The regular people in those countries think you are adorably naive if you believe there is any such thing as an honest businessman. But all those folks who remember scumbag real estate scam artists or land barons who stomped them and their loved ones on their way to the top spit as they say their names but given half a chance, would do exactly the same thing. Just imagine every single Chinese movie ever made only substitute business for Kung Fu. When they are too young to fight back their mother or father or grandfather is killed by a rogue Kung Fu artist. They have nothing but hatred for that murderer but MAD respect for his Kung Fu. They know they must dedicate their entire lives to acquiring superior skills with which to defeat him.
So anyway, imagine that's you. You are the rich Asian rogue businessman who Kung Fu fought your way to the top of the business world. You're in a quandary. You're living large in your country but you know people only ACT like they don't want to chop you up like a Beni Hana chef and stirfry your ass because, let's face it, you're filthy rich and they have MAD respect for your corruption skills. But they all hate you. You've lied to, cheated and stolen from them all. In the course of your "business" you've taken the financially successful and socially accepted cavalier environmental attitude that has left your country a wasteland, or hastened it down the road to becoming one. You say to yourself, "You know what? It's probably a good time to leave this festering nuclear swamp with air that gives me smoker's cough and water that makes my hair fall out when I swim in it and do some 'business' elsewhere."
In a recent Wall Street Journal article we find, not surprisingly, that half of China's millionaires want to leave their country. The other half just said they didn't want to leave because they're scared the Chinese Communist Party might put them in a torture - I mean "forced labour" camp or harvest their organs or something. 37% of the 50% who said they want to get the Fu Manchu outta Dodge listed Canada as a top emmigration destination. Canada admits a reported 3000 immigrant investors a year along with their families. There is a waiting list of 25,000 wealthy folks largely made up of Asian Kung Fu businessmen, (with their families that's about 90,000 people), White Crane Hammerpunching on Canada's door to be let in as I write this.
Now imagine you're a Canadian immigration officer. You're thinking, "What are the chances that these guys will come to Canada and live as law-abiding, corruption-free, environmentally friendly citizens of their adopted country? Survey said - XXX (bzzzt)! Oh too bad. And what are the odds that they can be assimilated into our society without disrupting our social systems with their deeply instilled and massively different customs, and the huge influx of disposable cash that will drive the cost of damn near everything through the roof because, hey, THEY can afford it? Ooooh WHAMMY! I'm sorry." Yes Canadian immigration officers DO have game show hosts for consciences.
But you know what? For one reason only, (gue$$ what that i$), Canada says, "Ah, what the hell come on in anyway and make our country your home and non-native land." Oh wait a minute, did I say Canada says that? Sorry 'bout that I sometimes think we ARE the democratic country we're constantly assured we are. What I mean is the government says this without asking the rest of Canada what we think.
If you're like me and have seen a few Asian businessmen in action you think, "How can these amoral, corporate-minded, profit-at-all-cost, sociopathic masters of the dark side of the Force possibly be any good for Canada?" I am reminded of a story. While teaching at a Chinese ESL school in Burnaby one of my students, a business major who is now probably doing business in China or maybe even Canada, said to me, "Do you know the difference between our two countries? In Canada you have one guy who wants to cut down 100 trees. In China we have 100 guys who want to cut down 1 tree." This is the way they try to justify their actions in their heads. I said, "First of all one guy in Canada would not cut down the 100 trees. He would cut down 50 and PLANT 100. If we had only one tree NObody would even be considering cutting it down. Maybe this is one of the reasons for the difference between our two countries." He said he'd never considered it that way but such a thing could never happen in China.
It's hard to imagine a way to make it worth our while in Canada when these types of people are the ones we are inviting into our lives. But Halleluiah there IS a Way! Me and Mohammed Yunus know a way! The word "Tao" translates into "the way." The Asian businessmen trying to get into Canada know the way and are just hoping they make it here before we stop being such numbskulls and explore it.
I recently watched a really great British documentary on China and in it the British host is talking to a couple Chinese owners of a mine in Africa. He asked them how the local workers were and the answer was that they are not as good as Chinese. "Chinese people only work, they do not like to have fun." People like these see friendliness, kindness, graciousness in business as weaknesses to be exploited. They think it's just stupid to be nice. Nice=stupid.
There is one thing you need to be chosen as one of the successful candidates for immigration into Canada for business purposes: money. Guess how much it is. It's a paltry $800,000! That's a lot of chicken scratch to the average person but these foreign investors are anything BUT the average citizens of their countries. Of ANY country! And if you take a good look at what the country of Canada is giving them for their 800 grand, it's just not worth it to Canada. Then when you think about what's been happening after they've paid that money it's REALLY not worth it. I think I heard our immigration minister saying it's like selling 5-dollar pie for 50 cents. The Harper government wants to double the price of their pieces of our pie to 1.6 mil. I say why stop there? You see what these mostly Asian businessmen know is that Canada is a foreign investor's wet dream! Wide open spaces, fresh air, "nice" people, enormous tax breaks created by the Canadian government, (again, not the Canadian people), one of my favourite euphemisms: tax "shelters" so there is absolutely no reason ANY tax will be paid for doing business here, and oil, iron ore, lumber and all kinds of other natural resources that have not been madly scrambled for by a bunch of Shao Ling scheisters, but carefully managed and in some cases RENEWED by these "NICE NICE" people. 25000 people on the waiting list. That should be a tip off. There are investors falling all over themselves to get into Canada before this bargain goes away. I think the sale is over. Time to make the price reasonable.
