per household. You can carry 30 grams maximum. However, having too much or selling it is still illegal.

Police will have new devices for detecting cannabis use by drivers and workplaces may as well. It is believed that people incarcerated for marijuana trafficking will remain in jail but those imprisoned for possession will be released immediately.

 

 

Industrial hemp has been illegal since 1938 in Canada and currently farmers are limited to selling seeds and stems only. The rest of the most versatile crop known to man is either burnt or left in the fields to rot. The new rules will allow Canadian hemp farmers to also harvest buds, leaves and branches.

Here are a few things that can be made from hemp: beer, sunscreen, milk, shoes, rope, clothes, soap, hempcrete, cars (Renew), paper, protein powder, diapers, fuel (cheaper and more eco-friendly), super capacitors, CBD oil, ink, carpet, fiberboard, batteries, make-up, butter, nail polish, jeans, flour, bags, animal food, paint, shampoo, and chocolate.

 

I dunno if all of that is right but chill. Mellow out. It just doesn't matter.

 

https://www.facebook.com/thedailyshow/videos/332867994141590/

 

If you want something more detailed and SHOCKING, just watch this documentary. It's almost as mind-altering as the drug itself!

 

 

 

 

If you only watch the first 6 or 7 minutes of this, it'll grab you. Don't take my word for it!
 

I'm so positive this will be the biggest thing since Timmy's in Canada that I've done some research into the stock market and found a few hot stocks that will probably climb in value as Canadians indulge in their newly legal favourite herb. I even sent an email to my bank asking to set up a stockbroker account so I can invest electronically. If that doesn't work, I may just return to Canada, buy some land and plant hemp.

 

I have some more but I'll give you the three most obvious. Just drop a few bucks on them. You never know. Could be like investing in Amazon early. A thou could become a mil!

 

Canopy Growth Corporation.

 

Aurora Cannabis.

 

Aphria Inc.

 

I will gladly accept 5% informer fee for any profits but will assume no responsibility for losses.

 

Anyhoo, I have to go cook some supper. Way to go Canada! It feels so good to say that for the first time in AGES!

 

 

 

The Kavanaugh Caper

Here's something you just won't hear from me too often: Trump's approval rating jumped a couple times recently for me. Now before you stop reading, it's pretty much so low it's off the bottom of the grid so going up still won't make me think of him without a shiver of horror and disgust. And in both instances the jump was followed by a larger fall, but I have to admit feeling a bit for Pee OTUS and actually appreciating him in a miniscule way. It might have been a first.

When I heard about this New York Times report about how the Trump family dodged taxes so that Father Freddie could give his kids his ill-gotten gains as inheritance without paying the inheritance/death/estate taxes, I kinda felt a little like someone was trying to get us to hate the Trumps so badly that we would defend the very unfair inheritance/death/estate taxes. My position is they are absolutely absurd! The government has no bloody business taking tax off money that anyone has rightfully earned, paid taxes on and decided to give to someone after they die. Like most taxes, I don't even know why this tax is even legal except that nobody has the balls to get rid of it.

Now the assumption that Fred Trump's money was anything like this may require some suspension of disbelief. I have already called them "ill-gotten gains." But for argument's sake, let's say it was totally legit. Then I don't hold it against him for setting up a sham company owned by his kids, OVERcharging building supplies in its name like thousand dollar hammers and such, then allowing the kids to keep the difference as a tax-free inheritance. I don't blame him at all for doing this.

However, then came the fall. From what I heard and read of the report, those ridiculous receipts for building improvements that were FAR more than was actually paid, were then used as justification to tenants for rent increases. GREED! It's not enough to get the tax free inheritance, they had to con the tenants into believing they had spent millions of dollars on upkeep and renovations so HAD to raise the rent.

This is what I've been squawking about lately. Why are we so agreeable to this business model that REQUIRES any cost to the company to come out of the consumers' pockets? Back when Gordie Howe and Bobby Orr were making nothing the NHL needed a player's union. They formed one. Players, being the product that the owners sold, deserved a larger share of the profits. Even the owners had to agree. So they gave them bigger contracts. But did they pay? NOPE. They just jacked up ticket prices. So the NHLPA jacked up contract expectations and owners jacked up concession prices and so on and so forth. Owners still make as much as they always have but now the poor fan has to spend a mortgage payment to go to a hockey game and have a hot dog and a beer.

You can bet the wonderful Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has pre-emptively raised, or will soon raise prices to cover the recently introduced 15 dollar minimum wage for Amazon workers. And, as I keep saying, they never really DO that, do they? It's always a little bit MORE than enough to cover it. Or sometimes a LOT more. Business!!!

The next instance when I thought of the Conundrum in Chief was when I said to myself, "Say what you will about Trump, but I, (and I'm guessing a LOT of other people), am learning a great deal about American politics since he bolloxed his way to the presidency." This week I spent several hours investigating the effect the appointment of Brett Kegstand Kavanaugh to the supreme court might have on the U.S. Would you like to read what I've come up with?

In short, BK IS ultra conservative, to put it mildly, but I wondered if he would have the impact that people are raging about since the half-assed investigation, clearing, and appointment of this obviously unstable dude to the position that he himself wrote requires a certain sophisticated demeanor. I think he missed demeanor. ahem.

So let's see he lead a privileged life, went to the same all boys Catholic prep. school as fellow SCOTUS judge, and conservative appointed by Trump, Neil Gorsuch, got into Yale, played sports, studied law and was a member of the Delta Tau Chi fraternity. Interestingly, he worked for Ken Starr early in his career and assisted in the investigation of Bill Clinton's sexual misconduct and the drafting of the Starr Report that called for his impeachment largely because of it. So he has no problem impeaching a president and is against sexual misconduct in high offices. Hmmm....

He worked for George Dubyuh during his election campaign against Gore in 2000 and participated in the fraudulent Florida recount that "won" him the presidency. So he has no problem with sham presidents.

Between 2003 and 2018 the Washington Post analyzed his votes on the D.C. court and characterized them as the most, or the second most conservative. Likely his only competition is Clarence Thomas, who, (get outta jail free five!), was also accused of sexual misconduct. Remember Anita Hill? She claimed he repeatedly harassed her despite her constant refusal of his advances. Well Clarence Thomas said that all the witnesses' testimony was completely fabricated and they were all out to get him because they didn't want a black, (oh yeah he played that card), conservative on the supreme court. He was voted in 52-48 by the senate. BK was 51-49. So in 27 years the senate has changed. By one vote.

Not one but THREE people have accused BK of sexual assault/misconduct including Christine Blasey Ford. 2 Yale professors advised female law students at Yale that their female attractiveness could help secure them internships with Brett Kavanaugh. That's still being investigated.

He is against abortion, the affordable care act, the clean air act, greenhouse gas regulation, blocking the NSA's warrantless collection of personal metadata, net neutrality, gun control, and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. This one requires some explanation and is probably the most dangerous to the average American. The CFPB is an agency where they try to regulate banks, loan shark-I mean offices, credit unions, security firms, debt collectors and other financial companies. Basically they try to keep them honest. TRY is the operative word. BK proposed the idea that any of those agencies directly regulated by the CFPB could challenge its constitutionality. Luckily his idea was voted down. For now...

