A Taxing Endeavor

"Alexander being asked why he did not gather money and lay it up in a public treasury, 'For fear.', said he, 'Lest, being keeper thereof, I should be infected and corrupted.' " (Venning)

"Taxation on the necessaries of life is a curse equal to the barrenness of the earth and the inclemency of the weather." (Adam Smith, the Father of Economics)

"In general, the art of government consists in taking as much money as possible from one class of citizens to give to the other." (Voltaire in Money)

"In Canada, the federal government was able to meet its financial responsibilities with revenue raised by indirect taxes, such as tariffs, until 1916. During the third year of World War I, to help support a war economy, the Canadian Parliament passed the Income War Tax Act as a 'temporary measure.' " (Revenue Canada Taxation Pamphlet 1975)

"The promises of yesterday are the taxes of today." (Mackenzie King, Leader of the Opposition, replying to the Conservative Budget, House of Commons, June 16, 1921)



I did this once before but I think it's time I took another crack at 'er by way of an update and because I have, since last time, learned a little bit more on the subject. The other day I was asked by a co-worker named Lance why I don't live in Canada. I told him I gave it a lot of years busting my arse to get an education, then trying to find a half decent job with that education but couldn't do it. I even went back two or three times to try again just in case my country had gotten better while I was away. But those attempts failed too. I also said, "Plus the tax rate is basically 100%." This was scoffed at. Nay, guffawed like I was saying it in jest or like I was a conspiracy theory regurgitating lunatic. Now I'm not one to believe conspiracy theory... BUUUUUUUT...…

Who am I kidding? I LOVE conspiracy theory! And I DO think a lot of it is right! And when it comes to taxes, why, when it comes to almost anything political at all, I think it's a HUGE conspiracy! Every day I look at the news, particularly the American news, I see the conspiracy getting closer and closer to a downgrade. If (dare I say WHEN?) Trump is busted for colluding with the Russians, I think the political conspiracy will be downgraded to a plausible argument. And soon, when we finally DO see his tax information, maybe fake news. Then when we find out he's been taking interns on sexcations to Thailand, it's going to be fact. I don't know what I'll do then. It'll be weird when everybody believes me and actually thinks the same stuff I do!

But one thing at a time. I know none of you believe me. "How can he be serious? There's no way for a country to survive with a 100% tax rate." Well Canadian politicians are nothing if not creative when it comes to taxes. And I choose the euphemism "creative" carefully. Who but a gifted Dickensian, Dan Brownian, Tom Robbinsian genius could compose the fifteen million page tax code we have in Canada and get people to obey it without reading it? Like all the George R.R. Martin fake fans who've never cracked a book of his and try to engage in conversation about the mule-choking books he painstakingly crafted with geeks who painstakingly read, re and re and re read them. When most people talk about taxes, I feel like somebody is trying to usurp a position in my G.R.R.M. book club. I feel like saying, "Strong Belwas needs liver and onions!" and watching them knowingly as they feign understanding. Then I feel like saying something (nonsensical) like Princess Vysinigee has flies in her eyes!" and watching them feign the same (but counterfeit) understanding. Similarly, you could quote the current Stats Canada average tax rate (if you can find such a fictional number) in a room full of Canadians and watch them swallow the absurdly low figure whole because they haven't done their reading.

Nobody, but NOOObody actually knows the taxes they pay in Canada. It's absolutely shocking how little Canadians believe they pay! We just believe what we're told so we won't throw ourselves in front of Greyhound buses (which we can't any more cuz they were taxed 100% and went out of business) or let's say an oil truck or logging truck or mining truck instead of clocking in to make someone millions more dollars today while we make essentially nothing.

All right, all right I'll give you statistics. You don't need to crunch the numbers though. Just look around and try to find a Canadian who has bought his/her house and not "bought" it. You know what I mean. We say "bought" when we mean we've enslaved ourselves to a lifetime mortgage. How many Canadians do you know who actually BOUGHT their houses? And we don't have savings any more, we have "equity." If we have to come up with an emergency 10 grand we can't do it, can we? We have that much in equity but our capital isn't really that liquid at this juncture. And generally it'll be equity in houses. Houses with bloated prices that might crumble in value when the housing bubble bursts in Canada. This is one of the fears you can't really buy insurance for. But anyway, if you need more than empty bank accounts and people living paycheck to paycheck to believe Canadians pay 100% taxes, I'll crunch the numbers for you.

Know these things: I am crunching numbers that are widely available and are therefore more likely than not false. False in favour of the corrupt, not the innocent citizen. I am averaging all of these numbers as well so it will represent a far greater than average person in Canada. Still we will come up with a total of actually more than 100% tax. I wish I could get somebody to bet me money on this, but I won't ask a Canadian cuz they're all broke. Here we go...

Canadians pay three kinds of taxes: federal, provincial and municipal. The stated tax rates in Canada NEVER include all three. Just so you know.

Let's begin with the most unjust. It's appropriate since I post this on November 11th, Remembrance Day in Canada, and this tax for our soldiers is still paid. It must make them roll in their graves at this time of the year! This is what they fought and died for? The tax that is 100 years old and we were told 100 years ago it was temporary. Not "told," PROMISED. But somebody noticed that if you just keep charging it, dumbass Canadian patriots keep on paying it. I'm not calling Canadian people dumbasses if they're patriotic. I am patriotic. That's why I'm writing this. I am tired of seeing my countrymen jacked up by greedy scumbag cosa nostra politicians at tax time! They are absolutely no different than a neckless goon telling you that you need to give him money every month to protect yourself against HIM. We need to pay money to our government to protect ourselves against our government. I ask you, what the hell kind of government is that?

Okay, let's get into the numbers. They are kept insanely complicated so I can only give you some approximations but I assure you I will approximate in favour of those who don't deserve favour. Federal income taxes: 15% is the lowest. That's paid on anything up to $46,605. I've never made even close to that, how bout you? But the average salary, (and the best figures I could get were from 2015 so I'm sure it's more now), is about $70,300 a year in Canada. Do I know any Canadians who make this much? I might know a few but not many. It's a fortune, right? So why don't I ask them to lend me some dough? Because even making THIS MUCH MONEY in Canada, taxes will eat you alive! For $70,300 the tax rate federally is 20.5%. You've already lost $14,411 bux. And fifty cents! But let's keep on crunching.

There are also provincial income taxes. There's a wide range so I have averaged things out to an 11.25% national average rate. That's another $7908.75. I'll forget about the 75 cents. $22,320. Multiply that by the population of Canada, (who aren't all paying taxes), and already you have 819 PLUS BBBBILLLLLION dollars. Of course subtract babies, old folks, people not working for some reason, people on welfare... I still think this should be more than enough to satisfy the unslakable thirst of our government representatives. But not even close.

So what we have so far is a 31.75% tax rate. A lot of countries are higher. Not so bad, right? I mean unless you live in Korea like I do where they haven't stooped to the corruption of Canada yet and I pay a reasonable tax rate that I hardly notice....

Now let's talk about the tax on almost everything you buy in Canada. You have GST, you have PST, you have HST (federal and provincial and combined taxes respectively that they HILARIOUSLY call "harmonious" sales tax and I realistically call "horseshit" sales tax) that are just added on to your every purchase. They vary from province to province but I averaged them out as best I could and came up with a total of 11.07%, which I will generously round down to 11. So that makes our tax bracket somewhere in the neighbourhood of 42.75%, am I right? Well now, Canada is a beautiful country! The people are, by my totally biased judgement, really cool! So living there is worth it. It's a shitty thing to pay almost 43% in taxes but Canada is worth it! Right? I'll just move on without asking why the hell we pay these sales taxes....

Not quite finished yet. To give you an idea, you've already paid $30,000 + from your fairy tale 70 thou. How's that sitting with you? Still feel fair? You KNOW I'm not done yet!

Now let's get into something that has the highly optimistic perception of being a refundable expense: payroll tax. This is Social Security - 12.4%, and Medicare - 2.9% that come right off your paycheck. That's 15.3% of your pay you are losing right off the top! But it will help you if you are unemployed or sick. Of course there's no way to measure how much of this the average Canadian gets back, but it's money lost for a healthy, employed citizen who dies young. And as George Carlin says, "They're comin' for this too!" Politicians in Canada, as we'll see from the Alberta Heritage Fund example I give later, have a nasty habit of dipping into funds like this. I'm surprised it hasn't disappeared entirely already!

I collect pension at the end of every one-year contract over here in Korea. I like that because by the time I'm of age to collect, it might no longer exist. So that now bumps most of us up to 57.67%. Now you've paid over $40,000 dollars to the government of your 70 grand! And you're still not finished, you poor sucker!

What if you happen to be one of the lucky ones in Canada who own or "own" a house? And if you're paid 70 grand a year, you do. Whether you're finished paying for it or not, you gotta pay property tax. That's the first of our municipal taxes. Again it varies from province to province from $2.55 to $6.62 per 1000 dollar assessed property value but I'm averaging it out. The average home in Canada is now a whopping $458,000 so the average property tax on that is $4.58 per $1000, which works out to $2,203 a year. 59.17% tax now.

