Livin' Life To Its Least

I watch a lot of movies. Recently I was watching a great one, "Absence of Malice," and there was a funeral. Paul Newman's character's best friend committed suicide because Sally Field's character printed a story about her that included the unnecessary detail that she (the best friend) had had an abortion. She worked for a Catholic School so she didn't want that information leaked. Anyhoo, watch the movie, it's a good one. At the funeral the preacher says, "He that loveth his life shall lose it; and he that hateth his life in this world shall keep it unto life eternal." It's John 12:25 and it is now my favourite verse. It's a dark verse but it kinda gives me hope in the way that so many people always try to do when they say to me, "Well, at least...blah blah blah."

I think that Bible verse is the ultimate "Well at least." Melinda Dillon didn't win the Oscar for her performance in the movie, but at least she got nominated. Teresa, in a memorable scene, sits on the doorstep early in the morning nervously smoking and waiting for the newspaper. When it comes, she reads it and starts collecting all the newspapers in her neighbourhood. The audience can pretty much guess what will happen next and sure enough she got into the tub and cut her wrist with a razor blade. Paul Newman's character, Michael, later comments while roughing up Sally Field's character, Meg, and tearing her blouse, something to the effect of at least she didn't make a mess.

That scene is tough to watch. I can only imagine how tough it is to watch for the Me Too generation of feminists. But hey, at least he didn't rape her.

Do you see? I was asked what I did on the weekend last Monday. I said that I had planned on going for a hike up our local Seolbong mountain but the air was so dirty that day I stayed home. The person I was smalltalking with knew I had lived in China and responded with, "At least the Korean air is better than the air in China." While, yes, that is the case, it somehow didn't make up for the fact that hiking here can now be, on the whole, BAD for a person. In every corner of Korea I have lived I've always found a nice place to hike. It hasn't been difficult because Koreans, at least MY generation of them, absolutely love putting on their long socks, grabbing their TWO shillelaghs and trekking out into the wilderness. Or at least up their local hills with exercise equipment along the trails. To be fair, sometimes the younger generation can be seen on the trails text-hiking. At least they're getting some fresh air. Well, sometimes. Maybe that's what they're all texting about instead of enjoying the natural beauty of Korea.

Speaking of natural beauty in Korea, remember back last summer when President Trump visited North Korea? It could have been the first legitimately good thing he had done as president, so, of course, his supporters were blowing it wildly out of proportion and calling for a Nobel Peace Prize before it even happened. Trump was spouting some political rhetoric too about how he would stop at nothing less than total nuclear disarmament. At least for the North Koreans...

Some of my students were asking if I thought he'd negotiate peace between the Koreas. I said I didn't think so. I said that maybe peace between North and South Korea would be better left to the leaders of North and South Korea. Then, as I recall, the first public statement Trump made during his visit included a comment about how beautiful a country it is. At least, what beauty means to Donald Trump. He said the beaches would be great for condos and hotels. And I think golf courses were mentioned. I've also read that Trump and Kim have talked about casinos. Trump Towers Pyeongyang?

In the end there was no nuclear disarmament at all, but at least the Rocket Man and the Dotard found a new love for each other and they probably did some business negotiation. I find myself saying this an awful lot but why would anyone expect anything else from Trump? There will be another summit next month. Possibly in Viet Nam? I wouldn't hold my breath for any denuclearization, but I hear golf is hot in Viet Nam right now, so at least maybe Trump can get in on some of that action.

How else does this...

turn so quickly into this?

I work here in Korea at SKhynix. Well, not FOR, but at least AT SKhynix. I am actually employed by a company called Carrot. This time of year is Lunar New Year and everybody here gets Monday, Tuesday Wednesday and Thursday off. Well, at least SKhynix workers do. Carrot workers only get three days off. I have one student who is actually getting me to teach him a make-up class, or at least a replacement class ("make-up class" makes me sound like I'll be teaching the fine art of cosmetic application) on the fourth day of the holidays. At least none of the others are.

The SKhynix company had another record year of profits last year and for a Lunar New Year bonus employees were offered 1700% of their monthly pay. That's one year and five months of pay as a bonus! AND THE UNION REJECTED THE OFFER!!! Well at least we don't have a union at Carrot rejecting our Lunar New Year's bonuses. We all got a coffee mug and some coffee.

Security has been really beefed up around here! We used to have internet in the office and mandatory office hours, but now almost every site has been blocked. The teachers here were informed that we were contracted for 30 hours a week. I have 20 hours of teaching. We were told that during office hours when we're not teaching we still had to go to the office. I start every day but one at 7:30. The end of the office day is 4:30. So that was going to work out to over 40 hours of classroom and office hours for me. And that's before we start our NIGHT classes...

I was a bit worried that I'd have to argue with my supervisor over this. Even if Carrot agreed to only 10 hours of mandatory office hours a week I was going to ask what I was supposed to do in the office with no internet. I can't plan lessons. But they changed the policy! YAY! At least I don't have to waste time trying to look like I'm working in the office. It'll now just be a good old fashioned staff room where we drink coffee, socialize and complain about our students. I have always been more comfortable planning my lessons at home in my gotch drinkin' a beer and listening to a hockey game or some tunes anyway. Can't do any of that in the office. So at least there's that.

And speaking of movies... smooth segue... since I watch a lot of them and since the Academy Awards is coming up in February, I have watched almost all the movies that are up for awards this year. And I will give you my summation right now. I used to be good at predicting the Grammy Awards but have always been crap at predicting the Oscars. At least I'm gonna try.

Best Picture Nominees: “Black Panther” “BlacKkKlansman” “Bohemian Rhapsody” “The Favourite” “Green Book” “Roma” “A Star Is Born” “Vice"

Black Panther: I did not say this, Trevor Noah did, so don't blame me: The academy is so worried about voting for too many white pictures, they chose TWO with "BLACK" in their names! Black Panther won't win for best picture. I'm so tired of superhero movies I may be biased here. When I was young, my first favourite comic hero was Spiderman, but my last favourite was Black Panther. And much like the movie, I liked the comic for its aesthetics. It's not the best story and not the best superhero movie but it'll probably win for cinematography or some category like that.

BlackkKlansman: This had promise. Spike Lee is good at comedy. This had great comic potential! When a black man is calling David Duke and talking with a filthy, racist mouth in the precinct and every other cop goes silent and stares, you are hooked! Then they send a white guy to pose as the black guy, but he's a JEW! And this is all based on a true story? You got yourself academy potential. Then Spike Lee did what he's been doing too much in my opinion: he started preaching. It ruined the movie.

The Green Book: I jump straight to this movie because it sent the identical message of BlackkKlansman by showing, not preaching. A better movie. I can't decide if this is my second or third favourite of the season. Number one is a cinch.

Bohemian Rhapsody: Loved Queen's music growing up and loved this movie. It had inconsistencies and the teeth were distractingly overdone, but neither took away from the great story of Queen. It was not considered academy award material but the acting was. On the strength of that it may have been nominated but I think it's good enough to win. It's the kind of movie I traditionally vote for and some other movie wins.

The Favourite: This looks like the kind of movie that used to get all the Oscars while I was voting for another movie to win. British court scandalously portrayed in all its squalor. Including (gasp) homosexuality, excess, immorality, deceit, swearing, sex and gout. And not even in iambic pentameter. The villainy was good but not even close to the best. We'll get to that.