And it's very well known, and no small part of his nomination you have to think, that he believes very strongly in presidential power and immunity from any prosecution while in office. (even though he was on the task force to prosecute Clinton)

There are 9 judges on the supreme court. BK will be the latest.

Here's a rating of the supreme court justices as far as their liberal/conservative leanings that is a bit out of date but still quite helpful. I'll go through them one at a time using blue for conservatives and red for liberals, like we do in Canada:

John Roberts - Nominated by George W. he's the chief justice of the supreme court. He's conservative but has shown a willingness to work with liberals. He's hard to read. He has voted against abortion but will not reveal his opinion on Roe vs. Wade. He is in favour of the affordable care act. Same sex marriage - he has gone both ways on this. heh heh.

Clarence Thomas - 27 years on the supreme court. Appointed by George W. As conservative as they come although not from a privileged background. Was poor as a kid. First language was Gullah, a sea island Creole English. But despite being from the real America, he may have forgotten his roots. No to abortion. No to gay rights. Just easy to predict.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg - Appointed by Bill Clinton. 2nd female on supreme court after Sandra Day O'Connor. Strong advocate for gender equality and women's rights. Pro abortion. Is 85 years old and a colon cancer survivor but can still do 20 push-ups.

Stephen Breyer - Appointed by Clinton. Was a prof. at Harvard Law School and wrote law texts that are still in use today. Believes that interpretation and the purpose of the law is important, not just the words and facts. Whereas textualists like Scalia and Gorsuch support the letter of the law over the spirit. For example, he believes the founding fathers did not intend guns to go unregulated. Also an abortion rights advocate.

Samuel Alito - Appointed by Dubyuh. Yale law. Italian Catholic. Very conservative. Loves the death penalty.

Sonia Sotomayor - An Obama appointee. Puerto Rican parents and the first Hispanic/Latina on the supreme court. Yale law. Has a history of voting along the liberal bloc of justices' ideological lines. Has called for criminal justice reform especially regarding the issues of race, gender and ethnic identities. Not from privilege. Lived in the Bronx and Puerto Rico. Credits her position to affirmative action for giving her a chance and hard work after she got it. Ended the '94 baseball strike by denying owners a new collective bargaining agreement and permission to use replacement players. Said, "Anyone from the Bronx knows about baseball." Catholic so is against abortion.

Elena Kagan - Obama appointed her. Princeton/Harvard. She went from University of Chicago Law School prof. to White House Counsel and policy advisor to Bill Clinton to Harvard Law prof. to becoming the first female dean of Harvard Law School. She was also the first female Solicitor General of the U.S. in 2009.

Neil Gorsuch - Trump's replacement for Scalia. Harvard law and doctor of  Law Philosophy. Another privileged life. Mom actually worked for Reagan as E.P.A. administrator. Wrote on euthanasia saying that "the intentional taking of a human life, by private persons, is always wrong." Not sure if the "by private persons" part was there originally in his writing or after he came out in support of the death penalty. He also questions the constitutional right to abortion. His first consequential vote was to put to death 8 death row inmates in Arkansas in 2017. Stephen Breyer, one of our four libs, all of whom would have stayed the execution, said the reason the executions proceeded was the lethal injection drugs were nearing their expiration dates.

But this gives you an idea of how the votes are likely to go now with Brett Kavanaugh sworn in. 5-4 for the blues most likely. I would be remiss if I didn't bring up one more name though.

Merrick Garland - Nominated to the supreme court by Barack Obama. The republican dominated senate refused the nomination because Obama was in the last year of his presidency. So for almost a year nobody filled the position Scalia had vacated. It is still viewed as a controversial reason, or non-reason to have refused the nomination. Considering the possibility that Trump is in his last MONTH and all those pesky women conspiring again like they did to Clarence Thomas to keep a guy off the supreme court with their wild fabrications, the senate had no problem voting Brett Kavanaugh in.

With Garland in, Breyer, a liberal, would have been the decisive 5th vote, or the "swing" vote in the usual 5-4 decisions of the supreme court. Now with judge Bluto in, that swing vote is expected to be John Roberts - a conservative.

This is why people are so upset! Not just this but because the investigation into sexual allegations was terribly rushed and the timing of it just prior to November's midterm elections in which house and senate members will be shuffled around a bit, looks suspicious at best. In a month, the senate vote might not have been 51-49. Kavanaugh might not have gotten in. And Trump might be on his way out. So Trump and the republicans rushed BK in there just to be sure to have a stacked supreme court.

Dirty politics to be sure!

When will this administration receive its comeuppance? I'm hoping November, but the way the Senate voted on Kavanaugh, I am a bit disheartened.

Screen Door on a Submarine

You want a quick example of market manipulation and how much control big companies have over us, the people they own? Here you go:

Lime Gillette shaving cream.

There are some things about the world we don't need proof of, we just know. I know from the beauty and the insanely irreducible complexity of the world and all that's in it that there must have been a creator. I know that even though we can't sense it or quantify it, love is a powerful force. And I know that in the history of male hygiene, never has a man said, "I think I want my face to smell like lime."

But try to find a man who's never bought one of these lime muddafuckas. I bet a lot of the women of the world have had limey legs at one time or another. Or wherever they shave... I have a can of this stuff right now that's about half finished. It's been around forever. Not just MY can, but lemon-lime Foamy. MY can has only been around for a few months. But speaking of that, here's another question: Have you ever FINISHED one of these? It's not easy. Sometimes we keep one long enough to get a round rust stain on the bathroom sink where it sits, but usually we keep it just until we get some shaving cream that smells like something we want our faces to smell like. Then we chuck it. Or we might keep it around rusting till our other can runs out. It's interim shaving cream at best.

I think I've bought more of the small cans for travel than the large ones. Come to think of it, in all the countries I've been to, there it was! Because it was the only kind available at the airport I probably paid more than the big can price too. But let's be honest, for a can of shaving cream that lasts longer than I've lived in any apartment, this is one of the cheaper products available to mankind. So is it the economical price that makes it so popular? Is it the international marketing? I'm not so sure.

Remember the half lemon half lime that used to be on the can? Here's a commercial from 1960:

We also know that Gillette Foamy can't stop a roller coaster.

 

Remember that one? Member? Member? But was it stellar advertising that gained this apparent dud such ubiquity? I think not. Here's my guess: I picture Mr. Gillette smoking a long cigar and drinking a cocktail at, I dunno, Mar-a-Lago or wherever the filthy rich go to thumb their noses at the little people. He's talking to Mr. Loofah and Mr. Bathroom Slippers about how they got the world to use their useless products and he says that his razors are a necessity to most men. "But wouldn't it be a lark to create something totally useless like you fellows and have the entire world use it?" he chortles. "How about a cream men put on their faces before shaving?" "Too useful," Mr. Bathroom Slippers criticizes in his Asian accent, "Then they know where they shave and where they not shave."

"Good point, B.S." says Mr. Gillette. At this point Mr. Loofah looks at his lime Rickey and says, "By Jove, I have an idear!"

