Sitting at my desk at work while damp air from a rainy day is cooled by the air conditioning and so is the sweat underneath my Paladin Security shirt, the mandatory stab-proof vest and an undershirt of dark colour, preferably black. I'm not about to complain about the chills. At least I'm dry. On the outside. When I'm not doing an outdoor patrol or moving a shopping cart full of bags and a couple non-refundable bottles that presumably some enterprising bottle collector left on my site last night. When I'm not doing THAT I'm dry. On the exterior. And over the time I've worked at Southport for Alberta Health Services, (and at the hospitals), I have grown accustomed to the 12 hour periods of smelling like a hockey equipment bag and feeling like I have monster slime covering my torso. You know the slime I'm talking about that every movie monster, (most memorably Alien), has dripping and oozing from open apertures. Well, perhaps "accustomed" is too strong a word. I'll just say it doesn't suck as much as it did sweating like Rob Ford at an open bar when I first started here.
But with any luck, (and you know me, I should NEVER say that), sometime soon I will be moving on up the AHS ladder. I have applied for the job of front desk/mail room clerk. It will come with a huge pay raise, (I don't wanna say how much for fear of jinxing it. It wasn't specified in the job posting but I know what the other guys who were doing the job were being paid); after a few months I will have a really nice benefit package; I will be working a lot more hours than I am now; and I don't have to wear the sweaty flak jacket, stinky, squeaky SWAT team boots, utility belt and uniform. I don't have to carry around a useless radio. I don't have to make useless entries that nobody sees into books and onto the computer. (I don't think). And best of all I don't have to work 12-hour shifts. I'll have a normal, and much more fulfilling life again.
I don't wanna slag Paladin since if I didn't work for them in Victoria and in Calgary I never would have been placed here at Southport, which will still be the location I am working at when I get the new job. Paladin has been good to me. And they understand that most workers want to be cops or EMT's or armoured truck drivers or whatever. It's not going to surprise them when I give my notice. Who knows, maybe I'll stay on in a very very casual capacity.
Whatever the new position will be a good one. One might even say a "career." I could be with AHS for the rest of my working life! I kinda hope so. I feel like Dr. Tobias Funke getting a new start. I should get a personalized plate that says ANUSTART. Just don't call me Anus Tart. Harr harr harr. I love that show! (Arrested Development)
Thing is, I actually HAD the job a few months ago. Back in February or early March I was told I "had the job." I even celebrated. Then on March 7th the Alberta budget was released and cuts were made to Alberta Health. So Gaylene, who I hope will be my future boss, says to me, "There is a hiring freeze in effect at AHS. We now have to request approval to post the job and go through the process by the book. So the permission was finally given and the job was posted last week. In the three months since I was first offered the job several things have happened that have left me saying, "Hello? Put me in coach? I'm right here. Is this thing on? Testing. Check. Check."
First Gerry retired. He did shifts in both the mailroom and the front desk, which are the exact two places where my new job will find me. Then Lorian, who was casual help in the mailroom and had received training for the front desk, quit to pursue his studies. Then Barb, one of only two regular front desk workers, took a leave of absence. Then recently Mathilda, the other lady who manned the front desk, has been off on medical leave. Me? I've been here the entire time just raring to go.
But the hiring freeze did not allow for the replacement of workers who were leaving. Transferring was okay and we now have Beth on front desk. She transferred over from Rockyview Hospital. Someone who was completely new to the building and the front desk. They trained her rather than hire me. In my capacity as security guard I sit directly beside the receptionist and I learn things from time to time from listening to them. It's an advantage I suppose they did not consider important.
May 30th I had an interview with Gaylene and she intimated, (not to say stated word for word), that I would be a preferable candidate for the position because I already have some knowledge of the building and the receptionist position.
What the eff, man? I kinda felt like North Korea, or Hansel and Gretel. Let me splain: You know the story of Hansel and Gretel? Their father, a woodcutter, and their stepmother decided, quite drastically, that the family was in a state of starvation and the only solution would be for the lazy ass father to take Han and Gret deep into the deep deep acres and acres of woods and leave them for dead. I guess it didn't occur to them to use the woods for something other than infanticide, like, oh I dunno, maybe getting the woodcutter to cut some of it and sell it? Who can say though, maybe the German wood cutting regulations were strict like those of B.C. today or maybe nobody was buying wood. What the heck can anybody use wood for anyway eh? Or maybe the lazy ass father just wanted more private time with his new wife. Wonder if Han and Gret's dad had used these woods before to ditch the first one...
At any rate, the first attempt failed because Han left a trail of shiny stones and the kids found their way back home. Then the stepmother insisted on a second attempt during which Hansel left behind them a trail, OF BREADCRUMBS! Deep into the forest. Depending on how deep into the woods, I reckon we're talking a few loaves of bread here. But I guess it didn't occur to anyone to eat the bread before resorting to murdering two family members. For crying out loud if starvation were severe enough draw straws and EAT a family member! Potatoes au Gretel, or grind up some Hanselami to put ON the bread.
Then you've got the recent news about North Korea coming up with the ground-breaking idea of ceasing and desisting their notoriously poor attempts at feeding the starving people in their country by bulking up militarily and actually giving bonuses to farmers for, (duh), planting rice!
In both cases, and here at AHS, there was a blatantly obvious solution staring them in the face the whole time and they resorted to drastic measures. Measures that didn't make things better and mostly made things worse.
But I will hold no grudge before its time. If Gaylene calls or emails or texts me today with news that I finally get to work the job I've had for close to three months, all will be forgiven. If not, I'm going to have a little extra energy to expend. Perhaps some woodcutting would be in order. I know, I'll help my brother Mark move! There's an idear!
Addendum: I got news from Gaylene today and it's good and bad. First the bad news. I didn't get exactly this job. They hired a gal I met at one of the staff birthday parties and I think she's really nice so I'm glad she got the job. But they only hired her for the reception part of it. She's not really well suited for the mailroom portion of the job, however, and since there will be more mail routed through the Southport mailroom starting around the end of June, I am now being considered for work in the mailroom only. I actually prefer that for many reasons so this is the good news in a way. The thing is, I'm still not sure I will get the job, but think I will have a bit of an inside track. Plus I have to wait until the end of June, possibly longer. That's only two weeks longer to wait than the above job, so not too bad, but still not as good. But it's more hours, more pay and I'm better suited for it. So I'm still waiting for a job that I will most likely get, and it's an even better job than I'd hoped for. All in all it's good news... that could change to bad news... but probably won't. Talk about a roller coaster!