But what is a reasonable price? 1.6 million? I'm sorry that won't even cover the tuition hikes that people in Quebec and all over Canada are so upset about. If I went to my course in my University right now it would cost me 10 times what I paid in tuition. To Asians who think nothing of spending half their income or more on their kids' educations that's not too bad a price. To RICH Asians it's nothing. Do you suppose there's a correlation between rising tuition in Canada and these 3000 rich families a year coming to Canada with kids who need to go to school?
How about 2 million then? Nope. That's not even going to cover the jacked up green fees at my local golf course that now has two of every foursome consisting of Asians decked out in top of the line equipment and fashion which they bought with the money they saved paying 100 bucks instead of 300 bucks for green fees like their home courses.
Okay let's make it 3 mil. How bout let's not. That's nowhere near enough to pay for adjustments to our kids' education comprised of cuts to art, music, drama, physical education, literature etc. and extra courses in math, science and the science of math.
How bout 4 mil. Not enough to cover the cost of changing ads, signage, bank machines etc. to accomodate Chinese characters.
5 mil? Not yet. Canadians are already paying for expensive courses in common sense that are mandatory to employment and only helpful to those used to strict training in math and science, not independant thought, creative thinking, problem solving, discretion, you know, what we USED to call "education."
Do I hear 6 mil? Traffic expenses. I know this is a terrible stereotype but it's also true. I've driven in Asia. There are no left turns without left turn signals and absolutely no courtesy corners. They know their own limitations.
7? Ever have an Asian landlord or landlady? Cuz you WILL.
Okay here it is. What I think is a fair price: 8 million bucks entry fee to do business in Canada. That's 10X what they pay now. Everything ELSE has gone up in price, why not this? 8 is fair but you know it just wouldn't be right to miss this glorious opportunity to do to them what they've been doing to every poor schmuck they've stepped on to get to the top. So let's make it an even 10 million, because, hey, THEY can afford it. They should be HAPPY to fork it over because ostensibly, (and that's a big word here), this entry fee is collected for the economic development of Canada, their NEW country.
So let the whole 25000 in and make 'em pay 10 mil each. Do you know what that works out to? 250 BILLION dollars! Surely even our government couldn't squander that! Could they? Well you wouldn't think so would you? But the collossal problem on our tao to immigration enlightenment in Canada is the money up until now has been given to provincial governments. They already have an embarrassment of tax riches funded by the "little people" of Canada who still aren't in the loop enough to find tax loopholes; who aren't savvy enough to find tax shelters to deliver them from this burden - I mean patriotic duty to their country; who are too "nice" and too poor. Well it's no shock to hear that the money, this 800,000 X 3000 people a year has often been described as, "sitting idle on government balance sheets" or "languishing in bank accounts." Then after five years it is given back to the foreign investor. There you have it: free entry into Canada.
Wait a minute here! NOW who thinks we're stupid? I don't know of any bank or any government, (which are all run like banks or corporations), that is gonna let a single dollar of that money "languish" or "sit idle." I have a hunch the money intended for the economic development of Canada has been used for the economic development of bank managers and provincial government fund managers to "economically develop" their new yachts and mansions by the lake. Most likely claimed as a performance bonus and stashed in some "tax shelter" in the Cayman Islands. But not to worry, a little of it trickled down to the Canadian peasants who they bought coffee from or who cleaned their pools so win - win, right?
If anything SCREAMS deregulation, this fiasco does. And this is where me and Mohammed come in. Mohammed Yunus, creator of Gramean Bank, originator of micro credit and winner of the Nobel Prize has an idea that he calls "social economics." He proposes to allow businessmen and entrepreneurs to do business that is socially beneficial. They can still make profit but they have to do it in ways that will help OTHER people. I know there are no businessmen, certainly no Asian businessmen, who have any idea OTHER people serve any purpose but that of customer. I think Mohammed is overestimating businesspeople and underestimating greed here. But that's all right. In my theory of relativity I proposed a capitalist conscience called a relativity planner who will FORCE these people to do what is right but won't stop them from doing what is profitable. The whole 250 billion should be used to hire some good relativity planners, folks who are not members of any bank, government or associated in any way with a corporation. They will find good ways to benefit Canada with this money, and not just RICH Canada.
MY first suggestion would be to build refineries in Alberta right beside the oil sands that the Chinese are so hot and bothered over. They want our oil, they can have it in refined form. Refined at refineries that employ 100% Canadian workers. That way WHEN there are oil spills there won't be crude oil blackening the harbour view of their new Canadian homes. Refined oil will be easier to clean up and safer for the environment.
Put up some more windmills on the windy prairies to cut electricity bills. Hook generators up to all the treadmills and stationary bikes in gyms across the country to power the buildings they're in. I'm sure the relativity planners will come up with LOTS of ideas. And if they run out, they can always hire some of the boatloads of out-of-work Canadian degree holders in engineering, electronics, geology, (English), or who knows what to come up with some new ones. The foreign investors shouldn't mind at all because after all it IS their new country they are helping isn't it?
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