I think there's a good chance Gillette Lemon-Lime Foamy is a practical joke. Good thing Mr. Loofah wasn't drinking a Martini or my face would smell like an olive right now. And, yes, I think Loofahs are largely useless. You're basically rubbing yesterday's and the day before's, and maybe a bit of the day before THAT'S dry skin all over yourself.

And bathroom slippers are the biggest of the three mysteries. But here in Asia, things tend to be a bit more mysterious. I remember my first day in Korea, which was my first day in Asia. I was brought to the door of MY apartment. The apartment where I'd live for the next year. MINE. Not shared with anyone else. And when I broke the plane of the threshold with my shoes on, my Korean boss acted like I'd killed the last dragon in Korea. "SHOES! SHOES! You MUST take off SHOES!" So I apologized profusely and took off the shoes I was wearing. He showed me around and when we got to the bathroom and I broke the plane of the threshold, Mr. Lee acted as though I'd just said that kimchi was invented in Japan. "SLEEPUH! SLEEPUH! You MUST take on SLEEPUH!"

"Oh you mean THESE 'sleepuh' designed for discomfort for all but the daintiest feet?" I didn't say. I asked why and he gave the excuse that the floor might be "slippy." I am convinced that they think the word "slipper" came from that, not from the fact that you can just slip them on. "Well maybe if you'd invest 4 bucks in a shower curtain and stop showering the entire bathroom daily to clean it..." I also didn't say. Maybe they should have ass slippers too because the toilet seat, (when there's a toilet), is always wet from this "cleaning" ritual they all observe. I've never slipped off the toilet but if you're in a hurry, sometimes you get a wet arse.

So I guess what it comes down to is when you go to the home of a Korean, they don't want you to wear your shoes. They want you to wear THEIR shoes.

Not sure where I was heading with this but gimme a break, it's been over two months. My bloggin' shoes are a bit crusty. I think I was going to list a few more useless things. Like Korean bread packaging. They've come a long way since I first came here back in '97, God love 'em, but they still haven't quite figured out the bread thing. They have this notion that sealing the top of the bread bag is a good idea. Like they pass the bag through one of those plastic melting devices. Fine and dandy, you won't have anyone opening up the bread and handling it or sniffing it or, (is this REALLY a danger?), but when you open up the bag, it rips to shreds and unless you immediately use about 10 slices, there's not enough extra bag to spin and close with the bread bag closer. And if you have the bread that's packaged horizontally, not vertically, well you might as well put the bread you don't use right away into a Tupperware container and throw that useless bag out. You know the bread bag closey thing I mean? When I was young we broke them in half, affixed them to our strongest flinging fingers and flung them at our friends, family or other targets. When broken in half, that thing was called "flingers." Why doesn't it have a name while it's still intact?

How much do you reckon the inventor of THIS item made? Bread bag clip? We've all used it but who the hell knows its official name? But I have no problem with the inventor making a mint because it's a very useful item. Outside of Korea.

Now that I've warmed up again, I think I've recalled the direction this blog post was meant to take. I think I was eventually going to get to something superfluous that is near and dear to my heart: the E.S.L. recruiting company. I work for one so I don't want to be too harsh. Hahahahahaha! Did you see the ego on me? Like anyone from Carrot, the place I work, is going to read this blog! I can be as harsh-slash-honest as I want.

So I mentioned '97 was the first year I was here in Korea teaching ESL. Things were a whole lot different back then boy lemme tell ya! I bellyache about bread packaging now but there was nothing but this disgusting corn bread readily available back then. And butter hadn't made it to the sticks either. I had corn bread with animal fat for breakfast with my eggs. And bacon wasn't the bacon we all know and love. It was sam gyup sal or nothing. Not even close. But the eggs were awesome! I gotta say.

Most things have changed dramatically since then. One of the biggest changes has been the introduction and the prompt shouldering in of the recruiters on the ESL market in Korea. Not long ago there were businesses who wanted English teachers and there were English teachers. We managed to find each other just fine. Now a lot of the best jobs have to be accessed through recruiters. And they take more than their fair share of the money that the teachers make. What do they do? Largely things that the teacher could do more cheaply and efficiently.

But I sit here typing on my computer having just watched my beloved Kia Tigers win a dramatic game with an Lee Jong Beom home run, my internet is awesome and cheap, my pay is better than satisfactory and I am happy with my situation once again. So I guess things have changed in this regard, but they haven't totally changed. Back in the day we knew we were going to get ripped off a little by our hagwons or schools but in the end we got a good deal. Not what was promised, but a good deal. Things are much the same in that respect.

It was just Korean Thanksgiving here. It's called Chuseok. I had a blast! Friday night I went out to Hiteer, a pub across the street from where I work, to watch the Kia Tiger game and drink beer with Amber. They always treat me well at the Hiteer. It's not a NICE place, but then my favourite places never are nice. Tigers won! Then we went to play screen baseball. Something I've been wanting to do for a long time since coming here, but it's something you just don't do alone. They even had BEER there! It was great! We even figured out a way to cheat. When you are hitting, the other person throws the ball at the screen and the computer thinks it's a hit. It only works when the owner isn't looking though.

Next morning we went to the local par 3 course. Unfortunately DB and Ty couldn't join us because of an injury and an undisclosed matter respectively. heh heh. Ty probly got lucky. Anyway, Amber and I took to the links. We were not quite so good there as we were at the screen golf. I blame the beer from the previous night. But since we played hole 8 and 9 wrong, we played them twice so really shot 11 holes for the price of 9. It was a good deal! No birdies but we got a few pars. And only one lost ball I lost over the fence onto the road. Adrenaline spike I guess. ???

Then we packed up and went to meet DB in Hong Dae to watch the Tiger game. We went to a fish restaurant where they had the game on the big screen. The owner was from Gwangju so that's why he was playing the Tigers. Since DB is from there and Amber and I have lived there before, we were honoured guests. They had 1000 cc mugs there! I had to get one of those! And, the Tigers won! After that we went for a few more beers at a classic music pub. Well it wasn't a pub and the music, though old, wasn't as good as I'd hoped. They had a deal on some really good beers, 3 + 1. I ordered three Big Wave Ales. I had tried it at a chicken hof in Icheon and if was tasty. It cost me 8 thousand won there so I only had one. At THIS place it was actually 11 thousand won! So the 3+1 wasn't quite as good a deal as it seemed. See how they get you? But that didn't stop us from having a few more.

We slept in our air b&b then DB packed up. He had to go back to Incheon to work. Amber and I could stay one more day. So we did some shopping and some wandering around Hong Dae looking for a good place to watch the Tiger game. We found a baked chicken place and by 2 o'clock we were eating chicken, (again), and watching baseball. The beer wasn't really going down that great at first but we powered through and by the time Irene showed up, we were all feeling pretty good. DB went home and Amber, Irene and I wandered around looking for something to do. I think it was Amber who got the idea to go bowling. So off we went to find a bowling lane where the lights were off and everything was glowing in the blue light. We absolutely sucked! I mean golf and baseball? We were experts compared to our bowling! I'm not kidding! And I was once good at that game. But again it was fun. Except for the annoyingly loud and sucky music.

