The Face o' the Fiddy

As I mentioned in my last post and maybe the one before, it's really quite something what a guy can accomplish when he's forced to stay home, has no sports to watch, no work to do other than replying to 50-100 messages sent by students every day, and, in my case, no kids, pets or wives to distract me.

Sure there are games, books, chores, chatting, and intellectually stunting websites. We could all apathetically toss this bonus downtime into those bottomless pits. And I've done some time wasting, who hasn't? But I have found something that I think is going to keep me busy in an educational way for a good chunk of my Coronacation. I'll give you the beginning of what I've discovered but let me caution, I haven't read all that I'd like to yet. I think I've just scratched the surface. And be forewarned, it's Canadian politics. I won't blame you if you stop reading right here. "How," you might say, "can Canadian politics be anything interesting? I've got some YouTube vids of guys getting hit in the balls to watch." But honestly, no kidding, this stuff IS interesting! And, much like a couple of things I've recently posted about, it's stuff that I think a lot of Canadians don't know much about. In fact I wouldn't be going out on a limb, I don't reckon, to say the majority of us think of William Lyon Mackenzie King as one of, or possibly THE greatest politician ever in Canada, not a friggin' weirdo. How many of us know that our longest serving Prime Minister (22 years - a record that'll never be broken) was called "Weird Willie" by many? And from early indications, deservingly so!

Most of the following has been taken from the novel, "King: William Lyon Mackenzie King: A Life Guided By the Hand of Destiny written by Allan Gerald Levine. I just found the book online FOR FREE and started reading. Not the whole book, but it has been enough to dominate my Sunday, and although the pages 120-518 aren't online, I think I'm gonna buy them. I also might invest in "A Very Double Life: The Private World of Mackenzie King" by Charles Stacey. Stacey was a military man who hated King for his indecisiveness during WWII in the matter of conscription among other things. And it's a book about King's weirdness particularly in the sexual arena. Though, it wasn't anything so large as an arena from all accounts. Maybe an arena NOW during these sportless times. But let's not just dive in at the sex part. That's NEVER a good thing to do, right? There is plenty of background needed here.

As the title of this post implies, WLMK is the face on the Canadian fifty.

Looks Prime Ministerial enough, no? The word "specimen" across the pic so nobody prints this out and gets away with spending it. That's something this guy would have loved! From what I've read. Though he was a rich man he was a miser. I read that he would cut pencils into three and make sure everyone in government would use them down to the nubs before they were allowed another pencil. Or another third of a pencil. An eccentricity of veritably pedestrian nature for this man.

There can be no mistaking his intelligence. He graduated from the University of Toronto in 1895 then studied economics at Chicago and Harvard. He became Canada's first deputy minister of labour in 1900. Until 1919 he was involved mostly in resolving labour disputes. He became so good at it he wrote a book. In 1919 he replaced his mentor, Wilfred Laurier as the leader of the Liberal party of Canada. A couple years later he became PM. This was the time of the second industrial revolution in Canada. A time, just after the end of WWI, of mass automation, urbanization and large scale factory mass production. Boom times in Canada when almost everybody had jobs! It was a good time to be PM so King was popular. He was re-elected in 1925 with the support of Progressives. This was one of the ways the War Tax survived. The Progressives really liked it and wanted to use it. He contributed to the Balfour Report, which established autonomous Commonwealth nations. So things were going smoothly. Then, despite his background in economics, he did not believe Canada would be affected by the stock market crash of '29. He didn't even make mention of it in his diary. We'll get to his diary. Oh we'll get to his diary!

Conservative R.B. Bennett beat out WLMK because of this political gaffe. 1930-35 were the Bennett years in Canada. The Dirty Thirties. The Great Depression. Did the times cause the leader or did the leader cause the times? Bennett burst onto the scene with promises to deliver Canada from the hard times caused by the stock market crash. Of course that's what he said! Canadians weren't much concerned with anything else. The average Canadian was at the bottom of Maslow's Pyramid. Almost 1/4 of Canada were jobless. People needed food and shelter. While King was saying, "We'll be fine," Bennett was saying, "I'll get you jobs!" But as soon as he was elected it was obvious that Bennett had no concrete ideas as to how he was going to do what he'd promised. Sounds familiar.

He was rich and fat and had no idea what life was like for the majority of Canadians. Also sounds familiar. He had the now cliché conservative faith in free enterprise/free market and hatred of government regulation/interference. By 1932, things were desperate in Canada. People were protesting and threatening revolt. You can actually see pictures of Canadians doing this in the national archives! Canadian civil disobedience! People stopped paying income tax! And nobody went to jail for not paying it! Those must have been the days! And after characteristically weak efforts by Canadians to get rid of the damn War Tax (except for Newfoundland who actually DID in 1924!... for a while), governments actually ramped up the income tax.

If you'll note in the above link, a few years after WWII, what do ya know! Income tax not repealed, but increased! Okay, I'll get off this.