Roma: I liked this but I would understand anyone who didn't. It was boring for I think about an hour. I almost stopped watching and I like slow burning movies. It didn't help that there was a long scene with a dude's junk flopping around and not a single boob! But I think the boredom was the point of the first half. Then the life of the main character is filled with an onslaught of action that seems by contrast even more dramatic. I'm sure it will win best foreign pic, but not best pic. Now that I've said that....

A Star is Born: I was very impressed by this movie and I don't like romances. The forward nature of the "courting" is something I guess only a fella like Bradley Cooper could get away with. Cringeworthy and stalkerish to us mere mortals. But that was not what I liked about it. It says a lot about this movie that I hated the romance in a romance but still thought this movie was going to win a fistful of Oscars! Until I saw "Vice."

Vice: This movie has everything! Both Christian Bale and Sam Rockwell could win Oscars for this. Well, let me just say the absolute LOCK of this year is Christian Bale as best actor! If he doesn't win I quit watching movies. He became Dick Cheney and is lucky this wasn't live theater or he would have been hated as much as Cheney and maybe even assassinated. I always thought of Cheney as a worthless worm of a war profiteer but this movie actually made me hate him more! Just the idea that there is a man on this planet who said, "I apologize profusely to Dick Cheney for being carelessly shot in the face by him," tells you all you need to know. This movie tells you more! It's juicy! Vice Vice Baby! Best picture of the year almost certainly!

Best actor: Rami and Viggo are two names I enjoy and they were both awesome, but they should have made their movies another year. No question - Christian Bale

Best actress: If you get a chance, watch "Can You Ever Forgive Me?" I think Melissa McCarthy is absolutely hilarious but she played a crotchety old bitch spectacularly! She had a couple of funny lines in the movie but was outstandingly detestable otherwise. But I have to give the nod to a spellbinding performance in a sappy remake of a movie I thought I would hate. I am gaga for Lady Gaga in "A Star is Born!" I think she deserves the gold.

Best supporting actor: This is really a three-way tie with a dark horse candidate that could go any way. The closest call of the major categories. I thought Sam Rockwell was almost as believable as Bush as Bale was as Cheney. Sam Elliot was great as the disapproving but loyal brother of a fading hero in "A Star is Born." Because of his role as the Stranger in "Lebowski," I was uncomfortable with him cussin' so durn much, but he gets a pass. Richard E. Grant was a horribly good friend to his fraudulent but talented benefactress. I didn't know whether he was a roguish queen or a pathetic, thieving bum. But I liked him. He's the dark horse since his movie was not nominated for best pic. If Mahershala Ali really did play the piano in his role as Dr. Don Shirley, then I think this Oscar should go to him. Otherwise flip a coin.

Best supporting actress: This one is as much of a slam dunk as best actor, only it's not. It is because the winner will be from "The Favourite," but it's not because it could be either Emma Stone or Rachel Weisz. I dunno… was I happy or not at who Queen Anne eventually chose as her favourite? This one is like an election - who was worse? That'll be the one who wins.

Best Director: I don't know Adam McKay but the way "Vice" was made, the direction of the incredible actors, the style - supoib! I think "Vice" could dominate this year's Oscars. But then again I am usually wrong.

Watch these movies and see if you agree. If you can't watch them, at least you can read this.

Now, I should add that this could be taken as a very dark post. This is not a suicide letter. I'm not depressed. I don't hate my life and look forward to dying. I think the least is something I need to think about more. I think that is a sign of basic human kindness and humility. I said recently I wish just once I could say, "At MOST... blah blah blah." I was being a bit selfish. I am destined to live life to the least and I am just going to have to learn to find joy in it. It's a very Buddhist philosophy to take joy in one's suffering. It's also a Princess Bridist philosophy: "Life IS pain, Highness! Anyone who tells you otherwise is selling something." And, of course, back to the Bible, "As you have done it unto one of the least of these brethren, ye have done it unto me." Those are the words of Jesus.

The same Jesus that Huckasand reckons wanted Trump to be president. Either she is, as always, lying for her boss, or Jesus (technically God) must be very disappointed in His choice! Trump has done two years of presidenting to help himself and the rich of his country who could be called the MOST of these. If Trump ever had his ass in a pew, as his former pastor says he hadn't, shows of godliness and religious fakery notwithstanding, he might have heard of this portion of the good book and what Jesus says to the people, like Trump, who have opportunity to help the "least" and don't. In case you're wondering where to find that Trump absolutely does NOT have the support of the Lord, it's in Matthew 25. At least that's my interpretation.

Money Doesn't Grow on Trees

I apologize to my avid reader (s) but I have been busy writing many thousands of dollars worth of lessons for my employer that probably netted me a grand after all was said and done. And it's kept me busy along with the holiday season from the middle of December till now. So I haven't been able to post.

But now, back to the regular grind and armed with a fresh freelancedness, I am going to blog. But what about? It occurs to me that I have not exhausted the supply of topics I was allotted for the year 2018! So it is with great rejoicing that I unpack the fresh list of stale topics that I will re-varnish for the new year! Today's topic will have a familiar ring of novelty to it, no doubt.

I've recently been reading Aristophanes. No kidding. I read in spurts. I go a few months hardly reading anything, then I suddenly read a book in a couple of days. I re-re-read Slaughterhouse Five, so I will most likely allude to that classic before this post is dead. So it goes...

But back to Aristophanes, this is something I plucked from the pages of a Penguin Classic reprint of stuff he was writing 400 years before Christ for crying out loud:

Oh bee that so often in search of more honey
Alights upon flowers all teeming with money,
I wish that as fast as you suck the cash up
You would puke it all out so the People could sup.

This was taken from his play, "The Knights," which is a political satire, which most comedies of the era had to be. So he's not talking about bees. This COULD more accurately be applied to a PEE, (Pee OTIS (the nickname a favourite witticist of mine gave to Trump after the hookers and the peeing and the paying and the glavin...)). A description of the early Greek dribble, trickle, chuckle down effect I suppose. The political "trickle-down effect" was given 2500 years or so to marinate before the US republicans re-subjected the People to it and it shouldn't be long before it is rightfully abandoned, mocked and satirized all over again. Despite the support Trump still manages to get for his efforts to keep it on life support.

It puts me in mind of a book I recently read called Slaughterhouse Five. (ALREADY two references!) Failed sci-fi author of the book, Kilgore Trout, who I wish wasn't fictional, wrote about a money tree to which people flocked and fought to the death in order to harvest it's "leaves." The dead bodies of the unsuccessful proved to be excellent fertilizer for the money tree.

I'm not so sure my work here qualifies as a good example of the trickle-down effect since I write the lessons and I teach them as well. My employer doesn't do much I couldn't easily and in most cases more efficiently do myself but they get almost all the money for it. So maybe I AM the money tree or the money flower. I think I'd choose to be the tree. At least I'd get the nourishing entertainment of seeing the greedy murdered. A few would steal my leaves, but many MANY more would suffer ghastly deaths at my roots. So I'd have that goin' for me.

Not to Trumpishly flog a dying horse like he's been cropping the reverse Robin Hood political strategy, but there was an interesting theory put forward in a book I recently read in two days called Slaughterhouse Five. Let me give a direct quote:

"American inward blame for being poor is a treasure for their rich who do less for their poor than any other ruling class."

Since it was written before the explosion of Chinese capitalism, we can forgive its inaccuracy. The Chinese have left America in the dust in this regard. But could this be the mental anguish, the clinical pathology, the psychosis that leads to such abhorrent behaviour in our world? More to my point today, could social shame heaped so high on the poor (and accolades, respect and reverence so lavished upon the rich) be the impetus (impeti?) behind individual efforts to rise or stay out of poverty even if it requires outlandishly poor life decisions?