Irene went home and Amber and I went out for a few more drinks before hitting the hay. Next day we went back to Incheon to meet Dave and Crystle and play some board games. It was Monday so there was no baseball. That's the day off in the Korean Baseball Organization. I was a hurting unit! Too much drinking and not enough sleep had caught up to me. But Crystle brought a game called Quirkle and Dave brought one called For Sale and folks, these games were hangover killers! I am going to look for both of them for Christmas presents. Two of the best games I've ever played and I hadn't played either until that day. Dave left early for date night with his wife but he allowed Crystle, Amber and me to use his game. We sat outside a convenience store and played Quirkle and For Sale for a couple more hours. Best hangover EVER!

Next day was the last day of Chuseok. I had to make my way back to Icheon and I was scared. From Incheon to Icheon is a difficult commute on a GOOD day. But if you know anything about Korean Chuseok, you know it's a day when most Koreans meet in their ancestral homes, (not in Seoul. Usually in the "country"), and eat and drink together. They thank God, their ancestors and historical heroes of Korea who have made it the place it is today. But when the entire population goes somewhere ALL at the same time, it seems a little less great. Even, I'm sure, for Koreans. But that doesn't stop them. They brave Chuseok nightmare traffic every year.

It turned out I had nothing to worry about. Amber showed me a good bus from Incheon to Gangnam Station in Seoul and from there I got a ticket for a bus to Icheon that left 20 minutes later. I left at 2:20 and by 3:00 I could see the SKhyix tower. NO traffic either way! I was shocked! But very happy.

Wow! This turned into a pretty positive post! I wonder if there's anything I could add to bring it down to my usual level of grumpiness. Like something else that I find totally useless.

WAIT A MEWMENT!!! I've got it!

I would be remiss if I left out my latest boycott. As my 4 loyal readers may know, I've been doing my best to completely avoid Nestle. For years now. Since I heard about what they are doing with water in Canada and around the world. It's been tough to avoid Kit Kats and ice cream and Nescafe coffee since it's everywhere in Asia and in some parts, it's cornered the market. But to my knowledge I've done it. Now I think I am going to move on to a much tougher boycott. One that involves Mcdonald's and Burger King. The two comfort food havens that I use for breakfast and lunch or dinner respectively while in Asia. I sometimes eat Mcdonald's for lunch or dinner but their breakfasts are the best. But it seems these two struggling corporations feel the need to introduce austerity measures in all of their Asian franchises. You see, paying human beings is breaking these poor companies. So they've resorted to machines. And now when you go to either one of these places, you have to WORK for your meal. YOU have to punch in your order and pay at the machine. (And I'm not even going to get into how much money they might be making from reading the credit cards we insert into those machines and selling information from them. I'm not. But if I WERE to do so, I'd tell you how everybody who works here, where they make the chips to store that information is telling me how it's the most valuable thing in the world right now and ALL the major corporations are scrambling to get it in any way they can.)

Instead, let me tell you now, the Mcdonald's machines are a pain in the arse for an English speaker. Oh they have an English button but I have never been able to get through the process in EITHER language. So I always end up just going to the counter. At BK I have never yet bothered to use the fucking machines. And it's nice because you bypass any line there may be and go straight to the counter where it may take some extra effort, but you can always catch someone's attention and order. And in my experience, I have never yet received my order AFTER the dummies fumbling around with those infernal machines.

I think maybe the workers have realized that because of those machines, Mcdonald's cuts down the staff not by the right amount, but enough to MORE than offset the work of the machines and the customers. They ARE rich corporations after all. I see these poor people already working one of the hardest jobs in the world for shit wages, running around like the kitchen is the friggin' stock market. And I don't mind telling you I think it's the sanitation that suffers. They don't have time to do their regular duties AND pick up the slack for the missing staff caused by the fucking machines, so something HAS to suffer. It's the cleaning. I will regale you with two stories from Chuseok here in Korea on this matter.

It was Wednesday morning. I wanted to get a good breakfast before going back to Icheon so Amber figured out that Mcdonald's near her and DB's place stops breakfast at 10:20 and it's about 30 minutes away. It was 9:40ish when I learned of this. So I shot out the door and quickly speed-walked to Mcdonald's. I was proud (but sweaty) to get there with a whole 10 minutes to spare. But still time was tight. I attempted to use the machine but ran into the same problem as ever. I thought of switching to the other machine but some people were using it. So I just went to the counter. Everybody pretended not to notice me and went about their cooking and distributing, so I hammered on the counter and said, kind of loudly and rudely, "Yopaseyo! Chogyuh!" These are ways to get a waiter or waitress's attention. But it worked. I said to the nice girl who came, "I can't use those machines." And proceeded to place my order. Almost INSTANTLY I had everything and was eating it. There were flies hovering overhead, landing on my food and, (I'm sorry but), making maggots on or near my food because the overworked staff hadn't had time to clean, but still, I was eating. I can only imagine what it was like in the kitchen where the customer can't see.

I got my breakfast at about 10:19. I almost finished my breakfast before the people who were at the other machine sat down to eat. I think they took so long because while they were ordering 10:20 rolled around and they had to change their orders. So they were eating Big Macs and fries at 10:30 while I was still enjoying my bacon and egg Mcmuffin.

Keep in mind, this is Korea where they don't tip. They don't tip because, unlike us dummies in tipping countries, they realize that tipping is just a way for restaurant owners to get stupid customers to pay the salaries of their workers for them. In essence it is no different than these machines.

Example #2: After my nice breakfast, I got a couple things I was shopping for and went to Amber and DB's, packed up and Amber took me to the bus stop. I got on the bus and went to Gangnam Express Bus Terminal in Seoul.... where there is a Burger King! I often eat there when I'm getting a bus ticket to somewhere or other. I like the quatro cheese Whopper. So I get my bus ticket, which, as I said before, I purchased a mere 20 minutes before departure, a Chuseok miracle (!!!) then go to BK to get some lunch. To my horror they have installed two of those evil machines in MY Burger King! I just walked right past all the people struggling through their orders and a very nice girl met me at the counter. AGAIN almost instantly I got my meal. Well before anyone at the machines.

Here's my hopeful theory: I think the workers at these places hate the machines too. I think they know better than anybody how much extra work the machines cause the people and they hate the damn things. So when a freedom fighter like me boycotts them and goes to the counter, they serve me first! I'm saving their job or at least making it easier. They'd be ungrateful NOT to.

Long story short, I think these bag your own groceries, pay to use a bank machine, serve your own coffee, order your own products scams are boycott worthy and I'm going to start eating at (ugh) Lotteria if I have to in order to avoid them. I think Lotteria will soon install them though.

If you read my story about Hong Kong where I went to Mcdonalds and was FORCED to use the machine and stormed out, went across the road and ate at Jollibee, you'll know this is not a new pet peeve. Please join me in not being forced to work for these large corporations for no pay. Not to mention support them hiring less people and more machines. When they don't NEED to save the money. My contention is that it won't save them as much money as they think when we start walking out. In fact, if we can work together, it'll COST them money and that's the only way we can beat them. It's just a battle in the war, but let's start now folks. Even self-serve gas! Yes I said it. I can remember when self serve gas was cheaper because we pumped it ourselves and saved Esso or whoever some money. Is it still cheaper? I haven't bought gas for a decade. I bet it's not. But at least the gas companies gave us a deal for doing their work for them. Not like the banks who have the gaul to actually CHARGE us for saving them money in wages by using their bank machines.