Bennett was a bust! People couldn't afford gas so pulled cars by horse or mule. These were given the name, "Bennett buggies." People hated him. They were hungry and broke.And there was criticism from within Bennett's own Cabinet that the Conservative government's policies were creating easy profits for big business and hardship for others. Need I say, "sounds familiar" again? So in his final year of office, he got the idea to emulate FDR's New Deal. Not, I think, because he gave a shit about Canadians, but because he was desperate to get re-elected in '35. Bennett's reforms promised a more progressive taxation system, a maximum work week, a minimum wage, closer regulation of working conditions, unemployment insurance, health and accident insurance, a revised old-age pension and agricultural support programs. They called for MORE government control and LESS free enterprise. A total departure for Bennett. Whether he would, or even could have delivered, we'll never know. The majority of Canadian voters thought he was just lying like he did to get elected the first time. He probably was. So back forged ALMK.

You know what I find fascinating? Canada's Supreme Court of the time, called the Judicial Committee of the Privy Council, actually declared the most important parts of Bennett's New Canadian Deal unconstitutional when King referred the legislation to them. Unconstitutional! This sort of stuff is what saved the U.S. The programs were similar in many ways. Both were based on Keynesian economics, enriching people who would spend, not save creating an infusion of capital that would invigorate a struggling economy. Both also included social programs to protect the same people. Look at this list. In that article it is suggested that if FDR had spent as much on the New Deal as was spent on WWII, the war may not have happened. Or at least it would have been shortened. What do you think? And what do you think might have happened if Bennett had been re-elected and he actually DID implement his New Deal in Canada? We'll never know of course. But it's intriguing to speculate, no? FDR is widely regarded as one of the greatest U.S. presidents, but the guy who proposed a very similar New Deal in Canada is at the bottom of our list. I guess because FDR actually DID it.

In 1997, 25 Canadian political scholars ranked all Canadian PM's in order of greatness. William Lyon Mackenzie King came out number one. In a more recent list in 2011, he was ranked third behind Wilfred Laurier and John A. Macdonald by Maclean's magazine. In 2016, King regained the top spot in the rankings by the same magazine. So he IS the guy who Canadians probably consider our greatest PM ever. I've given you all this background and told you all of this to set you up for the absolutely bizarre personal life of the roundly accepted top of the heap in Canadian politicians.

Before we get into the really interesting stuff, you may be interested to know that Bennett was at the bottom of the list, ranked 13th greatest. This was a list that only included long-term PM's. Justin Trudeau is ranked number one on our list of short-term PM's which I'd agree with. Harper is ranked number 10 on the long term list and I think he should be at the bottom, but I didn't live through the Bennett years. Pierre Trudeau, Justin's dad, is #4 on the long term list. I wonder if the son will surpass the father. Anyway, this guy is number one:

Yup, that's him on the left. Despite invigorating trade with the US and UK, in '35 and '38, WLMK had no real coherent response to the depression. Then in '39 Britain and right after, Canada, went to war. He called a snap election in '40 and won because Canada was united in the war cause. Unemployment disappeared due to wartime industrial production, and of course, jobs as soldiers. But Canadians feared the return of the depression when they got back from the war. So King too introduced some Keynesian ideas like unemployment insurance. He also started family allowance programs and proposed health insurance. Three of the huge reasons he's considered our greatest politician. He won in '45 yet again but resigned in '48 and died in '50. Here he is during WWII with Roosevelt and Churchill. Look at the mug on Churchill. I wonder if Weird Willie was laying some spiritualism on them. Or telling them what his dog told him that morning. Heh heh heh. I'm milking this for all its worth ain't I?

Okay, let's get into the good stuff. Remember, all the things I'm going to tell you are about Canada's greatest political leader ever. The last thing I read in Levine's book was, "...and that wasn't even the half of it!" so there's much more to learn. Okay, away we go: We'll start with a few excerpts from Canadian literature: In the 1972 Robertson Davies book "The Manticore," protagonist and lawyer David Staunton expresses his love for King. Dunston Ramsay disagrees and says, "... because he himself is the embodiment of Canada - cold and cautious on the outside, dowdy and pussy in every overt action, but inside a mass of intuition and dark intimations." He continued to say, "He will always do the right thing for the wrong reasons."

Another of Canada's best, Mordecai Richler described him as "mean-spirited, cunning, somewhat demented, and a hypocrite on a grand scale."

Frank Scott, a constitutional lawyer said in a bitingly satirical poem that, "He skillfully avoided what was wrong without saying what was right," and "He never let his 'on the one hand' know what his 'on the other hand' was doing."

Paul Roazen, a political scientist who interviewed almost everyone who had worked with King was quoted as saying, "I am not sure I met anyone who seemed to like him; on the whole I found it painful to have to interview some of these people, since they found him so easy to hate."