Now before I get into those invisible taxes, I want you to know the corporate tax in Canada. This is the only way an average Joe Canuck can get ahead. He starts his own business. Well sure, he'll be charged a corporate tax of 15%, but if he qualifies for a small business deduction, it'll only be 10%. And once you've qualified as a business or small business there are all kinds of deductions you can claim to cut your taxes even further. Not many people would begrudge the small business owner any of these deductions even though they just put a larger tax burden onto Canadians who don't own their own businesses. They are rewards for entrepreneurial spirit. Capitalism's good side. So business owners of any kind can usually find ways to pay ZERO in taxes. Again, we don't begrudge this to the little guy but the giant corporations of Canada are NOT the little guy sweating and working long hours to make their business prosper! They're sliding by on the largest tax in Canada, which is a sort of invisible (because it is incalculable) tax that I call corporate welfare. They too are paying ZERO in taxes although every Canadian, no matter how conservative, WOULD begrudge these money grubbers the tax benefits! And a little later I'll tell you of the largest invisible tax, corporate welfare, that sucks so many Canadians from the partially gainfully employed into the realm of the zero-minus tax payer. But not yet.

In an article written in the 70's, I believe 1976, the Fraser Institute (a great source of blog fodder for me over the years) said that the average Canadian pays close to 40% of his/her taxes in the form of hidden taxes. They give the following example by way of partial explanation:  "Many of the tax dollars that we pay are imbedded in the prices of the items that we buy. For example, when someone buys a yo-yo, or suchlike indispensable item, he pays a sales tax on the purchase price (unless he happens to buy it in Alberta which has no sales tax). But included in the purchase price are sales taxes paid by the manufacturer and all the other taxes on the wood, the string and the paint. Furthermore, if the raw materials for any of these components were imported, they were probably also subject to import duties when they entered Canada. Accordingly, to the extent that the final sales price reflects the taxes paid at the various earlier stages of production, the sales tax represents a tax, on a tax, on a tax."

You can tell that it was written many years ago from the choice of a Yo-yo as the example used, and wood as the material used to make one. To give you a better idea, a Stats Canada quote for taxes they give in the article from 1974 I think, said that the average Canadian paid 14.5% in taxes on their average $14,000 dollar incomes. And just 10 years earlier, in 1966, it was suggested that Canadians only had to work Monday to fulfill their financial obligation to their country. The rest of the week was gravy. I would suggest that along with the increase of total tax the Canadian has paid since these glory days in Canada, there came an increase in the hidden taxes as well. If we add just the 40% to our already calculated 59.17%, we're practically there already! But I'm just getting warmed up.

I've already calculated GST, PST and HST, but manufacturer taxes, which are impossible to calculate (as will be most of the following examples, which is why they are termed, "hidden" taxes) and import duties are not. So those will be the first two examples of further taxation on Canadians.  

Let's talk all willy nilly about all the various other taxes, (and I'm sure I am missing a hundred), that we all pay because we have enough turkey on Thanksgiving and we have cable TV to watch the Stanley Cup Playoffs and if we're lucky a beer to drink while watching. So we're happy little taxpayers.

Most Canadians get married. It's not going to happen every year but it's a $30,717 tax when it does. And for some of us it happens more than once. Divorce is another tax I haven't calculated.

Death tax. We all die. If you buy a business or house or anything for 400,000 and it's worth 1,000,000 when you die, 600 grand of that is taxable. Death tax, which the Canadian government says they don't have, but they fucking HAVE, taxes half of any gains you made while alive at around 45%. So This will be taxed to the tune of $135,000. The one and only way to avoid this tax? Don't die!

And that's pretty much the same for any capital gains. Like if you invest in property or buy stocks or make any kind of money, half of it will be taxed. Buy something for $10,000 and its value rises to $15,000, you've made 5000 bucks so the government taxes half of that. Let's see that's $2500 taxed at 45% (about average) you lose $1125. But if you are a foreigner and you use the common tactic of dividing up an investment between several investors, Canada won't pursue this tax. It's just another way Canada favours foreigners. It's also why most real estate in big Canadian cities is foreign owned.

The excise taxes! Anything that's fun. Or fuel. We're taxed to the hilt. For any car fuel it's 10 cents a litre. For diesel it's 4 cents. If your vehicle has low fuel mileage, $1000 to $4000 buck tax per year.

Cigarettes, booze, TV cable, internet, gambling, now marijuana, anything that's fun! All you really need to know is that it is worth it for smugglers to buy Canadian cigarettes in the U.S. and smuggle them across the border. The excise tax is so brutal that Americans smoke our cigarettes and drink our booze for cheaper than we do. But it's illegal to take something that's artificially overpriced in Canada, buy it in the USA for its proper price and then bring it back to Canada where it originated.

There are all kinds of taxes that we don't even acknowledge. For instance tipping. It's basically Canadian people paying for help at restaurants and bars and other places. The owners of the bars don't want to pay wages, so the customers do. It's nothing but a call back to the days of slavery in the USA. What do we pay to help corrupt restaurant owners who choose not to pay their employees a decent wage? 15 to 20%.

Because we are getting bludgeoned by the Canadian tax man, we resort to desperate means like gambling. The Canadian lottery of all sorts is a massive money gainer for the country, which means it's a massive money sucker from its people. But we support it just in case our lucky numbers come up. I won't even get into the lucrative Canadian casinos...

In so many instances we need to pay licences or fines. Fines and licences amount to tax, don't kid yourself. They're part of the cost of doing business and are literally calculated into the budgets of a lot of businesses in Canada.

We are forced to pay certain types of insurance and the other kinds we buy voluntarily is largely just fear tax. And money is so tight, there's a lot of fear.

For convenience, let's say these amount to between 11 and 21% even though it probably IS closer to the 40% the Fraser Institute article quoted. This makes our new total somewhere between 70 and 80%. I don't want to RUSH to 100% or you might not read the rest of the post and miss the big one. But before I get into the one tax that puts us WAY over 100, let's look at a few of the ways our tax money is used and the kind of consistently corrupt people we pay it to.

There are things like this that our government does to WASTE our tax dollars to justify the collection of more. How do we attract business to Canada? Well apparently we have to bend over, spread our ass cheeks and hang a sign from our taints that says, "Welcome big business!" But wait, there's good news! After years of Canadian protest, not to mention my personal boycott of Nestle, the Canadian government has taken action! Instead of the old rate of  $3.71 per million litres, (which means when you buy a one litre bottle of water from Nestle, you're paying a million times what they paid to suck it out of Canada), the Canadian government has decided it's time to charge more. So now we charge them a whopping 5 one hundredths of a cent per litre. See if you can convince the Thomas family that THAT ain't a tax! This one thing pisses me off more than anything in Canada and is a very good example of how little of a shit our government gives about us. It's both evidence that they know there's a problem and the lengths to which they are willing to go to not solve it.

It's no different in the mining and oil businesses in Canada. Cleaning up the messes they leave is a massive tax burden most Canadians don't know about. A lot of people make their living from the mining companies in Canada. 75% of mining companies are based in Canada and, yes, this amounts to some really great jobs! About 375,000 of them. These jobs can have salaries in the range of as much as $70,000 a year....

But, as you can read in the link above, it only SEEMS like a great deal for Canada. Because Canadian laws governing mining are business-friendly, the profits that are shared by shareholders from all over the world are taken out of the country and the royalties we get are sometimes outstripped by the cost of clean-up after the mines stop yielding. And THAT expense is hung on the Canadian tax payer. Take a look at this list of the top mines in Canada. A lot of them include the word "Canada" in them and are based in Canada, but are about as Canadian as Trump's hairpiece. But if you even hint at the strategies in the article above like clean-up funds built into mining contracts from the start and contributed to during boom times, or at least putting environmental concern ahead of vultures at collection companies on the list of legal priorities, people, (you know who they are), cry socialism and warn that this will scare investors away from Canada.

It's the same in the oil racket. The comparison between Norway and Alberta has often been made to the embarrassment of Canada. 78% taxes didn't scare oil investors away from Norway. That, and prudent fund management, are why they have a fund that is large enough for every person in Norway to retire comfortably on. $235,000 US for every citizen. Imagine how much that'd be for just the retirement-aged. The business model for oil in Norway was a bold move that has paid off for them. In Alberta, where the Canadian oil sands are, in the beginning, Premier Peter Lougheed started things out boldly and contributed 30% of oil revenues to the fund. Had this only been continued to this day, Alberta would have a TON of money in its heritage fund. But the temptation was too big for politicians, (need I say without voter approval?), to raid the fund for government "programs" over the years. Here's a comparison done to a similar fund in Alaska where they contribute only 25%. The title of the article says it all. Now can you imagine the wealth and security Alberta could have today if they'd done what Norway did and contributed ONE HUNDRED PERCENT? Missed opportunity indeed!

