As a university-going young man in Thunder Bay, Ontario back in the late 80's and early 90's, I remember looking forward to late, late Tuesday night TBT (Thunder Bay Television) programming for two reasons: Benny Hill and Kung Fu Theatre. I still can't tell you which I liked better, the naughty (for his time, BAWDY) antics of the great English comic that ranged from clever witticism to cheap sideboob shots and slapstick, or the very same story re-told by a thousand Chinese filmmakers of a young boy losing his family to an evil villain, vowing revenge and dedicating his life to it and at the 2-hour point of the movie dramatically succeeding. Probably the latter for the simple reason that it was thoroughly unintentional comedy.
I was a young and virile man. Staying up till 2 AM hoping to catch a glimpse of one of Benny's Beauties' boobs was well worth a bleary-eyed 8:30 AM class the next morning. But it wasn't just that. He was always funny and sometimes (dare I say it?) ingenious especially with his songs, rhymes and acrobatic manipulation of the English language... if the acrobat were a busty, young tart in T-bar and pasties. One of my favourite sketches was the one where he substituted the "S" with the sound of "F," which was the way the old "S" looked on a very old typewriter. I've searched high and low for that one but can't find it. However, it was a common theme on the benny hill show. There's one poem written on a typewriter without an "H" and here's one with the "P" and "F" substituted. It's so pucking punny I nearly feed my fants when I heard it!
However, there's nothing quite as funny as something that is absolutely hilarious while trying to be serious. The entire canon of Kung Fu Theatre must have boasted over a thousand titles and even at that I defy you to find two movies that don't have at least ONE of the same actors. Many have almost ALL the same actors. And I use that term loosely... OVERactors might be more accurate. Like the plots and the performers, the settings rarely changed. There was always some connection to the heroic Shao Ling Temple. Even the sound effects. All exactly the same. The punches, kicks and especially the falls. The falling sound was the one from the Pink Panther cartoons. Check it out! See if I'm wrong! The super-heroic fighting scenes with ordinary people catching arrows and swords, flying through trees, leaping over buildings, I honestly am not so sure even THESE were not meant to be taken literally! And the dialogue, while it may well have been Shakespearian in Chinese, it was uproariously simple, full of amateurish profanity, grunts, unconvincing laughter... well there's nothing worse than analyzing comedy, why don't I show you? See if you can make it through this clip without laughing.
And in French? LMAO! Oui, oui!
Those were the days, eh? But Benny Hill is no longer with us. As for the movies in China, well up until very recently, they were just as crappy in my opinion. "Crouching Tiger Hidden Dragon" was nominated for 10 Oscars and won a bunch but the plot was identical and you still had the super-heroic flying through trees. The actors were slightly better and the dialogue had improved, but this seemed a little too much attention for a movie that was pure cheese. I think maybe the Academy saw its shot to seem inclusive of Asian movies. "Damn you! Your crouching tiger is superior to my white crane kung fu. And your enchanted sword must have been forged from pure Shao Ling steel! Bastard! I am defeated! ha ha ha ha ha..." Thank goodness for "Gladiator" or it would have won more awards!
However, it's been almost 20 years and even Xi Jin Ping has gotten behind the motion picture industry in China. Surely they've come up with better movies by now! 2017's "Wolf Warrior II" is the highest grossing movie in Chinese box office history. Let's see how the Chinese movie has evolved. Here's a plot summary of their best movie:
After the events of Wolf Warrior, Leng Feng and members of his special-ops team bring his comrade's remains back to his home town and his comrade's family for his funeral, only to see it on the verge of being torn down completely. A real estate company is pulling down his house and that of his comrade's family during the funeral. The boss of the real estate company confronts them with a gun and sneers at them for presenting the remains to the family, only for the boss to be kicked to the ground. The boss calls on his henchmen to attack them but they are all swiftly disabled by Feng and the other soldiers. Police arrive shortly after and ask Leng Feng to put down the gun he confiscated from the boss. The boss gets back up and boasts that he will "make the family wish they were dead", enraging Feng to a point that he kicks the boss in the stomach, sending him crashing onto the windshield of a police car and killing him. Leng Feng is sent to a military prison for two years and discharged from the Chinese army.
After release from prison, Feng leaves for Africa, planning to wander for the rest of his life. While serving as a mercenary providing security on a freighter delivering relief supplies to Africa, he foils an attempted hijacking by Somalian pirates by defeating them in hand-to-hand combat underwater. The freighter arrives safely at its destination. For three years Feng has been carrying a bullet which he found, a clue to the kidnapping of his fiancée, Lieutenant Colonel Long Xiaoyun, that happened while she was on a mission.
Feng and some locals are partying on a beach one day when they are attacked by rebel forces aiming to overthrow the government of the African nation. Shortly after the arrival of the Rebels and mercenaries who overrun the government troops, the Chinese fleet arrives to evacuate Chinese nationals caught up in the civil war. While on board, a Chinese shop owner that he helped rescue tells him that the bullet he is carrying belongs to European mercenaries who are helping the rebels. After overhearing guards talking about needing someone to rescue workers at a factory and a VIP, Dr. Chen, who is developing the vaccine for Lamanla, a deadly endemic disease, Leng Feng volunteers. However, he is on his own as no other personnel can follow him while they are on foreign soil without permission from the Chinese military's higher authorities. He travels to the hospital, 60 kilometres away from the dock and enters the hospital building just as Dr Chen is accidentally killed by the mercenaries led by Big Daddy, a ruthless American warrior. With his dying breaths Dr Chen tells him to take his daughter, an African girl named Pasha. Leng Feng and Pasha, along with a female volunteer doctor Rachel Smith, escape the grip of the mercenaries. While escaping, he cuts his hand in a pile of Lamanla infected bodies but shakes it off and moves on. They continue their mission of saving Chinese as Leng Feng also goes to save his godson’s mother, who's working in the Hanbound factory.