This is useless. Probably the MOST useless thing there is. It's gotta stop.

Happy Chuseok. Chuseok Jal Bonhosayo.

Blame it on My Brain

Probably the most asked question in English is one iteration or other of, “How are you?” But I bet the second most asked question is, “What do you do?” In my state of advanced mankind disillusionment called “old age,” I can't help hearing, “What do you do?” as, “What company owns you?”

If I do some rough calculations, I could figure out the depressing amount of money I have made over a life of employment that has included some of the hardest jobs imaginable. I've been a tree planter, a diamond driller and I've worked in the fast food industry. But for those inquisitive folks who want to know what it is that I do, perhaps a more pertinent calculation would be how much money I have made for my owners over the years. And that number is a bit harder to come by, though probably much MORE depressing.

I've never been one to lose sleep over what I would do without my employment and source of income. I HAVE wondered what my owners would do without me on drunken indulgences of exaggerated indispensability usually shortly before or after quitting a job, but those were a bit short-sighted. Most would answer, “Elementary, they'd get another worker.”

As I see it, this is a major problem in our society and increasingly, the world. Not just that it is thought to be the simplest thing in the world for employers to find good workers, but that the majority of us worry, many absolutely obsess, about what on earth we would do without our precious jobs. This, in large part, is what gives our owners ownership of us.

I'll give you another example. In Canada the government wants to introduce a tax on big factories that belch tonnes and tonnes of shit into the clean air of Canada every year. What a terrible idea! Fascist even! You see, the logic is that the cost of gas and oil and heating and other things will go up if this carbon tax is introduced. People are so well trained we don't even notice the important step in between the introduction of a new tax and the raising of gas and oil and home heating prices that happens with the regularity of a knee-jerk and is publicly allowed to the point of apathy. That step is the one when the big factories and companies raise their prices so they don't have to pay the tax at all, their customers do. We all know they have done this forever, (i.e. they've never really paid any tax at all), they've just foisted their tax responsibilities onto an over cooperative, not to say stupid, public.

The same tax dodgers who own these companies are the douche bags who own US. That is, they pay our wages. Now if they ever gave us a raise, it would just defeat the purpose of hiking up the cost of their products and services, wouldn't it? Hence, the situation we have in our country where the prices of EV - REH – THING are skyrocketing while wages have stagnated.

And don't be foolish enough to think that every time the big companies encounter an expense, they only raise their prices enough to offset it and pass that expense onto the public. They raise their prices more, sometimes a lot more. That's why the country, (meaning them), is getting richer while the people, (meaning us), are struggling to make ends meet.

The middle class is being eliminated. Never have the haves and have-nots been so far apart! The results, as can be expected, are stats like by the age of 30 the average Canadian has a savings of ZERO. It's even worse in the States, who our government inexplicably models itself after, where the average 30-year-old's savings cannot be expressed as a positive number and 50% of the people in the country, I repeat - 50% could not come up with 500 bucks if their lives depended on it. 50% is the median, folks. This means it's the average. The average American doesn't have 500 bucks. They're BROKE! And Canada is following right along behind them like a puppy dog to a Korean kitchen.

“But the U.S. is a rich country,” says President Cheesy Poof, “We've never had a more robust economy.” While this is true in the sense that the country has pulled in a crater full of dough, that dough is almost all ending up in the hands of a very few people. So when that rug headed manchild talks about, “the country,” or “the U.S.,” or “We,” he means himself and all his buddies, the douche bag owners and tax dodgers of the country. And it's no wonder they owners and controllers of the U.S. and Canada have all had a great year because they've been busy for a long time changing laws in our countries to re-route all the cash to the top so that they can have such a wonderful year and then tell us, the people financing their happiness with our blood, sweat and tears, that WE are enjoying ourselves too.

 

But I might not even know what I'm talking about. It's been a long time since I blogged because of China. I just today got my internet hooked up and feel comfortable again. It has been years since I could say I am working legally and comfortably. And I am truly thankful to Korea for that!

 

I can't get that comfortable in my own country though and I think it's largely because of the things above. But I'm learning that a lot of things I thought I was sure of, are wrong! More and more lately. Am I getting old? It used to be pretty hard to prove me wrong. That was because I didn't argue about something unless I was positive about it. Even THEN I still wouldn't argue sometimes. Nowadays it seems I am more argumentative even when I'm wrong. The thing is, I truly believe I'm right! How have I come by such faulty information and why haven't I been corrected. I'm talking about beliefs that I've held for decades!

 

For instance, I've been asked by 100 people if I've been asked by one, "What is the coldest weather you've heard of in Canada?" I always say, "White River, Ontario. -72 degrees Celsius! I know this because I lived very close to White River in Northern Ontario and I travelled there and saw with mine own eyes the giant thermometer that reads -72 degrees. Well very recently I found out that that temperature is Fahrenheit! What the hell? Why? IT'S CANADA! Maybe it's to trick us all into THINKING it's colder than it is. It's almost -58 Celsius, so I've only been off by 14 degrees, but still... Twenty odd years of certainty blown away with one google.

 

Then a good friend told me her daughter just got her orange belt in Tae Kwon Do. When I practiced, there were no orange belts. But when I heard the news I had just finished off goodly portions of both beer and scotch, so, "They didn't have orange belts when and where I took Tae Kwon Do," became, "Your daughter is going to a fraudulent school! There's no orange belt in the whole world of Tae Kwon Do! YOU SHOULD SUE!" Well upon an internet search the next morning, then a follow-up search to see if the first search was wrong, then another follow-up follow-up, I had to admit to myself, (but not yet to my friend or her daughter), that, yes, there are orange belts in Tae Kwon Do. Now is this a new thing? Are there different schools? Does it depend on the teacher or the country? It seems the answers to all of these are yes. Some Tae Kwon Do schools have orange and some don't. So I shouldn't have been quite so argumentative.

 

Did you see what I did just there with the parenthetical statement? Comma, space, parenthesis, blah, blah, blah parenthesis, comma, space? It's, (like this), and then I keep writing... I've been doing that for I dunno how long. You can read this blog and go back years and see it. I was editing the new text for this quarter at work and suggested it because someone had used bare brackets (like this) and it just didn't look right to me.

 

Now look, I wrote dozens of papers for teachers and other inspectors who were absolute sticklers for proper punctuation, citation, spelling and grammar. Of course! I was an English Lit. major! I'm talking profs who reckoned a misplaced dot or an errant comma in a citation tantamount to intellectual property theft! One percent per mistake! I'm not kidding. If you wrote a PERFECT paper, (and the English program at my university would find fault with something written by Merriam Webster, (see I did it again)), and you made 10 TINY mistakes in reference citation, you got 90 on it.