Another bold move that Canadian business-friendly politicians have been reluctant to make is building oil refineries in Canada (or at least using the ones we have!) and selling refined oil. Refinery jobs should make up the largest number of oil jobs in Canada. But Americans, who get 99% of our oil, don't want that to happen, so it doesn't happen. Instead they've been pushing for more and more environmentally disastrous pipelines to be built across OUR beautiful country so that they can get unrefined oil from us, refine it and maybe even sell it back to us. Our business model for oil trade with the U.S. has always been ludicrous. There have been times when the oil we sell, (not to say give), to them costs 30 bucks a barrel less than the oil we inexplicably import from them. Even if we don't choose to build refineries, at least you'd think we could use our own oil. But although all voters would love that, it's not an option for Canadians to vote on. Nor was our deal the Harper government struck with China about which he said, "I know this is very, very unpopular but we're doing it anyway." Now we have the Trans Mountain Pipeline. If you click on one link only in this blogpost, click on THIS ONE! China has been put into a position to sue us if we don't hazard our gorgeous Rocky Mountains so that we can more easily ship them bitumen to be refined and used there. Bitumen is far worse than crude oil because it's impossible to clean up. And that's a job that won't be done by China or the U.S.

As with mining, the oil industry has already made a helluva mess in Canada. There's no way to get accurate reporting on exactly how big a mess, but here's an article that gives some idea. Foreign owned oil companies spilling oil all over Canada and leaving the tax payers to clean it up.

So the average income in Canada for 1974 was 14,000 bucks, eh? That's a far cry from the reported average of 70,000 we have in 2015! Why, it's exactly 5 times! How convenient that is for the purposes of this article! heh heh.

Post secondary institution rates across Canada show an average increase between 1974 and 2007 of well over 10 times and in the 11 missing years, the rates rose faster than ever. We're looking at very easily 20 times the price for going to college. Easily.

This shows a home in Calgary in 1974 compared to 2014. Well over 10X more expensive.

This is a fun look at 1974 in Mississauga, a suburb of Toronto. Gas 55 cents/litre. 114.9 cents/litre now. Not bad! Minimum wage was $2.25/hr. Now it's Minimum wage increased Jan. 1 to 14 bucks an hour in Ontario. Not bad at all. A bit less than 7X what it was in 1974. But business owners instantly complained that the jump from $11.60 was just too hard for them to finance. Average house prices in Ontario were in the $34,500 range. Now they've skyrocketed to $578,000. That's almost 17 times as expensive. In big cities like Vancouver and Toronto, it's over a million bux. The average price of a car in Canada last year was $33,464. Again about 10X the $3,750 in 1974 in Mississauga. And a gallon of milk (whatever that is) has gone from $1.39 to $8.53. That's over 6 times as expensive.

The minimum wage hikes in Canada are helping although they're being squawked about by people who like the idea of the cost of living being much higher than wages. I suppose those would be your filthy rich, who are the only group who have managed to stay ahead of the cost of living, and the really ignorant who are TOLD by the filthy rich that increasing wages are bad, and, once again, don't do the research. Like the restaurant owners who don't want to pay their workers' wages so they make customers tip, ANY business would like the price of their product to pay their overhead. But it's just not fair.

Heres a good meme that says it all:

Everything, except milk, has gone up far more than the average wages of Canadians. Behold our greatest tax, the corporate welfare tax. Any time a large company (or even a small one for that matter) faces a tax or a new expense, they pass the cost on to the customer by raising prices. We don't mind so much when the little guy does it, although I gotta be honest, some of us still mind a bit. There are a LOT of small businesses who don't need to do this as a knee-jerk reaction. They could absorb the expense and still do fine. In fact, basic Keynesian economics shows that most businesses would profit more if they stopped with this tactic. More people would have more money and they'd spend it buying products and services provided by these businesses. But it's not even given consideration by C.E.O.'s and owners who have used the highly serviceable excuse that they have a fiduciary responsibility to the shareholders.

And maybe it's the big businessy words but we all accept that excuse. We may hum and haw but we accept it as valid. This is why businesses pay no tax. And this is the largest hidden tax by far!

But it gets worse. As I blogged before, the greed doesn't allow business to stop at just passing the extra expense on to customers. They raise the price to cover expenses, and then a little more for good measure. Sometimes a LOT more. Whatever they can get away with.

And where are the institutions that are supposed to be keeping this greed in check in Canada? Does anybody know? For instance if I said, "Competition Bureau of Canada," would you have any idea what I meant? As part of an attempt to make the Canadian business environment more attractive to investors, checks and balances have been defunded and de-powered. The result has been runaway inflation for decades. It's a tax we pay for businesses in our country.

It's weird that in such an educated country, this is still relatively unknown information. I wonder what'll happen when we finally figure this out. Maybe the people would revolt. They'd cry, "No taxation without representation!" And maybe they'd stop paying taxes or something crazy like that. Canada could sure use a Soma-like substance that would calm Canadians and take their minds off of this. Couldn't it?

So for all those people who think Canada is wonderful because we have free health care and a great social net, I say, "Yeah! We need it cuz we have no money!" Okay, I admit that this might not be 100% stellar research. I admit that Canadians are allowed a little pocket money to spend and are generally happy. But next time I say something like we basically have a 100% tax rate, I'd really like it if I wasn't looked at like I was just talking out my ass. I try not to make controversial comments like that unless I've batted the ideas around the old noodle for a while. Only a few people understand me well enough to know that and you know what? They are the ones who read this blog!

Exciting Times!

My whole political life, meaning from the time I reluctantly acquiesced to try to find out what was behind politics, which I was almost certain was just the adult version of the popular kids hoarding all that's best in life, until now, I've listened to those in the political racket drone on about how it is costly and a logistical nightmare to vote for ideas rather than people. At least that's all they have to offer when voting for ideas is presented as a solution for crooked politicians and how they disappoint us every four years. First of all, consider the source.

It's like in grade 7 when everybody was wearing either Nike shoes or work boots sloppily untied. Yes! This was the fashion. For girls too!

 

The rattier, looser, and noisier the better. I remember one of the popular kids, I think his name was Graham Searle, who had all the best clothes and the coolest bike and could do a wheelie for 10 blocks on it came trip-trapping into class so that all the kids could see and hear his fashionable work boots and the teacher said, "Searle, pick up your feet or I will have them amputated!" I can't remember that teacher's name for the life of me, which says something, but like her, I just didn't get this fashion. I mean, sure, Graham Searle could do an extended wheelie on his BMX motocross bike with 5 spoke star wheels while wearing these clod-hoppers but what if he had to run, fight, play street hockey, move quickly? Kinda like the half pulled down pants of today worn by a lot of basketball fans. The two just don't go together. And I looked into purchasing a pair despite my opposition. The price! Work boots were, and still are, expensive! Kids, (or their parents), had to pay good money for this inconvenience.

It's been about 40 years since then and now that I have found out what really IS behind this thing they call politics, it IS the popular kids hoarding all that's supposedly best in life and they too have to pay good money for the inconvenience.

I never did wear fashionably trashy work boots. I couldn't even afford the more sensible Nike runners. So I took my fair share of crap about my no-name footwear and it was just one of the many things that instilled within me a healthy mistrust of the "cool crowd." They say a lot of stupid things that just are not true. It seemed like you either had to practice reason and common sense on the outskirts of the cool crowd or you were a wealthy, stupid member of it, for the most part. But then there were the leaders. The people who made the asinine decisions to ride the expensive bikes, wear expensive work boots, buy the giant and expensive binders, and carry them in the expensive leather Adidas bags. Maybe they weren't asinine at all. Maybe these were smart kids whose families sold the bikes or had stock in Greb, Kodiak, Trapper and Adidas. And some day they might be the same people who decide that our country should sell our oil to the U.S. for 30 bucks a barrel less than the oil we inexplicably import from them.

I am going to pause now and do a search for Graham Searle. Ah ha! There he is! Member of parliament for Hamilton Wentworth. (not really) (I'd ask you all to suspend your disbelief here in homage to all the silly things YOU did to fit in when you were in grade 7)

We all did it didn't we? We went along with trends. Believed, or acted like we believed that the cool things were better. We all still do it. And one example is this whopper of a lie about voting for ideas being unfeasible. If I had said in grade 7 that I don't want to do what Graham Searle and the cool kids do any more, no matter how unassailable a case I might have made, the argument would have been made that thinking for ourselves was unfeasible. (hmmm... maybe he's in a band called Graham Searle and the Cool Kids)

South Korea not only showed us recently how to get rid of a lousy president, they are now showing us how to vote for an idea. And it isn't expensive or a logistical nightmare. Do you suppose this could be done for ALL the major issues our elected representatives promise to look into during election campaigns then promptly forget about for 4 years? The issues that ALL people are most concerned about? This issues that are no mystery to anyone yet seem to receive minimal attention if any? I believe it could be done and it would make the vote worthwhile again.

I feel sorry for the people like Bernie Sanders talking about the very ideas, one after another, that the American public are most concerned about and would LOVE to vote on: fair minimum wage; wages that keep up with the cost of living; environmental protection; affordable health care and education; the widening gap between rich and poor and the disappearing middle class; proper use of tax money; the running count of verbal trumpery (lies) from the current administration and Robert Reich talking about how the largest voter block is non-voters and trying to whip up support for the midterm elections so that the current administration, which doesn't care a fiddle or a fig about any of these issues, can be VOTED out. The reason I feel sorry for them is although I love both of these guys and you gotta pull for them and their fierce loyalty to the vote, the very symbol of democracy, I am not quite as optimistic. Nor do I believe the people of the U.S. (or Canada) are.

