Sunday, July 28, 2013

B.A. = Bad Attitude, M.A. = More Attitude

On a rainy, spring day in Calgary a middle-aged man with damp, wet canine smelling clothing and plastic bags duct taped over whatever footwear they might have been concealing entered a Mcdonalds restauraunt on the northeast side of town. A middle-aged lady behind the counter greets him and asks him what he'd like to order.

Bum: I'll have a double McBLT please.

He empties two pockets full of change onto the counter and spreads it out with weathered, dirt-under-fingernail hands.

Lady: I'm sorry, sir, we don't make double McBLT's.
Bum: Why not?
Lady: I suppose it may have to do with the idea that one beef patty plus the bacon really ought to sufficiently satiate even the most carnivorous of appetites.

The man's eyes widened somewhat and his eyebrows arched.

Bum: Be that as it may, it only holds true under the priveleged, not to say decadent assumption that said sandwich will constitute one of multiple meals for me today. Alas, due to economic downturn in my area of expertise, it will not.
Lady: Well, sir, your monetary meloncholia notwithstanding, the rigidity of my training and indeed the franchise employee expectations in general afford me little to no discretion in such matters. What am I to do?
Bum: In matters of discretion, nor franchise policy I can claim to be nowise your superior. Still, what's to stop you from making a McBLT and throwing another patty on that bitch?
Lady: Good sir, I trust that when addressing ME you included no comma between "that" and "bitch" in your last sentence.
Bum: And I trust that your emphasis on the ME in YOUR previous sentence did not intimate a presupposition that I might, though not to you, refer to OTHER women using the highly dismissive pejorative, "bitch."

She smiles. He smiles.

Lady: B.A. in English Lit. from the university of Alberta in '97. Sheila. Nice to make your acquaintance.
Bum: Masters of Literature from Lakehead U. '94. My name is Hubert. Charmed. Say, what are you doing after your shift today, Sheila?
Sheila: NOTHING with you ya hobo! Now do you want the burger or not?
Hubert: Sigh... Okay. And a small fries too if there's enough here.

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