Why don't we examine some recent examples of such life decisions?

Maybe the best would be this joker:

Robert Lloyd Schellenberg thought, "I know how to make my fortune - drugs in China!" "Zero drug toleration policy China!"  Now he's getting the death penalty. The illegal drug trade hadn't been working for him in Canada. 11 times convicted and twice incarcerated for drug charges, the Canadian cops were onto him. "In China," he may have thought, "they probably aren't such buzz kills." He might have heard about making meth for thousands in China and selling it for millions in some nearby, first world country like, for instance, Australia. Or maybe he went for some other reason. He didn't seem to have put much thought into the actual transfer of the meth... two hundred and twenty fucking two kilos of it... out of the country and then into another. My understanding is he and some "translator" friends were trying to hide it in tires? Well one of them actually did some translating. He understood that narking on his cohorts translated into NOT getting the death penalty for himself. So they all got busted and Schellenberg was sentenced to 15 years in prison and a $22,000 fine.

Now even if his lawyer was into the Baijiu the night before, he would have recognized that this is about the lightest sentence he could have possibly hoped for. Do the time and shut your mouth would be a wise counsel's advice. But maybe his lawyer was Rudi Giuliani because nobody advised him against appealing. So he did. This was not just a bad life decision, it could end up being a life-ending choice.

Because the daughter of King Huawei the Irritable of China is not subject to the same laws as regular old Bob Schellenberg, China will kill this guy rather than allow Princess Huawei's highly revered and respected (and filthy rich) ass to touch the defendant's chair of any American courtroom.

I am going to ask you something impossible, but do your best: Try to imagine this story from the point of view of the average Chinese person. A Canadian, and I mean ANY Canadian, is considered rich by a huge majority of Chinese people. To give you some idea, I'll share an absolutely hilarious stat that is probably roundly accepted in China: Xi Jin Ping's yearly salary is, coincidentally, $22,000. While that may truthfully be what he declares on his tax forms, ain't no way Emperor for Life Xi is slummin' outside the bills! By "bills" I mean billions. But I bet there are many Chinese who believe he makes 22 grand a year because that's WAY more than they pull down.

Schellenberg had worked in the Alberta oil patch so the 22 grand was probably paid immediately. Plus when you consider how much it would cost, even in China, to produce 222 kilos of meth... not to mention the tires... this dude is outlandishly wealthy to the dollar-a-day workers of China. 2420 yuan a month works out to $11.86 a day folks. That's minimum wage. And the Chinese don't work our luxurious 8-hour days. Like most stats from China, it's hugely exaggerated in favour of China. There are still a lot of people (in the country where you'd be a bad businessman to pay minimum wage) making a dollar a day, not a dollar an hour. China has tons of money, but it's nowhere near a rich country yet.

Their money is all concentrated in a few bank accounts, and the people who have Huawei-type money are god-like in the eyes of the average Chinese person. Even Schellenberg is rich! A billion people probably found out about this story and said, "If only I had the resources to cook up 222 kg. of meth, then I'd show society I'm not the mangy dog they think I am!" "Why, by selling 222 kg. of meth I'll kill people and destroy lives but I'll get mad respect like Sabrina Meng Wanzhou. I might even get married and have 20 kids."

Strangely enough, Schellenberg, who is super rich in China, was probably thinking, "By selling the 222 kg. of meth I cooked up I'll kill people and destroy lives, but I'll get mad respect like Sabrina Meng Wanzhou. I might even get laid." Yes, even in Canada there are still a lot of the if-yer-not-rich-yer-not-trying-hard-enough people loads of whom did NOT get rich by trying hard. And for some reason, I think because they're rich, people still give a rat's ass what these patrician shitheads think. So people like Schellenberg get down on themselves, even in Canada, and make insane mistakes because they are desperate to escape the ignominy of poverty or at least what they perceive as such. He should have had me for his lawyer! If there's any place they'd go for the "inward blame" defence, surely it'd be China!

Now just think of how much more intense the depression and desperation of poverty is in really poor countries! And now, imagine the exponentially worse situation in China.

In response to the mysterious arrests of a Canadian diplomat and businessman and this kangaroo court that swiftly (and without even viewing new evidence in the case I've heard) issued the death penalty to Schellenberg, Justin Trudeau issued a travel warning for Canadians in China to beware of their arbitrarily enforced (or not enforced) laws. I can tell you from personal experience that this warning is long overdue. But it appears the arbitrary nature of what laws some corrupt individuals choose to enforce or ignore at their pleasure extends into internationally agreed upon restrictions as well.

Meng Wanzhou was arrested for violating international sanctions against Iran. She lied to some banks. I'm sure she'll get a fine that amounts to chump change for her and be on her way back to China if she ever ends up being tried for her crime. But what about this guy:

Dr. He Jiankui decided that internationally imposed laws against genetic editing, the fact that the process he used, known as CRISPR, is nowhere even close to fully tested, and it's Franken-dangerous, were not reasons enough to stop him from doing what he knew to be unethical and wrong. Now, there may be some who believe his removal of the CCR5 gene, which is a doorway for the HIV virus to find its way into the human genome, could be considered a humanitarian or even moral crime. Considering the father of the twins, Lulu and Nana, had the virus, and the parents gave permission, was this some kind of a genetic mercy killing? ((and very parenthetically, since the killing of a human is homicide, and the killing of a baby is infanticide, then is the killing of the CCR5 gene to be considered genocide?))

I briefly gave that some thought, but then my cynical mind wandered into the astronomical. I calculated how much a parent with any disease, virus or negative trait that is transferable to their child, who wanted a healthy child like all parents do, would pay to the one known man in the WHOLE WORLD who has the ability to ensure their baby's health. CHA CHING! (that will be the name of the OTHER Frankenbaby Dr. He hath wrought)

Now Dr. He is not a poor Chinese, dollar-a-day guy. He's a doctor. And he said his secret work was all personally funded. But he's not super rich and he was, until now, totally unknown in his field. Whether legit or not, he can certainly make a piles of money now! And was his motivation to escape the mediocrity of the unexceptionally rich? He certainly wouldn't be considered poor in China, and surely as a doctor he got respect, but nowhere NEAR the idol worship an underground designer baby business could get you! Not to mention the Niagara Falls of cash that would wipe away any inward blame he might have felt for not measuring up on some scale of wealth.

Anyway, it's getting close to bed time for me so I have to wrap this up abruptly. My final word on the matter is simply, the rich are destroying the world for more and more of the earth's resources that they need the least of anyone. So before anyone dedicates (wastes) his/her life trying to join the ranks of the super rich, hear this: If  people look down on me or you for not being rich, they should know this: it is far better to feel an unwarranted guilt or shame of poverty than the justified guilt and shame of greed. And no amount of money can diminish it. Why do you think so many rich people are miserable and so many poor people aren't?

Rats in Cages

I have admitted to being officially OLD numerous times both on and off this blog. I am trying to adapt. Learning how to talk to millennials and trying to understand what makes the younger generation (s eeek!) the way they are. For instance, even though I have heard enough of the word "amazing" to last till I shuffle off this mortal coil, I still don't shoot a mouthplug made of web into anyone's gob when they use this word rightfully applied to Spiderman, to talk about something with no chance of ever being amazing like a breakfast burrito or their job.