Don't get me wrong, I believe in both the vote and democracy. But years and years of voting for people... highly flawed people, has sterilized it. Made the vote all but impotent. Disagree? Well, let's look at what the vote hath wrought, shall we? In 2000 Bush didn't win over Gore. We know it was voter fraud in the state of Florida governed by none other than Jeb Bush, his brother that caused the decision to go from the people (who elected Gore by more than half a million votes) to the highly unbiased (FUCKING COUGH) supreme court. 4 judges placed there by Republican Ronald Reagan and one old fart (Clarence Thomas) placed there by George Bush the elder voted in favour of the Republican presidential candidate. Quelle surprise! Two Bill Clinton appointees, a Dick Nixon/Gerald Ford appointee (Republican) and actually another judge appointed by the original George Bush voted against his son. But they still couldn't carry the vote. Interesting tidbit about that: the more important vote was actually the expected 7-2 (that is, 7 Republican conservatives vs the only two Democrat liberals)

This is the kind of fuckery that happens when we vote for people and we expect them to be above corruption. Folks, the method of voting is so antiquated and easy to mess with I'd say it is even less reliable than the average politician. It hurts me to say it but you almost can't blame them for cheating! So all you need to do once you fake your way in is stack congress (the house and senate) where they make all the laws and then don't forget to stack the supreme court (the final word on the laws made in congress and of course the highest law of all - the Constitution). Then you set about passing law after law that are bad for the average person and good for the rich supporters of the Republican party. Who knows how many years it'll take before all the chicanery of that administration is discovered?

2011 - Canadian election scandal. Thousands of "robocalls" were made to voters (who weren't going to vote for Stephen Harper) giving them incorrect addresses for voting. One dude named Michael Sona got 9 months in prison and Canada got 4 more years of our worst PM ever. Who, by the way, swore up and down that no member of the Conservative party had anything to do with the robocalls. Not even a year later the worst trade deal in Canadian history was signed against the wishes of the country. All you need to read of this article, I'll put right here: “We know this is really, really unpopular, but we’re doing it anyway.” The Harper government. Dude, where's my democracy?

Sounds a little like Otis Moss doesn't it? You know who I'm talking about. Anybody not heard Oprah? Another very optimistic person. She told the story of Otis Moss who walked 18 miles and was told wrong place, wrong place and you're too late respectively at the three polls where he attempted to vote.

 

Speaking of Oprah and the vote, this clip is what her speech reminded me of when I heard it. While I watched the movie "Selma" I was struck by the nagging thought of what all of the people who have suffered and DIED for the vote would think about what has become of it.

Not only is the vote a simple process to cheat on, the way votes are counted and weighted is the exact opposite. I don't claim to understand it, but if you look at the Democratic leadership vote between Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton, clearly the wrong person won because of a purposely complicated voting process and the "super candidate" whatever that is. Why are things in politics complicated on purpose? To confuse people so that they can't oppose the result. You want a magnum opus of fabrication and falsification, just look at the federal budget of any year you choose. This is what the people we "elect" spend a great deal of their time doing. Misleading us. All you need to read in THIS article is the following: "In New Hampshire, where Sanders won the vote by a gaping margin (60% to 38%) and set a record for the largest number of votes ever, the screen read “16 Sanders, 16 Clinton”."

I will go so far as to say Sanders didn't win because he would have SMOKED Trump. 2016 Trump even got 2.8 million fewer votes than Hillary. But he "won." Russian collaboration or not, this is not the guy people want as their president and he is not doing what the people want. He is the poster boy for why we SHOULDN'T vote for people!

Let's say the Democrats go on a huge winning streak. Let's say they draft a bill to impeach. Then it passes in the House. It probably won't pass in the Senate because it will still be loaded with Republicans. Even if ALL the Democrats win their contested seats, Republicans will still be needed to vote against their president in the Senate where a 2/3 majority is necessary to impeach. But let's go crazy and say this actually happens. Then what? Who is president? Does ANYBODY know? You would think Mike Pence but if Trump and the Republican party are found guilty of collusion with Russians to fix the 2016 election, then Pence isn't really the vice president. Though, in every other case mentioned people have managed to settle for the wrong leader for four years. Will it happen again?

What if impeachment fails and Trump's taxes are subpoenaed? Then it will be a vote in the Supreme Court as to whether this is constitutional or not. Can a sitting president be charged with any crime? We know that judge Beer Bong, who will likely be the swing vote, thinks absolutely not. In an environment of explosive hyper partisan politics, this could be the spark to the wick. I'm not the only person who thinks so. Read this article by Stephen Marche. He mentions in it a Rasmussen Reports poll that contains a frightening statistic: 31% of American voters polled predict another civil war within the next 5 years. And it isn't expected to be the oppressed rising up against their oppressors. We've seen how the Democrats just sit back and take the now absolutely overt and brazen sodomizing of American democracy. Experts on revolutions were interviewed and they all see environments reminiscent of civil conflict in other places where a racially dominant group revolted due to a perceived diminishment of status. White Republicans are getting angry and the leadership is not discouraging it.

What the article is saying is if Trump is not impeached, it won't be Democrats on the warpath. If Trump IS impeached or found guilty of a crime he definitely committed, the racist right, who seem bolder by the day, might just lose control. What I'm saying is these votes being drummed up by politicians and celebrities, like usual, don't seem to have any positive side. They don't seem to be the wonderful things they are being described as. On one hand you could vote and get the usual disappointment that comes from your candidate losing (or the election being rigged). On the other hand, you might get the result hoped for and be happy in your vote for a short period of time only to find that it has resulted in a worse situation than before. Again, par for the course.

The days in which people could depend on the vote to maintain democracies are gone. The vote needs to have some positive possibilities in order for people to get excited about it. Again, those days are gone. The longer we keep clinging desperately to the vote to deliver us from evil, the longer we are distracted from the true way out of it. The system needs to change. Voting for people is no longer necessary and it no longer works. Democracy must evolve. I hope it doesn't have to evolve violently, but if it does, these may be the times for that to occur.

Exciting times!

I just had to add this:

Happy Canniba Day!

I was going to post something about words and phrases that have been bugging me lately but how could I? How could I when the biggest event to happen to Canada since I was born, possibly EVER, just happened! It's October 18th here in Korea, but in Canada it's the 17th. That'll go down as a day to remember I guaran-damn-tee! And laugh if you will but no joke, our flag might look like this someday:

 

It might. Because this legislation stands to make our country a LOT of money! A MUCH needed shot in the financial bong arm, as it were. Bill C-45 The Cannabis Act will result in jobs, tourism and countless offshoot business. And that's just the pot side! The following is a lesson I wrote and am teaching all week to my students here:

Today (Wednesday, October 17th in Canada) the very first marijuana dispensaries opened in Canada. The use of recreational marijuana is expected to be a 4.3 billion dollar industry this year and stores are expected to sell out within days like they have everywhere else marijuana has been legalized.

There are a few cities, like Amsterdam, where pot is legal, and in the U.S. 9 states plus Washington D.C. have legalized it, but only one other country in the world. In 2013, Uruguay became the first country to legalize marijuana. How did they know so long ago? Makes me see Uruguay in a new light. Anyway, Canada is now the second.

The law was proposed on June 18^th by Prime Minister Justin Trudeau to keep pot away from kids and to curb crimes related to the drug. It has been illegal since 1923 in Canada but its criminalization has been unpopular for almost as long.

You will need to be over 18 in Quebec and Alberta, over 19 everywhere else to purchase legal marijuana. You can grow 4 plants of no more than 1 meter high per household. You can carry 30 grams maximum. However, having too much or selling it is still illegal.

Police will have new devices for detecting cannabis use by drivers and workplaces may as well. It is believed that people incarcerated for marijuana trafficking will remain in jail but those imprisoned for possession will be released immediately.

 

 

Industrial hemp has been illegal since 1938 in Canada and currently farmers are limited to selling seeds and stems only. The rest of the most versatile crop known to man is either burnt or left in the fields to rot. The new rules will allow Canadian hemp farmers to also harvest buds, leaves and branches.

Here are a few things that can be made from hemp: beer, sunscreen, milk, shoes, rope, clothes, soap, hempcrete, cars (Renew), paper, protein powder, diapers, fuel (cheaper and more eco-friendly), super capacitors, CBD oil, ink, carpet, fiberboard, batteries, make-up, butter, nail polish, jeans, flour, bags, animal food, paint, shampoo, and chocolate.

 

I dunno if all of that is right but chill. Mellow out. It just doesn't matter.

 

https://www.facebook.com/thedailyshow/videos/332867994141590/

 

If you want something more detailed and SHOCKING, just watch this documentary. It's almost as mind-altering as the drug itself!

 

 

 

 

If you only watch the first 6 or 7 minutes of this, it'll grab you. Don't take my word for it!
 

I'm so positive this will be the biggest thing since Timmy's in Canada that I've done some research into the stock market and found a few hot stocks that will probably climb in value as Canadians indulge in their newly legal favourite herb. I even sent an email to my bank asking to set up a stockbroker account so I can invest electronically. If that doesn't work, I may just return to Canada, buy some land and plant hemp.