 

And I put up with 7 years of that until I was writing papers without deductions at all! And now something I was pretty darn sure of, just today, proven wrong. I immediately start asking myself questions. How long have I been doing this wrong? How long has it BEEN wrong? Was it EVER right? Are there different schools of thought on this? Is it something stylistic? Is it because I'm doing it the old way or just because I'm old and doing it the way my Alzheimer riddled brain misremembers it?  Because, I mean, it just looks neater, (like this), to me. When you do this(it looks cramped)but I've started, (since this morning when I was proven wrong), noticing both the other two, but nowhere have I seen it like I do it! HOW THE HELL have I missed this? It's EVERYWHERE! Even in Korean!

 

I agree, a comma plus a parenthesis is like a double comma or double parenthesis. It's very, very redundant. (like very, very) But parentheticals like the one to the left just seem to be floating there to me if they're not anchored down with a weighty comma at both ends. No? Am I just wrong? Can I really be the only person who feels this way? Has it always been thus?

 

I'm not satisfied yet. It seems to me direct quotes are set apart far more redundantly, aren't they? It is with a comma,

 

                              

                              "Two spaces, indentation both sides, quotes at both ends

                          and another two spaces that direct quotations are separated."

 

 

So, (this doesn't seem that redundant, now does it), my dear reader? But it's wrong. I keep doing it, but it's wrong.

 

It may seem a trifle to you, but now I'm questioning absolutely everything. What do I believe to be true that just isn't? Are you supposed to put a space between the last word of a question and the question mark ? For all I know that could be correct. Or what about this  ? Or even this   ? If someone challenged me I don't know that I'd feel confident enough to argue right now.

 

But maybe I needed a little humbling. Maybe it'll be good for me and for this blog.

 

So back to the original points I was protesting: I could be totally wrong. I don't even know where I got that stat about Americans not being able to come up with 500 bucks. It could be total bullshit. ALL the stats could be. And maybe we should all be happy having any job at all while the rich get richer and so do our countries. Maybe it won't be bad when EVERY country introduces a social credit score that smacks of Orwellian elitism, separates the rich and poor like a schoolyard pick for a game of Kill Each Other, and doggonnit, I'm going to do it again, (China's already introduced one that will be implemented by 2020), maybe we're just weak and deserve to be owned by the rich, who are our betters.

 

I probably shouldn't speak so definitively about such things because Canada uses Fahrenheit, Tae Kwon Do uses orange belts, and (I'm so uncomfortable with this!) THIS is correct! What the hell, I might just be getting old and losing my mind. Well, at least I can use that excuse. And it gets valider and valider every day.

 

What? More valid you say? Hell if it is! Really? But it only has two syllables! Ah, yer probly right. My brain's goin'.

Two Weeks From Salvation

I haven't made it yet but on June 25, my first official payday, I will have gone about half a year without a paycheck. That is something I'll never do again short of retirement or some disastrously long hospital stay.

Now THERE'S a lovely way to open up a post!

Take two: I am two weeks away from getting out of yet another fine mess this ESL madness has landed me in. I certainly couldn't have done it without a lot of patience and help from solid friends and loving family. I said to my Mom in a recent letter I wrote to her, "I think maybe this time, (what is it, my dozenth attempt?), maybe I can make a go of this independence thing.

Now I don't want to give the impression I'm completely out of the woods. No sir, I wouldn't want to give that impression. I'm still not a card carrying alien yet. And the person in charge of setting up my visa run just happily went off on vacation for a month. So I don't even know if he'll be back before my visitor's visa runs out. I might just have to do it myself and put in for a reimbursement. lol

And since the pay periods start and end on the 15ths of months and I started on the 1st, it'll only be a half check at best I'm getting on the 25th. That said, half a check will be enough to get me through the next month. If only I didn't have to get my things delivered from China!!! I hate the first month! You get the least when you need the most. Then in the last month you have all this bonus cash coming when you need it the least. Though I can't say I DISlike it when that happens. It's been a long time...

Anyhoo, I like the job I have! The execs I am teaching are just old buzzards like me. Most are a little bit older. They listen to the music I like, eat the extreme food I like, watch baseball like me, and drink a bit too much like I am wont to do. They have two major differences from me: 1. They have wives and kids. All of them. 2. They have been working for SK hynix for many years and have more money in the bank now than I will ever earn. Do you suppose there's a relation there somewhere?

I am getting settled in here. I did my first week, June 1, and only had two classes. Then last week I had Wednesday off. So I've taught 5 full days. Thing is, I get paid on the 25th, only two weeks away.  And, bonus, Wednesday off this week too! The salary is more than any job I've ever worked in the industry. And if I get an extra class here in there, and I'm told they're coming, I'll be pulling in more than when I was diamond drilling. Well, to be honest, I already AM! Good old Canadian taxes!

Most of the students are different. Some want to learn business terms, some want news articles, some want to improve listening, some want to just maintain their English levels and maybe improve a little. Over the years I've built up a library of books and lessons that can accommodate all of the above. And we'll have some fun while we're at it.

The compound I'm on is quite nice! It has lots of coffee shops, several tennis courts, a gym for basketball, badminton, ping pong, and working out, even a swimming pool and bowling alley! There's a soccer field, two jaegi fields, (that's Korean soccer tennis), two mini soccer fields, a goldfish pond, 3 cafeterias, lots of banks, and some shops. And the buildings where I work all have FANTASTIC bathrooms! No dropping my phone in the squatter or seeing the guy next to me having a smoke and playing Angry Birds while he's blasting out yesterday's noodles. We have those fancy toilets with heated seats, air dry and squirt up the bum if you so desire! And there is always soap and paper towels. I don't even poop at home. I save it for work.

There ARE some drawbacks. Of course. The computer I'm doing this on is a laptop and I haven't yet made the purchase of a keyboard so I have to stop every few lines to delete some words that were written two paragraphs above where they were supposed to be. Dang sensitive mouse pads! Grrrr! My operating system is also in Korean and I have found some useful tips on Youtube on how to change your computer from Korean to English by going to the control panel and selecting the language setting, only both of those are IN Korean, so that's not helping. And every once in a while the internet cable comes out. Or just the slightest bump will disconnect it. It doesn't come right out, just loses connection. So not only do I have to avoid the mouse pad with my sausage finger, I have to type softly. I'll eventually work it out though. I am learning the ctrl key commands. Like ctrl P for print and ctrl S for save. Rather than learn the Korean spots on the page where they might be. And this is not laziness, they are not easy to find.

Also, due to very tight security in the highly competitive semiconductor industry, I can't bring in my external hard drive and put my extensive library of lessons onto this computer. I had to put them on Google Drive and there wasn't quite enough room. But I got most of them on there. I have to cover both camera lenses on my phone and pass my bag through an x-ray machine every time I come or go from the office too. It's like riding transit in China for crying out loud! But at least I don't need to bring my passport.

The dorms will take some getting used to. The worst thing about them is there is no wifi. If I want to play a game or check email or just surf, it costs me data. And I have a limit. 6 Gigs. Sounds like a lot but I've burned through half of it already. You try going without internet. I dare ya! We're hooked, people! It's how they'll bring us down in the end. We'll be following the Pied Wifier as he leads us all like webless lemmings off a cliff. "Must youtube! Need to check email! Facebook! Facebook! Fa...AAAAAGGGHHHHH IHOPETHERE'SINTERNETINTHEAFTERLIFE?" Thud!