And because they might never pay off their student loans working crappier and crappier jobs, most likely never with full-time benefits, and all temporary, I give them the same break when they use the new business-speak "power" words whose only real power is to annoy anyone over 40, because they spend an undue amount of time writing resumes and going to interviews trying to bullshit their ways into their newest temporary jobs. Even if they're trying to be nice and say, "Dave, you are an impactful teacher. In the current educational environment, it will grow our school to action your suggestion and widen the scope of our teaching." I feel like saying, "Please! Save it for the Soma addicts." But I don't. Yet. I've been "thinking outside the box" and "kicking the tires" on a new strategy for "solutioning" this "challenge," and I've come up with a way to "up my game," a real "game changer!" I just get all Taoist on their asses. Woo Wei, baby! Action through inaction. When someone thinks they are impressing me with this unprofessional professionalism, even changing MY words, yes that sometimes happens, I think positively. In their own ignorant way they could be attempting to help me by changing my classical clarity to modern misdirection, so I do nothing. So far it's working.

But I admit to having a harder time adapting to this modern behaviour of happiness through offense. Not through offending, which I suppose could, heh heh, be called offensive offense. No, people only seem to be happy if they are feeling offended, defensive offense. Now, okay, I am pretty much constantly offended. But it's different. I am offended by things that are offensive mostly. I guess this statement loses some of its "impactfullness" when it's made directly after I was pussyaching about a few words people have fallen in love with, but my main offense is with the widening gap between rich and poor; impending world financial doom; destruction of the environment; war; distracting people from these real problems; keeping people uneducated so they don't know about these problems... I am usually not offended by songs, nationality terms, old English, people's personal choices, or things that have exactly nothing to do with me. I have opinions and will share them, but I try not to get offended and usually don't.

People nowadays DO! Wow, they can be militant, can't they? Over nothing! I guess when I was young, we were told, and we had more opportunity, to work things out for ourselves. If we were offended we dealt with it. We got over it. But then we couldn't post in chatrooms or Facebook or, ahem, on blogs. I remember hearing some phrases that seem to have gone out of style, "Mind your own business!" "Sticks and stones may break my bones..." "It just doesn't matter!"

Right on, Steve! So what are the examples I've been hearing about and seeing? Well back in the summer during Korea's 18th "Queer Fest," there were lots of people offended. This lady is holding a sign that translates to, "Homosexuality is against the law. It is God's judgment." Maybe it was only televised on the local TV channels because I didn't catch that court case on CNN. And if the participants in this alleged judgment were sworn in on the Bible, I have to question its validity. I'm not gay and I don't pretend to understand two-spirited people, but unless they're forcing themselves on ME, I am not offended. I really have no right to be offended, do I? They are not harming others. It's their business, not mine.

However, the Bible is something I know a little bit about and when people start shooting themselves in the foot ignorantly or deceitfully talking about how the Bible says this or that about something, and they're wrong, well, it's more offensive than gay people being gay. Folks, there are 31,000 verses in the Bible. 6 seem to be about homosexuality. Leviticus 18, I've always been told, says that man shouldn't lie down with man as with woman. It is called an abomination. Translators differ. Some say that Hebrew or Aramaic words used seem to condemn incestuous or adulterous homosexuality. Whatever the case, the verse goes on to condemn many other common actions, yes, even common to Christians, that evidently have lost their offense. Eating pork, trimming beards, wearing mixed materials, getting tattoos, touching a pig's skin to name a handful. And when you consider the lifestyles of righteous men in the Bible like David, Solomon, Abraham, Moses, Lot and Noah included polygamy, adultery, sexual slavery, incest, even giving virgin daughters to rapists, you begin to really wonder why Christians use the Bible as grounds for their offense against gay people.

And if a Christian, (as the word would imply), is supposed to act like Christ, what did the Lord have to say about gay people? Absolutely nothing, that's what. But statistically when Jesus fed the 5000, he fed at least 100 gay people with miracled bread and fish. He made the lame to walk and the blind to see, even turned water to wine but never does the Bible record Jesus "healing" a gay person or making them straight. So perhaps a better picture from a Korean anti-gay protest would be this one:

Songs. When the hell did people start listening to lyrics? Presumably when they became viable sources of that sweet, sweet righteous indignation. The national anthem of Canada. "True patriot love in all thy sons command." Canada is being sung unto here and the song says that the country commands true patriot (ic) love from all its sons. Well, maybe it did back in 1880... But things were different in Canada back then. In 1880, when "O Canada" was penned, people spoke, and certainly sang, differently. There was a lot of "thee" and "thy," both of which appear in our national anthem. And when somebody wanted to speak of all Canadians, he sometimes used a male pronoun. See what I just did there? Re-read that last sentence if you missed it. Nowadays in Canada, and other WOKE countries of the world, I just offended half the residents. And you'd better believe I'd be corrected! At least one person, not necessarily a woman, would point out that I actually meant, "And when somebody wanted to speak of all Canadians, he or she sometimes used a male pronoun." This began a long time ago in Canada. I remember many classes in late 80's, early 90's university when profs were instantly corrected with, "He or she!" several times a lecture. By feminists who may not have even been registered in the classes! Profs were annoyed into change. And the feminists won the national anthem battle as well. We now sing, "...in all of us command." Personally with all the other old words in there, I like it better with "all thy sons." It's more authentic. And actually more accurate since Canada doesn't inspire as much true, patriotic love in its sons and daughters any more. Plus if you want to really update it, change the thees to yous and maybe instead of "all of us," we could sing, "True patriot love in all our asses command." But then again, the "true North strong and free" is a huge stretch too. But whatever...

See that? "Whatever!" It rarely affects me. I haven't sung my anthem since the winter Olympics at the medal ceremony for Mike Kingsbury and I just used the old lyrics since it was what I had learned and was used to. I also removed my hat while some youngsters did not. Others around me sang it differently, some kept their toques on, and do you know what? I was not offended! I also hear it before hockey games and everybody is singing the new one. So what? I will tell you it bugs me, not offends, but bugs me more when people start getting all soully and going way off on overdramatic, off-tune adventures at the end of every line. It bugs me because they are holding the hockey fans hostage while they get all carried away and then accept all the applause as appreciation of their talent rather than thanks for shutting the hell up. I actually get a little offended, (because it's part of the distraction I mentioned above), that the anthem is sung at all. Not at the Olympics, it's appropriate there. But it's just out of place at most sporting events. But anyway, I don't give a crap. Let people sing it the way they want. Neither lyrics nor headwear etiquette hurt anyone if they are practiced in more than one way.

"Baby It's Cold Outside." What a kerfuffle! 1944 isn't as long ago as 1880, but it's a while ago. Languages evolve. They get new words and phrases added like the list above. And sometimes the meanings of old words or phrases change with cultures who speak those words or phrases. Imagine if folks all went out and started behaving like homosexuals at Christmas because they heard the line in "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas," that says, "Make the Yuletide gay." I say "imagine" because to my knowledge it has never happened. Folks seem to realize that "gay" back then meant happy and not homosexual. We're not removing it from radio stations or changing the lyrics. We're doing nothing. Action through inaction. It's a brilliant strategy, I'm telling you! This song was written in 1944. I think. So 74 years has passed since both of these songs came about. Do you suppose there may be a possibility that the line, "What's in this drink?" might have meant something different in 1944, and it's not a rapey, Rohypnol, roofie sort of song? Do you think maybe the best reaction could be to do nothing? I guess not, eh?

Here is a feminist's defence of the song. And it says the song was written way back in 1936! It's a pretty good argument for doing nothing. And what if we wipe this song out and never play it again? Are we saving even one person from date rape? Doubtful. It might even be wasting a pretty good opportunity for feminists to learn about female disenfranchisement back in the day being so bad that women couldn't even stay the night with a guy without blaming it on booze. So now feminists are fighting amongst themselves! Unfortunately, it wouldn't be the first perforation in the foot of feminism committed by an ever more militant and angry membership.

