The Teacher

The teacher stayed up most of the night finding funny pictures of interesting occupations on the internet and choosing a size so that four could fit on one printed page, yet they were large enough so they could be easily seen by students sitting at the same table. He included some good ones like fisherman, chef farmer, truck driver, pilot, mechanic, some great ones like movie director, rapper, gamer, stuntman, politician, used car salesman, and some show stoppers like Mother, spy, and stripper. The chef was Chef from Southpark and the stripper was the animated Pamela Anderson character named Stripperella. These were things he always tried to include in lessons to keep himself, or any other teacher using the lesson, amused. Like the humour in Disney movies for adults. It's even funnier when the kids don't know why you're laughing.

The next morning he went into the institute early to use the copier and laminating machine. He printed out three full sets of 24 occupation cards in full colour. He then had the tedius task of cutting them out individually, gluesticking them onto the thickest, most opaque flashcards he could buy and laminating them four at a time. He then cut the laminated cards out making sure to round all four sharp plastic corners the lamination machine left. If he held them up to the light he could just barely make out the pictures but he would tell the students not to do that. That should work.

He had just enough time to get to class with the still warm game cards and the rest of his lesson plan and back-up plan. This SHOULD last the entire 50 minutes but just in case a good teacher always needs a back-up plan.

He started his lesson by asking the students what the first thing you say when you meet someone at a party might be. "No, not 'What's your name?' We say that to kids or animals. But you might introduce yourself. What else?" He called on individual students to break the silence. "Where are you from?" "Are you Korean?" "How are you?" "What's up?" "How about the weather?" FINALLY someone suggested, "What's your job?" "Okay, and another way to say that is..." he ended the silence with, "What do you do?" and wrote it on the whiteboard. "This is the second most asked question in the English language next to, 'How are you?'" The student who had earlier suggested this answer pumped a fist and said, "Asah!"

"I am going to give you all a job. Then you are going to practice asking present tense "DO" questions to your partners. I have made up a list of possible questions." He had tried allowing past students to think of their own DO questions about jobs but found that it was too time consuming so he made a list with good ones like "Do I... work inside/outside; have a hard/easy job; wear a uniform; wear special clothes; wear formal/casual clothes; make lots of money; help people; work with children/animals; have a dirty/dangerous job; have a boring/exciting job; travel a lot; need a university degree; do physical work; need to be smart; need to be good-looking; and so on. This list was copied out in advance and given to each table. The students had already arranged themselves 5 to a table. There were 30 of them. PERFECT! Half a set of cards for each table.

"While you are asking questions the other people at your table can say one of four things: YES, NO, MAYBE, or SOMETIMES. He wrote them on the board in large, bold letters. That is all! If the question can not be answered with one of the four then it should not be asked. For example do NOT ask," and in his best dumb guy voice he continuted, "What is my job?" The students chuckled. He did not chuckle because almost every time he had done this exercise in the past he had heard at least one person actually ask this question!

He then said, "ONE person at the table will pick up a card. Do not look at this card! Do not look at this card! Do not look! No peeking! No looking! Don't look! BOGO DEJIMAH!" The last, you may have guessed, means "don't look" in Korean. Most of the students got some strange expressions on their faces after about the third time he said it, but he said it a few more times and then told the class, "I have now told you not to look ten times. SOMEBODY is going to LOOK! Trust me, it will happen." It always had. MANY times. Not just this game. Every game. Every test, every quiz, every exercise. Cheating is a time saver when you have about a 13-hour day as most of these overworked and underplayed high school kids had. He had grown to accept it.

If a person asks five questions and still does not know his/her job, you may give SMALL hints. He wrote on the board, "After 5 questions SMALL hints." If the person is a bus driver don't say, (dumb guy voice again), "You drive a bus!" That is a BIG hint. Give SMALL hints. Everybody understand?" There were a few replies. "Everybody understand?" The class said, "Yes," in unisen. "Okay, I'm going to give you an example." He picked a random card, licked it and stuck it to his forehead. One student said, "Oh, teacher, dirty!" Another student said, "You PC games!" The teacher, and some of the students, groaned in disgust. Dumb guy voice once more, "Am I a gamer?" The students laughed and two students in the vicinity hit the boy who had given the massive hint.