I include the next one for all my Castlegarian friends and family: Hugh Keenleyside said, "He was selfish and inconsiderate." (There is a dam named after Hugh near Castlegar)

Leonard Brockington, the very first head of the CBC was King's special advisor during WWII. He hated it and decided to resign. He said, when King needed you, he could be obnoxiously charming. King, upon hearing of Brockington's resignation, invited him and his wife to Kingsmere, one of his properties, for tea. There WLMK told LB's wife what a gem her hubby was and how he was needed. LB commented, "He covered me with whipped cream and bullshit."

Violet Markham, British socialite and long time friend to King once said, "He has little power to either relax or amuse himself."

So why was this dude so unlikeable, yet able to be the PM for 22 years? As you may have already guessed, he had all the classic symptoms of a person struggling with mental disorders that weren't as well known in his day as they are today. Let me tell you what he wrote on the initial entry to his diary: He said he was writing it to give himself shame if even one day had nothing worthy of its showing. He wanted readers of his diary to know that he was productive and didn't waste time. His diary was some 30,000 pages (7.5 million words!) and covered football fields. Nobody has read the entire thing.

Most of it survived even though he gave instructions to burn it before reading. In 1977 a few of the séance transcripts and spiritualist notebooks were burned. But the rest remains intact.

He diligently struggled to make himself a "good person," and purge vice whenever it crossed his path, punishing himself internally and in the diary when he failed. He detested card games, smoking (especially by women) time wasting and drinking. Though he was said to have allowed these things in Churchill. Sex was perhaps his most intriguing hatred. Lifelong bachelor and possibly even a virgin as speculated by one expert on the diaries, if he DID have sex, it was infrequent.

He was a devout Christian who believed he was doing the Lord's work in regards to Canada and didn't get the respect he deserved for his sacrifice. Strangely, he also believed he communicated with the dead such as, and I'm not making this up, Leonardo Da Vinci, Wilfred Laurier, Theodore Roosevelt, his mother and his Irish terriers Pat I and II. (Pat III outlived him)

I'm not sure which of the Pats this is. He believed he could talk to his dogs. In his defense, he never said they talked back to him. They only communicated with him from beyond the grave. So he had THAT goin' for him. He was said to have suspended a meeting of the cabinet War Committee to be with Pat, Pat I I think but am not sure, in the dog's dying moments.

He was a lifelong bachelor. I can't hold that against him. But he always wanted a wife who was as devoted to pledging her life to Canada as he was. Never found her. Though, I'm told in Charles Stacey's book, taken directly from the pages of the mammoth diary, there were some women. He liked to take midnight strolls in the streets of Ottawa where he was said to have kept company with hookers. HEY! Jesus kept company with hookers. Hee hee hee. See what I mean? This guy is colourful! An interview with a servant of his revealed that some sort of hair gel with an old timey name that hookers used, was found on his pants by said servant after King had been discovered in a compromising position. Clinton's DNA came to mind? I'm certain that King would have said, "I did not have sexual relations with that hooker!" if confronted about it, but he never was. Times were diff. Country was diff.

You know, in the absence of any modern technology, internet, gotcha journalism, paparazzi, etc. etc. etc. I think this dude was probably able to portray a far better image of himself than was genuine. And the diary, though it may reveal a few inconvenient truths, most likely doesn't cover it all. If I did something really REALLY bad, I certainly wouldn't tell the truth in my diary although I'd almost certainly write an alibi then leave my diary out where it might accidentally be found and read by the authorities.

And in case you think the diary was reality, this guy would have dreams, call his personal secretary, for example Howard Measures who was one, get him to write down the dream before it was forgotten, then relay the dream to his personal mystic Mrs. Rachel Blearey who was one, for analysis.

He saw magical images in tea leaves and his shaving cream.

He sought spiritual communion with his parents, John and Isabel, sister Bella, brother Max, mentor Laurier, and Pat I and II through table top "rappings." This is the olden days equivalent of Ouija boards I'm told. He had an over the top Bates Motel, even Overlook Hotel, obsession with his mother. The phrase "dear mother appears well over a hundred times in his diaries.

Nowadays any couch potato can diagnose the pathology of this highly respected Canadian hero just from watching Oprah or Dr. Phil. Michael Sherman, science writer and editor of Skeptic magazine has made a career of debunking spirituality. He asks, "Why do smart people believe in weird things?" He answers, "Because they are skilled at defending beliefs that they arrived at for non-smart reasons."

What could be King's reasons? Here is where I don't want to speculate, but he has a rebel grandfather who he thought was embarrassing and several family members who died in very close succession. These would cause problems for a normal brain, but there is no doubt his brain was not normal to begin with. He obsessed over things and was pedantic and OCD. This was a huge reason why nobody liked him or wanted to marry him, but it turned out to be the kind of mentality that may have been best suited to the governance of our country during his time.

I am not convinced of that which I just typed. I think, like many that he was boring and cautious, but there is no way of knowing if there was a better option. And like it or not, he is our greatest PM. As far as our greatest politicians, maybe Tommy Douglas or Peter Lougheed. But we never had a chance to vote for them for PM did we? THIS lunatic is the best we've had!