I read there was even a court case, a COURT CASE mind you, to decide whether the word "Kiwi" is offensive or inoffensive to New Zealanders. Kiwi Julie Savage argued that the term is "racial discrimination." Against the proud New Zealand RACE I suppose. Luckily a judge dismissed the nonsense, but she even had the Commissioner for Equal Opportunity acting on her behalf. Now, it WAS in Australia so there might have been a little Aussie-Kiwi rivalry at play, but really? Sticks and stones, Julie! Work it out! Now you might say, "Well if they're saying, 'Good morning, Kiwi,' that might be offensive." Yeah. True. And if they are, they're dicks. Get over it. You don't need to take long, hot showers with them, you just have to work with them. Bitch to your friends about them, blog about them, have a good box of Kleenex and tub of ice cream cry, don't go to court! If only all this rage could be usefully directed!

So what is the impetus for so much rage? Perhaps it's the feeling of power that comes with changing things. Changing national anthems, putting rapists in jail, making people choose their words more carefully... I am not against these things. In fact, a lot of douchebags have been exposed and that's a very good thing. All I am saying is there is a time for action and there is a time for inaction. When people are all emotional, drunk with power and accomplishment, they tend to jump to action a bit too quickly. And it's certainly not just the feminists. Republicans vs. Democrats; U.S. vs. Russia; Haves vs. Have-nots; Country vs. Country; Team vs Team; Man vs. Woman; Capitalist vs. Socialist; Liberal vs. Conservative; blue dress vs. gold dress;  these are all dividing the world in a time when our planet's biggest problems absolutely require co-operation. People who encourage anger at small things to distract from proper anger at things we really SHOULD be angry at, well THEY offend me. THEY enrage me. They pull the puppet strings of most people on the earth keeping them busy fighting about secondary issues thereby distracting them from the main issues and all for one reason: to get even richer. It's almost like they are mad scientists experimenting on almost everybody on Earth creating distractions and useless anger outlets so that they will have a larger share of the world's wealth when it ceases to exist.

Incidentally, all those things that enrage me amount to basically the evils of money, greed and corrupt business, banks and politics. These are things Jesus DID mention in the Bible. Compared to 6 verses about homosexuality, there are over 2000 about the things I am most pissed off about. Jesus actually whipped money changers in the Temple. The concept of selling money has gone from viewed as evil or sick, to respectable. Natives in North America acknowledged 5 sexes, male, female, two-spirit male, two-spirit female and transgendered. That was quickly forced out of them by the invading Europeans with their "Christian" values. Natives also thought the white man's concepts of ownership, greed and acquisitiveness were nothing short of mental illness. But those values, in their tremendously NON-Christian glory, were forced onto the natives by the inferior culture despite what they professed to believe. Again, if only that rage were properly targeted!

And, despite all our rage, we are still just rats in cages.

Thanks But No Thanks

In this season of giving thanks and giving to others, I would be remiss if I didn't take a bash at describing, (in my signature, accentuate-the-negative idiom), (which includes plenty of unnecessarily comma enclosed parenthesis), how I truly AM happier this year than I have been in many. Maybe happier than I've been in a decade or more. And I am thankful for the people who collaborated to manufacture this happiness for me. Let me shout them all out:

I gotta start with these guys!

The Rainout

Reilly Teletubby

This is, left to right, Mike, Kelly, Roman, Heather, Iryna and Reilly. We have had a lot of fun together as you can see. Like going to ball games or out on Halloween.

The Dude and Jesus

Heather trying not to catch her death



Sometimes we eat.

Waiting for kalbi at Busan Kalbi

Well... we eat a lot. They have base access so I can eat stuff with them that is difficult to impossible find here in Korea. They spoil me! Heather is a kickass cook and Mike is a griller extraordinaire! Plus every year they put on a BRILLIANT Thanksgiving feast for those of us who don't have access to a turkey or ovens to cook it in. They're just that awesome!

Thanksgiving goodies. Turkey with all the fixins, sauerkraut and sausage, crackers and cheese, salads, and the best olives ever not pictured. But in the cup that's gluvine. Hot, fruity, rum fortified wine. MAN it's good!

They have stuck with me in good times and helped me a lot in bad times so I know they are true friends. I don't have many like them. It's hard not to love them. I mean, how could you not love THIS GUY?

Kelly high five

This was Thursday night. American Thanksgiving night in Korea, Thanksgiving Eve in the U.S. There was a whole house full of interesting people from all over the world at Heather and Mike's, but I spent most of my time playing with Kelly and his Christmas sock monkey. When I wasn't eating or drinking. He's hilarious. Sometimes I use the monkey as a puppet and do a little dialog before I throw it to Kelly when we play monkey catch. Then Kelly does the same thing, only HIS dialogs are way better!

He's not always happy with me though. He was playing a game on his Ipad that had a very catchy tune and I started whistling the tune. Kelly said, "That's enough of that tweet tweet tweet!" The tweets being whistles. He's a good whistler actually. So then I started humming the tune and he goes, "That's enough of that hmm hmmm hmmm!"

He doesn't win every game we play either. We tried Beanboozled, (I think it's called), before breakfast on Thanksgiving. It's a game where you spin a spinner to choose a colour of jelly bean you have to eat. Each one has a good taste and a bad taste. I got lawn clippings and toothpaste. They were supposed to be bad but I liked them. Kelly got one that was either coconut or rotten eggs I think. He got the rotten eggs and that was the end of Beanboozled. Ha ha ha. It was hilarious! Poor guy.

Then there's these guys:

DB and Amber skiing in Japan

I'm thankful for Amber and DB too! They're also a lot of fun to hang out with. I didn't go skiing with them but who knows? Maybe this winter...

We often get together and play games. This coming weekend I'm going to Incheon to visit them and we'll play board games with some other friends. Probably Dave, Crystle, and some others. Not sure. I am excited to play my new favourite game that we played last time we got together. Quirkle.

Crystle and Amber Quirkling

Here is Amber and about half of Crystle playing in a cool place we found in Incheon. The photographer's eye was drawn toward the exceptional art at the place so this isn't the best pic of these two. But aside from the art, it was a nice place. We were all alone in it and the owner said playing the games was no problem. The food was pretty good too. I had a chilli/cheese dog, (which ain't easy to find here), and only one beer because we had overindulged the night before. Amber doesn't look too bad, but I was hurtin'.

I hope we play the other game I like from last time called For Sale. Also I am bringing a game I bought and haven't tried yet. It's called Saboteur, but here in Korea it translates to Sabotagi. Heh heh.

Amber golfing

Not too long ago, Amber and DB came to visit me in Icheon. I wasn't allowed to let them into the dorm room so they booked a hotel. That's just how awesome THEY are!

So we had chicken and beer and watched baseball at one of the chicken hofs across from SKhynix called Hiteer. I went there several times because they always play the Tiger game and they have FREEZING cold beer! Unlike China.

Chicken and beer at Hiteer

The next morning we hit the links. It's just a par three nearby SKhyix that is around, (and under), a driving range. It's called Green World Golf Land. 10 bucks for 9 holes. Nothing longer than 45 yards but fun nonetheless. The only golfing I can afford in Korea.

The next day we went to Shincheon, a neighbourhood in Seoul where a lot of students hang out, and went shopping, met up with Irene, had MORE chicken and beer and did some other shenanigans.