"Thank you Joo Il for showing us what NOT to do!" He chose another card and stuck it to his forehead. "Do I work outside?" Almost every student said, "YES!" "Do I have a dirty job?" This time every student said, "YES!" "Do I make a lot of money?" "NO!" "Do I have a boring job?" "YES!" "Do I need a university degree?" "NO!" "Okay, five questions, now you can give SMALL," looking directly at Joo Il, "hints!" One students said, "You in water." "Ah, I work in water. Am I the captain of a ship?" "NO!" Another student said, "You likes fish." It was Hyo Eun, whose pronunciation was about the worst in class. He took advantage of this. "PC? Gamer? Again?" "No teacher! Fish, no PC!" said Hyo Eun. The difference between the two words as she said them was negligible. This drew a great roar of laughter from the students and some of them repeated the two words as much in practice as in mocking. Hyo Eun was also the prettiest girl in class so she was only embarrassed for a short time.

"OH, FISH!" he enunciated. Am I a FISHerman?" The students all said, "YES!" and there was some applause. He then put a stack of 12 cards at each table making sure to remember which tables had the two deck halves so they could switch after they finished. At the first table every person took a card and one of them LOOKED at the card. "AH HAH!" The student was teribly embarrassed. It was just a natural reaction to look when you drew a card. The students were so merciless in their chiding of the guilty student that the teacher felt that nothing further needed to be said about that. He switched her card for another. He then, at the second table, demonstrated how only one person should take a card at a time. Then only after that person finished should the next person draw a card and ask some questions. He knew that would only last a short time at most.

While wandering around the classroom the teacher saw a few students surreptitiously peeking under their cards or holding them up to the lights a little too long on the way to their foreheads. He heard, "Am I work outside?" He corrected, "Where do you see AM? DOOOO I work outside!" He heard, "Do I have a hard/easy job?" "Easy!" He corrected, "YES, NO, MAYBE, SOMETIMES" He heard "Do I work outside?" "No." "Do I work inside?" "Yes." "Do I have a hard job?" "Yes." "Do I have a easy job?" "No." "Do I wear a uniform?" "Yes." These, he was certain, being the first five questions on the list, would be the only five questions asked by a good portion of the students. But at least they would have repeated the DO question pattern five times. Small victories...

The teacher's mind wandered to when he was working back in Canada. He recalled an exercise from his creative writing class in which he would walk into the class and without even greeting the students say something like, "The other day I was walking down the... the... uh... the..." and a student would offer, "Street?" "Yes," he would say, "The street! Thank you. I was walking down the street wearing my... my... ummmm...." Another student might suggest, "Shoes?" "Yes, thank you, Alex, I don't know what's wrong with me today. I was wearing my shoes. Suddenly out jumped a..." and this time more students would make suggestions. He heard "grasshopper", "gorilla", "order of french fries", and he laughed. "What? Who said, 'order of french fries?' because that's exactly what jumped out! Out jumped an order of french fries." Well then it was on and the students were in virtual competition to see who could suggest the most off-the-wall, outrageous, crazy, CREATIVE answer. The craziest story ever told would usually end after he allowed several silly students to make their contributions and the room was in an uproar with others shouting out in hopes of adding their wackiness to the tale, when the teacher would exclaim, "Hey, hey, HEY, HEY, HEY!!! Who's telling this story anyway?" It was a can't miss strategy to establish trust, creativity, sometimes linguistic borders in the classroom and usually coolness. The job was easier in Canada if the students thought you were cool.

He had tried that in Korea once. Just once.

"Teacher finishi!" It hadn't even been five minutes! "How did you finish so fast?" "Smart." "Okay, are you guys finished yet?" the teacher asked the table with the other half of the finished group's cards. They were not finished so he picked up the used cards, gave them to the students at the finished table and added the 12 cards from the finished table to the unfinished students' stack. He then watched the finished table's technique. Sure enough they were doing the exercise wrong and giving hints, BIG hints, before five questions had been asked. But there wasn't time to correct. Other tables were hurriedly finishing not wanting to be too far behind the table in the lead. He was busy exchanging cards between tables and all but one table had been given some new cards. It was Min Jae, Hyun Ah, Min Ha, Bo Mi and surprisingly Joo Il. Min Jae and Hyun Ah were best friends. They consistently received the highest marks in English and in most other subjects. Min Jae was Olive Oyl thin with big, unflattering glasses and braces. Hyun Ah was the biggest, and toughest, girl in class. But she was one of the smartest too. Min Jae had given her school uniform nametag to the teacher earlier in the school year. She and Hyun Ah asked a lot of difficult and sometimes unnecessary questions. It was good that they had each other because they might not have had any friends otherwise. The teacher encouraged both to sit at the front of the class because occasionally they, and only they, would understand one of his otherwise flat as a pancake jokes.