Sad, innit? So Americans, when you're mourning your current sitch, hey, Canada has been there. Not ME, but Canada at some time in our history. And I'm not even saying this guy is as bad as Trump, he's broken the mold! But we haven't always had normal people leading our countries. We might even be able to have a debate on the craziness quotient between Trump and King. But I think we have you beat. Because this guy was our BEST!

Let's Not Waste The Gift of the Coronavirus, Canada.

WELL! That's interesting. Thaaat's fuckin' interesting!

Any of you vectors in Canada who THINK you are going to disobey the quarantine rules and regulations, I got news for you: failure to comply comes with a possible $200,000 fine or 6 months in prison. If you commit a summary offense - $300,000 or 6 months and an indictable offense can getcha a whopping million dollar fine or 3 years in the clink! So quarantine, even the type that the word comes from - quarante - forty days, might not seems so bad in comparison, eh?

I'm guessing the indictable offense might be something like purposely spitting, sneezing, coughing or tongue kissing people while knowingly carrying the virus. A million bucks. Isn't it cool the things you can learn while you're cooped up in the house. I'm glad my friend Ian chose to look this up instead of playing Angry Birds, Minecraft, Fortnight or whatever the kids are playing nowadays. My favourite takeaway from this is the word "vector." An insect or animal carrying a deadly disease or virus. Frig off you vector! Heh heh heh. I'm usin' that!

And, my fellow Canadians, while you are using your quarantine time wisely, as I know you are, there are some other little known acts in Canadian politics that are particularly salient in these, our darkest hours. They will become especially salient when things get back to normal in Canada, which I hope doesn't happen because much like China, (not exactly but much) normal was precisely the problem.

 

 

I hafta give a shout out to the graffiti artist who... penned?... who canned THIS poetry! I think the penalty he/she would face for doing this in China might exceed a million bucks.

I am astounded at some of the trusting (not to say gullible) attitudes with which Canadians have greeted our government's treatment of this pandemic. Now it could be, uh, trumped by other countries, I will say that, but history tells us that these are the times we need to keep our guards up, Canadians. I'm seeing too much of the brow-beaten, apathetic, "well at least," kind of thinking we've been socially conditioned to settle for as a people. It IS good to see the politicians FINALLY doing what they're supposed to be doing! It only took a worldwide pandemic to smarten those vectors up!

I say we should hold our politicians to the standard of politicking and cooperation that they are exhibiting amidst this crisis, every day! One of my pet examples of this is a piece of legislation in Canada that, much like the LAWYER and the Quarantine Act above, we Canadians don't know much, or in my opinion, enough about. So there's no time like the present to get schooled.

Income tax was not imposed federally until 1917 when it was imposed as a temporary measure to help finance WWI.  The legislation, which was embodied in the Income War Tax Act, was relatively simple document of some ten pages in length (I even had a copy in my office). The provisions were effective September 20, 1917 and implemented a 4% on all income of single men over $2,000. For others, the personal exemption was $3,000. For those Canadians with annual incomes of more than $6,000, the tax rate ranged from 2 to 25 per cent.  Because of what were in fact high exemptions for the time, only about 2-8% of individuals had to file tax returns during this initial tax period. Indeed, in 1934, only 199,000 people paid income tax which represented just under 2% of the total population.

In 1948, the Income Tax Act was passed.  It was similar to the Income War Tax Act but was double in size (20 pages). By this time, there were ten different federal tax brackets which ranged from 15% to 84% and far more people were now paying income taxes (17% of the population).

Let me remind you here that WWII ended in 1945. The above adjustment of Canadian income tax was allowed by the ever-accepting Canadian as was the very implementation of the tax, to pay for a war. It happened roughly three years after the national, nay worldwide crisis that was World War II. Keep that in mind.

A major reform of federal income tax legislation began in 1962 with the establishment of the Royal Commission on Taxation under Kenneth Carter (Carter Commission).  The Carter Commission presented its 7-volume report in 1967 recommending fundamental changes in tax legislation that would use a comprehensive tax base.  This culminated in the budget address of June 18, 1971 that proposed Bill C-259 to amend the Income Tax Act that became effective Jan. 1 1972.  The number of brackets peaked at 14 in 1973 and ranged from 4.58% to 61.34% and by then 37% of the population where paying taxes. The result was a considerable change in taxation in Canada and since that date, every budget address has presented a considerable number of amendments to the tax legislation.

Another major tax reform took place in 1987, the key change of which was to reduce the number of tax brackets which numbered nine at the time to three. In addition, tax rates were only indexed to inflation over 3% (this resulted in no change to brackets or benefits between 1991 and 1999 due to low but not 0 inflation – hence bracket creep).  In 1991, the GST was introduced.

Finally, substantial tax changes took effect in 2000 including the provincial moving away from the tax on tax system to one where they tax income directly and tax rates and benefits became fully indexed to inflation. The number of federal tax brackets was increased from three to four and by 2006 nearly 50% of the population of Canada paid income taxes.

