1. Money causes problems so I don't want that.
2. Fruit cake or a yule log would just make me fat.
3. Clothes, who knows? What's cool and what's not?
By the time I think it's cold it's hot.
Both the weather and the sweater you bought.
4. Gas ain't green and it ain't cheap so make another plan
if you want to buy for me a luxury sedan.
5. A trip to Chile, Down Under, Bombay, or somewhere I haven't been.
Nice thought but I'd hate to emmigrate from the Canada Christmas scene.
6. You know what'd be great? Real estate!
But family or mate, who gifts at THAT rate?!
7. A big screen 3D colour TV
would mean more time in the house for me
and that's not where I wanna be.
8. Fitness equipment could be of some use
but it smacks of cardiac abuse.
I'll ration my heartbeats and wear my clothes loose.
9. As Christmas draws near it's the holiday spirits
that make our time dearer sharing a beer or
SCOTCH
I'd welcome a Glen. Fiddich or Livet.
But Christmas this year I don't want to forget.
10. A black lab puppy, what could be cuter?
In my stocking all immunized and newtered.
I'll name him Dave. Dress him up like an elf.
Who am I kidding? I can't take care of my SELF!
11. A gas pill, an energy pill, one to silence my snoring,
One to make endentured servitude a little less boring.
A pill to cure my aches and pains, another to stop my sneezes.
Drugs? No way! They're not how to say, "Happy birthday, Jesus."
12. For me this Christmas, TO and FROM, all I want is a hug from my Mom.
Or a valued chum. A homeless bum. Heck just about ANYone.
Failing that just go back to number 1.
Christy Christ Christ everyone!
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