The second worst thing is the lack of refrigeration. We have an aircon, couldn't live without that, but there are no fridges. Not in my room, not in the common room, not in the entire dorm. We have one in the office that is shared amongst about 10 teachers but that's not great. Can't really stock that with beer for the weekend, can I? And for a fella who likes to do his own cooking, this is gonna suck.

Thanks to some great supplying of the necessities from my American bootlegging buddies Heather and Mike, I have the clothes I need until my shipment comes in from China. They gave me birthday socks and underwear, new job shirts, welcome back to Korea shorts and polo shirts and I even got a few Christmas garments in there from them. Even Oma and Pap got me a Canadian hat and T shirt. But I have to say it'll be great to get my comfy clothing back. And I got a care package waiting for me from Mom next time I visit Heather and Mike. So everybody's pulled together to take care of me in this time of hardship. But I'm hoping to rebel and start a life of my own at the age of 51.

Crap! Just hammering the John Bonham rambling drum roll from Ramble On and I knocked the internet out. I just have to fiddle with the plug to get it back but then gotta reboot. Wastes time.

HAH! It's a couple days later now and I got a new keyboard from Daiso across the street. 5000 won! Good old cheap Japanese crap! Woohoo! Can you tell the difference? I sure can!

The food situation will only last a couple of weeks. I'm sure I can find a little fridge and there's one burner in the kitchen. I'll make do. But in a small town it's still a bit tough to find all the foods I want. Like for spaghetti sauce I'll have to chop up beef. No ground beef anywhere. But a trip into Seoul or maybe even downtown might be the remedy. I have some scouting around to do. And I can't say I am not excited about that. I love finding the good places in a new town.

But I'm getting closer to stability once again. Salvation comes in many forms. I guess getting a job back here in Korea qualifies for me. And I've been told the contract will be re-evaluated for the new year. If it is not renewed, I'll just have to change again. I hate to say this but most of the experience I've had with Carrot so far makes me wonder how they could land such a big contract in the first place let alone keep it. But I hope things can improve there as well. With luck they will finally figure out my CRC reimbursement two months after it was promised and they will get my visa run organized at the last minute. See what I mean?

But I have hope for this new gig. I always do at the beginning don't I? And so far all that's made for is some fine blog fodder. So stay tuned, there may be more to come.

No Reply At All

I have received a lot of comments from friends and family lately about how they can't believe the shit I put up with in the overseas ESL life I have manufactured for myself. My sister, Jenn, keeps telling me I should just give it up and move back to Canada. So does my Mom. My friend Jenny says she doesn't know how I put up with the abuse I go through. And when you are broke and unemployed, people see you differently. They look down on you consciously or subconsciously and give you advice that is appreciated, but sometimes a little insulting in its simplicity. Like, "Why don't you come back to Canada and teach in Canadian schools?" My friend Jessica is doing that now. There are some small differences between my friend Jessica and me. For instance, she worked for 10 years straight in Korea and brought home over 60,000 bucks in pension alone, not including her savings over that period. Also, she has a teaching certificate. "People are crying for teachers in North America! You should come back," she advised.

I tried years ago, and I tried years before THAT and years before THAT. Every time it became harder, not easier. I can't even teach ESL in the schools where I taught in Canada before, let alone teach in public schools. Canadian education has become a business and I would have to do over 2 years, probably 3, to get the one-year education certificate I need to teach in Canada. And it now costs 10 times what it cost for a year of Canadian university when I last attended. From 5 grand in 1994 to 50 grand in 2018. I've looked into it. This isn't improving the teaching ability, just making it more expensive and time-consuming for the teachers.

"You should come to Viet Nam! It'd be easy for you to get work here," advised my friend, Dan, who has been working there for a while. He even gave me a few places to apply. I applied and found that they all require Cambridge CELTA certificates. I have an old TESL certificate that cannot be verified by the good people of CELTA, so I am unacceptable in places of employment in the CELTA neighbourhoods. This is the same in Canada with Canada TESL. They are like mafia. They go from school to school and get them to refuse anyone without a CELTA in exchange for not breaking the legs of the teachers they have at their schools currently teaching. Or money, or free practicum teaching, or whatever. It's all just superfluous middlemen insinuating themselves into an industry that was just fine and dandy without them. There is absolutely NO evidence, (or chance), that they have improved teaching ability. Just made it more expensive and time-consuming for the teachers.

"You should put in for work in Azerbaijan! I know a place that is desperate for a teacher! Tell them you are the guy I told them about," my friend, Allen offered. I DID put in for the job and never heard from them even though I had been talked up to them by Allen. This is a common occurrence in the ESL industry. Nobody answers emails unless they feel you can make them money or help them. Even when you CAN make them money or help them, they STILL don't answer sometimes. It has to do with the deterioration of work ethic, professionalism and courtesy in the industry.

Let me give you a great ferinstance: The company I have recently signed on with for a year, Carrot Global Inc., a language company/recruiter, has been quite irresponsible to this point and I see no signs of it ending. When I first had contact with them I was up for a job in Naju at Korea Electric Power Company. KEPCO. I arranged for an interview, bought a 50-dollar train ticket to Naju and had the interview cancelled at the last second. Then a week later had another interview scheduled, bought a train ticket and the interview was cancelled at the last second. Both times I had to return the ticket and lose 5% of what I'd paid. Carrot was nice enough to reimburse me for this, but it was the poor performance from them that cost me this job. Hours before the second interview I was instructed to fill in some forms that had information on them that Carrot had already received. I could have done this at any time during the previous two weeks, but it wasn't thought about until the eleventh hour. Had I dealt with KEPCO directly, I have no doubt I'd be working there now. But because of the ubiquitous recruiters who have shouldered in on the ESL racket here in Korea, mainly for their ability to relieve the clients of the burden of dealing, in English, with the teachers, here I remain, unemployed.

So what they get at recruiting firms are Kyopos who are Koreans who lived in English speaking countries and speak fluently, or people who have learned English through hard study. These people have no problem finding work in Korea. They usually find multiple jobs and work impossible hours thereby diminishing their job performance at all of their jobs. When I say work ethic is suffering, I don't mean willingness to work long hours, I mean ability to handle the hours you work.

Anyway, I kept in touch with the first recruiter and she put me into another job opportunity with Korea Hydro and Nuclear Power also down near Naju. KHNP. They asked me to go to an interview down south but I explained that I'd rather do it in Seoul. Carrot's offices are in Seoul and they have one of these valuable Kyopos working there named Chris, who had lived in Canada for a long time. So they set me up for an interview with Chris. Wouldn't you know it, THAT interview was cancelled too! Last minute. After lots of waiting, I finally had the interview after some more waiting. It went well. They called me in, after a little bit more waiting, to sign contracts. Then they postponed THAT appointment because Chris wasn't available. But we finally got it done. After some more waiting.