As of 2010, the federal Income Tax Act alone amounts to 2,847 pages and is one of the worst books every written. There are also the federal Income Tax Regulations and they amount to 1,339 pages. Taxation in Canada is now a very complex system and few Canadians seem to understand it.

In 2019, it was 3206 pages and more than a million words. The Canadian Income Tax Act keeps getting longer, more complicated and more absurdly unjust. It is a monument to Canadian tolerance (not to say spineless submissiveness) to our politicians over these past 100 or so years that we continue to pay this TEMPORARY tax. But this comes to bear in our current situation.

The Coronavirus pandemic is the sort of expensive disaster that the Income Tax Act, or more accurately the War Tax Act, was designed for. Canadians collectively understand that their tax burdens will be used (hopefully assiduously) by our leaders to solve a crisis in our country. Trudeau has unveiled an 82 billion dollar Covid19 stimulus plan to help Canadians who will be adversely affected by the virus. This is great! This is the best governing I've seen in a while. It's awesome to see! How long does he have left in his term? 3 years? I know we will have all forgotten about this post by then, but I just can't help thinking that he's going to use this time of crisis and his government's actions to get re-elected and to raise our taxes. Am I being a negative Nellie?

Let me and George Carlin remind you of something that I think is similar between Canadian and American politicians by and large:

See, I have a hard time buying the sincerity of these Trudeauian fireside chats. Let me reiterate, I DO think the right thing is being done, but I might be more inclined to giving a rat's ass about what any politician in Canada for the past 100 years had to say, or even voting for one of those turd sandwiches, IF any one of them had even included in the small print of their platforms getting rid of or even lowering our income taxes. Every one of these lying VECTORS has not only done nothing to make our tax burdens lighter, they've increased them. Why? Because it takes power (i.e. money) from the people, and gives it to the government. So let's not forget that this 82 billion (which represents about 3% of Canadian taxes so it gives you an idea of how much power our government has taken from us) is YOUR money. It's not Trudeau reaching into his pocket and helping out the poor Canadian. It's YOUR money.

If our PM wants to talk, I'd be glad to hear him talking about something like this: The Korean government officials, including President Moon Jae In, will be giving 30% of their salaries to help fight Corona.

Lastly, don't forget, Justin Trudeau was a drama teacher. He's good at acting. Before we get too carried away with this political love-fest remember, he's lied to us.

I didn't want to use the more serious ones because this one was just funnier.

Trudeau's reaction to this pandemic is the right reaction. It's not anything ingenious, heroic, or greater than a no-brainer. Don't do what unsuccessful countries have done. Do what the countries that have been more successful in containing the virus have done. And what is that? Just do what the experts tell us to do. Don't pretend to be an expert yourself.

What should we Canadians do? We should listen to the experts (OR ELSE!!!). Stay at home, wash your hands, sit, stay, do what a good dog should do. Maybe even learn some stuff. But my advice is keep in mind, our past governments have used times of crisis to raise this ludicrous income tax most of us pay. Make sure we don't allow our current or future governments to do it. And while we're at it, could we maybe do something about, at long last, getting rid of it? It would undoubtedly be the best way for our country to recover from the financial blow this crisis will cause. I suspect our government will suggest the opposite in the future. We'll just have to wait and see...

My Personal Corona Adventure

There's been a little slowdown on this, here site lately due in part to the Coronavirus. Why is that one word? One of many mysteries about this plague. Why is it racist to call it Chinese? It started in China. I've lived in China and I know how they like to correct you or inform you about things that started in their country. There's a long list of them. So if you call chopsticks "Asian" and a Chinaman corrects you and says they're Chinese, were you being racist? If you say paper was invented by the Egyptians and a Chinaman says, "No way! It was invented in China." Are you unwoke?

Now, if you cross out "Corona" and replace it with the word "Chinese..."

… you're being a racist dick. Accurate, but still racist. In fact, if I were to call the Coronavirus a Japanese or an Italian virus in the presence of a Chinaman, I'd expect him to correct me. However, if I refused to call that dude Shi Jin Ping, or whatever his name might be, and just insisted on calling him, or any other member of his country, "Chinaman," then, yes, I am being racist. Not that complicated.

I've been kept busy by work, and the endless endeavor to become legal TO work. In these days where social distancing is expected, I've been out and about travelling to and from Cheonan to go to immigration to get my visa issuance number; to go BACK to Cheonan to give them another picture because the one I used (which I used successfully for my previous visa) was not acceptable because I was wearing my glasses; to go back to Cheonan to get my textbooks; to go to Incheon to visit Amber and DB and hike up Munhak San; and to go to the airport to fly to Guam. Here are some pics of Munhak Mt.

Look at that grade! This was the worst part. Not sure of the names but these are members of DB's hiking club.

It was a SUPER clear day! One of the GOOD things about this virus. This is Munhak Stadium where the SK Wyverns will play if there is a Korean Baseball Organization season this year. One of the possible BAD things about this virus.