Irene stalking the pins

Amber bowling

I used to be a fair bowler. USED TO BE. What became of my bowling skill I couldn't say, but I think we will all blame our bowling performances on the beer we were chuggin'. More turns were missed by someone downstairs on a mekju run than in the bathroom.

We occasionally hit a singing room, known here as noraebang, or whack a few baseballs in a screen baseball establishment, but our favourite thing to do together, I mean our absolute favourite thing, (Amber and DB actually met while doing our favourite thing. And now they're married.), is going to a live Kia Tigers baseball game! I think we've been to half a dozen different stadia together. The pic below is when Amber and I went to Suwon the day after Shincheon. DB and Irene couldn't come so it was just Amber and me. Oh and Jesus. It's a little strange how Jesus was at Fat Albert's Pub Halloween weekend too.

Amber in sunny Suwon Stadium

Jesus is a Tiger fan

I guess he follows me around.

Another thing I have to be thankful for.

If you haven't been to a Korean baseball game, you're missing out. It is probably my favourite thing about Korea so I am very thankful for the KBO. Unfortunately, the Tigers, (last year's champs), didn't even make the playoffs this year. With the same team basically! It has its ups and downs, being a Tiger fan.


And while I'm at it, I have to say I am thankful for the country of Korea. I bitch and complain about it but my best working years have practically all been here. Working for Carrot Global at SKhynix in Icheon is up there with my best years ever. Monetarily and work wise. I am especially thankful for the first! Why, just yesterday I was noticing almost 250 bucks that was deposited into my account a while ago. I was chatting with Heather and said how strange the world is. Six months ago that amount could have almost literally saved my life. Now, I don't even notice it when it's deposited into my account. Gotta be thankful for that!

Hyun Woo Dorm

This is the dorm where I live. Doesn't look like much does it?

SKhynix city

But if you look at this pic, practically everything is there for SKhynix. Apartments, stores, supermarkets, bus terminal, a subway stop, all for the 18000 people or so who work here. The far right of the photo isn't quite the end of the SKhynix complex. I work right across from that tower.


Office and tower

And as you can see from the pics below...


Maybe a new dorm?

Mega construction!

The complex is getting bigger and bigger. In the beginning, I lived on the 8th floor. The other people in the dorm weren't very friendly and I had two roommates. Nobody knew us. They just called us the "waygookin," which means foreigners. The room had one air conditioner but it did the job. No kitchen or even a fridge though. My computer was still in China too. So when I wanted to watch, say, a Tiger game, I really had to make do.


The three waygookin

Tigers and Max on ice

Usually there were other dudes in the kitchen/laundry/TV room eating, cooking, doing laundry or watching TV. I know I got to know a few of them, even shared my beers, but I can't remember them. Sometimes guys say hello to me and I think they're the ones I watched ball with, but I am never sure. It's not because they all look alike. That's not the case. It's mostly because after two years in China missing out on drinking beer while watching baseball, I was too busy enjoying myself to be Mr. Sociable. Besides, my Korean still isn't good enough.

Makin' do

 Now I have a room on the 15th floor. It's the top floor. Only Lance is here. The other guy transferred to another place where Carrot trains employees in English. I can't even remember his name, that's the kind of fella I am!

We have a full size fridge and it is well stocked at all times. I have to pack a bag full of dishes, food and cooking materials and take it down to the 13th floor if I want to make a real meal usually, but I've gotten pretty good at using my rice cooker. Heather just got a new slow cooker so she gave me her old one. The one she made the gluvine in. That's gonna be nice! I remember using my slow cooker for chilli, chicken, soups... I just have to find all the ingredients.

I am currently drinking a cold beer from my fridge, (Lance doesn't use it), and typing this on my own computer with my own internet. I took these pics on my own phone too. So I'm pretty much completely set up here in Korea now. So I should be happy. And thankful. And I AM!

Like a chair at a Weight Watchers meeting, you know there's a great big BUT(T) coming! I wouldn't have started out by saying I'd write this in my accentuate-the-negative idiom if I was out to just be all thankful, now would I?

BUUUUUT, things are about to get crazy round these here parts. December 15th is the last day of the teaching year here. That's two weeks away. From Dec. 15 to Jan. 15, nobody teaches English and nobody studies English at SKhynix. In fact I'm told I might get booted out of my dorm room, or at least shuffled again to a new one during that time to make room for the working people. I was told this by Andrew, my Carrot Global supervisor. He also told me that during the "break," Carrot might have me do a kid's English camp somewhere, or maybe work at a different location... somewhere, or maybe have me create the new SKhynix textbook, if they re-contract. I asked if I could do that from my room here, with my own internet here, but since we don't know yet if I will still have this room, he couldn't say yes. He also said that he wanted me to go into the Carrot offices in Seoul and work from 9-6 doing the book on THEIR computers. So I asked where I would live if that were the case. He again said he didn't know. Carrot Global HAS some housing for teachers in Seoul, but Andrew was unaware if there were any vacancies.

So I suggested that I could take some time off since Carrot gives me ONE day off to celebrate the birth of our Lord. He said he thinks I get one day for every month worked, but he'd have to check on THAT too and get back to me. I'm at the half way point. I've worked 6 months. There is no way I'm going to miss out on that glorious 12th month of the contract when I get my last month's pay, my severance, (which is another month's pay), my pension, (which will be more than a month's pay), and presumably all my reimbursements they haven't yet paid to me. So I will do whatever Carrot wants me to do for the next 6 months. I hope it will just be writing the new text and staying right here at SKhynix. I REALLY hope so! All my students say they would like that too. They're getting a little impatient not knowing if I'll be their teacher next year or not. One student today offered to call Carrot and try to hurry them up. But I think they must be waiting for SKhynix to decide if they want to extend us for another year.

So to sum up, I don't know what will happen with my job, my housing, my stuff, my Christmas, my entire life right now. Everything I just told you I was thankful for, could change within the next two weeks. Not the friends, of course, but if I live in Busan, I'll visit a lot less and they'll visit ME a lot less. On the other hand, if I get a place in Seoul, the opposite will happen. I don't want to work anywhere else because I'm used to my students and this location, but there are better locations for Carrot. Better and worse.


So in a nutshell, I'm thankful, but I'm on the verge of possible much lower thankfulness. On the other hand, (what an idiot am I to even say this...), maybe things won't change or maybe they'll change for the better! HA HA HA HA HA!

I'd be very VERY thankful if things just wouldn't change for a while. But, alas, this is not my lot in life.

 



Banks Suck

So now that I've finished my first blogpost in a while complaining about how hard it is to learn Korean, I've gotta follow it with another old standby, bank problems. But this time it's not the Korean banks. Even though I deal with them more than the Canadian banks. No, it's my Canadian TD/Canada Trust account that I maintain for two reasons: To pay my monthly storage fees and to pay my university for any sealed transcripts or official degrees I need to get stamped for some job or another.

The whole time I was in China my Canadian account had barely enough money in it to cover my 100 dollar a month storage fees. I ordered a new bank card a bit more than a year ago to replace my card that expired in November of 2017. I sent a "secure" email to the TD website where I do my online banking and bill paying. They have the easiest job in the world there. I want this job. All they do is send you back an email saying how they completely understand your concern and/or frustration at the problem you are having but the can't do anything at all to help. I really don't think they need those last two words. They just can't do anything at all. Why? Because the secure email isn't actually secure. So in the end after all the empathetic words they can find in their hearts, really don't need those first two letters because they always give the same pathetic response, "You need to call our toll free helpline."

