Here's Yer Fuckin' Soup

 

A bit of a paraphrase from the great Louis C.K. to start this blog entry: “I’m trying to be a better person. I’m trying not to swear around my kids but it’s hard sometimes. Like the other day when I was making my daughters lunch. I said, ‘Here’s yer fuckin’ soup.’ You can see how that would be a hard situation…”

I can’t explain why even now, the I don’t know how manyeth time I’ve heard this joke, it gets at least a chuckle out of me. To analyze it would be to ruin it. So I won’t. But I will tell you what it puts me in mind of and this could very well be why this joke has specific appeal to my sense of humour. It’s more of a helpless than a happy chuckle. Like when Louis C.K. got charged by his bank for having too little money in his account. That is hilarious in an all-you-can-do-is-laugh kind of way. I’m not going to tell you in any straightforward and orderly way why the soup joke makes me laugh, you know me better than that. This requires some set-up.

Since coming home, I’ve noticed an unnaturally generous layer of manners, politeness and social niceties being heaped onto the toast, or, as it were, the pancake that is day-to-day working, shopping, and milling about the Canadian populace. As far as cheery, good-natured hobnobbery and small talk goes, we Canadians lay it on thick. We are desperately concerned with “how you are” even if we’ve never seen you before. We have all attained advanced degrees in social meteorology and, in times of inclement weather, are gifted with clairvoyance in regards to how long it will be until clear skies return. And we almost always require in parting that you “have a good one.” While I still play along, particularly in a professional capacity, my reaction to this collective hyper-positivism has rapidly ranged from, “Well he/she was nice!” to “Just what the hell was he/she trying to hide?!”

A not recently formulated theory on this signature Canadian behavior I have is that our national “friendliness" is directly DISproportionate to our national happiness. You may have seen one of the many “studies” that have ranked Canada at or near the top of the world in national happiness. In my opinion, the data collectors (and I’m being very generous assuming there were any for these “studies”) were just falling for the fake shit I described above. The average Canadian, and I point out yet again, by that I don’t mean the mean, I mean the REAL, paycheck-to-paycheck Canadians who are living with spouses/partners/roommates/parents to cut costs, who are working at least two jobs, who “own” homes so they can borrow against them, I mean the real deal Johnny and Josephine Canucks are not the happiest folks in the world. What’s more, I don’t think they’re happy that they have to pretend like they’re happy, which makes the hyper-positive “Hey, how are you this fine morning?” all the more forced and contrived. Anyone else noticing this? No? I’m all alone here? A solitary voice in the Canadian wilderness?

Well then let’s travel south a smidge and hear another voice, shall we? A voice we’ve heard here before. That of Robert Reich. If you watch his doc “Inequality For All,” he outlines with crystal clarity the events of the last 50 years in America that have resulted in the massive inequalities in the U.S. which have in turn led to feelings of unhappiness there, and I don’t think they are much different for us up here in Canada. Starting in the late 70’s and early 80’s wages stopped keeping up with the cost of living while the economy boomed. Simply put, the US got richer, but the average American didn’t. Prices went up, but wages didn’t, so more accurately stated, the US got richer, but the average American got poorer. It’s insanely simple to track, but for some reason it ain’t all that well publicized. Hmmm… why not? Could it be because the few who got richer are in charge of publicity? And if you’re getting filthy rich while everybody else is spiraling down their own personal rabbit holes of debt, you don’t start the evening news with, “Today’s top story, everybody’s lives are sucking more and more, but hey, guess who pulled down an extra billion this fiscal year?!?! I DID! Everybody look at how much more money I have than you!”