DB and Amber not quite at the top of the mountain.

Amber hammin' it up. I'll call this pic "Hamber."

The very beginning of spring here. These flowers, the yellow Kaenari, whose name I always forget in English, and very soon the Magnolias and I think Freesia will come out. The freesia make the mountains smell great!

And the requisite post-hike meal. I only ate a little of this. It was some super spicy fish deal. One of a VERY few Korean foods I'm not big on. So Amber and I had coffee and sandwiches before rejoining the club.


















So a couple days later I was off to Guam. Before checking in I had to get this:

It's a screening for Covid19. I had to fill out a paper that states that I don't have any of several symptoms of the virus. Then I had my temperature taken. It was normal. I knew it would be. I knew I wasn't sick. But I always get a bit nervous. It's like the health test for getting a visa here. I know I don't have any STD's or health issues, but I always wonder if they're going to find something.

They didn't. So I went back to the check-in counter and they told me there would be a mandatory 14-day quarantine upon landing in Guam. I really couldn't do that because it would be too expensive, it might make doing my job harder even though I had packed my computer and books and was prepared to do some work if I had to, and there was really no guarantee of how long I'd end up staying there. So I cancelled my check-in and found a seat at the airport to decide if I should go or not. I texted Amber and my supervisor to see what they thought. Before they answered, a rep from T'way Air came up to me and said that the quarantine was cancelled for this flight. It started for all flights afterwards. So I asked two workers for T'way, "What about my flight back?" They made a phone call and assured me there would be no trouble coming back. They guaranteed me. You know what's coming, don't you?

So I checked in and went to my gate. The Incheon airport was all but deserted. I have never seen it so dead.

Look at this flight board! 5 flights. That's it! I didn't take a pic when I returned but the flight board THEN had only 3.




Couldn't even drink water. You might be able to read that the drinking water fountains were closed due to Corona. I like the water at Incheon Airport. I always fill a container for any flight since they take your water away at customs and those tiny cups of warm water they give you on the flight don't help at all.

So I was forced to purchase a 4-dollar beverage to drink while I waited for my flight to board. I actually had a few what with the Corona fighting properties of alcohol.

I made it to Guam Airport late Monday night. Around midnight if I remember correctly. It smelled great! I was told it had been super hot that day and the showers at night cooled things down and made everything smell fresh.





I just booked into my hotel and hit the hay. I had to go to the Korean Consulate next morning (Tuesday) to apply for my visa. So I did that and they said, "Maybe Thursday night at 5 PM this will be ready." With the "maybe" in play, I thought it would be wise to postpone my purchase of a return flight from Guam to Korea. I'd only bought the one-way ticket there for this reason.

After applying for the visa, I had the absolute pleasure of shopping at a Guam supermarket. SOO many foods I can't get in Korea! So I stocked up. Then I went for a walk. I stopped into this hotel when I started feeling feint from heat exhaustion and too much sweating. One simply doesn't just go for a walk in Guam. And taxis are not cheap. I heard that the locals can find taxis that ARE cheap, but I was paying tourist rates. Nothing as sodomical as Canadian taxis but expensive when compared to Asian rates. This was the Hilton in Guam. I didn't stay there. I didn't even ask what it would have cost. But I took a 15-dollar cab ride back to my hotel.

It was Tuesday, March 17th, St. Patrick's Day, so I took another taxi to an area that he said was usually busy. It turned out to be dead. So I got the same driver to take me back to the hotel. But just around the corner, one of the few places within walking distance, I found these guys:

We had a fun St. Paddy's Day together shooting pool for shots. I didn't realize that Andy (with the hat) and the owner (Thai lady whose name I forget but it was the name of the bar) were SHARKS! Awesome pool players! So I bought a lot of shots. I woke up with the taste of Sambuca in my mouth the next morn. Better than a lot of tastes I wake up with in my mouth...

For the next few days I walked a LOT and found few of the things I was looking for because I always seemed to go the wrong way. But the same taxi guy kept picking me up. He had given me his card when he drove me home from the airport and I used the number in emergencies. Like the time I just set out walking the night after the above party. I made it to the "H Mart" and asked if I could use their phone to call a cab. They were nice enough to let me. I bought a big bottle of water and a Hundred Grand Bar. Haven't had one of those since I was a kid. The guy picked me up and asked how I had ended up at the H Mart. I told him I'd walked and he just laughed at me and said, "Wow, that's a long walk!" As he drove me home he pointed out where I could find an outlet mall. So that's where I went the next day (Thursday).

I bought a lot of things I wanted to buy. And I ate at the awesome food court. The awesome, deserted food court.

Look at that! This was a good mall too! With good food in the food court. Korean food, KFC, Subway, Philly Cheesesteak, Sushi, some others. I got Chinese food even though that may sound racist. Nah I'm just mashin' yer taters. It's not racist because it's GOOD. I got Kung Pao Chicken, beef and greens and sweet n' sour pork balls. It was enough for TWO meals... half an hour apart. Is THAT racist? Implying that I'm hungry again half an hour after eating Chinese food? Whatever...