You get what you pay for. It's free because it comes with a requisite 30-minute minimum of wait time before anyone answers. But you're not paying for that... in Canada. Over here in Korea when I use my Korean phone 1-800 don't mean jack shit to them! I'm paying for an overseas call. It was the same when I called the first time from China. When you call this toll free "help" line sometimes you get a person on the line who can actually help and most of the time you don't. I was told when I called about a new bank card that they could not receive my Chinese address by "secure" email and they could not mail a bank card to China. So I had to give them my Mom's address and have her mail the card to me in China. She mailed it, and Mom always adds some extra goodies like pictures or newspaper clippings, but whatever she sent, it never made it. She might have sent some cash or maybe somebody saw the card and thought it was a credit card. Either way I have no doubt my letter was stolen. Because China.

So now that I have an address in Korea that has worked for me, I called again to apply for a new card. After trying unsuccessfully to ask for one over the "secure" email, of course. The person who answered told me they can't mail one to Korea either and told me it's not safe to even give him my Korean mailing address over the phone. He said I needed to have it mailed to my Mom. I asked how he wanted me to give him my Mom's address. "Oh we know that," he replied. Ostensibly because they had mailed her a bank card over a year ago. But it's interesting that they kept it on file. Wonder if Mom gets any more TD/Canada Trust ads than she used to...

The funny thing is, I requested in my "secure" emails for the pop ups for additional security to my online banking to stop. EVERY time I check my account or pay a bill I get the annoying 30-second battle with them. "When will you add more security? Now or Later" No "never" or "fuck off "options. I choose later. Then they ask a few more questions before they take the hint I just want to do some banking. I told them in the email and on the phone that I NEVER want to update this because I don't want to remember any new usernames, passwords, skill-testing questions, favourite actors, first schools or which of these I chose as my skill testing question. I felt like saying, "You got my Mom's address just ask me that and remove the annoying ads!" Of course even though that would be the perfect solution, there probably was some sneaky reason they were asking me to update. They don't care a lick about my convenience or security. So one day I selected the "Okay for the love of GOD let's do this and get it overwith," selection. Ah HA! The bastards just wanted to have a phone linked to my account. THAT is why they are forcing this ad down my throat every time I use the website. So I actually said, "What the hell, if it'll stop the damn pop up..." and started typing in my phone number. They gave me the +82 for Korea in one box. I was actually impressed! But then when I tried to put my phone number into it, 010 5011 1984, the computer program automatically removed a digit. It was reading 010 as the area code and expecting 7 digits. I COULDN'T do the update! I sent a "secure" email letting them know I had tried and asking would they pretty pretty PLEASE remove this fucking pop up, but was ignored.

Anyway, they mailed the new card to my Mom, and Mom mailed me some postcards, newspaper clippings, photos, my bank card and a little letter. All arrived safely. I was to use the card in a bank machine to activate it. So on November 9 I think, I went to a bank machine on the SKhynix campus where I work, put in the card and took out 10,000 Korean won. That's worth a little more than 10 Canadian dollars. $11.68 exactly at present. Holy crap that's bad exchange! I remember when I first came here I could buy 10,000 won for about 6 bucks. Anyway, the maximum allowable interest rate for any money lender used to be 23% in Calgary where my bank is. It was recently lowered to 15%. What do you know! Something good happened! But this is a bank I'm talking about. They are not subject to city, state or federal regulations. They are omnipotent. That's POTENT with an omni in front of it. I am reminded of two things. Lilly Tomlin:

and the updated and more vulgar:

Genius! Pure genius! Because it's true. But the phone company and cable company have nothing on the banks. Just to remind you because it's way up there now, maximum interest rate in the province where my bank is located is 15%. Now it DOES say in the link that's on 100 bux but I think it's pretty much standard for any amount. My bank charged me $17.17 for the $11.68 I took out of the bank machine here. That's 47% interest if you calculate on the 11.68. Now 5 bucks of that was a bank machine charge, but that shouldn't make a difference. It should still be illegal. But banks are omnipotent! I've said this many times before: If you or I did what banks do, we'd be in prison. So we KNOWINGLY deal with criminals. Walking into a bank is like walking into Satriale's Pork Store or the Bada Bing strip bar. They're no different than the mob. In some cases worse! Tony Soprano would charge me 47 points! But I'm not even at the GOOD part yet!

The day after I activated the card somebody started removing money. I didn't even think of using the card until about a week later when I looked for some online sites for buying Christmas gifts and cards. But I didn't order anything and I'm almost positive I didn't give any site my card number.

I had somebody use my bank account to apply for a Canadian Tire credit card in Canada several years ago. $700 was taken out of my account. It was replaced when the fraud was exposed but only after several expensive and time-consuming overseas phone calls. Then a couple years later the same thing was attempted by the same person. I was IN Canada and demanded that they tell me who was doing it. I was pretty sure it was an employee of the bank who they didn't even fire after doing it the first time! There was a guy beside me that very day who had the identical problem in the identical bank. I didn't ask the name of the thief that showed up on HIS account but I bet it was the same. I was told to calm down, the money was returned but they were not at liberty to expose the identity of the thief.

Another thing I noticed. The "new" bank card is the identical number as my old, HACKED bank card. Why the hell wouldn't they change the number and give me a truly NEW card? And you know what, I bet the one they sent to China was the same too. Probably in order to make it easier for them to steal my money again.

However, there was no Canadian Tire credit card this time. This time it was legitimate sounding businesses removing small amounts then large amounts then actually DEPOSITING small amounts a few times. This, I guess, was to make it look like I was a member of some club or online service. There are a couple of possibilities, one boring and one interesting. The boring one is it's the exact same asshole STILL working for the bank and she's trying again. But what if when I activated the new card that was sent to Korea, the card that was sent to China was also activated? What if some Chinese hacker is using my card to charge porn site memberships or shop online at Ali Baba? Or what if the first replacement card actually arrived at my Chinese mailbox really, REALLY late and the new tenant, a fucking bitch who ripped me off for a couple month's rent, found it in the mailbox and is somehow using it?

It would be too optimistic of me to say that maybe someone in China stealing a small amount from my account might have gotten to me before my bank could steal a larger amount from me. Am I losing my marbles just giving that half a thought? Am I grasping at straws trying to find one small favour the illustrious RACH, who took over my apartment in Taiyuan did for me? Am I trying to sterilize my China experience by accepting bad things as partial good things?

Either way I sent a "secure" email, was told to call, waited the requisite half hour for an answer and explained my situation. Unfortunately, I couldn't do it right away because I had to replace my phone...eeeehhh sorta. My phone is now in my name. I have been using a plan that was purchased by my supervisor because I didn't have an alien card when I started work here. Not my fault, but guess who has to pay for 6 months extra if I don't get another year of work or if I work somewhere else? I couldn't buy 6 months and I couldn't get the same plan as Andrew, my supervisor, because, you know why, I'm a foreigner. If you recall the whole situation 6 months ago I was ready, willing and able to go to Japan, get my alien card and my new visa, but somebody at my company dragged their ass so I couldn't go till over a month after I had started working.

But back to the phone call (which was made on my new MORE EXPENSIVE foreigner plan) I was told they had to shut down my account to report the fraud. I told them this had happened to me twice before and neither time did they need to shut the account down. They investigated, found the fraud and returned the money. The guy said it's not that way now. I would have to shut down my account. Well I still want to use it to pay my storage every month and maybe if I need to get a new job, use it to pay university document fees. So I don't want it shut down. I told him I'd been paying the fees for well over a year after my first card had expired. It would be the same situation if I just cancelled the card. At first he said it was different with an expired or cancelled card but maybe a superior corrected him because later he agreed I could just cancel the card. So I did.