 

I have some more but I'll give you the three most obvious. Just drop a few bucks on them. You never know. Could be like investing in Amazon early. A thou could become a mil!

 

Canopy Growth Corporation.

 

Aurora Cannabis.

 

Aphria Inc.

 

I will gladly accept 5% informer fee for any profits but will assume no responsibility for losses.

 

Anyhoo, I have to go cook some supper. Way to go Canada! It feels so good to say that for the first time in AGES!

 

 

 

The Kavanaugh Caper

Here's something you just won't hear from me too often: Trump's approval rating jumped a couple times recently for me. Now before you stop reading, it's pretty much so low it's off the bottom of the grid so going up still won't make me think of him without a shiver of horror and disgust. And in both instances the jump was followed by a larger fall, but I have to admit feeling a bit for Pee OTUS and actually appreciating him in a miniscule way. It might have been a first.

When I heard about this New York Times report about how the Trump family dodged taxes so that Father Freddie could give his kids his ill-gotten gains as inheritance without paying the inheritance/death/estate taxes, I kinda felt a little like someone was trying to get us to hate the Trumps so badly that we would defend the very unfair inheritance/death/estate taxes. My position is they are absolutely absurd! The government has no bloody business taking tax off money that anyone has rightfully earned, paid taxes on and decided to give to someone after they die. Like most taxes, I don't even know why this tax is even legal except that nobody has the balls to get rid of it.

Now the assumption that Fred Trump's money was anything like this may require some suspension of disbelief. I have already called them "ill-gotten gains." But for argument's sake, let's say it was totally legit. Then I don't hold it against him for setting up a sham company owned by his kids, OVERcharging building supplies in its name like thousand dollar hammers and such, then allowing the kids to keep the difference as a tax-free inheritance. I don't blame him at all for doing this.

However, then came the fall. From what I heard and read of the report, those ridiculous receipts for building improvements that were FAR more than was actually paid, were then used as justification to tenants for rent increases. GREED! It's not enough to get the tax free inheritance, they had to con the tenants into believing they had spent millions of dollars on upkeep and renovations so HAD to raise the rent.

This is what I've been squawking about lately. Why are we so agreeable to this business model that REQUIRES any cost to the company to come out of the consumers' pockets? Back when Gordie Howe and Bobby Orr were making nothing the NHL needed a player's union. They formed one. Players, being the product that the owners sold, deserved a larger share of the profits. Even the owners had to agree. So they gave them bigger contracts. But did they pay? NOPE. They just jacked up ticket prices. So the NHLPA jacked up contract expectations and owners jacked up concession prices and so on and so forth. Owners still make as much as they always have but now the poor fan has to spend a mortgage payment to go to a hockey game and have a hot dog and a beer.

You can bet the wonderful Amazon CEO Jeff Bezos has pre-emptively raised, or will soon raise prices to cover the recently introduced 15 dollar minimum wage for Amazon workers. And, as I keep saying, they never really DO that, do they? It's always a little bit MORE than enough to cover it. Or sometimes a LOT more. Business!!!

The next instance when I thought of the Conundrum in Chief was when I said to myself, "Say what you will about Trump, but I, (and I'm guessing a LOT of other people), am learning a great deal about American politics since he bolloxed his way to the presidency." This week I spent several hours investigating the effect the appointment of Brett Kegstand Kavanaugh to the supreme court might have on the U.S. Would you like to read what I've come up with?

In short, BK IS ultra conservative, to put it mildly, but I wondered if he would have the impact that people are raging about since the half-assed investigation, clearing, and appointment of this obviously unstable dude to the position that he himself wrote requires a certain sophisticated demeanor. I think he missed demeanor. ahem.

So let's see he lead a privileged life, went to the same all boys Catholic prep. school as fellow SCOTUS judge, and conservative appointed by Trump, Neil Gorsuch, got into Yale, played sports, studied law and was a member of the Delta Tau Chi fraternity. Interestingly, he worked for Ken Starr early in his career and assisted in the investigation of Bill Clinton's sexual misconduct and the drafting of the Starr Report that called for his impeachment largely because of it. So he has no problem impeaching a president and is against sexual misconduct in high offices. Hmmm....

He worked for George Dubyuh during his election campaign against Gore in 2000 and participated in the fraudulent Florida recount that "won" him the presidency. So he has no problem with sham presidents.

Between 2003 and 2018 the Washington Post analyzed his votes on the D.C. court and characterized them as the most, or the second most conservative. Likely his only competition is Clarence Thomas, who, (get outta jail free five!), was also accused of sexual misconduct. Remember Anita Hill? She claimed he repeatedly harassed her despite her constant refusal of his advances. Well Clarence Thomas said that all the witnesses' testimony was completely fabricated and they were all out to get him because they didn't want a black, (oh yeah he played that card), conservative on the supreme court. He was voted in 52-48 by the senate. BK was 51-49. So in 27 years the senate has changed. By one vote.

Not one but THREE people have accused BK of sexual assault/misconduct including Christine Blasey Ford. 2 Yale professors advised female law students at Yale that their female attractiveness could help secure them internships with Brett Kavanaugh. That's still being investigated.

He is against abortion, the affordable care act, the clean air act, greenhouse gas regulation, blocking the NSA's warrantless collection of personal metadata, net neutrality, gun control, and the Consumer Financial Protection Bureau. This one requires some explanation and is probably the most dangerous to the average American. The CFPB is an agency where they try to regulate banks, loan shark-I mean offices, credit unions, security firms, debt collectors and other financial companies. Basically they try to keep them honest. TRY is the operative word. BK proposed the idea that any of those agencies directly regulated by the CFPB could challenge its constitutionality. Luckily his idea was voted down. For now...

And it's very well known, and no small part of his nomination you have to think, that he believes very strongly in presidential power and immunity from any prosecution while in office. (even though he was on the task force to prosecute Clinton)

There are 9 judges on the supreme court. BK will be the latest.

Here's a rating of the supreme court justices as far as their liberal/conservative leanings that is a bit out of date but still quite helpful. I'll go through them one at a time using blue for conservatives and red for liberals, like we do in Canada:

John Roberts - Nominated by George W. he's the chief justice of the supreme court. He's conservative but has shown a willingness to work with liberals. He's hard to read. He has voted against abortion but will not reveal his opinion on Roe vs. Wade. He is in favour of the affordable care act. Same sex marriage - he has gone both ways on this. heh heh.

Clarence Thomas - 27 years on the supreme court. Appointed by George W. As conservative as they come although not from a privileged background. Was poor as a kid. First language was Gullah, a sea island Creole English. But despite being from the real America, he may have forgotten his roots. No to abortion. No to gay rights. Just easy to predict.

Ruth Bader Ginsburg - Appointed by Bill Clinton. 2nd female on supreme court after Sandra Day O'Connor. Strong advocate for gender equality and women's rights. Pro abortion. Is 85 years old and a colon cancer survivor but can still do 20 push-ups.

Stephen Breyer - Appointed by Clinton. Was a prof. at Harvard Law School and wrote law texts that are still in use today. Believes that interpretation and the purpose of the law is important, not just the words and facts. Whereas textualists like Scalia and Gorsuch support the letter of the law over the spirit. For example, he believes the founding fathers did not intend guns to go unregulated. Also an abortion rights advocate.

Samuel Alito - Appointed by Dubyuh. Yale law. Italian Catholic. Very conservative. Loves the death penalty.

Sonia Sotomayor - An Obama appointee. Puerto Rican parents and the first Hispanic/Latina on the supreme court. Yale law. Has a history of voting along the liberal bloc of justices' ideological lines. Has called for criminal justice reform especially regarding the issues of race, gender and ethnic identities. Not from privilege. Lived in the Bronx and Puerto Rico. Credits her position to affirmative action for giving her a chance and hard work after she got it. Ended the '94 baseball strike by denying owners a new collective bargaining agreement and permission to use replacement players. Said, "Anyone from the Bronx knows about baseball." Catholic so is against abortion.

Elena Kagan - Obama appointed her. Princeton/Harvard. She went from University of Chicago Law School prof. to White House Counsel and policy advisor to Bill Clinton to Harvard Law prof. to becoming the first female dean of Harvard Law School. She was also the first female Solicitor General of the U.S. in 2009.

Neil Gorsuch - Trump's replacement for Scalia. Harvard law and doctor of  Law Philosophy. Another privileged life. Mom actually worked for Reagan as E.P.A. administrator. Wrote on euthanasia saying that "the intentional taking of a human life, by private persons, is always wrong." Not sure if the "by private persons" part was there originally in his writing or after he came out in support of the death penalty. He also questions the constitutional right to abortion. His first consequential vote was to put to death 8 death row inmates in Arkansas in 2017. Stephen Breyer, one of our four libs, all of whom would have stayed the execution, said the reason the executions proceeded was the lethal injection drugs were nearing their expiration dates.

But this gives you an idea of how the votes are likely to go now with Brett Kavanaugh sworn in. 5-4 for the blues most likely. I would be remiss if I didn't bring up one more name though.