Upon arriving at the Hanbound factory, Feng is confronted by security and the factory's owner's son, Zhou Yifan, a cocky fuerdai who is also an army fanatic. Big Daddy's mercenaries attack the factory to capture Pasha, thinking she is the one who has the cure for Lamanla. At the factory, Feng tells everyone that the Chinese fleet will be sending a helicopter to rescue them. The women and children will evacuate via helicopter and everyone else will walk to the fleet. Feng with his old pal and Yifan saved the factory crew members from the red scarf members and deadly mercenaries. Feng is about to be overrun when Big Daddy, the other mercenaries and rebels are ordered to fall back. The leader tells Big Daddy that no Chinese can die because he needs China when he is in power, since China is part of the United Nations Security Council. Big Daddy kills the leader of the rebellion and takes over as leader. He orders everyone to go back to the factory to retrieve Pasha and kill Feng. In the factory, Feng chooses to leave as the factory workers learn of his infection with Lamanla. He is injected with a serum for the virus and learns from Rachel that Dr Chen has manufactured a cure using infected patients that survived and developed immunity, and Pasha, who is in fact one of Dr. Chen’s patient rather than his daughter, is the only subject carrying the immunity.
Big Daddy and the others arrive at the factory to capture Pasha and kill Feng. They round up the workers and wait for the Chinese helicopter to arrive. Feng arrives with Rachel and Pasha to rescue everyone trapped in the factory. The workers are saved and the helicopter arrives. Pasha and Rachel leave via helicopter, but it is shot down. The battle continues with everyone taking cover. Seeing the massive casualties taking place, the Chinese fleet fire missiles taking out the tanks. Meanwhile, in the battle while confronting Big Daddy, Feng learns that the bullet which killed his fiancée belonged to Big Daddy and, driven by rage over his fiancée's death, kills Big Daddy and saves all the crew members by taking them to UN camps.
So no change. I am sure this movie is an unintentional comedy. I haven't yet seen it, but I found it on YouTube. It might not have English dubbing or subtitles though. Rats! This would be hilarious with some bad dubbing I'm sure! What I think I'd find even more comical is what many critics, including the Chinese, are calling, "muscular nationalism," and other similar terms. Because the Chinese government exerts its control on movies (along with everything else) there has to be an element of propaganda in the films and it's laid on quite thick in this movie according to the reviews I've read. Now, it's not very different from the steady diet of "only-America-can-save-the-world" movies Hollywood has provided for years. Just cornier. So I'm guessing it'll be Kung Fu Theatre of the new millennium.
But now that I've ripped on one of the modern Chinese movies you may actually get an opportunity to see, I have to say I am intrigued by another. Here's a synopsis of the movie that includes references to some other movies you might want to check out. The movie is called, "The Wandering Earth," and it's a film adaptation of the Chinese Sci-Fi author, Liu Cixin's book by the same name. THIS guy is interesting! I think I'm going to have to go out and get "The Three-Body Problem," another of his books that is slated to be made into a movie soon.
The story of "The Wandering Earth" still includes a lot of "only-China-can-save-the-world," but it sounds like it might not be the same old Chinese movie! Hooray! In case you didn't click the link, it's about Chinese scientists in the year 2070 I think, with some help from other countries' scientists (but not America's in case you were wondering) figuring out how to build giant engines that propel the earth away from the burning out sun, out of the gravitational pull of Jupiter and into a safe, new solar system. I read that in the book (but not the movie) the absence of the U.S. is explained. You see, they had a private plan to build space ships and bring people to another planet but, as you might expect (and what would undoubtedly happen in America (and if we're being honest, in China too, just not in a government sanctioned book or movie)) only the rich were allowed to go. And this created well deserved chaos in the U.S. China, on the other hand, being the righteous country it is, chose to use its superior technology and minds to help save EVERYBODY. Yes, there's a chance that this schlocky storyline might be just as hilarious as the director's "English" name, Frant Gwo, which isn't even as good as "Big Daddy," the villain's name from Wolf Warrior II. On the other hand, I'm going to give it a try. I'll be as objective as possible, but if I laugh, I laugh. I still think it'll be good entertainment.
Epilogue: After writing this post I found Wolf Warrior II on YouTube with English subtitles and was able to make it all the way through. WOW! Just WOW! Possibly the worst movie I've ever watched. So bad it WAS funny. It was not just hooray for China (and they really DID bludgeon you with THAT blunt instrument right up to the superhero strapping the flag to his injured arm and driving into an African war zone where the Chinese are welcomed as friends, not fired upon) but it was a political and economic "Choo Choo Choose Me" to Africa from China. I'm sure it has a lot to do with the fact that EVERY country is falling all over each other to court Africa, who are predicted to be the next China as far as economic booms. It has even been called, "China's China." Totally shameless! But good for a laugh for sure! And they made it obvious at the end that there is going to be a Wolf Warrior III too! Can't wait!
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