At contract signing time I told Chris it would take 2 weeks for me to get my criminal record check. If they needed a certified degree, it was going to take a lot longer because I'd also have to send the original degree, plus a copy, plus a scan of my passport, plus get sealed transcripts sent to the Korean Embassy in Ottawa. So he said, "Okay, I'll find out for sure if we need the stamped degree or not then get back to you tomorrow." This was 21 days before May 14th when KHNP wanted me to start teaching.

So that day I prepared all the documents I needed to send to Ottawa, (I had been fingerprinted the day before because I like to do things in advance). I was prepared to send a scan of my passport, a scan of my degree, and the original if I had to. I heard nothing from anyone at Carrot the next day. Then it was the weekend. Still nothing but I thought Chris probably wasn't working and we'd probably have to wait till Monday to send anything anyway. Monday rolls around. STILL nothing, but I reckoned it was probably because it was a Korean holiday. Labour Day of sorts. Then Tuesday comes and I hear nothing from Chris. I didn't yet have a phone so I borrowed my friend Heather's phone and called him to ask, (as politely as I could), what the fuck was taking so long. He said he'd look into it the next day and get back to me. He DID! And we found that FOR SURE I didn't need the degree. So that was good news, though the six days Chris had wasted would probably have been enough to get the extra documents, but at least, (there's that phrase again), I didn't have to pay the considerable extra money.

So the documents were sent. Five days ago I received word that the fingerprints were submitted to the RCMP in Ottawa. They would take 2-3 working days to make the Criminal Record Check, then submit it to the Korean Embassy where they would take a day or two to "apostille" the thing and give it back. After that it would be sent express mail, (2-3 days), to the offices of Carrot in Kangnam, Seoul. So optimistically thinking, I'll get it at the end of this week. Either today or tomorrow. Pessimistically, I'll get it on the weekend. I can go to Japan Sunday, file for my visa at the Korean embassy there early Monday morning and come back Tuesday. I'll miss two days. Out of a year.

Well, I received word from Chris yesterday that KHNP has decided they don't want me any more. Remember, there's a signed contract here. It's a contract WITH Carrot, but to work FOR KHNP. I asked Chris why they bailed and he said it was the work visa situation. So obviously KHNP was not told that the visa would take two weeks, (probably because of the 6 days Chris had wasted), and they were expecting me there BEFORE the teaching was to begin. To, oh I dunno... get me settled in my house, get me a pass to get into the company, MEET me... Should not have been a problem, but here we are.

I sent an email to two of the Carrot workers who work at the KHNP offices where I would have been teaching asking them not to give up just because I'll miss two days of work. But I have my doubts that my pleas will be appreciated.

I WAS offered another job by Chris, in Ilsan, starting the next day. That would have been impossible but he said that Carrot had something else in Icheon. If that word rings a bell in the ears of a loyal reader, it might be because that is where I had a job with Lincoln International School that was cancelled when their major investor got sent to prison for fraud. Anyway, he says it pays better and starts in June. I told him to send me the details of the offer, but I didn't want to abandon ship on KHNP just yet. He said, "Okay, I have a meeting to go to now, but I'll send that information tomorrow." Tomorrow was yesterday. No information. It's almost noon two days afterward and as yet no information. Are you sensing a pattern here?

The question remains, why the hell DO I put up with this shit? I will answer in cartoon form:

Bear in mind, when I was offered the job with Carrot, I had 4 jobs pending. Victoria U. in Shenyang still says they will hire me for the next semester in Sept. but I told them I won't make it that long so I have taken the job here with Carrot. They understood and said they'd send back my paperwork. No offer to share in the thousand dollar expense for the paperwork, but that's no surprise. I received all my paperwork from them by courier yesterday. If I could get my foreign expert certificate cancelled, we'd just hand that all in and bingo!

The dream contract in Ningbo at the International school still wants me and they are NOW saying the foreign expert certificate doesn't even need to be cancelled to get work there. They were telling me to get it cancelled a month ago. THEY couldn't help me but I needed to cancel it. When I tell them I don't want the job, now I don't need to get it cancelled? Well, that job sounded too good to be true anyway.

I am told that I would be a shoe-in for the job that Donseo University in Busan defunded before I could start it. But that's not until September either. I haven't yet burned that bridge though. We'll see how things pan out with Carrot, or, as I am increasingly paranoid of, if I get ANY work at all from them!

I also have an offer from Saudi Arabia. They interviewed me and were a little sketchy about my TESL asking if it could be verified as a CELTA equivalent or some shit like that. Obviously the CELTA mafia is moving in THERE too. I sent back a reply saying that the interviewer couldn't give me a clear answer about housing and that housing is as important to me as the CELTA shit seems to be to them. That was the big problem with Beijing where I had to live in a hostel and pay over 1200 bucks a month. I actually received another offer from them with an increase in pay to over 4000 American dollars a month. They would take care of visa, relocation, flight, and even give me spending money for the first month. I could be working there NOW if not for the Carrot offer. When I refused, the recruiter told me to keep in touch in case the Carrot thing fell through. I MAY be in touch with him soon...

I am starting to believe the deal with Carrot just might fall through, and mark the fifth contract I've killed recently. Despite email and text message to Chris, he still hasn't sent me the details of the offer he promised to send yesterday. When I received the paperwork from VU, I had to deal with some poor sod at the DHL office who didn't speak English. I'm sorry to sound elitist but at the international shipping department of the German company, DHL, even in Korea, you probably should have some English ability. He sent me an email, all in Korean, saying that they need me to send them some information that they will use to fill out a customs form the purpose of which is to verify that I allow them to use my information at customs to fill out this form.

Luckily, I was able to translate it and get the gist. The form, however, which was not attached to the email, but given in the body of the email, on some Korean program, got completely messed up upon mailing. It didn't matter much anyway, I couldn't make changes to the document as the email. There WAS an attachment, but it was just the DHL logo. Forehead smack!

I just wrote an email saying that I give them permission to use my info for customs and then just listed my passport, SIN, document number, address, phone, absolutely everything I could. It arrived late last night, two days after we started this nonsense. My concern is that the same thing might happen with my criminal record check that I actually NEED. The one coming from the Korean embassy that I need to work for Carrot. That could throw things out of whack and I'd need to miss MORE than the two days of work.

I'll just have to wait and see...

In the mean time, my good buddy, Guns, gave me his old IPhone and I got a month of service for it. Even though Chris knows my number and can now call or text, I still get no reply at all. I've constantly got that song going through my head these days. Genesis - No Reply At All. It's a classic.

*** It may come as no surprise at all that I have still received no reply at all from Carrot and it's now May 14th, the day I was supposed to start work in Nampyeong for KHNP. Since then I have lost all phone ability too. I try to text now or make a phone call and it just says "not sent" or "call ended." This is because the wifi where I am staying either went off completely or was so weak it didn't register on my phone. But I don't think I was doing anything on the phone because I was trying to preserve my calling and data. I got about ten dings while my phone was charging from the telephone company saying my data and calling were all used up. HOW? My phone was charging! Was something running in the background using up my minutes?

Anyway, I sent a text 4 days ago and an email 4 hours ago to Chris saying we need to meet up and discuss what the hell is going on. And... no reply at all...