Nice eh? Probably the best meal I had in Guam. Or meals.

Since I got no call from the Korean consulate Thursday night, I was glad I hadn't bought my ticket for Thursday night or Friday morning. That would have been a mistake. I was even told not to fly because of very high winds in Korea. Flights were being cancelled for THAT too, not just the Coronavirus. So Friday morning I took another stroll. This is a tree on the beach across from my hotel. I think it's a magnolia tree, no? Petals all over the ground.

A few Koreans kayaking and tubing on the beach but otherwise deserted. The whole beach is blocked by rental places. It gives the idea that it's owned by them and you hafta book a parasailing or jetskiing package in order to use the beach. But I didn't. I just walked onto the beach and wasn't stopped.

This was the highlight of my walk on the beach. The waves were way too far out. I like watching surfers or even body surfing myself but I couldn't do it from this beach. I also like snorkeling and there was some coral not far out from shore. I'm sure it would have been great, but I'd have had to buy a prescription mask. I did that in Bali but the rubber it was made from deteriorated so I could only use it for one vacation. I didn't want to buy another one for that reason. Planned obsolescence. Jerks.

There were also some really fast swimming fish in the shallows swimming around me. Kinda transparent. I think they were bonefish but not sure. They were cool.

After this walk, I went back to the hotel and that's when I found out all the flights out of Guam were being cancelled. In fact EVERYthing non-essential was being cancelled. For 10 days! Or even MORE! It was sphincter puckering to say the least!

So Amber and DB from Korea, and I from Guam, were phoning places, going to online sites and doing everything we could to find a ticket. It was hours! It got to the point that I had given up. So I took another taxi out to stock up on food and beverages, and to buy one of these so I could do some work online:

I went to the K Mart in Guam and like the Rainman once said, "K-Mart sucks." I asked a dozen workers there if they had anything like this and they had no idea. I got false directions, I got directed to multi-voltage plugs, I got a couple complete denials of anything like that ever having been in the store, and then I finally found this one lady who knew what she was doing. Why, people? Why can't you just say, "I don't know," instead of lying? I had told the taxi guy to pick me up in an hour and it had taken exactly that much time to locate this item. Unbelievable! So I got into this guy's taxi for what seemed like the dozenth time. He told me he had just dropped off a Korean guy at the airport who was flying T'way home that night.

So I got back to the hotel, flashed up the computer, and started searching again. I found several phone numbers to T'way Air but  none of them worked. Amber too couldn't get through. I also found an email for a guy named Phillip who worked at T'way. It couldn't hurt to try, I said to myself. I emailed Phillip and explained that T'way had promised I'd be able to fly home with them. I wrote it in an understanding way saying nobody could predict the Corona problems and then said, I just wanted to get home. A surprisingly short time later my room telephone rang. It was a girl named Kelly. She had received my email and said that there was a 1 AM flight out of Guam that night.

In the mean time I had called the Korean Consulate and they said the visa wouldn't be ready until the following morning. I told them that I'd be stuck in Guam the following morning. They replied that I could PROBABLY pick it up that night at 5PM. Do you buy the ticket or not? I chose to try to buy the ticket.

After an hour of trying to buy the thing by giving my card and Amber's card information and having both not work, I sent an email back to Kelly asking if I could just pay in cash. She wouldn't give me the phone number. I had to email her and then she'd call the hotel. She called me back and said, "You may be able to get the ticket if you go to the airport and pay in cash right now." So for the umpteenth time, I got a cab. I withdrew 500 American dollars for the ticket. My ticket there was 90 bucks. The ticket home was 500. And the exchange rate was absolutely awful. Plus the even worse exchange offered by bank machines and the additional charge for using my card in a foreign country. This little jaunt to Guam was now costing me about a month's salary. But I had to do it. I'd be stranded for who knows how long otherwise.

I get to the counter and two girls were there. One of them was Kelly. I successfully purchased the ticket. The LAST ticket is what Kelly told me. The plane had no empty seats so she may not have been overdramatizing the situation. I got a different taxi home and he charged me 20 bucks and told me he'd pick me up at 9:30 for my 10PM check-in. I told him forget about that, I had a guy who only charged 15 bucks. So he said, "Okay, give me 20 now and tonight when I pick you up, you pay 10." I said okay, but not without some hesitation.

So, now all I had to do was get my visa. Maybe. I walked there cuz I now knew the way. It was MUCH farther than it seemed in the taxi. On the way I ran into another reason why people don't walk in Guam:

It wasn't moving but I gave it plenty of room when I walked around it. When I arrived at the consulate, I put my mask on and went inside. The visa was ready! I had to pay another 15 dollar service Canada extra charge service fee humina humina humina, which negated the 15 bux in taxi fees I'd just saved by walking, but what the hay. Even in Guam the long arm of the Canadian tax man can make a fist and plunge itself into whatever orifice it is most unwelcome. And... I'd gotten what I'd come for.