Merrick Garland - Nominated to the supreme court by Barack Obama. The republican dominated senate refused the nomination because Obama was in the last year of his presidency. So for almost a year nobody filled the position Scalia had vacated. It is still viewed as a controversial reason, or non-reason to have refused the nomination. Considering the possibility that Trump is in his last MONTH and all those pesky women conspiring again like they did to Clarence Thomas to keep a guy off the supreme court with their wild fabrications, the senate had no problem voting Brett Kavanaugh in.

With Garland in, Breyer, a liberal, would have been the decisive 5th vote, or the "swing" vote in the usual 5-4 decisions of the supreme court. Now with judge Bluto in, that swing vote is expected to be John Roberts - a conservative.

This is why people are so upset! Not just this but because the investigation into sexual allegations was terribly rushed and the timing of it just prior to November's midterm elections in which house and senate members will be shuffled around a bit, looks suspicious at best. In a month, the senate vote might not have been 51-49. Kavanaugh might not have gotten in. And Trump might be on his way out. So Trump and the republicans rushed BK in there just to be sure to have a stacked supreme court.

Dirty politics to be sure!

When will this administration receive its comeuppance? I'm hoping November, but the way the Senate voted on Kavanaugh, I am a bit disheartened.

Screen Door on a Submarine

You want a quick example of market manipulation and how much control big companies have over us, the people they own? Here you go:

Lime Gillette shaving cream.

There are some things about the world we don't need proof of, we just know. I know from the beauty and the insanely irreducible complexity of the world and all that's in it that there must have been a creator. I know that even though we can't sense it or quantify it, love is a powerful force. And I know that in the history of male hygiene, never has a man said, "I think I want my face to smell like lime."

But try to find a man who's never bought one of these lime muddafuckas. I bet a lot of the women of the world have had limey legs at one time or another. Or wherever they shave... I have a can of this stuff right now that's about half finished. It's been around forever. Not just MY can, but lemon-lime Foamy. MY can has only been around for a few months. But speaking of that, here's another question: Have you ever FINISHED one of these? It's not easy. Sometimes we keep one long enough to get a round rust stain on the bathroom sink where it sits, but usually we keep it just until we get some shaving cream that smells like something we want our faces to smell like. Then we chuck it. Or we might keep it around rusting till our other can runs out. It's interim shaving cream at best.

I think I've bought more of the small cans for travel than the large ones. Come to think of it, in all the countries I've been to, there it was! Because it was the only kind available at the airport I probably paid more than the big can price too. But let's be honest, for a can of shaving cream that lasts longer than I've lived in any apartment, this is one of the cheaper products available to mankind. So is it the economical price that makes it so popular? Is it the international marketing? I'm not so sure.

Remember the half lemon half lime that used to be on the can? Here's a commercial from 1960:

We also know that Gillette Foamy can't stop a roller coaster.

 

Remember that one? Member? Member? But was it stellar advertising that gained this apparent dud such ubiquity? I think not. Here's my guess: I picture Mr. Gillette smoking a long cigar and drinking a cocktail at, I dunno, Mar-a-Lago or wherever the filthy rich go to thumb their noses at the little people. He's talking to Mr. Loofah and Mr. Bathroom Slippers about how they got the world to use their useless products and he says that his razors are a necessity to most men. "But wouldn't it be a lark to create something totally useless like you fellows and have the entire world use it?" he chortles. "How about a cream men put on their faces before shaving?" "Too useful," Mr. Bathroom Slippers criticizes in his Asian accent, "Then they know where they shave and where they not shave."

"Good point, B.S." says Mr. Gillette. At this point Mr. Loofah looks at his lime Rickey and says, "By Jove, I have an idear!"

I think there's a good chance Gillette Lemon-Lime Foamy is a practical joke. Good thing Mr. Loofah wasn't drinking a Martini or my face would smell like an olive right now. And, yes, I think Loofahs are largely useless. You're basically rubbing yesterday's and the day before's, and maybe a bit of the day before THAT'S dry skin all over yourself.

And bathroom slippers are the biggest of the three mysteries. But here in Asia, things tend to be a bit more mysterious. I remember my first day in Korea, which was my first day in Asia. I was brought to the door of MY apartment. The apartment where I'd live for the next year. MINE. Not shared with anyone else. And when I broke the plane of the threshold with my shoes on, my Korean boss acted like I'd killed the last dragon in Korea. "SHOES! SHOES! You MUST take off SHOES!" So I apologized profusely and took off the shoes I was wearing. He showed me around and when we got to the bathroom and I broke the plane of the threshold, Mr. Lee acted as though I'd just said that kimchi was invented in Japan. "SLEEPUH! SLEEPUH! You MUST take on SLEEPUH!"

"Oh you mean THESE 'sleepuh' designed for discomfort for all but the daintiest feet?" I didn't say. I asked why and he gave the excuse that the floor might be "slippy." I am convinced that they think the word "slipper" came from that, not from the fact that you can just slip them on. "Well maybe if you'd invest 4 bucks in a shower curtain and stop showering the entire bathroom daily to clean it..." I also didn't say. Maybe they should have ass slippers too because the toilet seat, (when there's a toilet), is always wet from this "cleaning" ritual they all observe. I've never slipped off the toilet but if you're in a hurry, sometimes you get a wet arse.

So I guess what it comes down to is when you go to the home of a Korean, they don't want you to wear your shoes. They want you to wear THEIR shoes.

Not sure where I was heading with this but gimme a break, it's been over two months. My bloggin' shoes are a bit crusty. I think I was going to list a few more useless things. Like Korean bread packaging. They've come a long way since I first came here back in '97, God love 'em, but they still haven't quite figured out the bread thing. They have this notion that sealing the top of the bread bag is a good idea. Like they pass the bag through one of those plastic melting devices. Fine and dandy, you won't have anyone opening up the bread and handling it or sniffing it or, (is this REALLY a danger?), but when you open up the bag, it rips to shreds and unless you immediately use about 10 slices, there's not enough extra bag to spin and close with the bread bag closer. And if you have the bread that's packaged horizontally, not vertically, well you might as well put the bread you don't use right away into a Tupperware container and throw that useless bag out. You know the bread bag closey thing I mean? When I was young we broke them in half, affixed them to our strongest flinging fingers and flung them at our friends, family or other targets. When broken in half, that thing was called "flingers." Why doesn't it have a name while it's still intact?

How much do you reckon the inventor of THIS item made? Bread bag clip? We've all used it but who the hell knows its official name? But I have no problem with the inventor making a mint because it's a very useful item. Outside of Korea.

Now that I've warmed up again, I think I've recalled the direction this blog post was meant to take. I think I was eventually going to get to something superfluous that is near and dear to my heart: the E.S.L. recruiting company. I work for one so I don't want to be too harsh. Hahahahahaha! Did you see the ego on me? Like anyone from Carrot, the place I work, is going to read this blog! I can be as harsh-slash-honest as I want.

So I mentioned '97 was the first year I was here in Korea teaching ESL. Things were a whole lot different back then boy lemme tell ya! I bellyache about bread packaging now but there was nothing but this disgusting corn bread readily available back then. And butter hadn't made it to the sticks either. I had corn bread with animal fat for breakfast with my eggs. And bacon wasn't the bacon we all know and love. It was sam gyup sal or nothing. Not even close. But the eggs were awesome! I gotta say.

Most things have changed dramatically since then. One of the biggest changes has been the introduction and the prompt shouldering in of the recruiters on the ESL market in Korea. Not long ago there were businesses who wanted English teachers and there were English teachers. We managed to find each other just fine. Now a lot of the best jobs have to be accessed through recruiters. And they take more than their fair share of the money that the teachers make. What do they do? Largely things that the teacher could do more cheaply and efficiently.

But I sit here typing on my computer having just watched my beloved Kia Tigers win a dramatic game with an Lee Jong Beom home run, my internet is awesome and cheap, my pay is better than satisfactory and I am happy with my situation once again. So I guess things have changed in this regard, but they haven't totally changed. Back in the day we knew we were going to get ripped off a little by our hagwons or schools but in the end we got a good deal. Not what was promised, but a good deal. Things are much the same in that respect.

It was just Korean Thanksgiving here. It's called Chuseok. I had a blast! Friday night I went out to Hiteer, a pub across the street from where I work, to watch the Kia Tiger game and drink beer with Amber. They always treat me well at the Hiteer. It's not a NICE place, but then my favourite places never are nice. Tigers won! Then we went to play screen baseball. Something I've been wanting to do for a long time since coming here, but it's something you just don't do alone. They even had BEER there! It was great! We even figured out a way to cheat. When you are hitting, the other person throws the ball at the screen and the computer thinks it's a hit. It only works when the owner isn't looking though.

Next morning we went to the local par 3 course. Unfortunately DB and Ty couldn't join us because of an injury and an undisclosed matter respectively. heh heh. Ty probly got lucky. Anyway, Amber and I took to the links. We were not quite so good there as we were at the screen golf. I blame the beer from the previous night. But since we played hole 8 and 9 wrong, we played them twice so really shot 11 holes for the price of 9. It was a good deal! No birdies but we got a few pars. And only one lost ball I lost over the fence onto the road. Adrenaline spike I guess. ???