“We’re talkin’ ‘bout Reaganomics. Oh Lord down in the congress. They’re passin’ all kinds of bills. Down on Capitol Hill… Money’s too tight to mention. (cutbacks) Oh money, money, money, money. Can’t get an unemployment extension. Money’s too tight to mention. Can’t even qualify for my pension. We’re talkin’ ‘bout the dollar bill… and that old man who’s over the hill. What are we all to do when money’s got a hold on you? Money’s too tight to mention. Oh money, money, money, money…”

Oddly, or perhaps appropriately, this is a Simply Red song about the start of the inequality gap widening in America. They’re from England. But it tracks. Reagan famously fought with and defeated the air traffic controllers union, which was the start of declining union positions in the States. During his time at the wheel of the American automobile, Reagan pointed it at a cliff and put a brick on the gas pedal. He lowered tax rates on the rich, de-regulated business (which is a fancy way of saying he removed government oversight, so the rich didn’t have to keep getting richer ethically), raised the price (and thereby exclusivity) of education, and with the horseshit “trickle-down” economics depended on the upper class to create jobs while shrinking the middle class – the actual job creators outside of capitalist fairyland.

After WWII in the US, there were three decades of prosperity between 1945 and 1975. Lots of union jobs, tax rates on the rich of as high as 90% (now the rich being the rich will find accountants that will pare that down to about 50% but even if they paid 50% nowadays can you imagine???), some education was actually FREE (like at Berkeley), the middle class was large, they spent their generous pay, this created a need for more production, which created more JOBS. It’s all in the video. Give it a watch.

 Robert Reich called this the “virtuous cycle.” We had that same cycle in Canada at the same time. But we can’t have that any more, neither country. You know why? Cuz it’s socialism! That’s what some people call it anyway. Call it what you will, I don’t think you’d get much of an argument if you said folks were happier back then.

A few other things happened that are harder to pin on Reagan and whoever the voters of Canada chose at the time to drive our political car off the cliff. Globalization, automation, monopolization (when more and more of the world’s money and resources are concentrated into fewer larger and larger companies), but Canadians and Americans wanted the good times of the virtuous cycle days to continue. We wanted to live the lives our parents had become accustomed to so what did we do? Three things. Women joined the workforce, we worked longer hours, and we mortgaged and borrowed like madpeople. What did our governments do? They increased immigration. Take a 30-dollar-an-hour job and whack it up into three 10-dollar-an-hour jobs and what have you done? You’ve created jobs! That’s what the politicians told us. But what they’d really done is taken away a good job and created three jobs Canadians and Americans know won’t pay the bills. But someone from a country where that 10-dollar-an-hour job translates into a fantastic job will jump at that opportunity. Relax visa and housing laws to make things easier for new citizens while carefully creating the social stigma that not-so-new citizens who don’t want those jobs are just lazy and you’ve lowered national happiness. Lower it further by bullying locals into not talking about the effects of #1 or #4 on the job market labeling them sexist or racist if they do. Now we're all in competition with even MORE job hunters. But we can't hope they don't get the job we want. Instead we should just say, “How are you? I’m wonderful thank you and you? Hope you get the job I want. Have a splendid day!”

Still? Don’t see the jaw muscles twitching while that greeting passes through the plastic smile?

But don’t blame the little guy. It’s a trap we can easily fall into. Women and immigrants are not stealing jobs from anyone. Follow the money. Are they all driving around in Lexii and wiping their arses with fifties? No. They’re working multiple jobs, longer hours, and mortgaging their houses too. So who can Canadians blame and what can we do to vent this growing anger? We can’t do much about the government. Because there is so much more money involved in politics, we haven’t had a candidate worth voting for in a couple generations. The fat cats who have made the political situation the way it is have effectively insulated themselves from public blowback by eliminating consumer options. We almost HAVE to buy their shit. No choice. That’s the de-diversification/monopolization I mentioned above. So what can a lowly personal citizen do to fight back? We’ve gotta feed our families and it seems like the whole world is against us. So we justify. We screw each other, then justify it.

The driving examiners who fail people that should pass can justify it by saying that if they hadn’t, they wouldn’t have enough students in their driver’s training courses (they can also justify the conflict of interest of being the teacher of those courses AND the road test examiners) and they need twenty students a month or the course will be cancelled and that will take food off their tables.

The small business owner who charges a lot more than he/she knows the product or service is worth can justify it because if they charge a fair price, they might not be able to compete with the big businesses (at least, not without working harder than them). The landlord who charges 1500 bucks for a one-bedroom can justify it by calling it “fair market value,” which is like saying, “Everyone else is doing it.” We don’t have any corporate Moms to tell them, “If everyone was jumping off the Trail bridge, would you do it too?” And where would we find ethical superheroes who could regulate business without being corrupted by it? 

