Since I only get the chance once every four years I reckon I'll do a Feb. 29th post. And, once again, it'll be about something that has gotten really bad in Canada. It's something I've written about here before. The Hotel California of phone/internet/TV providers - Telus. I imagine Shaw and Rogers are like this too, and I had a HELLUVA time trying to cancel the Bell phone service I got upon returning to Canada where if you want any kind of cable or phone you can check in any time you like but you can never leave.
I am talking to the citizens of Canada right now:
"Bro" evidently refers to both the male and female of the Canadian species now as I hear when I'm on the way to work and my bus picks up students from the high school and instantly transports me from Calgary to Delhi. Not just the crowding either. Whoops! Who said that?
Yes, males and females are calling each other "bro" now or some iteration of it depending on whether they have had enough energy drink to move their mouths or if they will just let the word ooze out like jelly from a Tim Horton's donut. So I want to know from all you Canadian BRUHS, what the hell were you doing the whole time I was away? "O Canada we stand on guard for thee." You SING that...
While you were all "on guard" this place took all forms of communication and monopolized them! Don't you know what happens when something is monopolized? They get away with whatever the hell they want, that's what. Phone/internet and even TV are all FAR too important to be left unguarded from the capitalist swine. Yes loyal readers I am STILL getting harassed by Telus. Despite one of THEIR operators, Ophelia from the Philippines I think was her name, giving me a guarantee that I have a zero balance with them from the time I mistakenly signed up for internet when I lived in Trail, they continue to call me and send me email threatening to sick collectors on me and ruin my non-existent credit rating. Trundle alert! Trundle alert!
I should point out here that I really do not have a credit rating. This is one of those things about Canada that I mentioned in a previous post that make me feel like a stranger in a strange land here. Nobody believes me when I say I don't have a credit rating. They correct me and say, "You mean your credit is bad. Everybody has a credit rating." That's what my landlord in Trail said. Then he called in a credit check on me. There are lots of things you can't do without a credit rating in Canada like rent a place, get a loan to buy a place, get a credit card, get a credit rating... This is ANOTHER thing Canadians allowed to get worse while I was away. Credit in Canada is just as much of a monopoly as cable and phone. Well they call the big 5 banks an "oligopoly" actually. TD, Royal, Scotia, CIBC, and BMO. So 4 telecom companies Shaw, Bell, Rogers, and Telus and I think Rogers just bought up Shaw so 3 telecom companies and 5 banks. That's all our money and communication. We can't live without phones, internet, money, and putting our money in banks and we can't live without credit, something that by no coincidence is established mainly at these very few agencies. We have no choice but to use these agencies which is an affront to our personal agency.
This gives you a better idea of what I meant when I said in a previous post that every time I look at a car I know how useful (necessary as they say here in Canada) one would be, I just can't justify the entrapment it represents. Especially if you get a loan to buy one. I feel like Canadians are almost trapped in our culture. Maybe that's why I get a completely different feeling when I look up and see a jet in the sky above Canada.
Today I got not one but TWO calls from Telus. I just refused the first one but, God help me, curiosity got the better of me and I answered the second one with my best impression of a Canadian high school student, "Heeooo?" "Hello is this Dave?" First of all it didn't sound like the call originated at a call center in Manila or Delhi. That was new. Second of all, Dave? Did I register with Telus under Dave? I thought I used David. He'd caught me off guard so I answered in the affirmative. I was intrigued. Without an Indian or Filipino accent the bruh on the other end of the line says to me, "Hi, my name is Mabranbenlucam and I'm wondering how your day is going so far." This did not sound like a teenaged Canadian. He enunciated with vim and vigor that belied his pure loathing of his job. Even so I still didn't manage to catch his name. I never do. Ophelia wasn't Ophelia. I just made that up. It was something like that. I am pretty sure marble mouthing your name is taught on the first day of training at Telus telemarketing school.
"It hasn't been great," I replied. He started with a tone of genuine imitation concern that he learned on the second day of training at Telus telemarketing school but I cut him off. "Can I ask what this is about?" "Sure Dave, because of your account with us you have qualified for some special deals..." I cut him off again. "What account? I had an account with Telus that took me several months to figure out how to cancel and I finally reached one of your operators who told me I had a balance of zero on that account." He said, "I assume you are now dealing with Shaw then?" I hastily said, "No, I don't have any internet. Don't want any. And I am not interested in starting up a new account with Telus that there is no way of closing. Please put that on your records. And please stop calling me, if I want Telus I'll find YOU. But I can't imagine..." This time he cut ME off, "Well have a nice rest of your day Dave." Now his cheery tone just sounded smug. I wanted to drive Mabranbenlucam down a dark desert highway and work up a sweet summer sweat stabbing him with steely knives till I found the passage back to the place I was before. But I can't! I CAN'T! I must have signed that Telus contract in blood because I think it will haunt me forever!
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