I wonder if I'll still be able to send money home. There's another sweet deal for my bank! The remitting bank here in Korea changes my Korean won to U.S. dollars at the proper rate plus a little more. It's always a bad exchange rate they give. Then it's sent. No money is actually exchanged and no money actually moves anywhere. It's all just buttons being pushed. And for that I am charged a fee of about 20 Canadian dollars. Then when the notice arrives in Canada the U.S. dollars are exchanged, at the worst rate possible, another fee is charged and then the Canadian dollars are deposited. This on top of my $16 monthly fee which I pay them for the privilege of allowing them to invest my money and make more money. None of which is given to me.

You should see the shafting you take when you use international bank machines! And I've been told credit card charges are just as usurious.

So I haven't noticed any further theft yet. I guess that's a good thing but if anyone says, "Well at least you got THAT problem sorted out," I'll chop off their head, shit down their gaping throat hole, sew their head back on, wait till they shit again and make them eat my shit that they just shat!

Nah, actually I'm not that mad. I kinda want to be, but I'm not. It was over 200 bucks, but I think I might be getting used to the commonplace fraud, theft and deceit in my life. Are the banks winning?

Banks suck.

Stop using them.

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HELP! Korean is Hard!

As anyone who's been here as long as I have can likely tell you, Korean, the language, is a massive part of the Korean culture! For historical reasons, I believe the language here may have a unique importance to the people and unfortunately, it, therefore, comes with its own set of frustrations for those ambitious visitors to the country who undertake the arduous task of trying to learn it.

"History is bunk." Henry Ford

I use this famous quotation to illustrate two points. The first is that much like, "Luke I am your father," "Play it again, Sam," "Money is the root of all evil," and so many others, this quote is actually a misquote. But it's a great misquotation in that it serves as a pretty sturdy example of its own point. Henry Ford is a figure from recent history so all I think I know of him could very well be false for one reason or another. To say he was a money-grubbing, Hitler-loving dickhead could be entirely untrue. I have only historical record as my source. And, this leads nicely to the second point I'd like to illustrate, which is we are at the distinct disadvantage of being able to say this about ALL of our knowledge that does not come from personal experience. As we get older and memory fails, alas, even personal experience becomes skewed.

I think I've prefaced this thoroughly enough to say that from personal experience, most Koreans I've encountered share similar to identical ideas about their language, but the truthiness of those ideas amongst a uniform people who are nothing if not highly suggestible, well let's just say I believe them to be as stable as most bunktastic history. For all I know, some may be right on the money, others have most likely been colourized on down the line, to be gracious to their tellers and re-tellers.

Most Koreans will tell you how the Japanese tried to erase their culture including the Korean language during colonial times here. Textbooks were burned and new textbooks written entirely in Japanese were used. Korean was forbidden in schools and only Japanese was used. While the secret preservation of the language is a romantic idea, copies of textbooks published in Korean by the occupying Japanese still exist. And although I probably don't need to say this, those photos could be complete bunk too. You begin to understand the frustrations I referred to.

Nonetheless, the Korean language has become rife with protectionism, over-protectionism and considerable mythology. The following video is a fanatical example of what I'm talking about, right? Well if you've lived here as long as I have and talked with as many Koreans as I have, no, it's not! Rather, this is a very good video to help understand Korean attitudes and behaviour regarding their language and why they say such crazy things about it.

 

I love the part when somebody starts laughing. "Why are you laughing? You acknowledge my opinion, don't you?" Though I hate to give any credit to this lunatic, his point is partly illustrated here. To a newcomer to Korea, it may appear that he's just saying that he has a right to his opinion. To an expert on Korea and the culture here it is something else. He is questioning that person's variance from an established Korean truth. Calling him or her a "wankda," which can be translated as "different person," but if you saw the shunning and straight bullying the average wankda receives in this country, you'd begin to understand this shithead's point about ineffective translation of Korean.

 

And after all, if you are cool enough to wear a shiny sport jacket with a toque, you surely MUST know what you're talking about. In all honesty though, I believe fashion trends and boy bands sharing messages at the UN to "speak yourself," "love yourself," "find your own voice," are the beginnings of acceptable individuality in Korea. But that hasn't yet strayed to the questioning of historical loves and hatreds.

 

The word "jeong" is approximated as harmony or coexistence but falls so short it is believed that its true meaning can only be understood by a Korean. Likewise the word, "han" describes Koreans' special form of shared suffering or victimhood. How can any Nobel board member possibly understand that?

 

I am sure some of the literature written by older Korean writers has an exquisite quality born of true suffering but this is far from unique. What may be unique is the irony that modern Korea shares no suffering greater than the hardship of servitude to the old customs that were born of true suffering. Among them is this idolization of their language and cult of homogeneity that forces Koreans to profess the "scientific" nature of the language; its ability to be used efficiently for any language; the alphabet's relation to mouth shapes; the "depth" of thought required to use it; etc., etc. whether they believe it or not.

 

Ask a Korean how to say something in Korean. You will get ignored sometimes. They don't want the stress. Or you will at least receive a long, thoughtful pause. For many years I believed that it was the variability of the Korean language and the fact that there are many ways to say one thing. But again, this is true with any language and I challenge you to get as lengthy a translation pause when asking a speaker of any other language how to say something. Is it the exquisiteness of the language that causes this long pause? Or is it the translators' hope to instill their translation with the amount of exquisitivityness his/her culture demands?

 

Unfortunately, another common frustration now comes into play. The misconception amongst Koreans that complexity and sophistication are the same. And, indeed, even in English we use them interchangeably for describing things like electronics or machinery. But in language the height of sophistication is reflected in nothing more than simplicity. The best example of this may just be the Korean alphabet. It is extraordinary! I agree with Koreans that their alphabet is top notch! Because it is dead simple. Compliment the Korean alphabet with words like sophistication and you will get an unmistakeable swell of pride from Koreans within earshot. But tell them it's simple or easy or you learned it in a day and there is a discernable change. That's when they start trying to assure you that it is scientific or more complicated than you think. Conversely, tell them how much trouble you are having learning to speak their language and a fascinating thing occurs. You will see that unmistakeable swell of pride again and if you have informed them in Korean that you are struggling with their language, they will generally NOT slow down or speak in simple Korean, but they will give you a barrage of rapid-fire Korean designed to impress you with the skill they have attained in such a difficult language. In my experience it is only the humblest of Koreans who will acknowledge your efforts in trying to learn their language and help you by simplifying their Korean to encourage you. And it seems to physically pain them to do so even if you beg them to. Frustration number two for foreigners trying to learn Korean.

 

Here's an example: If I am ever in an emergency, I will probably die. Because I don't know the way to scream for help in Korean. I could ask a Korean, but that's far too difficult. They will NOT tell you how they would scream for help. They will probably pause for a long time lining up the honorifics and difficult words, then say, "Ajeoshi. Shil ye hamnida. Jome do wha jushigessimnika?" If I'm not mistaken, a Korean in danger will say something like, "Salyeo!" But they WILL NOT teach you this!

 

In short, when you ask a Korean to teach you how to say something, they pause a long time because they are racking their brains to concoct the most complex possible way to say the thing you are trying to learn in order to impress you with the sophistication and exquisiteness of their language. And when you talk to a Korean, they will speak to you as fast and complex as possible for the same reason. Whether they want to or not, they HAVE to! It's a cultural imperative.