Disaster! Within another five minutes every table was finished or at least said that they were. Every table but Min Jae and Hyun Ah's table. They were still working on their first 12 cards and they were easily the rowdiest table in the classroom. The teacher allowed them to finish their twelve cards. It would have been a shame not to. And as punishment he just made the rest of the class wait. When they finished there were still 20 minutes of class time left so the teacher explained the second exercise.

"Okay, you are an employment counsellor. You will talk to your client and try to find out his/her personality and give him/her the job that best suits his/her personality. You will find that your list of questions for the game will work well for this role play. You could ask questions like, "Do you like working outside?" "Do you want to make a lot of money?" "Do you want to help people?" and so on. Ask some questions to your partner. At least FIVE questions. Then choose what you think would be the perfect job for your partner. When you are finished, change roles and repeat. Everybody understand?" The entire class said, "YES!" so he let them go.

As he circulated he heard, "Do you wat to work outside?" "No." "Do you want to work inside?" "Yes." and sighed. He even heard, more than once, "What do you want job?" or "What is your dream job?" or "What job you like?" Answer: "Pilot." "Okay, as your employment counsellor I choose for you the job of pilot. Teacher finishi!"

A lot of the groups had finished the exercise within 5 minutes. The teacher was not about to rack his brain to give them any more busy work. He watched the table at the front as they performed the role play to perfection. He didn't even notice the principal, Mr. Ahn walk into the class until the class got absolutely silent and every student was sitting up straight in his or her desk looking at him. Mr. Ahn walked up to one of the groups he had noticed to be finished. He asked in English, "Did you finish your exercise?" One of the group puffed out his chest and answered, "Yes, Mr. Ahn." "Good boy!" was Ahn's reply. "And how long ago did you finish?" The teacher interjected, "They were finished about 5 minutes ago." "And did you give them anything else to do while they were sitting idle in class?" "No, Mr. Ahn, I was waiting for the others to finish." "Did you finish?" he asked Min Jae. "No, Mr. Ahn." she said looking at the floor. "And why did you not finish?" "I don't know." was all Min Jae could manage as a reply. "When I walked into this classroom some of the students," a piercing glare toward Min Jae, "were quite noisy and out of their seats, while others were sitting quietly, but idle in their desks." Mr. Ahn addressed the entire class in Korean that the teacher could not understand. The students at several points during the address said in perfect unisen, "Neh!" which means yes. Mr. Ahn bid the teacher good bye and returned to his office almost exactly at the end of class. The students were dismissed.

The teacher was called to Mr. Ahn's office after the class to be subjected to a lecture on the evils of idle students in the classroom. He summoned all the courage he could muster and thanked Mr. Ahn for the pedagogical wisdom. The teacher then slouched toward the institute minivan to be driven home. As the minivan pulled away Mr. Lee, the institute owner, informed him in broken English, "Ahn teacher say class noise." "I know, Mr. Lee." "And student nussing do." "I know Mr. Lee. He told me." "Ah. Okay?" Mr. Lee gave a thumbs up to the teacher. "Okay." he said and returned the thumbs up.

As the minivan pulled away from Yong Dong High School Min Jae and Hyun Ah ran beside it waving goodbye with the exhuberence reserved for a pop singer. The teacher sat up straighter in the back seat. It was 8 PM. "You go out tonight?" Mr. Lee always tried to keep track of the teacher's hours and sound as though he was being sociable. "A little dinner, a few hours of lesson prep. and back at it again early tomorrow morning." said the teacher. "Ah goood." Mr. Lee gave another thumbs up to the teacher but the teacher did not see.