Then we packed up and went to meet DB in Hong Dae to watch the Tiger game. We went to a fish restaurant where they had the game on the big screen. The owner was from Gwangju so that's why he was playing the Tigers. Since DB is from there and Amber and I have lived there before, we were honoured guests. They had 1000 cc mugs there! I had to get one of those! And, the Tigers won! After that we went for a few more beers at a classic music pub. Well it wasn't a pub and the music, though old, wasn't as good as I'd hoped. They had a deal on some really good beers, 3 + 1. I ordered three Big Wave Ales. I had tried it at a chicken hof in Icheon and if was tasty. It cost me 8 thousand won there so I only had one. At THIS place it was actually 11 thousand won! So the 3+1 wasn't quite as good a deal as it seemed. See how they get you? But that didn't stop us from having a few more.

We slept in our air b&b then DB packed up. He had to go back to Incheon to work. Amber and I could stay one more day. So we did some shopping and some wandering around Hong Dae looking for a good place to watch the Tiger game. We found a baked chicken place and by 2 o'clock we were eating chicken, (again), and watching baseball. The beer wasn't really going down that great at first but we powered through and by the time Irene showed up, we were all feeling pretty good. DB went home and Amber, Irene and I wandered around looking for something to do. I think it was Amber who got the idea to go bowling. So off we went to find a bowling lane where the lights were off and everything was glowing in the blue light. We absolutely sucked! I mean golf and baseball? We were experts compared to our bowling! I'm not kidding! And I was once good at that game. But again it was fun. Except for the annoyingly loud and sucky music.

Irene went home and Amber and I went out for a few more drinks before hitting the hay. Next day we went back to Incheon to meet Dave and Crystle and play some board games. It was Monday so there was no baseball. That's the day off in the Korean Baseball Organization. I was a hurting unit! Too much drinking and not enough sleep had caught up to me. But Crystle brought a game called Quirkle and Dave brought one called For Sale and folks, these games were hangover killers! I am going to look for both of them for Christmas presents. Two of the best games I've ever played and I hadn't played either until that day. Dave left early for date night with his wife but he allowed Crystle, Amber and me to use his game. We sat outside a convenience store and played Quirkle and For Sale for a couple more hours. Best hangover EVER!

Next day was the last day of Chuseok. I had to make my way back to Icheon and I was scared. From Incheon to Icheon is a difficult commute on a GOOD day. But if you know anything about Korean Chuseok, you know it's a day when most Koreans meet in their ancestral homes, (not in Seoul. Usually in the "country"), and eat and drink together. They thank God, their ancestors and historical heroes of Korea who have made it the place it is today. But when the entire population goes somewhere ALL at the same time, it seems a little less great. Even, I'm sure, for Koreans. But that doesn't stop them. They brave Chuseok nightmare traffic every year.

It turned out I had nothing to worry about. Amber showed me a good bus from Incheon to Gangnam Station in Seoul and from there I got a ticket for a bus to Icheon that left 20 minutes later. I left at 2:20 and by 3:00 I could see the SKhyix tower. NO traffic either way! I was shocked! But very happy.

Wow! This turned into a pretty positive post! I wonder if there's anything I could add to bring it down to my usual level of grumpiness. Like something else that I find totally useless.

WAIT A MEWMENT!!! I've got it!

I would be remiss if I left out my latest boycott. As my 4 loyal readers may know, I've been doing my best to completely avoid Nestle. For years now. Since I heard about what they are doing with water in Canada and around the world. It's been tough to avoid Kit Kats and ice cream and Nescafe coffee since it's everywhere in Asia and in some parts, it's cornered the market. But to my knowledge I've done it. Now I think I am going to move on to a much tougher boycott. One that involves Mcdonald's and Burger King. The two comfort food havens that I use for breakfast and lunch or dinner respectively while in Asia. I sometimes eat Mcdonald's for lunch or dinner but their breakfasts are the best. But it seems these two struggling corporations feel the need to introduce austerity measures in all of their Asian franchises. You see, paying human beings is breaking these poor companies. So they've resorted to machines. And now when you go to either one of these places, you have to WORK for your meal. YOU have to punch in your order and pay at the machine. (And I'm not even going to get into how much money they might be making from reading the credit cards we insert into those machines and selling information from them. I'm not. But if I WERE to do so, I'd tell you how everybody who works here, where they make the chips to store that information is telling me how it's the most valuable thing in the world right now and ALL the major corporations are scrambling to get it in any way they can.)

Instead, let me tell you now, the Mcdonald's machines are a pain in the arse for an English speaker. Oh they have an English button but I have never been able to get through the process in EITHER language. So I always end up just going to the counter. At BK I have never yet bothered to use the fucking machines. And it's nice because you bypass any line there may be and go straight to the counter where it may take some extra effort, but you can always catch someone's attention and order. And in my experience, I have never yet received my order AFTER the dummies fumbling around with those infernal machines.

I think maybe the workers have realized that because of those machines, Mcdonald's cuts down the staff not by the right amount, but enough to MORE than offset the work of the machines and the customers. They ARE rich corporations after all. I see these poor people already working one of the hardest jobs in the world for shit wages, running around like the kitchen is the friggin' stock market. And I don't mind telling you I think it's the sanitation that suffers. They don't have time to do their regular duties AND pick up the slack for the missing staff caused by the fucking machines, so something HAS to suffer. It's the cleaning. I will regale you with two stories from Chuseok here in Korea on this matter.

It was Wednesday morning. I wanted to get a good breakfast before going back to Icheon so Amber figured out that Mcdonald's near her and DB's place stops breakfast at 10:20 and it's about 30 minutes away. It was 9:40ish when I learned of this. So I shot out the door and quickly speed-walked to Mcdonald's. I was proud (but sweaty) to get there with a whole 10 minutes to spare. But still time was tight. I attempted to use the machine but ran into the same problem as ever. I thought of switching to the other machine but some people were using it. So I just went to the counter. Everybody pretended not to notice me and went about their cooking and distributing, so I hammered on the counter and said, kind of loudly and rudely, "Yopaseyo! Chogyuh!" These are ways to get a waiter or waitress's attention. But it worked. I said to the nice girl who came, "I can't use those machines." And proceeded to place my order. Almost INSTANTLY I had everything and was eating it. There were flies hovering overhead, landing on my food and, (I'm sorry but), making maggots on or near my food because the overworked staff hadn't had time to clean, but still, I was eating. I can only imagine what it was like in the kitchen where the customer can't see.

I got my breakfast at about 10:19. I almost finished my breakfast before the people who were at the other machine sat down to eat. I think they took so long because while they were ordering 10:20 rolled around and they had to change their orders. So they were eating Big Macs and fries at 10:30 while I was still enjoying my bacon and egg Mcmuffin.

Keep in mind, this is Korea where they don't tip. They don't tip because, unlike us dummies in tipping countries, they realize that tipping is just a way for restaurant owners to get stupid customers to pay the salaries of their workers for them. In essence it is no different than these machines.

Example #2: After my nice breakfast, I got a couple things I was shopping for and went to Amber and DB's, packed up and Amber took me to the bus stop. I got on the bus and went to Gangnam Express Bus Terminal in Seoul.... where there is a Burger King! I often eat there when I'm getting a bus ticket to somewhere or other. I like the quatro cheese Whopper. So I get my bus ticket, which, as I said before, I purchased a mere 20 minutes before departure, a Chuseok miracle (!!!) then go to BK to get some lunch. To my horror they have installed two of those evil machines in MY Burger King! I just walked right past all the people struggling through their orders and a very nice girl met me at the counter. AGAIN almost instantly I got my meal. Well before anyone at the machines.

Here's my hopeful theory: I think the workers at these places hate the machines too. I think they know better than anybody how much extra work the machines cause the people and they hate the damn things. So when a freedom fighter like me boycotts them and goes to the counter, they serve me first! I'm saving their job or at least making it easier. They'd be ungrateful NOT to.

Long story short, I think these bag your own groceries, pay to use a bank machine, serve your own coffee, order your own products scams are boycott worthy and I'm going to start eating at (ugh) Lotteria if I have to in order to avoid them. I think Lotteria will soon install them though.

If you read my story about Hong Kong where I went to Mcdonalds and was FORCED to use the machine and stormed out, went across the road and ate at Jollibee, you'll know this is not a new pet peeve. Please join me in not being forced to work for these large corporations for no pay. Not to mention support them hiring less people and more machines. When they don't NEED to save the money. My contention is that it won't save them as much money as they think when we start walking out. In fact, if we can work together, it'll COST them money and that's the only way we can beat them. It's just a battle in the war, but let's start now folks. Even self-serve gas! Yes I said it. I can remember when self serve gas was cheaper because we pumped it ourselves and saved Esso or whoever some money. Is it still cheaper? I haven't bought gas for a decade. I bet it's not. But at least the gas companies gave us a deal for doing their work for them. Not like the banks who have the gaul to actually CHARGE us for saving them money in wages by using their bank machines.

This is useless. Probably the MOST useless thing there is. It's gotta stop.

Happy Chuseok. Chuseok Jal Bonhosayo.