I think I could have slain the Hydra as easily, but there it was. In a form that I don't mind telling you, I've never seen before. They usually put a full page sticker in your passport. This was just a piece of paper anybody could have easily made. So the agita continued. Was it really the thing I needed? Would it be accepted in Cheonan when I went back there? Would my flight be cancelled like so many others before it?

I'd just have to wait and see. I wasn't confident so I bought food at the supermarket before going back to the hotel. The beginnings of hoarding were evident. I tried to get some stronger milk than 2% and the dude in the grocery store said there was none. You just have to make do with what you can get these days. He was actually stranded too. He was from Seattle and there were no flights back. But since he was local, he got a job part time at the market to pay the bills while he was waiting to go home.

At 9:30, after unsuccessfully trying to do some work online, and take a nap, I went downstairs and waited for my taxi. He actually came. I was worried he'd take off with my 20, but he didn't. I paid him 10 bucks and went to check in. The flight was absolutely full. Since it was the 5 hours that are usually the best 5 hours of sleep and I got exactly none with my restless legs and the friggin' mask I had to keep on the entire time I think it's up there with the worst flights I have ever been on. Five hours of total discomfort sweating and squirming in my seat trying to slake a tropical thirst with one after another tiny cups of room temperature water that did nothing more than prolong the agony. But I made it!

If you think that's the end of the story, you're not quite right. When I got to the arrivals area of the Incheon Airport, it was like 6 AM. The airport was deserted but there was a guy at the "foreign passport" area who was directing foreigners toward him. Unbelievably (or maybe almost as you'd expect) he spoke no English. Well maybe about as much English as I speak Korean. But he was there to show FOREIGNERS how to download a self diagnosis app. Under normal circumstances I might have blown a gasket. I'm exhausted, frustrated, angry about how much money I'd wasted, and here's this guy just clueless about how to explain what we were supposed to do. Not to mention the fact that there were two forms every passenger had to fill out on the flight asking the identical questions including whether I'd been to China in the last whatever and did I have any of the following symptoms. Normally I'd have said something. But these are not normal times. So I was there with three ways of trying to cooperate with the anti-corona effort of Korea rendered useless by the anti-intelligence effort of Korea. However, there was one passenger who I think was Korean American and spoke both languages.

He translated. Even so, it wasn't easy. I had to download two OTHER apps to download the self diagnosis app. One of the apps erased one of the apps I actually WANTED on my phone, which is the reason I don't just download apps all willy nilly like Koreans are wont to do. But I finally managed. I'd STILL be there if not for that passenger. But there were a few people who weren't so lucky. Like most of the hastily enacted shit thrust upon foreigners by immigration, this app thing hadn't been thought out. It assumed that every foreigner in Korea has a smartphone. I'm lucky. I have one. It also assumed that all foreigners have Korean phone plans. Again, I am lucky. I have one. There were three guys who didn't have phones. They may still be there for all I know.

I sent in my first self-diagnosis by answering NO to all the symptoms so I was allowed to proceed. To a table where a girl took one of the other papers, took my temperature, asked me all the same questions again, and gave me a second form like the one pictured earlier in this post that I got when I took off. So I was allowed to proceed. To the customs line-up where I gave them the THIRD paper with all the same questions answered the same way, where my temp was tested again, and finally, I was free. Almost.

I now have to flash up the self diagnosis app every day for I don't know how long, and submit that I am not coughing, don't have a fever or shortness of breath. But I'm going along with this even if it's not all necessary. Better safe than sorry. Better overkill than underkill is more appropriate I think.

I had some stuff to pick up at DB and Amber's place so I went there. I was pretty glad to be back in Korea! We were happy to see each other! I told them my story of woe then had a little nap on their couch. During the day, in stead of going home, I checked all the assignments my students had submitted online that I couldn't check while in Guam scrambling to save my life. I also made a video for the next week that was due on Sunday. So this freed up Saturday night. Even though I hadn't slept much, I had a great time celebrating my successful adventure. Well, maybe OVERcelebrating it.

I left a full fridge of food and drink in my room in Guam. I dropped 500 bucks on taxis and probably a couple grand in money, exchange and legalized usury from the banks, but I got what I went for corona be damned!

Now I have to set my sights on figuring out all the new technology involved with teaching online that nobody has explained to me. It's not that I was away, it's just that it hasn't been explained. I think I am doing okay, but there's no way to tell. I'll need to work two months before I'm making any money. With my time off since mid December when I finished with Carrot, all the immigration paperwork and legwork, and just paying out with nothing coming in, my account has been hemorrhaging money for over three months. It'll be nice when the first check lands in my bank account.

So that's mein corona kampf. Much like the long arm of Canadian taxes, China is still affecting me. It's not bad enough that they give us pollution and yellow dust way over here in Korea. Now this virus trouble. No, I don't think they started it on purpose, but it WAS just another of a long list of things invented in China. And this one sucks! I hope it is over soon. Stay safe my brothers and sisters.