The people who lie in job interviews and cut corners at work can justify it because of the competitive job market. Workers who don’t teach other workers how to properly do the job in order to maintain a level of indispensability can justify that for the same reason. And, unfortunately, workers who hate job competitors be they female, foreign or otherwise justify their hatred for the same reason.

Do you see what is happening? Canada is becoming a country filled with people in increasingly high-stakes competition with each other. The US too. Like in politics where polarization has never been more extreme, Canadians who used to be rivals are now enemies. Don’t you think THIS might add some jaw clinching during, “HEY, how are you? I’m super, thanks for asking. You take care now. Bye bye then.”???

This, at long last, brings me around to the opening quote from Louis C.K. Having lived in Asia, particularly China for this one, I have seen some customer service that might as well have been “Here’s yer fuckin’ soup.” The huge market does not require repeat customers or fake pleasantries with said customers. If you turn off a customer, there are a billion more. You can still get rich. I hate worse than multi-year phone service contracts to say this but, this is one way China is more honest than Canada and the more of this fakery I perceive, the more I hate it. Is it just me or would anyone else out there prefer, “Here’s yer fuckin’ soup.”?

While we’re on China, I’ll use my go-to example for why globalism is so great for business owners in rich countries like Canada. Do youknow that the average worker in the Chinese countryside makes between 2 and 10 dollars a day? This is about 60% of the country. Then when they miraculously save enough money to make the move to the city where they might make 15 or 20 dollars a day, a lot of employers hire them but don’t pay them. Yes, prices of things are lower there, but when you’re making ZERO, it’s hard to make ends meet. I’ve lived there. This behavior is more common than you’d believe. Probably the most extreme example of “Here’s yer fuckin’ soup!” in the world. Try “Here’s yer fuckin’ empty bowl! In fact, gimme back that fuckin’ bowl you thief!” Ahhhh China… This is why we should not begrudge foreign workers one nickel they earn from getting jobs in our countries (US and Canada where we still, for some reason, have nickels).

Can you imagine what the prospect of $16.50 an hour looks like to one of these people? Let’s say you make 2 bucks a day. 16 bucks an hour, the LOWEST wage in Canada, is 64 times what you are currently making, and this is calculated based on less than minimum wage and an 8-hour day, which you are gonna add to as much as possible. To put that into perspective, and again using the least favourable stats to make my point, that’s like offering a Canadian minimum wage worker a job for over a thousand bucks an hour. $1,056/hr. to be precise. Do you think any Chinese worker offered the equivalent of a grand an hour is going to worry about flouting a few immigration, visa, or housing rules and regulations to get that? Work for that wage a year or two or three and return to your country with a king’s ransom! Why, they’ll be working long hours, multiple jobs, weekends, they’ll do ANYthing they’re ordered to do. They’ll be model employees in the eyes of the employers. Especially when a very real alternative is zero! You just can’t begrudge them although our owners and opinion makers would like us to.

How many times have we heard people disparaging today’s younger generation for being lazy? “There’s plenty of work out there, they just don’t want it.” “Look at the foreign workers. They work hard. They work long hours. They work multiple jobs. What happened to the workers of this country?” What happened to them is globalization. They’re no lazier than any other generation, EMPLOYERS are offering them worse jobs than any other generation then pretending it’s some kind of work ethic defect that is forcing them to hire foreign workers, or better yet, "outsource" the company to a foreign country. Bitching about lazy kids is the employers’ justification for their bad behaviour. And it probably helps them sleep at night if they train themselves to believe it.

And imagine how hard it is for the Canadian who knows he’s competing against workers who consider minimum wage a fortune. For the Canadian, who is planning to remain in Canada, minimum wage is barely enough to eke out an existence. There is going to be resentment. But it’s largely misguided. We can’t hate the workers, we need to hate the assholes who have created this situation. But who are they? Where are they? And what can we do about them? This is the situation of helplessness rendering a lot of Canadians quite unhappy. We don’t see any options. It’s like our country doesn’t give a shit about keeping us happy. It’s like they’re saying to us,

“Here’s yer fuckin’ soup!”