Blame it on My Brain

Probably the most asked question in English is one iteration or other of, “How are you?” But I bet the second most asked question is, “What do you do?” In my state of advanced mankind disillusionment called “old age,” I can't help hearing, “What do you do?” as, “What company owns you?”

If I do some rough calculations, I could figure out the depressing amount of money I have made over a life of employment that has included some of the hardest jobs imaginable. I've been a tree planter, a diamond driller and I've worked in the fast food industry. But for those inquisitive folks who want to know what it is that I do, perhaps a more pertinent calculation would be how much money I have made for my owners over the years. And that number is a bit harder to come by, though probably much MORE depressing.

I've never been one to lose sleep over what I would do without my employment and source of income. I HAVE wondered what my owners would do without me on drunken indulgences of exaggerated indispensability usually shortly before or after quitting a job, but those were a bit short-sighted. Most would answer, “Elementary, they'd get another worker.”

As I see it, this is a major problem in our society and increasingly, the world. Not just that it is thought to be the simplest thing in the world for employers to find good workers, but that the majority of us worry, many absolutely obsess, about what on earth we would do without our precious jobs. This, in large part, is what gives our owners ownership of us.

I'll give you another example. In Canada the government wants to introduce a tax on big factories that belch tonnes and tonnes of shit into the clean air of Canada every year. What a terrible idea! Fascist even! You see, the logic is that the cost of gas and oil and heating and other things will go up if this carbon tax is introduced. People are so well trained we don't even notice the important step in between the introduction of a new tax and the raising of gas and oil and home heating prices that happens with the regularity of a knee-jerk and is publicly allowed to the point of apathy. That step is the one when the big factories and companies raise their prices so they don't have to pay the tax at all, their customers do. We all know they have done this forever, (i.e. they've never really paid any tax at all), they've just foisted their tax responsibilities onto an over cooperative, not to say stupid, public.

The same tax dodgers who own these companies are the douche bags who own US. That is, they pay our wages. Now if they ever gave us a raise, it would just defeat the purpose of hiking up the cost of their products and services, wouldn't it? Hence, the situation we have in our country where the prices of EV - REH – THING are skyrocketing while wages have stagnated.

And don't be foolish enough to think that every time the big companies encounter an expense, they only raise their prices enough to offset it and pass that expense onto the public. They raise their prices more, sometimes a lot more. That's why the country, (meaning them), is getting richer while the people, (meaning us), are struggling to make ends meet.

The middle class is being eliminated. Never have the haves and have-nots been so far apart! The results, as can be expected, are stats like by the age of 30 the average Canadian has a savings of ZERO. It's even worse in the States, who our government inexplicably models itself after, where the average 30-year-old's savings cannot be expressed as a positive number and 50% of the people in the country, I repeat - 50% could not come up with 500 bucks if their lives depended on it. 50% is the median, folks. This means it's the average. The average American doesn't have 500 bucks. They're BROKE! And Canada is following right along behind them like a puppy dog to a Korean kitchen.

“But the U.S. is a rich country,” says President Cheesy Poof, “We've never had a more robust economy.” While this is true in the sense that the country has pulled in a crater full of dough, that dough is almost all ending up in the hands of a very few people. So when that rug headed manchild talks about, “the country,” or “the U.S.,” or “We,” he means himself and all his buddies, the douche bag owners and tax dodgers of the country. And it's no wonder they owners and controllers of the U.S. and Canada have all had a great year because they've been busy for a long time changing laws in our countries to re-route all the cash to the top so that they can have such a wonderful year and then tell us, the people financing their happiness with our blood, sweat and tears, that WE are enjoying ourselves too.

 

But I might not even know what I'm talking about. It's been a long time since I blogged because of China. I just today got my internet hooked up and feel comfortable again. It has been years since I could say I am working legally and comfortably. And I am truly thankful to Korea for that!

 

I can't get that comfortable in my own country though and I think it's largely because of the things above. But I'm learning that a lot of things I thought I was sure of, are wrong! More and more lately. Am I getting old? It used to be pretty hard to prove me wrong. That was because I didn't argue about something unless I was positive about it. Even THEN I still wouldn't argue sometimes. Nowadays it seems I am more argumentative even when I'm wrong. The thing is, I truly believe I'm right! How have I come by such faulty information and why haven't I been corrected. I'm talking about beliefs that I've held for decades!

 

For instance, I've been asked by 100 people if I've been asked by one, "What is the coldest weather you've heard of in Canada?" I always say, "White River, Ontario. -72 degrees Celsius! I know this because I lived very close to White River in Northern Ontario and I travelled there and saw with mine own eyes the giant thermometer that reads -72 degrees. Well very recently I found out that that temperature is Fahrenheit! What the hell? Why? IT'S CANADA! Maybe it's to trick us all into THINKING it's colder than it is. It's almost -58 Celsius, so I've only been off by 14 degrees, but still... Twenty odd years of certainty blown away with one google.

 

Then a good friend told me her daughter just got her orange belt in Tae Kwon Do. When I practiced, there were no orange belts. But when I heard the news I had just finished off goodly portions of both beer and scotch, so, "They didn't have orange belts when and where I took Tae Kwon Do," became, "Your daughter is going to a fraudulent school! There's no orange belt in the whole world of Tae Kwon Do! YOU SHOULD SUE!" Well upon an internet search the next morning, then a follow-up search to see if the first search was wrong, then another follow-up follow-up, I had to admit to myself, (but not yet to my friend or her daughter), that, yes, there are orange belts in Tae Kwon Do. Now is this a new thing? Are there different schools? Does it depend on the teacher or the country? It seems the answers to all of these are yes. Some Tae Kwon Do schools have orange and some don't. So I shouldn't have been quite so argumentative.

 

Did you see what I did just there with the parenthetical statement? Comma, space, parenthesis, blah, blah, blah parenthesis, comma, space? It's, (like this), and then I keep writing... I've been doing that for I dunno how long. You can read this blog and go back years and see it. I was editing the new text for this quarter at work and suggested it because someone had used bare brackets (like this) and it just didn't look right to me.

 

Now look, I wrote dozens of papers for teachers and other inspectors who were absolute sticklers for proper punctuation, citation, spelling and grammar. Of course! I was an English Lit. major! I'm talking profs who reckoned a misplaced dot or an errant comma in a citation tantamount to intellectual property theft! One percent per mistake! I'm not kidding. If you wrote a PERFECT paper, (and the English program at my university would find fault with something written by Merriam Webster, (see I did it again)), and you made 10 TINY mistakes in reference citation, you got 90 on it.

 

And I put up with 7 years of that until I was writing papers without deductions at all! And now something I was pretty darn sure of, just today, proven wrong. I immediately start asking myself questions. How long have I been doing this wrong? How long has it BEEN wrong? Was it EVER right? Are there different schools of thought on this? Is it something stylistic? Is it because I'm doing it the old way or just because I'm old and doing it the way my Alzheimer riddled brain misremembers it?  Because, I mean, it just looks neater, (like this), to me. When you do this(it looks cramped)but I've started, (since this morning when I was proven wrong), noticing both the other two, but nowhere have I seen it like I do it! HOW THE HELL have I missed this? It's EVERYWHERE! Even in Korean!

 

I agree, a comma plus a parenthesis is like a double comma or double parenthesis. It's very, very redundant. (like very, very) But parentheticals like the one to the left just seem to be floating there to me if they're not anchored down with a weighty comma at both ends. No? Am I just wrong? Can I really be the only person who feels this way? Has it always been thus?

 

I'm not satisfied yet. It seems to me direct quotes are set apart far more redundantly, aren't they? It is with a comma,

 

                              

                              "Two spaces, indentation both sides, quotes at both ends

                          and another two spaces that direct quotations are separated."

 

 

So, (this doesn't seem that redundant, now does it), my dear reader? But it's wrong. I keep doing it, but it's wrong.

 

It may seem a trifle to you, but now I'm questioning absolutely everything. What do I believe to be true that just isn't? Are you supposed to put a space between the last word of a question and the question mark ? For all I know that could be correct. Or what about this  ? Or even this   ? If someone challenged me I don't know that I'd feel confident enough to argue right now.

 

But maybe I needed a little humbling. Maybe it'll be good for me and for this blog.

 

So back to the original points I was protesting: I could be totally wrong. I don't even know where I got that stat about Americans not being able to come up with 500 bucks. It could be total bullshit. ALL the stats could be. And maybe we should all be happy having any job at all while the rich get richer and so do our countries. Maybe it won't be bad when EVERY country introduces a social credit score that smacks of Orwellian elitism, separates the rich and poor like a schoolyard pick for a game of Kill Each Other, and doggonnit, I'm going to do it again, (China's already introduced one that will be implemented by 2020), maybe we're just weak and deserve to be owned by the rich, who are our betters.

 

I probably shouldn't speak so definitively about such things because Canada uses Fahrenheit, Tae Kwon Do uses orange belts, and (I'm so uncomfortable with this!) THIS is correct! What the hell, I might just be getting old and losing my mind. Well, at least I can use that excuse. And it gets valider and valider every day.

 

What? More valid you say? Hell if it is! Really? But it only has two syllables! Ah, yer probly right. My brain's goin'.